Not a Monster 3: Realizations and Revelations

by Dreamscape

Apologies

My routine continued as it had been; a routine of loneliness that had grown so familiar to me that for the most part, it seemed as though nothing was too wrong at all. That began to change though, slowly at first, until it then hit me at full force one morning.
I began to feel an urge, an itch for socialization. It was a longing to speak with Sunset, Pinkie, even Fluttershy, Rainbow, those I barely talked to. I could hardly consider them my friends, but I wanted to chat with them, spend time with them. My stomach stirred during my nights spent alone. There was a spark inside me, a rush of energy surged through my muscles and mind. I did not only want to talk to them, I needed to. Yet, what I had to do for such a privilege to become normal to me was quite dissuading. The idea of it pushed my thoughts back to the sanctuary tucked beneath the blankets on my bed. When I did get under those blankets and rested my head upon the cool pillow beneath me, I couldn’t help but think of those girls again and again. This was especially so on one particular night.

I awoke the next morning with an extreme sense of urgency. I lunged forward into a seating position, my blankets flying off of my upper body. My eyes then darted to the digital numbers displayed on my bedside clock, under the impression that I had slept in much too late. It didn’t even cross my mind that the light shining in through my window was still dull. Squinting at the clock, my vision still blurred with sleep, I realized that I had awoken around twenty minutes before my alarm would even go off. Letting out a sigh of relief, the shock and worry in my mind transformed into a new urgency. What that wonderful stranger had told me was repeating again and again in my mind along with thoughts of Sunset, Pinkie and the others. I knew then exactly what I had to do, needed to do, and wanted to do. I had to apologize, no matter how hard it was for me. Everything, at least hopefully, would be better then. I could slowly patch my friendship with Sunset, return to my friendship with Pinkie, and even strengthen my bond with the other girls and hopefully create friendships with them as well. For once in quite some time, I was up early, wide awake, and determined to head off to school. The homework that I did not finish the night before lay scattered across the floor. Unlike shrugging it off like I normally would, I began to do it, simply to pass the time before heading off to school.

***

My morning classes dragged on as they always did, but seemingly even slower than that. For once in quite some time, I actually had a goal, a real goal rather than retreating back to my home. Even though I was eager, I was also incredibly hesitant. One second I would be wishing for the clock on the wall in front of me to tick faster, and the next, I thought the previous tick had come too fast and was begging for it to slow down. Considering how much attention I had been paying to the clock, along with the one on my phone when I would peek down at it in my lap, I was actually surprised when the metallic buzz of the bell rang through my ears.

I jolted up from my seat in a panic, banging my knees on the desk above them. I groaned softly to myself as I continued to struggle to get up onto two feet. Finally I did, and then began shoveling my things into my backpack without a second thought for any organization. My mind was fully focused on the stress filled lunch I had ahead of me. The fact that I was already becoming late compared to my usual schedule made the notion seem much more urgent that it already was. I wanted to speak with the girls as soon as possible, but I had to wait in a line most likely already a mile long with annoying, unruly students.

The halls were completely silent as the soles of my shoes clacked against and slid across the slippery tiles beneath me. The familiar and disheartening roar of the overflowing lunchroom grew louder and louder as I approached. My awkward run slowed into a defeated amble as I saw the line before me. Memories of my first day at the school filled my mind, at how surprised I was to see the line extending far out from the lunchroom as it was on that day as well. After all I had been through during my time at Canterlot High School, it seemed like it had been years since then. It certainly wasn’t as much of a surprise as it was that first day, but it was just as disappointing, if not more so. I sighed heavily and paced back and forth at the end of the line after reaching it. I was as ready as I ever would be, and I knew that waiting would make me more prone to thinking otherwise. I couldn’t hesitate, even if I was forced to rather than it being my own choice.

A few other students had lined up behind me since those thoughts began, and I could feel their curious eyes upon me as I stepped away from the line, my determination returning. I few other heads turned to me as I pushed my way by the many, eager students. Even though I was aware of how fake and even cheesy it seemed, I had some kind of notion that their eyes continued to watch me after first glance. I then imagined many more following my movements as well, wondering what kind of mission I was on. It made me nervous. Yet, it wasn’t like none of the students brought their own lunches. Students walked past that line without a second glace all of the time, and I was no different. I was probably even less noticeable.

The atmosphere grew even more intense and chaotic as I passed through the cafeteria’s open doorway. The roar grew even louder, and the scene before me was filled with students busily going to and from lunch tables or the line while other’s laughed loudly, yelled, and chatted energetically. It made me feel weak. I wanted to cower away from the mass of students before me, back into the quiet halls, but there they were, all of them. I paused for a moment, my panic switching from external to internal as the sounds around me seemed to grow muffled. I could hear my heart pounding quickly against my chest. I could feel my stomach churning and the blood pumping through my veins. My mind was ablaze with repetitive thoughts of what I had to do, and the many outcomes it could cause. Somehow, my resolve was still steady, perhaps even stronger than it had been while I anxiously paced back and forth in line. I had completely forgotten about my empty stomach, all I cared about was the mission I had given myself.

My body felt as though it was growing weaker and weaker the closer I grew to the girls, completely forgetting about the hordes of students around me. I forced down a gulp, my throat feeling painfully dry, and then grimaced, my head pulsating. My breathing was quickening as well, my lungs feeling incredibly small. My eyes darted back and forth from girl to girl, watching as they talked and giggled. They were so entranced by their own conversation that they had not yet noticed my approach. I was rather relieved by that, but still, I knew the moment would soon come when all of their large eyes would turn to me. I stumbled over my own feet, much too caught up in thinking about the near future to be paying attention to the present. The sudden jolting of my arms while I corrected myself caught the attention of a pair of bright ocean colored eyes.

“Oh my gosh! Hi!” Pinkie yelped with joy, nearly bouncing out of her seat.

Damn it, Pinkie… stop… great, I thought to myself in a panic as all eyes darted towards me. My face immediately grew warm, I was sure it was entirely red. Well, this is it, the moment of truth. No turning back now… “Uh, hey, Pinkie, Sunset, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity,” I sucked in a breath of air, wondering why I decided to acknowledge each one of them individually instead of just saying the usual, ‘hey girls,’ and being done with it. I was already overanalyzing my every move, that was a great sign of what was to come.

“Watcha doin?” Pinkie asked giddily. I knew she was rarely angry at anything, but I was sure she would at least be a bit ticked about my having not talked to her for weeks. I could feel all of their eyes upon me, gazing into my very soul. At least each and every one of their looks was one of confusion or curiosity rather than rage, and of course there was Pinkie’s always happy and friendly gaze.

“Uh… well…I… uh…” I gulped again, my throat feeling even drier than it had before. That was it, there was truly was no turning back, unless, of course, I turned and ran like an idiot. I was surprised that I had gotten myself that far. I must have had a bit of faith in myself after all.

“Well, uh, what?” Pinkie asked with a giggle.

“I… I came to apologize… to all of you.” After my statement, the mood of the entire table changed, and Pinkie’s face grew solemn. Trust me, you know things are serious when Pinkie is. I was expecting at least one of them to respond to what I’d said, but instead, they were all silent. Their attention was on me, waiting for my next move. “I, uh, I guess I’d like to start with you, Sunset.” She raised her eyebrow as I turned to her, not in a mean or contradicting way though. “I shouldn’t have ever gotten so mad at you or refused all that help you offered… I… I was just still bitter. All you wanted to do was help. I’m sorry, and I want to be your friend again, a good one.”

Sunset sighed and then gave me what I could tell was a heartfelt smile. “Thank you, I’m sorry too. You were right to be angry. I left you so suddenly, and without much of an explanation. In a way, you’re sort of right about everything. I did cling to you because you were one of the few that cared for me. That doesn’t mean I never actually loved you though. It just took me a while to realize that I loved you more as a friend than… well, you know. I have no excuse for ignoring you the way I did though. I did get sort of caught up in bettering myself, just like you said. Honestly, I was too caught up to even realize that I was.”

My heart continued to pound, but this time it was a completely different and much warmer experience. “It’s okay… I-I’m glad that you did. You seem much happier now,” I said with a smile.

“I just wish I could’ve gotten this far a bit differently. I never wanted to hurt you.” She stood up to hug me, but I stuck out my hand to stop her.

“Hold on, let me get the rest of this off of my chest. I probably should now before I get too nervous. Anyways, Pinkie…” I muttered, turning my attention to the oddly stern looking girl. Her brightly colored outfit and bouncy curls made her expression seem even more ridiculous than it already was.

“Yes?” she asked softly.

“I’m sorry for just, well, basically abandoning you. I never should have done that. You’ve been such a good friend to me. I can’t just leave that all behind. I want to return the favor. I know I really haven’t yet. I thought I couldn’t handle just being your friend, but it’s pretty hard not even having you as that.” My heart jumped as I watched tears trickle down from her eyes, sparkling in the florescent light from above.

“No, no… it’s okay. I’m really super glad you’re back though. You’re a good friend, no matter what.” I could feel my eyes grow heavy as I too felt like crying. I cringed, trying to hold back the tears. It would be hard to continue, but I was almost there. I couldn’t stop when I was nearly finished.

“As…” I took a deep breath, still struggling to hold back my tears. “As for everyone else, I never should have left this table, this group. I know I wasn’t that close to any of you, but you were still better friends than those sirens… If I could even consider them friends, I mean. That was pretty stupid of me. I’m sorry.”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m sorry, too, darling,” Rarity piped in with a soft but caring smile. I had no idea what she was trying to get across, but the other girls seemed to nod in agreement. I gazed ahead, my attention focused on none of them in particular. My mouth opened as if to speak, but I was so lost in trying to process what she meant that nothing came out.

“She’s right, you know,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug.

“Mhm,” Fluttershy muttered softly, her nod even softer.

Then Applejack spoke up. “Uh, huh, Pinkie told us what ya told her, about how we never really seemed to appreciate ya much.”

“About how you felt as though even though we included you in our little group, you never were actually a part of it,” Rarity added.

“Yeah, we wanna change that,” Rainbow said in a rather confident tone. We want you to be a part of us for real this time.”

“And, um, we want to help you get better…” Fluttershy said softly, her teal eyes darting up at me through her shimmering, pink bangs.

“Get better?” I asked curiously, for a moment completely forgetting the bout of depression I had been going through.

“Of course, dear, we want you to enjoy the more simple things in life again.”

“We want you to be happy!” Pinkie cheered, giving me a grin. Stunned by the sudden affection, something I hadn’t received from anyone besides my mother and stepfather in quite some time, I was unable to react, my mouth hanging open. I watched almost blankly as each of the girls stood up from the lunch table with caring smiles upon their faces. I was engulfed in warmth as their arms wrapped around me and their bodies pressed against mine in a group hug. Suddenly, all the emotions that I had unhealthily trapped inside me since the end of my argument with Sunset and my abandonment by her and the sirens came forward at full force. Their voices along with the many others in the cafeteria molded into an incomprehensible hum, and my vision blurred as salty tears filled my eyes.

“Fuck,” I muttered softly to myself, knowing I would be unable to hold back emotion with that much strength. I weakly took in a gasp of air as I felt the cooling tears trickle down my cheeks. I could feel the many faces close to my own pull away, barely able to see them through the wet film. All I knew was that they were quite concerned. “I…I…” I struggled to push out, my voice weakened. “Th…thanks.”

“Aww,” Pinkie cooed sweetly as I broke the hug to wipe the tears from my eyes. She was standing directly in front of my, her lower lip hanging down in the form of a pout. “We’ll make it all better. I Promise!”

I nearly stumbled backwards as Rarity shoved an empty seat into the back of my legs. “I’d recommend taking a rest. You look rather shaken.” I nodded my head and slumped down into the uncomfortable plastic chair, allowing my mind to fire off with disbelief. I had been hoping for the best when I apologized, but never something as amazing and wonderful as what I had just experienced. I had somehow, even after all I had seen them do, managed to warp my perception of the girls, telling myself that they were nowhere near as good as they seemed. In reality, they were. After everything I had done to screw up, they were still willing to help. They certainly believed in the power that friendship held, and it seemed like that was exactly what they were going to use to help me out of my funk… although calling it a funk would be putting it lightly.

Still processing everything that had happened, I played little part in their discussion that day at lunch, although I did listen to every detail. Basically, their plan was to help me to, more or less, forget about the past events that had sent me spiraling down to such a state before then accepting them once I had recovered. Exactly as they had stated earlier, this process would begin with my inclusion into their friend group. I would be spending time with each of them. This would not only help get my mind off of my multitude of mistakes and bad luck, but help me get to know each of the girls a little better. Both occupying my mind and developing new friendships would help me reach a better place.

“Well, I’m gonna be practicing for soccer a bit tomorrow after school gets out. You wanna tag along?” Rainbow Dash asked, stretching before resting her hands behind her head.

“Aren’t ya gonna do that with the team this evenin’?” Applejack questioned.

“Yeah, but too much practice never hurts,” Rainbow snapped back proudly. “I have to be better than the best.”

“Um… actually,” Fluttershy mumbled softly. “… Sometimes it does. You could strain a muscle or-”

“Yeah, yeah, can it, Fluttershy. I know, and I won’t,” Rainbow said with a huff, rolling her eyes at her defeated friend. She then smiled and gave her a harsh pat on the back.

Fluttershy gasped slightly at the sudden touch, and then muttered a soft, “Okay.”

Rainbow’s pink eyes, beaming with confidence, turned back to me. She grinned, her teeth seeming to glimmer in the artificial light. “So whaddya say? Want to?”

I was incredibly overjoyed with all that had taken place thus far. So much so that I managed to forget whatever perceived schedule I had come up with in my lonesome over those many weeks. A schedule filled with plenty of time for myself and even more for homework that I never did. “Sure!” I exclaimed, smiling afterwards, surprised by my own enthusiasm. “I need to be more active anyways.”

“Huh, more active? If this soccer practice goes well, maybe I’ll come up with a routine for ya. I wouldn’t mind coaching you or something… that is if you’re cool with a girl bossing you around. I’m a pretty harsh trainer too,” Rainbow said with a chuckle. “Don’t take an offer like this lightly.”

“I wouldn’t mind that, but yeah, let’s see how soccer goes first.” In the back of my mind, I was questionng such a decision, along with everything I was saying. Would I really have the drive to become more active? Would having Rainbow Dash as my trainer make me despise her more than want to become her friend? I knew how cocky and harsh she could be. The last time I had played soccer was in middle school, and I had no clue what I was doing and still didn’t. Was I really insane enough to play a game with the best soccer player at CHS? I was. I was in the best mood I had been in what seemed like ages, and I had a new drive, a new craving to do just about anything at all. It was an amazing feeling. Although, I wondered how long it would last. It was simply a way to pass the time, and for what? The happiness that I sought, what I truly desired, was love. I was still under the impression that I could never find the real thing.

Comments

[The Hat Mann]

God damn I love this trilogy.

[MLai]

I have a small epiphany of why I hold nothing but contempt for this protag, and yet look forward to reading about him: The author really accurately captures what it was like to be a teenager. Not just in what happens to him, but also in the character's thought process, in the character's decisions and actions. It's like somehow the author is speaking directly to me.

I would never be able to write a story like this, because it would be torture for me to revisit the teenage years of my life. I friggin' hate myself as a teenager. I know it's cliche, but it was a time I wouldn't want to repeat. Because I'm so much better as a person now, even if I'm very far from perfect. So much more confident, more suave, more knowledgeable, with a wider perspective, etc etc etc. And now I'm reading about a character who's like the me I want to slap some sense into.

Unfortunately for the teenagers out there IRL, girls like the EQG Mane 6 do not exist. Just like how a 16 year-old with adult sensibilities does not exist IRL.

[Kevlor007]

[Hoppa_21]

I'm so glad it went that well. He deserves happiness!

The happiness that I sought, what I truly desired, was love. I was still under the impression that I could never find the real thing.

Only point I'm wondering about, since this is not tagged as 'Romance'. He obviously craves for love, so I wonder how things will turn out. I mean, it would be rather strange if he suddenly stopped looking for love.