Dictum de omni et nullo

by DouglasTrotter

Wit's End

Loud cicada chirps resonated in the hot summer air. The lake, just outside Ponyville, had a mild bit of coldness to take the edge off the heat. Summer had come in full force for Equestria, and I wanted to stay inside. There was no reason to go out, but, of course, my mother decided I needed to "socialize" with the other ponies of Ponyville during the summer break from Ms. Cheerliee's class. I wondered "why bother" on numerous occasions. It's not possible for me to play normal games with the others. I'm a donkey; correction, I am a 'short' donkey that's no bigger than a colt.

I was scooted out the door by my mother. In her stern voice, she told me to go play since I had studied enough that day. Just as she pushed me outside, Spike appeared. The dragon had come by to give another thank you for the books being kept safe. My mother nodded to him, gave both of us a chocolate chip cookie she had baked that day, and closed the door behind her. For a brief second, the door's sturdy bolt being locked overshadowed the cicada's chirps. With my cookie given to Spike, I departed.

"Hey, wait up. Come on. Please." He said to me.

For some reason, I was followed non-stop since I left my house. I'm glad this dragon is happy about the books. I'm elated he made the new resident princess happy. He doesn't need to keep following me!

Spike bolted up to me. He walked alongside me, and then said, "I just want to talk. I said, I just want to --"

"And?" I said. I stopped. With my namesake lifted off of my back and placed on the ground between us, I stood on it. My eyes barely looked down on the dragon, almost being at eye level with him while standing on my soapbox.

"Wow, you are tiny." Spike said.

I placed my box onto my back. There had to be a way to get around the necessity to socialize. The noise from these insects continues to grow. As I entered Ponyville, the obnoxious noise from the stallions, mares, fillies, and colts around me continued to grow. From Mane Street to Stallion Avenue, the streets are packed. My reprieve comes from the fact there's a nearby alley I can sneak into.

In the shaded alley, I retreated inside my box. This is one way to avoid socialization, I guess. The shade is rather pleasant. At least --

"I found you." Spike said. His two green eyes stared back at me after he lifted up the box. I sighed, got up, and made my way down the alleyway, after I retrieved my box from him. He let out an exasperated groan. "This isn't worth five gems. Will you wait up."

Out of the alley, in the crowded plaza, one mare stepped on my box. I "turtled" inside. The unicorn mare made some comment about such a shoddy piece being in the middle of the street. Those words were recanted. She apologized for not seeing me when I crawled out from underneath it. Spike seem infatuated with her, so it gave me some time to escape his nonsensical stalking. I found that shady spot underneath the tree in the plaza to be my safe haven of sorts.

From a distance, I could feel my mind calm whenever I spotted it. The sensation would plateau when I sat underneath it. Today, I found the spot occupied. My hooves stopped. I turned. This draconic stalker had finished his obsessive streak with that mare and stood in my way. The pegasus mare who sat under the tree got up and stood behind me. Two birds flew off of her back after a white rabbit shooed them away. She seemed familiar, but I couldn't place the name.

I faced the street that led out of Ponyville. Spike leapt in front of me once more. With an exasperated sigh I said, "Ok... I give up."

"Finally. Sheesh." Spike said. My melancholic expression was met with a joyful smile. "Ya know, I've got to thank you again for keeping those books safe. You're one devious little -- eh, heh heh. I mean. You're one sneaky pony, err... Ponyvillian. Hard to believe you got Twenty-Five books piled up in that room of yours."

The sentence didn't register for a second or two. I raised my eyebrow, groaned, and then continued my journey. There should have been Twenty books taken back. Five books I hadn't read yet, gone. That one book about advanced alchemical formulas and equations should be left untouched, unless all my hiding spots had been found.

"Hey. Whoa there, no need to wander off." Spike said with an elated smile. He walked beside me, holding his claws at his sides. "Twilight was so worried all of those books were destroyed after we scoped out the library. You had a little library in your room. Oops...."

"I carried seven books home at once, remember. You should have done the math." I said.

"Heh, didn't think about it at the time." Spike chuckled.

My attempts to evade Spike were useless. I couldn't run fast enough on these stubby things to save my neck, or help out others if the need came. The winding path brought me and Spike out of Ponyville. We found ourselves in a small area near Sweet Apple Acres. Shade from a nearby tree, a cool wind from the north, afforded a bit of comfort. I placed my box off to the side and sat underneath the tree. Spike plopped down next to me on the other side.

I gazed toward Ponyville, past the village's new addition and into the horizon.

"Why are you so grumpy anyways? Things are pretty good." Spike said.

I wanted to yell, but I didn't have it in me. It wouldn't serve any kind of purpose to get angry.

"Interesting. I've never seen a donkey so short before." A voice said.

An apple fell from the tree behind us. It landed on the grass then sank into the dirt. From the small hole in the ground, a tree sprouted. Two eyes appeared on the tall tree, and then a mouth. I remember, I remember that voice. That laughter belongs to the creature who accompanied the one that stole the magic from my parents.

"Discord. How'd you get here?" Spike said.

"That's quite the scowl, little donkey." He said before turning to Spike," Spike, you should know I go where I want to go. I'll remind myself to stay away from Princess Cadence during her little 'mood' swings. Poor Shining Armor."

Spike and I materialized on top of my soapbox. The object shot into the air. High in the sky, the box remained steady, as if it were on flat solid ground.

"Even upside down, you still have a frown." Discord said. I turned the other way. He bolted in front of me. I looked at the box's top. His face materialized on it. "Well now, I have a bit of a question. What would you give me to be different?"

"Nothing," I said. Beyond the obviousness of the situation, things felt off. The air had a strange smell to it. Even the air around us felt off. "Can he read my thoughts?"

"A bargain requires a trade on both parties, little donkey. You can't trade something for nothing." Discord said. His face reappeared on his head. A red cape materialized on him, what looked like a paw on his right side changed to a silvery, metal color. In a confident tone he said, "To obtain, something of equal value must be lost."

The air remained dead silent. I glanced to my left. I glanced to my right. Discord retained his strange, firm pose in front of me. To understand the situation, I have to drag it out. I maintained my melancholic expression and said, "Nothing."

"I'm sorry. You'll have to repeat that," Discord said. He dug out a large piece of cotton candy from his right ear. With a swift bite taken from the cone, the object disappeared. I repeated my statement. Discord slinked around the box. The tree behind us sprouted a limb. It plucked an apple. Spike sniffed the fruit that was tossed to him before taking a bite; inside appeared to be coated with candy and gems. "Perhaps you fail to comprehend just who. I. Am. Little mortal. I am Discord. I. Am. A. God of Chaos," Discord stretched out his arms with lightening flashing for a quick second before his eyes locked onto my firm gaze, "I can shape the very world to my heart's content. You have the audacity, the nerve to dare say I can offer you nothing? This impossible...."

"Good. He's distracted," I said under a quiet breath. The weather is fine. There's a pegasus destroying a cloud. What bothers me is this smell. Little time was left to examine the moment. Discord ceased his banter. He shrugged at Spike, tossed the dragon some bits, and left. Spike and I fell to the ground, landing on top of some fluffy marshmallows. I muttered to myself, "Nothing. There's nothing I want nor deserve."

The marshmallows disappeared in a flash of light. Behind us, the tree returned to normal. Spike appeared absent. My desire for a decent walk home appeared futile when the little dragon darted up behind me. Despite leaving Sweet Apple Acres and nearing my house, Spike decided to tag along for "safety" sake.

Me and Spike stood at the front door of my house. The smell continued to linger. I opened the front door to an empty house. A note lay on the table, which stated my parents would be late. The grandfather clock chimed five times. I placed my box to the side, wiped my hooves, and entered.

"Mind if I come in?" Spike said.

"I don't care. My mom knows you, so it should be fine." I said. Up the stairs, in my room, I saw those books piled up. Under my bed, behind the bookcase, the small compartment near my desk, all my hiding spots had been found. "Great."

"Yesh, you had this many?!" Spike said.

"Some here, some there, and some from time to time." I said. Spike's eyes glanced over each book. In my heart, I knew he wanted to ask about those books. I checked out books on elementary magic, magical weather phenomena, and natural magic of the soil. He stared at me. His right claw raised into the air. "Yea?"

Spike shrugged. The pages in one book flipped by at a rapid pace. That was an odd action for a librarian's assistant. He could damage the pages with those dagger like things from his appendages.

"Welp, it looks like they're all here. Mind lending a hoof?" Spike said.

With a sarcastic expression, tone to match, I said, "You think I can move a load of books. I can carry only two at most."

"You're such a lightweight. Have you tried to carry more?" Spike said.

"Ten times. I've calculated and accounted for the variances in my inability to move the load." I said. With Spike's apparent blank expression, I sighed. "I figured out that I can't do it, in simple terms. Again, I can manage two books at most. Even then, I can only do that for ten minutes before I get tired."

"Why so grumpy?" Spike said. I glared at him.

"If I were as strong as my sister, I could carry a lot more. If I could fly like my father, I would fly them, and you, to where they need to go. If I had the ability use magic like my mother, I would teleport them, and us, to where they need to go. Instead, what you see is what you get." I said.

"Hey, take it easy. It's not easy being the only dragon in Ponyville either." Spike said.

The argument ended in a stalemate. I huffed at Spike, went down stairs, retrieved the wagon, and then placed it at the front door. I went to the kitchen and, with some finagling, managed to grab a cookie off of the countertop. My tongue touched the cookie's outer rim. It dropped to the floor. I bolted upstairs to my room, I saw spike gone.

"You almost had me fooled. When did it happen?" I said with a shout. Spike shut the door behind him and shrugged at me. "Mom baked a fresh batch of cookies today. They were chocolate chip flavored, not raisin. Also, I can carry seven books at a time, without the wagon. The 'real' Spike would know those answers. Where are we, Discord?"

"You're a sneaky little donkey. So, are you ready to give in?" Discord said. Spike's body towered above me before turning into that misshapen form I remembered seeing at the hall in Canterlot. Discord looked down on me, and then pulled back. "Such a grimace. What will you do, little donkey? How will you defeat an all powerful 'god' of chaos? No strength. No wings. No horn. 'Nothing!'"

It'll be impossible to defeat Discord if he does hold the power to shape whatever he wants to his whims and wishes. What does he hope to accomplish? I faced Discord and said, "How indeed?"

"Yes, how will you defeat me?" Discord said. He repeated his question then I repeated mine. We bantered back and forth as I tried to glimpse at the world around us. The more I looked, the more I believed it to be a dream world like those two fillies talked about. I believe their names were Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. My mouth disappeared. Discord held it in his claw, "Silence!"

This couldn't be a dream. If it were, Princess Luna would -- now there's a proper joke in this stressful scenario. Princess Luna, come and help me? There's no way the Guardian of Dreams would come to help me. I need to save myself. This must be a world of Discord's own design. The simplest solution is the right one. That's Razor's solution.

"You are, without a doubt, the most stubborn thing I have seen in Equestria. Don't you have a shred of emotion in you? A shred of, of, of..." Discord said.

"I believe the word you are looking for is sentiment." I said, raising an eyebrow as my mouth moved while Discord clutched onto it. He materialized it back to where it belonged on my face.

A chair materialized behind Discord. He sat in it then stroked the white beard under his chin. His head sat perched in his paw. He squinted at me before putting his head back onto his neck. In a firm voice he said, "Don't test me, little donkey."

"Who put you up to this?" I said. It's better to be direct with him. Though he can shape the world, I'm just a random face in Equestria, a needle in a rather large stack of hay. Discord snapped his talon. The stool that materialized behind me scooped me up then floated me at eye level with him. The darkness around us rescinded into nothingness. With it gone, a weird world appeared before us. I wonder. "How about we play a game."

"Interesting, now we're on the same level." he said before waving a talon at me," Be forewarned little one, I won't be taken for a fool. What's the catch?"

"Catch? There is no catch. I have something you want. You have something I want. From my standpoint, I don't believe you could organize this on your own. A pony had to point you towards me. That's all. In Equestria, I'm just a needle in a haystack. " I said.

"That's not what she said." Discord said before making his mouth disappear.

"And now the game starts." I said. Discord glared at me, and I couldn't figure out if his prior statement was true or just laced with a bit of the truth. Is it a filly or a mare? Also, is it one of my family members, a relative, or some individual they know. He just said "she" said before clamming up. "Well, have you clammed up now?"

A giant clam materialized in front of me. I felt repulsed when it opened to reveal Discord with a fin where his legs once were and some weird attire around his chest, a reddish flowing mane coming down from his head. Wait, that's the seapony sequence from my sister's show in Las Pegasus.

"So boring. Here I am, giving you all the clues you need and you still refuse to answer." Discord said. He groaned, "I might as well leave."

"How about we start from the beginning with your first clue. Your first real clue. Do you mind showing me again?" I said.

"No." Discord said then stopped himself, "No, I'm not going to show you again. Listen little donkey, I have pressing matters to get back to in Equestria. Chaos doesn't perpetuate itself."

"Doesn't it?" I said, maintaining my blank expression. "If you're indeed, the god of chaos, you of all creatures should know about cause and effect. You should know about the domino and butterfly effects."

"The clock is ticking, Soapbox." Discord said, tapping his claw against a clock around his neck.

"I never said anything about there being a time limit. " I said. Discord waved his claw in front of me and said he was making the rules up as he went along with the game. This was a bad idea. I'm in an unbeatable game if he can make up the rules, change them at will, and disregard them. It's my own fault for not stipulating any rules in the beginning. That's strike one against me. "So, I've already lost."

"No. You haven't lost. Also, before you say it, the game can be won. We do it through my rules. You challenged me, remember." Discord said. His head turned into a mirror image of mine, repeating what I said. He changed back to his normal self. "Also, there needs to be a prize on both sides. We'll figure that out later though."

"If you can change the rules --" I said.

"There are no rules. I make them up, I break them." Discord said.

Why would he admit the rules can be broken, added to, and/or remade as he sees fit? Wait, the scent just changed.

"How can a game be won or lost without concise rules to stipulate a winner? That would violate the purpose of a game, making it pointless." I said.

Discord swam around in a container of mouthwash, and then hopped out before spitting a mouthful out. The idea of this game is to figure out who put him up to this, yet there's something more to it. I slipped up and said, "Mom wouldn't --"

"That's strike one, Soapbox." Discord said.

"I never gave you my name," I said, watching him clam up once more. It didn't matter. I've got one strike against me. How many do I get? This won't end well. How will I defeat him? "Wait, you said the clock was ticking."

"Correct." Discord said.

"You're a 'god' of chaos," I said.

"Correct," Discord said.

"Then why does time matter if you can simply change the temporal laws and mechanics of a world to suit your needs, whims, and wishes?" I said. Pony feathers! Great move, Soapbox. You just showed him your cards. "Why are you staring at me."

He slinked around me then sat down in his chair. Discord eyed me. The stool I sat on dropped to the ground while Discord looked down on me. His chair maintained its ominous look; the chair clad in red and black with two red gemstones embedded in it.

Discord's talons rasped against the chair's wooden side. That semi-joyful demeanor changed. In a deep, malefic voice he said, "You figured things out some time ago, didn't you. I won't be toyed with. You're just feeding that inquisitive little mind. State your answer!"

"If I had the answer, I would have given it to you. I mentioned mom, and you quashed that notion rather quickly. There's one strike against me." I said. This is bad. I'm not getting any more hints. It's not mom. I can take a risk and say my sister, but Discord has to be bluffing. My sister doesn't know him. Nor have I seen anyone near her that would possibly know him. He said 'she,' so it has to be a filly or a mare, ruling out my father. What is the answer ... I have to chance it. "Princess Luna?"

"Wrong again. You are so far off, yet that's the closet you have come." Discord said. "Perhaps you don't have the answer. Such a shame. I know many who would have figured it out by now." he snickered to himself then said in a weird monotone voice, "Would you like to play a game?"

We're already playing a game. The last thing I want to do is make him angry by refusing. If Discord can change the rules of our original game to his whims, he could make it so I've already lost with two strikes. I nodded to humor him. An ornate table materialized. Soon, a board appeared with several pieces on it. Still on my stool, I appeared to magically slide towards the board. Before my hoof could touch the piece it moved.

Discord snapped his talon, causing his piece to move.

"Wouldn't chess be a bit boring? Also, how can this game be fair if you can change our original one." I said.

"Details, details, your move. There aren't any tricks, promise." Discord said.

*** *** ***

Knight takes Pawn. Rook takes Knight. King moves back for protection. Bishop moves to take queen. King and Queen (Black) remain while King, Rook, and Bishop (White) remain. This isn't chaos, it's madness. How could I have let myself be pulled into that trap?!

"I'll move my king next to my queen," Discord said with a grin.

My King is protected, his as well. I have to take his queen out of the picture. This game is a stalemate. I hung my head. My voice cracked. "I... I... I --"

"Forfeit?" Discord said with a joyless tone to his voice. "You're not being a good sport here. Raise your head. Look at the board. You have me. The answer is right in front of you, yet refuse to take it. Why?"

There aren't any answers. He's beaten me. I can't defeat him. Even if it were the other way around, I couldn't win. It is a stalemate, regardless of what he says.

"So, you are giving up?" Discord said as I raised my head.

It's only through failure that we learn. I should concede defeat, yet, yet they wouldn't allow it. My mother, my father, my sister, they've pushed me forward.

"How dull. " Discord said.

"Wait, I didn't say those three words yet." I said. Discord scrutinized me while stroking the hair under his chin. Perhaps there is an answer here, but not the one I want. "You stated it yourself. As a 'god' of chaos, you can shape the world as you see fit. Though you said 'no tricks' about this chess game, what's to say that wasn't a trick in and of itself." I pointed my right hoof at his turned over knight. "That's my father's name on the bottom. There are names written on the bottoms of each chess piece you control. You sacrificed each piece without hesitation. With your king and queen left, there are two names that remain."

Discord raised his head and grinned at me. "That brain of yours weighs more than your body, Soapbox."

He reclined back into his seat. Mom, Dad, and my sister's names are gone. There are other names I didn't recognize, except for the mayor's name. They had to be residents in Ponyville. Two names remain. Twilight Sparkle is the princess who resides in Ponyville. Her name hasn't popped up, so is she the queen or king? As for the other name, it has to be that pegasus from under the tree. That's the only thing which makes sense. She's the one who lives in that cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville, taking care of those animals. What is her name?

Two names. Two pieces. One is a king, the other is a queen.

"Times. Up. Soapbox." Discord said. A clock materialize behind him. It was the grandfather clock from the dining room of my house. "What is your answer, or do I have to make it for you?"

"I pick your friend, whoever that might be." I said. Discord glared at me. He snapped his talon, giving a sinister smirk. "Well?"

"Time is up." He said.

*** *** ***

There was small push on my side. I rolled over. Underneath me existed a firm yet soft material. Another sound came from my right side. Though garbled, the voice sounded familiar.

"Well now, good morning sleepy head." My mother said, my vision clearing. She levitated me in front of her then placed me on the ground. "I trust you slept well."

After I rubbed my eyes, I looked outside to see the sun still shining. The small clock on my desk read 10:25 AM. It didn't make sense. I left the house at 10:20 AM. As I faced my mother, a serpent's tail existed instead of her normal emerald colored tail. Her eyes changed.

"Discord?" I said.

"Are you awake, Soapbox?" a voice said from downstairs.

Discord snickered at me before disappearing. The books from all my hiding spots materialized in my room. My door opened to my mother and Spike coming in. My mother rolled her eyes at me while Spike's mouth remained agape at the books I had hidden away.

"Thirty-five books?!" Spike said. He firmly planted his claw on his face. "Do you have any more hidden around here? Fifty more?"

"No..." I said. I sat in my room while looking at the two. "Spike?"

"Yea?" Spike said.

"What happened near Sweet Apple Acres?" I said.

Spike shrugged. My mother cut our conversation short as she and Spike examined each book. 10:25 am turned to 11 am with each book accounted for that I had checked out. I received a stern gaze from my mother who asked if I had any "more" books in my room that I had borrowed. After I said no, apologizing for keeping all of those a secret, Spike and my mother departed.

"You know," Discord said in a cheerful tone," you're quite the interesting little donkey, Soapbox. Those notions about my ability to alter the laws of time were almost spot on."

"I just lost my books." I said.

"Now, now, they aren't 'your' books, now are they." Discord said. He shrunk down and leapt onto my back for a free ride. We arrived in the kitchen. "That answer you gave to my question was quite the 'doozy,' as one pony would put it."

"And?" I said.

"If you're up for round 2, I'm ready to go." Discord smirked.

I could feel a migraine starting and refused. Discord gave a firm nod. He reached into the cookie jar, pulled out a cookie, caused it to split, and then gave me part of it. The piece in my hoof grew into a full cookie.

"Something must be lost in order for something to be gained. That's the law of equivalent exchange." Discord said. My hoof grew heavier. I looked down to see the cookie having been turned into a strange book. "We'll consider that your prize for the game. It contains some rather 'special' notes a certain, newly crowned princess would give her wings and horn to get her hooves on. So, make sure to keep it secret. Actually, how about we do this."

The book was taken from my right hoof and pressed against my head. It disappeared. I ran to my room, examined myself in the mirror, and saw no changes. Discord chuckled at me, saying I had nothing to worry about. That book was now a part of me, and I could view it any time I wanted to in my dreams.

Those were the last words I heard from the misshapen creature before he departed. What did he want from me? What did he gain? Also, what did he mean my dreams? I always fell asleep to darkness and woke to the light. There were no dreams for me to have? Such a pain!

Author's Note:

Not the best story I've written, but I wanted to test out some ideas and thought processes.