• Published 1st May 2015
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Not a Monster 3: Realizations and Revelations - Dreamscape



Our protagonist discovers what friendship means with a little help from Sunset Shimmer and her friends, and he hopes to find even more than that in one of them. In the process, he discovers a real monster.

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Wise Words from a Stranger

There I was, alone, extremely alone, the most alone that I had ever been. I struggled to pull myself out of the warmth and comfort of my bed every morning before school, barely giving myself ten minutes to get ready and eat breakfast. Once I arrived at school, I only anticipated the end of the day. That made it much harder to focus in my classes as well. My mind would wander from the lecture or in-class assignment to thoughts of my wonderful little sanctuary back home. Mainly, I thought of lying in bed while playing video games or browsing the internet. It was the easiest way to keep my mind off of everything. That brought up the problem of procrastination, something that had grown even worse than it was before. I was struggling to finish my homework, struggling to do anything really. Then, there was the social aspect.

During that time, I don’t think I talked to anyone unless absolutely necessary. First of all, I wasn’t one to go around talking to people I barely knew or didn’t know at all. Secondly, it seemed like no one else was fond of that idea either; so I was never approached by anyone. Lastly, I had basically cut all ties to the friends I once had. There was no talking to them either. Then, of course, when someone did end up talking with me, I wasn’t much of a conversationalist. I was sure I pushed away more than my fair share of possible friends that way. For a while, I had actually managed to convince myself that having only my own company wasn’t all that bad, but soon the aloneness and depression returned. Along with that there was anger, or perhaps jealousy.

I sat alone at lunch, of course, in my familiar private corner. I despised how popular my former friends had become. So many of the students would head over to their table to simply get in a few words with them, the girls that saved Canterlot High twice, and the bad girl turned good. I always heard whisperings in the halls as well. So many of the male students chatted about how hot and sexy Sunset Shimmer was. So many of the jocks asked her out. There were even a few of the girls interested in her. Of course they were. She was perfect in every way. That bothered me even more. Oddly enough, the girls never seemed to accept anyone else into their group even with the amount of students that surrounded them on a daily basis. Sunset could have any guy she wanted, but she never took up any of the offers. I was outside of their group though. I had a hard time persuading myself that I no longer should have an interest in their affairs. I wanted to go back to them on occasion, but I knew I wouldn’t be accepted back after what I’d done. I wanted to apologize to all of them, even if I had no clue how or what their response would be. Yet, that was exactly what kept me from doing so. I would most likely make a fool of myself.

To combat the loneliness that seemed to be encroaching upon every aspect of my life, creating many sleepless nights, and even causing me to question my life on occasion, I turned to chatting with strangers online. I met most of these people on Ponegle but only kept in contact with a few. Many of these talks were one time only. Most of the time, I barely even knew the other person’s name, or even their gender for that matter, but one of these chats was what changed everything.

***

The days were getting warmer and warmer, even the evenings were nice enough to wear nothing more than a long-sleeved shirt or a light jacket of some sort. One of these evenings was actually nice enough to coax me out from the confines of my room and onto the back deck with my laptop. The sun was low in the sky, but its minor rays were still strong enough to warm me upon the metal chair that I sat in. I took in a breath of fresh air, a trace of grass and leaves filling my nose. Crickets were beginning to chirp in the distance, and birds were beginning to roost for the night. I watched their many silhouettes move down into the leaved branches of distant trees. For once, I felt as though I would actually be able to forget about my problems and enjoy what was around me. I was sure the birds and the crickets weren’t too worried about love and loneliness. They were probably worried about mating, but that was a different story. It wasn’t until I started up an innocent chat on Ponegle that my worries returned.

Looking back on it, it’s funny really, how many simple things would set me off. The stranger typed the most basic of conversation starters, “How are you?” Those three words triggered all of my emotions, sending them to the forefront of my mind.

“Not good. Not good at all,” I typed back. Truth be told, I was always surprised by some people on the internet, especially after all of the bad I had seen come from it. The girl, I learned her gender a bit later on, was truly concerned and willing to help in any way that she possibly could. Of course, that involved simply discussing my predicament and feelings, but still, having another’s opinion was incredibly useful and comforting. Along with that, it was heartwarming to know that even though she didn’t know me, she was willing to waste at least thirty minutes or more helping me out.

I told her absolutely everything that I could, much of it abbreviated of course. Along with that, I tried my best to avoid mentioning anything about Equestria, magic, or mythical creatures. I told her about my time with Sunset and my feelings towards her and the girls. I told her about our break up and the sirens. I told her about Pinkie and our awkward night together. Finally, I told her about the fight with Sunset Shimmer, and the way the sirens abandoned me in my time of need. I then explained how I was feeling. How I wanted to return to Sunset and her friends, how I wanted to apologize to all of them but was too afraid to.

Her responses were perfect, even if I didn’t think so at the time. She told me over and over that everyone makes mistakes, and it wasn’t just me that made them in that situation. Sunset had too. The sirens definitely had as well. Even Pinkie had made a mistake. She told me that she understood why I was so hesitant about apologizing, not only because of the possibility of embarrassment, but due to the fact that Sunset, Pinkie and the others were the perfect friends. From what it seemed like to her, I was afraid to lose them, even if it seemed like I already had. I simply didn’t want to have it finalized. That’s why I was afraid, whether I be the one to end up finalizing our ‘breakup’ or them. I wanted to have them beside me again, to help me get better. She told me that in her situation, if she was one of them, she would realize her mistakes and the need to apologize, but would be too afraid and embarrassed. She was sure they wanted to though. One of us would have to make a move, and from what it seemed like, that would have to be me. She told me that she knew how daunting the task sounded, but once I did apologize, she was sure things would work out, even if they started out slow. If the situation didn’t end well, at least I could move on. She was right, she was very right, I could feel it too. Sadly, I still couldn’t admit that to myself. Even though my heart was pounding and my stomaching churning, I somehow managed to convince myself that her information was rather pointless. I thanked her anyways, and asked her if she wanted to stay in contact. She said she’d rather not. She was simply doing her part to help, and there were many more who needed it. I was rather unimpressed with that at the time, but now, I realize what an amazing person she is and wonder if she still does her part.

By the time we had finished our discussion, the sun had gone behind the hills, but its light could still be seen in the darkening blue sky. The wind was picking up slightly as well, creating a cool breeze. This chilled me, and I decided to head inside for the night. I lay on my bed with the light on as I attempted to do homework. Yet, all I could think about was what that girl had said, and ways to discount or push away any decisive actions on the matter. Even with all the thinking I did that night, it would be days before I finally realized the truth in her words. It would be even a few days after that realization before I acted upon it. I did finally act though, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.