Celestia sighed and pawed idly at her half full wine glass. So far the evening had not been going at all as she had hoped, despite not even really knowing at all what to expect for her first date as a pony. Her date was as of yet, a no show, and her pair of wingmares had both disappeared, with Sunset scurrying off to the bathroom in a panic, and Twilight crossing the room to yell at a table of familiar looking mares in awful costumes. "At least the wine is good..." she grumbled to herself, levitating the glass to her lips.
"Hello there, hope I haven't kept you waiting too long." Came a somewhat sinister whisper from just behind her ear.
Just barely managing to stop herself from yelping and spraying wine across the table, Celestia spun around in her seat, blinking rapidly in surprise. There stood Chrysalis, wearing both a smug grin and a rather slinky black dress that complimented her unnaturally slim frame. Celestia gulped hard, swallowing the wine and a sudden rush of nerves mixed with annoyance. "Oh, hello, I'm glad you made it." She managed blandly, not really sure what to say just yet.
"Are you now?" Chrysalis responded, with an odd, almost downcast, expression on her face as she circled around the table to take her seat across from Celestia. "I almost couldn't find you when I came in. That blonde mane color is awful." she quipped, snatching up Celestia's wine glass in a sickly green glow and taking a sip, before fixing Celestia with an anticipatory, almost hungry look.
Celestia just rolled her eyes in an amicable sort of way. "I know, I'm not very fond of it either, it was Twilight's idea, figured my usual mane color would attract too much attention."
Again, Chrysalis' face fell into that odd expression Celestia couldn't quite place. "Mmm, yes, ever paranoid that one. You'd think she'd be better prepared for my midnight raids on her castle."
Celestia restrained a chuckle at that, not wanting to point out that Twilight likely just didn't consider her much of a threat anymore "So..." she began innocently, "may I ask what kept you?"
This seemed to immediately perk the bug pony up again, bringing back her predatory grin. "Oh you know, just had some more important matters to take care of is all." she said in an airy and dismissive voice, dripping with implied superiority.
"Ah, that's understandable. I imagine being a Queen can be a bit of a managerial fiasco at times. I'm sure it's not quite the same, but back home I've had to postpone or cancel more than my fair share of dates due to some form or another of emergency school business." Celestia commiserated as she signaled to a waiter for another glass of wine now that Chrysalis seemed rather attached to hers.
Unsurprisingly at this point, Chrysalis' expression yet again fell at her response, was it...disappointment? Celestia wasn't quite sure, but clearly something was bothering her date.
Chrysalis suddenly gulped down the last of her wine before fixing Celestia with a critical gaze. "That dress is terrible, and color coordinating it for a first date is just tacky." She sneered.
They both ignored a dramatically offended gasp from the nearby table that Twilight had been chatting with.
"Um..." Celestia responded, taking a deep gulp from her new wine glass that had arrived moments earlier. "...is something wrong? I may be new to this world but I'm pretty sure this isn't normal date banter." She muttered with a bemused expression.
Chrysalis' brow twitched. She took a deep breath before looking directly into Celestia's eyes. "...you look fat."
Celestia frowned deeply before finishing off her wine in one big long swig, sighing with satisfaction as she set the glass back down. "All right..." she said serenely, in almost a whisper, before fixing Chrysalis with a look of pure undistilled anger. "GET READY TO DIE BITCH!" she roared as she leapt across the table, tackling the changeling out of her seat.
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS, there it is!" Chrysalis moaned blissfully as she was pulled to the ground, grinning stupidly as a white hoof collided with her face.
Celestia straddled the significantly larger changeling, rapidly throwing punch-like kicks with her forelegs and only getting more enraged as the target of her ire seemed to relish each strike. With a feral growl she pressed both hooves against Chrysalis' neck, feeling with satisfaction that the plating on her neck was just a bit squishier than the rest of her bone-like body.
Chrysalis' eyes rolled back, her tongue lolling from her mouth. "Yes, YES! Choke me! Harder!" she rasped.
At hearing this Celestia stopped abruptly, leaning back and staring bewilderingly at Chrysalis with wide eyes. A flash of understanding sparked in her expression before she grimaced in horror. "Ewwwwwwwww..."
Chrysalis coughed happily, before noticing Celestia's(and most of the restaurant patrons') stare. A light flush of embarassment stood out clearly on her jet black muzzle as she adopted a grimace of her own. "I...um..."
"What is wrong with you?!" Celestia hissed as she scrambled off of Chrysalis and back onto her hooves.
Chrysalis also stood up after a moment, giving Celestia a guilt soaked cringe. "I...can explain?" She mumbled in a wavering voice that sounded more like a question then a statement.
Celestia raised a brow before sitting back down in her chair and looking sternly expectant.
Chrysalis sat back down as well and sighed in frustration, before letting her head flop down onto the table. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled. "I may have been...using you, just a little." she went on, regret creeping into her voice.
"Using me? By being a crappy date and then kind of a creep?" Celestia asked skeptically.
"It's just that, well, you look just like her...I thought maybe it could work." Chrysalis mumbled sadly, picking herself back up from the table into a slouched posture.
"I'm not sure I follow..." Celestia said with a shrug, her anger and annoyance starting to ebb in favor of reluctant pity at seeing how downcast Chrysalis now looked.
"Celestia..." Chrysalis groaned, "Princess Celestia that is. She hates me so much, like she wants to tear me apart when someone even mentions my name. It's just so, so..." Chrysalis adopted an expression that could only be described as gooey. "sooooooooooo hot." she moaned.
A white pegasus at a table in a nearby corner suddenly sprayed a mouthful of wine all over the menu she had been holding awkwardly in front of her face, though neither Celestia or Chrysalis noticed.
"I've had a huge crush on her since the day I tried to take over Canterlot. Nobody has ever looked at me with such primal fury before, it's intoxicating!" Chrysalis explained, again looking a bit lovesick, before switching back to regret. "And then I saw you, and figured maybe it was a way to pursue that without getting, well, murdered." She admitted with a dark chuckle. "I'm sorry, I should've known better, and after you were so sweet to me the other night...I may be a villain but I'm normally not that inconsiderate."
Celestia nodded with understanding, though she still kept a stern and contemplative expression. She took a pensive sip of her wine (that had been refilled a moment ago by a waiter who gave both of them scolding expressions before scurrying away) before speaking, "So...what? You were trying to egg me on so I'd be mad at you and fulfill your little fantasy?"
"Yes!" Chrysalis squeaked sadly. "I'm sorry...I showed up late on purpose..." she admitted, "and I think you make a cute blonde...and I was quite flattered by the dress...and the only thing fat about you is that ass!" she added with a quick leer, before snapping back to her forlorn demeanor.
"Thanks." Celestia deadpanned. "You know this date is over right?"
Chrysalis frowned, but her eyes showed she understood. "I...yes of course..." she sighed. "I'll just leav..."
"However..." Celestia interjected. "I get it, I really do, crushes have made me do some pretty crazy stuff in the past too, and I suppose I could let you make it up to me with a nice dinner...as friends of course."
Chrysalis looked shocked. "Really? You'll forgive me?"
"Yes...but you better get ready to shell out for desserts."
"Desserts? As in plural?" Chrysalis asked with a chuckle.
"Cake tends to put me in a rather forgiving mood..." Celestia admitted. "Besides, it's not like I can kill you, the Princess would be very disappointed." she lowered her voice conspiratorially and gave Chrysalis a wink, "if she's as much like me as I think she is, all that scorn and fury might just mean she likes you back!"
Chrysalis looked dumbstruck, before another gooey grin crinkled her muzzle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunset growled before landing a swift punch at Luna's cutie mark, forgetting that hooves don't exactly work like fists. The result was a resounding smack that echoed momentarily around the bathroom.
"Oooooh, yes! Spank me again Sunny!" Luna cooed, still using her very poor imitation Twilight voice.
"How is this supposed to help me!" Sunset shouted angrily.
Luna turned back around and sat down, struggling to hold back chuckles. "I have no idea, but it's fun!"
Sunset made a strangling noise in the back of her throat.
"Oh come now, what exactly are you so worried about?" Luna asked with a friendly roll of her eyes.
"What am I so worried about? The girl I'm in love with is waiting outside, I can barely talk to her without falling apart, and now I'm stuck in the bathroom while my best friend jokingly makes sexual advances on me instead of trying to help!" Sunset rambled, running her hooves through her hair out of exasperation.
"Awwwww, you called me your best friend." Luna said with a happy gasp and tears forming in her eyes.
"Lunaaaaaaaa!" Sunset whined, beginning to look even more panicked.
Luna rolled her eyes again before giving Sunset a gentle shake. "Are you really going to make me give you the 'just be yourself' talk? That was already cliche when I was your age."
"What do you mean?" Sunset asked suspiciously.
"You are aren't you..." Luna sighed. "You're perfect for her, at least from what I know of you these past few days. The strong alpha nerd type that gets all flustered around her, despite your normally take charge nature," she elaborated, spinning Sunset around towards the door and pushing her along. "how could she not be interested? You needn't do anything more remarkable than act as you always do. In fact keep it up with the nervous mumbling and cute awkwardness, she'll love it."
"I...wha...Luna that's still not very helpful!" Sunset stuttered, trying weakly to fight against being pushed back out into the restaurant.
"You'll be fine, I promise." Luna said confidently. "Now go, we have spent enough time fooling about in the bathroom!"
Sunset was about to point out that Luna may not fully understand the connotations of the phrase "fooling about in the bathroom" when she found herself already through the door and out into the restaurant, Luna nowhere to be found. "Alright Sunset, you can do this." She told herself with a gulp. "Luna believes in you, even if her advice is terrible." Taking a deep breath, she began to walk back towards the table.
Suddenly the bathroom door flew open behind her with a slam. "OH! TELL HER YOU'RE THE ELEMENT OF HOT, MARE ON MARE ACTION!" Luna shouted jovially from inside the bathroom.
Sunset promptly tripped and fell flat on her face.
Um...
A lot.
Best Princess!
My sides!
*facedesks* Alright, you might need that sex tag just for the lewd insinuation.
Anyhow. Good chapter
OK the convo between Principal Celestia and Chrysalis was amazing and I love Princess Celestia spit take at finding out chrysalis has a huge crush on her. That was one of the best parts of this chapter.
Basicly the entire date scene was perfection.
You might want to change deserts over to desserts, coming up with horse puns for the gobi, sahara and atacama will likely be more trouble than it's really worth. Still, great chapter, especially those last few lines!
7433235 Thanks! Not sure how I got those two backwards...twice
Celestia's reaction to Chrysalis felt very sudden, almost jarring here... I feel the scene could use a phrase or seven more of Chryssie teasing Celestia to get that violent response out of her - after all, Principal Celestia does not really have the background or history to be instantly teased into violence like that... well, in my mind anyway.
Otherwise, I am enjoying this though. Keep on chuggin' :)
7433279 The joke I was going for was none of it really bothered her much until she was called fat, which was enough by itself to bring on the smackdown lol
Okay, so Chrissie likes it rough? That's... disturbing and puts an entirely too weird aspect on her trapping Celestia in a cocoon that time!
Luna, just Luna. How can you be so cool?
Hm, aside from the friendly teasing, Luna actually had some good advice there...
Aaand its gone. Luna is awesome!
So first of all, yea update.
I laugh so much, so far this is your best chapter. At first I was what the heck is wrong with Chryssi and then I lost it when she reveal to be dominate masochist.
And yep the sex tag might be needed.
Poor Princess Celestia, I don't know how she'll take the revelation and poor Sunset, Luna's advise was good, but she had to yell out the blue that last part.
I'll be waiting so to see what transpire in the next chapter, though I kinda see the restaurant staff kicking them out for all the disturbance.
I was surprised and delighted, this chapter alone put this story from something I simply liked up into the realm of genius.
Oh Luna...
-stares at what happened- You know I would say something witty or what not, but I'm too busy laughing so hard that I cry to do so. Now excuse me as I try to get my sides to come down from orbit.
That was freaking hilarious.
a vary good chapter.
not sure if I should add the sex tag? not needed as of yet.
7433183
Yup
LOL to Luna. XD
If that's about as suggestive as it's going to get I think you're probably fine without the sex tag. If you're gonna keep up the raunchy humor (which I wholeheartedly encourage, by the by) you may want to go ahead and add it, though.
I really love the way the characters play off each other in this chapter and this story as a whole!
I am a little sad that it sounds like Celestia is kinda planning on matchmaking her Equestrian counter-part with Chryssy instead of giving her another chance herself... I thought the two, well, pairs both having one party that lives in Equestria and one that lives in the human world gave the whole thing an interesting level of parity while also muddling the "different worlds" cliche.
Oh well, still enjoying it, and can't wait for the next chapter!
wtf just happend?
Did Luna and Chryssie collaborate before arriving at the restaurant?
Anyhow, this chapter makes Luna the Best Princess and Chrysalis the Best Queen!
Well! Going to admit, I didn't expect that.
Also, Luna is strange in her perception of helping. I kept expecting Twilight to walk in on that.
Got laid, and got a hell of a good smirk at this. Today's been a good day.
With friends like this, who needs enemies? Especially "enemies" like Chrysalis. Even a best friend like Luna isn't much help to Sunset. Actually, she should just set up a little dream meeting between Twilight and Sunset at this rate, then she can really "help". Wonder how Twilight and Sunset will react to the Principal's failed date.
tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.Mc2bed953136df685ab8bb0680e64e32eH0&w=269&h=203&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/2/19/248401__safe_pinkie+pie_animated_magical+mystery+cure_spit+take.gif
Many people will understand.
Hmm it took you long enough. But I understand IRL stuff so I don't mind. Besides I laughed way to hard at this.... I had to walk away from this review and now I forgot what else I wanted to say.
Oh well it must not have been that important. Good chapter and I'll read you later.
-BFBL
7433298 Yuh, I can see that, and I guess after mulling it over it sort of works.
Maybe I just think of Principal Celestia differently, heh.
7434054
Oh oh! How about a dream meeting between them but letting them think that it's just a normal dream?
True feelings get revealed, the plot advances, Chrysalis continues to be kinky and Luna shouts more awkward 'advice' from the background, thoroughly confusing everyone.
Honestly this whole chapter should probably be read with this playing:
You've been Trolled
Luna is best princess as always, kinky chrissy is best chrissy, I support a celly x chrissy x celly threesome. And I believe luna does too... as does Her Buggy Kinkiness
7433657 there is a possibily the reason why she is doing this is that while the chrysalis we know and love our celestia its possible she realizes this and is willing to help. but when human celestia does get back to her world the first thing she is going to do is find the her world chrysalis.
Awesome, hilarious chapter.
7437460 My thinking was for AJ to be able to play poker at all, she'd need an extraordinarily good poker face, because if she opened her mouth, the truth would come pouring out, as seen in chapter 14
7435200 I'm...actually extremely jealous I never thought of this, having Luna orchestrate a dream between the two of them where they both thought they were talking to figments is genius, if a tad a tropey I have the beginnings of a different idea going, but this one is so good I wish I could use it instead, but I'd feel like a hack lifting such a good concept from the comments section!
Huh. Did not see that coming.
Keep going! ;)
7437625
Use the idea for the comments section anyway, Tatsu does that all the time.
...Changelings have blackrom?
Heh, whatever she's trying to do it's totally not working.
She really is Princess Celestia's counterpart.
No sex tag is needed. The tags are meant to let readers know what the main focus of the story is, not every single subject. I wrote a blog explaining it in full. Right here
Well, that's certainly not the twist I was expecting.
Innuendo means you need a sex tag? Really?
Although I'm more interested in the idea of Chrysalis' midnight raids on Twilight's castle.
when is the next chapter?
this is freak funny as can be....
Interesting where exactly people get the idea that saddles are some sort of lingerie for ponies. Twilight own at least two of them that she wearing on public. And Rarity also make dresses with incorporated saddle. So unless they are prone to wear lingerie on public - it's obvious that saddles are just a normal clothes.
7629346 yeah there's a decent handful of spots where I deviate from canon for the sake of a joke
You made me hit my head cuz i laughed so hard I fell out my chair. I hope your happy.