• Published 11th Apr 2015
  • 1,178 Views, 23 Comments

No Pony Left Behind - ponichaeism



A completely unbiased, thoroughly fair and balanced look at the life of a young filly named Glory as she grows up in Starlight Glimmer's Equal Equestria.

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CHAPTER 1: "Not A Divider"

Glory's eyes were fixed on the window, and the dusty rolling plains it framed. The wide-open land surrounded her village, just waiting for her to wander out and explore it, to discover what wonders she could, and best of all to meet all the friendly critters who lived out there, just like her mother had done before she had come to this place.

“Glory!”

Her teacher's harsh voice broke through the walls of her half-formed daydream and made the little world she had created collapse. The little filly tore her eyes away from the window and sat up a little straighter at her desk. She tried her best to look like she was paying attention, even though that was the hardest thing in the world.

At the front of the classroom, her teacher whipped her long, thin pointer onto chalkboard, sending a terrific crack like thunder resounding throughout the room. Every single colt and filly jumped in their seats and folded their ears flat against their heads. Once she was sure she had their attention, Fair Shake addressed Glory: “Glory, all the other colts and fillies in this class are equal in giving me their undivided attention.” The teacher glared through her cat's-eye glasses, making the filly squirm. “Do you think you're so special you don't have to pay attention?”

“No, Miss Shake,” the filly said glumly, hoping there wasn't a detention waiting for her at the end of this lecture. Today was boring enough without having to wait in the detention room while the teacher's pre-recorded voice told her how great the village and its equality was, over and over again.

“Do you think the rules don't apply to you equally?”

The white-coated filly sank into her chair in shame. “No, Miss Shake.”

“Tomorrow's test will determine not only your future, but maybe the entire village's. Do you want to jeopardize it?”

“No, Miss Shake.” She bowed her head and tried to hide behind her red-and-blue striped mane.

“Alright then.” Regaining her composure, the teacher turned back to the chalkboard and glided the pointer's tip under the division tables scribbled on it. “All together now, class.”

As equals, the students repeated along to the tapping of the pointer: “Zero divided by one equals zero. One divided by one equals one. Two divided by one equals two....”

As the dull drone of the other students' voices filled the room, Glory took to murmuring gibberish. Her thoughts started to wander again, though she at least had the good sense to kept her eyes fixed firmly on the board this time.

For eight whole hours each and every day, she had to sit in this cramped schoolhouse while the world through the window beckoned her. In the morning, four hours of reading comprehension -- which was mostly made up of learning what an equals sign meant -- followed by a short break for muffins, and then an hour each of addition tables, subtraction tables, multiplication tables, and division tables, which was where she was at now. Blessedly, though, soon the bell would ring and she could go on home.

Not long now.

She saw something flutter outside the window. Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at it. A small bird perched on the sill, with a gray back and a white underside. She saw birds just like that one around the village all the time. They're all so equal-looking, she thought warmly. No wonder they like to hang around here. She had a distant memory of her mother -- who had once worked for the menagerie of the Canterlonian royalty, before she got sick of royals and their 'ivory tower', as she put it -- pointing out the name of the bird and telling her its name, but she had been very young and it was all dim and hazy in her mind. Nowadays, though, her mother didn't seem to want to have much to do with animals at all. Glory thought that was a crying shame, because critters were all so fascinating.

As the teacher led the students in reciting the division table, the bird began to chirp along with them, its shrill voice rising over the students' voices. Although there was a fluster on her face, Miss Shake ignored it and continued leading the students. The chirping of the bird grew louder and more enthusiastic, however, until the moment the teacher broke off, went to the window, and took a swing at the bird with her pointer.

“I'll teach you to mock me, bird,” she said.

The bird hurriedly fanned its wings out and flapped hard to avoid the wooden stick. It took off into the air and flew into the bright blue sky, and Glory's imagination went with it, wondering to what places unknown it would head.

“Well, now that that little interruption is over,” Miss Shake said, returning to the front of the class, “let's resume, class.”

Groaning inwardly, Glory took up the chant with her fellow students, but her mind was soaring alongside the bird who had given her a brief break from the boring school lesson.

When the class had finished all the division tables on the board, Fair Shake smiled and said, “Very good.” She returned the pointer to the top of the first one. “Now, again.”

Wearily, the class began to recite the division table again.

“Zero divided by one equals zero....”