Trixie! Order Up!

by BrightIdea

A Lot of Bad Dough

A lot of Bad Dough
By King of Malta

“I swear Trixie, if I die under a pile of exploding, cream pies I will haunt you for the rest of my afterlife.” Donut Joe mumbled nervously as he stepped toward the door to his diner. The dozens of Screwballs had seen him now and immediately they had turned from bored to terribly excited as they amped up their barrage against his window.

Praying to Celestia that his diner would still be standing in the morning he slowly unlocked the his doorway and slammed open the glass doors. Which surprised the Screwballs completely, which gave more than enough time for Donut Joe to cross his brows and put a hoof to his flank as if he expected something from them.

“WELL? Don’t stand there gawking! You’re holdin’ up the line! Get in and get seated! The show is about to start!” Donut Joe growled at the Screwballs who looked back at him with even more surprise and confusion. “I said get in here NOW!!!”

To Joe’s surprise that seemed to do the trick as every Screwball trampled and tripped over one another to get inside of his diner, a few even glanced his way in fear of what he might do next. He continued to give them his cross look until every single Screwball had squeezed themselves into a chair or booth which they all squirmed in as they tried to not meet his gaze.

“Hmph. Alright then. Fillies and Genltecolts! Welcome, to Donut Joe’s Diner Dine-in Dramatic! Our headliner of the…’noon is the mare with no compare! The sensational, smart talking…Lyra!” Donut Joe did his best to flourish; he waved his hat in the air and pointed toward the diner counter where Lyra had emerged from behind the doorway to the kitchen with her hooves in the air.

“Thank you! Thank you my adoring fans!” Lyra shouted to the crowd of Screwballs who seemed to begin to perk up, the whole screw loose crowd began to clap and applaud in anticipation as if they had actually been waiting excitedly for a show this entire time.

“For my first act. I will need a little help from my good friend and partner…my little buddy, Dummy!” Lyra reached down underneath the counter and in one fluid motion sat on top of the counter with on her knee the colt that she and Trixie had dragged into the diner.

The colt’s eyes and mouth were wide open. From across the diner even Joe could see the square marker that had been drawn across his chin to make him look like a dummy in a poor excuse of a way. His hooves hanged at his sides limply and so did his face even as Lyra propped him up slightly and continued to speak.

“Dummy! Where are your manners? Say hello to the crowd!” Lyra tsked as she used her magic to wave his arm. In a high pitched voice and in a extremely noticeable attempt at ventriloquism she replied to herself, “Say hello crowd!”

The Screwballs though seemed to be eating it up as they burst out into laughter. A few of them actually bursting into confetti and reforming themselves in front of Donut Joe’s eyes. He was not sure if he should be sick or thankful that his diner wasn’t coated with pony everywhere.

“Trixie!” Donut Joe yelled toward the kitchen, “We need more help out here! Get the coffee and don’t forget the donuts this time!”
He hoped he was convincing.

“Coming, coming. Keep your hairnet on, will you?” Trixie burst from the kitchen, not in her usual flourish, but more with the qualities of a battering ram. More importantly she levitated several coffee pots, donut trays, and even a pencil and notepad for taking orders. She did throw back her head and loudly, irritatingly hocked up an exaggerated spit take. “I’m workin’ here!”

She winked at him and descended upon the nearest of the Screwballs.

“Poor Ponies” Donut Joe breathed.

“Somepony order the double, mocha, coca, espresso, turnover, deluxe, cinnamon, toast, spice, chimichanga, hot coffee?” Trixie called out even as she levitated several coffee pots. The brews steamed and quivered in the air and with the slightest, tiniest shift of her magic splashed the contents of the pots toward several of the ‘patrons’ who were completely unaware of the fate flying toward them. Laughter turned to shrieks as the scalding coffee cascaded and sent Screwballs jumping and howling from their seats.

“There yah go, Sweeties.” Trixie smiled, her lips filled with something more sweet retribution then actual sweetness, “Now who ordered the jellies?”

Unaware of their approaching doom and their comrades plight a few of the Screwballs raised their hooves eagerly, their eyes still glued to the stage as Lyre and the Urchin as the two chased one another around the stage honking clown horns. Oh, too happy to oblige Trixie floated plates stacked with apparently normal powdered, jelly donuts. They looked normal enough, lightly, powdered lumps of dough the size of a pony’s hoof. They looked oh-so-fresh and oh-so-good.
And they were…for the most part.

The looks of confectionary bliss turned sour after the first bite and their taste buds tasted the special fillings.

Toothpaste. Hoof cream. Dish soap. Spoiled milk that was closer to a solid cheese like substance. Scrapings from unspeakable places in Donut Joe’s kitchen.

Trixie was a hurricane of unpleasant dining experience incarnate, stuffing moldy, stale donuts down laughing throats, tossing hot plates into hooves, and tossing overpriced checks like throwing stars. The Screwballs toppled in droves, falling to the ground clutching sick stomachs and burning limbs.

“’Misdirection is the magician’s trade. Distract your audience and then pull the magic hat over their eyes.’ Well, I guess if it works.” Donut Joe leaned out the door and looked down the street in either direction. The streets of Canterlot were empty, except for the parts of it that seemed to be turning into swiss cheese or were being flooded by chocolate, milkshake typhoons. It was the perfect time for an escape.

“Well, folks you have been a wonderful audience!” Lyra smiled to the debilitated audience, those not slumped in their chairs were on the floor. “Say goodbye, dummy!”

“Dummy, goodbye say!” the street urchin chimed in before the two ponies leapt up from their chair on the stage. Lyra was covered in banana cream pie and the street urchin was soaked with seltzer water.

“Trixie has never worked so hard in her life. “ Trixie fanned herself with an empty carrying tray, she paused to smack the tray over the head of a Screwball who seemed to begin to right herself, “Granted, it may have been one of my best performances…”

“Can we get away now?” the street urchin asked cautiously when he cantered up to the doorway and peaked out sheepishly.

“Looks like it. Let’s make a break for it!” Donut Joe ushered the Ponies out and turned around to lock the door behind him.

“What are you doing? Trixie and company has got to get out of here!” Trixie poked Donut Joe in the back reaptedly as he fumbled with his keys.

“I’ve gotta lock up! I can’t have some random pony just walk by and steal all my silverware!” Donut Joe growled and locked the door with a loud snap of tumbling locks.

“Oh, dear, just imagine it. Can’t have people running off with the good silverware! How absolutely dreadful!” a voice tutted behind Donut Joe, the Ponies turned around to face the God of Chaos.

“Discord!” Lyra gasped.

“The one and only, well technically two but I am technically only here because I am projecting an aspect of my conscious being. I’m just too lazy to get off my throne in Ponyville to squash you little pests.” Discord yawned and stretched as he floated through the air.

“D-discord! B-back to face the full-full might of the Great and Powerful Trixie?” Trixie pushed Donut Joe aside to face the master of calamity.

“Is there an echo in here? Here to face you? Hardly, while your ‘trick’ was cute you are hardly a challenge to me. Maybe I will make you into a monkey and keep you as a pet?” Discord reached down and slapped a fez and empty cup onto Trixie then pulled an organ grinder out of nowhere and began to play its tune.

“Trixie is no ponies’ monkey! She also is no ponies’ second act, Trixie is always the main attraction!” Trixie tossed the fez back at Discord, “Let us match magic to magic again! Take this!”

Trixie’s horn glowed with magical energy that exploded outward toward Discord who looked stunned by the sudden display of power. Not to be outdone Discord raised his claws and fired back with his own twisted form of magical energy. The two beams of magic crashed together with a burst of multicolored light and barely contained forces, each fighting to push the other back, the air split with the amazing display of arcane energies. This contest was ended when Trixie’s spell pierced the core of Discord’s magic and bathed Discord in warping forces beyond any Pony’s control!

“No! This is how it ends for me! The Great and Powerful Trixie defeats me! Oh, I feel so honored and am not worth-“Discord’s words cut off as he disappeared in a wave of rainbow that spread out across Canterlot curing it of Discord’s chaos.

“Trixie! You’ve saved us all!” Donut Joe shouted with joy as crowds of Ponies appeared from nowhere and cheered on Trixie as Equestria’s savior. From the sky Princess Celestia herself ascended from her palace and knelt before Trixie.

“Please, do hear my plea, oh Great and Powerful Trixie. Be my number one student and apprentice, truly Twilight can never hope to meet your greatness and ability.”

“Oh, Princess I don’t know…”

“Trixie…please!”

“I mean I was just invited to perform on Broadhoof in Manehattan…”

“Trixie…Trixie...!”

“Oh, what the hay, I accept. I’m sure Trixie can clear her schedule…”

“TRIXIE! ORDER UP! Take these to table six” Donut Joe’s voice smashed Trixie’s fantasy apart and pulled her from her day dreaming and back into the reality of Donut Joe’s diner. Donut Joe leaned out from behind the door to the kitchen, clutched in his levitation magic were two plates filled with sprinkled donuts.

“I HEARD YOU!” Trixie shouted back, her magic snatched the plates out of the air even as she stormed across the diner.
The battle against Discord had been a week ago and they had barely survived the storm of chaos that he had unleashed. After dealing with the Screwballs they had scrambled down the street only for a rainbow to wash over Equestria and turn everything back to normal. They had returned to the diner to help the Screwballs-Turned-Ponies back to their feet, though their insanity had disappeared their stomach aches and pains had not. Luckily, for Donut Joe the memories of the Ponies had been very…fuzzy and had not remembered what they had eaten or otherwise. Canterlot had been swamped the next day with Ponies that had arrived for the award ceremonies celebrating Twilight Flying Feathers Sparkle and her friends’ victory over Discord. Donut Joe had been elated at the business while Trixie had been in a depressed funk over Everypony praising Twilight Sparkle’s victory.

“Curse that Twilight. I had Discord on the ropes! I could have beaten him and saved Equestria. I swear if I see that Twiligh-“

“Trixie? Is that you?” Trixie’s ears perked up at the sound of the familiar and annoying voice. Her body froze in mid step as she stopped and turned around to face a table she had just passed by.

There sat Twilight Sparkle and her friends. With the exception of Pinkie Pie, who smiled and waved, they looked at her with a mixture of shock, surprise, and amusement. The mares and dragon looked up at her from behind their menus; it looked like they had arrived at some point when Trixie had been day dreaming.

“Uh…” Trixie’s mind grasped for words, something, anything she could say to them, “Ca…Can I…Can I take your order?”

Author's Note:

Well! That is a wrap!

For now.

I really felt, and I am sure you will all agree, that this arc has dragged on...by a pace of years. My biggest weakness as a writer is focus. I keep bouncing around between different stories and ideas and can never concentrate, but over the last year the issue has been compounded by a medical issue. Herniated disk made it for a while impossible for me to sit down in a chair without feeling excruciating pain after a few minutes. I've been doing most of my writing laying down, but the angle is not very conductive for thinking with blood rushing to one's head.

Fortunately, it has been getting better and I can sit down in a chair for long period's of time without having to lay down on the floor!

As such though I really feel like this story needed to end. but only so I can revive it! Yes, I have plans to continue Trixie! Order Up! but after I have a much more concrete plot set out. I am tempted to just do a series of one shots, those aren't bad for my attention span issue. Still, when I can I hope to edit the chapters I have already written and whittle away at other projects of mine.

Thank you all for your comments and support! You all really helped me carry through with this. I do appreciate it greatly!

So, I'll leave you all with one last little beauty. A commission I snagged at Bronycon 2014.

Comments

[djthomp]

Great ending to the arc!

[Zac the Pear]

Hooray! My fav fic updated :D

[Just Defender]

OK, how was this a romance?