• Member Since 24th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen March 3rd

Southern_Mercenary


Southern Mercenary Red aligned. Specialty: ranged combat and manufacturing. Lawful Neutral: The rules are sometimes the best way to have things work.

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An average morning for Longshot Whooves as the town of Ponyville's resident blacksmith.
A short story as i work on a character i plan to use for a future long story
Edited 4/13/15
Looking for an editor for future stories if possible.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

Very few things I would recommend changing here, which is rare since I'm an asshole.
1. Get rid of every use of the word 'some' and replace each instance with an adjective or adverb as appropriate for the context.
2. Not sure if you are aware, but blacksmiths do not often use just water to cool their pieces, they often use oil instead. Also I do not believe blacksmiths use any sort of gas to ignite their furnaces.

Other than those two, I have no issues with this short story. Take that as a very good thing because I am very picky about what I like and I Liked your story. Not quite enough for a fav, but it was good.

5861619
Thank you for the feedback. I'll be working on this story with your suggestions. As to the gas start furnace well i liked the idea and the ease to get it up to a certain temperature faster sorta skip a few steps in getting a roaring inferno going kind of thing.

5861654 It is, of course, your choice. You are the author after all. :pinkiesmile:

5861664
I know but looking over it i did see i used some too much when another word filled the space better and made sense as if the scene was actually playing out.

5861697 I am very glad that you took my comment as constructive criticism. Feel free to send me a link when you do more work and I may take a look at it.

5861709
I will thank you. I'll probably do another slice of life short before i work on the next character i want to use for the main story.

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