• Published 14th May 2015
  • 2,857 Views, 73 Comments

Tywin Lannister goes to Equestria! - theanonymousbrony



After Tywin Lannister was killed, he knew that he'd be going to Hell...just not the kind of Hell that he'd be expecting.

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The Rains of Canter Creek

After another trip to the bathroom, Tywin was now leading both his guards over to Spike and the ponies to join their little quest to Canter Creek. When he finally caught up with them, he was expecting that they'd be riding in a carriage. But the mode of transportation that they will be using instead, had left him more astonished than his recent discovery of their toilets. The whole ride was mostly spent on the ponies explaining to Tywin on the mechanics of these devices called "trains"; Tywin was even too busy goin through every section of each cart rather than sitting down. But eventually, they would all reach their destination.

Unlike Ponyville, Canter Creek isn't exactly quite on the same level as Lannisport--or any decent city or town for that matter. All the buildings were built with inferior wood, and neither one was given any color of paint and were mostly left in a tasteless, bland style that would make a Tyrell want to go blind. The enviroment is mostly nothing but desert, with the few signs of plant life belonging to a farm which belongs to a greatuncle of Applejack's.

Five minutes had passed as Twilight and her friends were dragging out all of their luggage while Tywin and his legitamite son were just standing around with the two guards, waiting for them to be done. When the last suitcase was finally brought out, Twilight panted for breath as she stared at Spike with a bit of irritation. "You know this could've been over a lot quicker if you had helped." she told the dragon.

"Actually, you could've took all those suitcases out much faster if you had used your magic," Spike corrected her.

Rainbow Dash turned to Twilight with an annoyed glance as she said, "Why didn't you use your magic, again?"

"Oh I'm sorry, but whose side are you on, anyway?!" Twilight cried out her frustration.

Before anymore tension could arise, they were immediately greeted by the local law enforcer, Sheriff Tumbleweed. He's a broad-chinned earth pony with brown fur (with a little white streak between his eyes) and tanned hair, and his attire consisted of a brown hat--similar to Applejack's--and an orange vest with a gold star embedded on it. After tipping his hat in a polite manner, the sheriff said to Twilight, "Sorry if I'm interruptin' anythin' important, but ya wouldn't happen ta be Princess Twilight Sparkle by any chance?"

Twilight quickly regained her composure as she returned the greeting. "Yes, that would be me. And are you the sheriff?"

"Yes ma'am," he shook her hoof. "Sheriff Tumbleweed, at yer service. Now are any of y'all related ta Chili Pepper?"

"Yes sir," Applejack responded. "Chili Pepper's my great granduncle; I'm Applejack. We received a distress call that this town is in need of some help."

"Yep," the sheriff sighed. "You can definitely say that; I'll explain everythin' while I take y'all over ta Rancho Bronco."



As they were all following Sheriff Tumbleweed, Rarity had already began to fawn over the stallion the second she laid her blue eyes on him. But even though Rarity was practically making her advances painfully obvious, that didn't stop the sheriff from being oblivious to it. While Tywin was observing this from behind the group of ponies, he glanced to his left and noticed an annoyed scowl on Spike's face.

"Does this bother you?" he asked his son.

"Yeah," Spike sighed. "This is one of the downsides of tagging along with the others; having to watch the mare of my dreams gushing over some stranger she just met because she deems him attractive. It's not even the fact that she chooses them over me that bugs me, it's the fact that most of these stallions never realize how lucky they are to even have somepony as beautiful as her be interested in them."

Now he knows how I felt about having to put up with my father's blunders. Placing his hand on Spike's shoulder, Tywin gave him some fatherly advice. "Sometimes life shall do rather unfair acts upon us and give favor to those who don't even deserve. But as long if you're patient and never allow irksome moments like this get to you, then life just might reward you one day."

"If you say so, Dad."

When Tywin finally took his eyes away from his son, he saw that the sheriff was looking right at him. "Pardon me fer starin' at ya sir, but ya wouldn't happen ta be one of 'em humans who fell from the sky by any chance?"

"No, no, he's not one of those three," Spike clarified. "He's a new human."

"Oh that's right, the one's I was thinkin' of are suppose ta be younger than you," Tumbleweed told Tywin. "Anywho, what brings you ta our town?"

"If you must know, I've come to see how Princess Twilight settles with these sort of affairs."

"Why's that?"

"In case you haven't heard, Princess Twilight had recently surrended all her authority over to me as Lord Regent of Ponyville, until a time comes that I feel that she is declared fit to rule on her own."

"Only because you tricked me!" Twilight shouted.

"You must excuse her; she's been having these fits of denial ever since she named me Lord Regent."

"I am not!"

Before the argument could be heated even further, that's when they all arrived to Rancho Bronco. As was said before, Rancho Bronco is the only area around Canter Creek to be blessed with any signs of greenery. The fields were blanketed with rows of crops that seem to stretch to the very borders of Equestria. Across from the crops stood the main house; and behind that stood the barn (both of which were painted green, unlike the buildings back at the town).

Upon entering this ranch, Sheriff Tumbleweed was already giving everyone a history lesson. "This ranch is the central hub of trade in Canter Creek. There's a natural spring near the main house. The ranch grows hay, cotton, potatoes, and all kinds of peppers!"

"What are peppers?" asked Tywin.

They all looked at him as if he suddenly stripped his entire attire off and was exposing his body to them. After slowly processing what was just asked, the sheriff tried to come up with an answer. "Well, um...ya see, peppers are...these things." he dashed over to a nearby crop--that just happens to have peppers--and plucked one of them out for Tywin to see. "This here is a chili pepper; don't ya have these back where you're from?"

"No," Tywin replied. "I'm afraid that most of our food consists of potatoes, grapes, onions, fish, bread, lemons, pies, tarts, and any kind of meat you can think of."

Allowing himself to be dazed once more by Tywin's words, Sheriff Tumbleweed was stunned for a mere ten seconds until he finally regained his senses. "Anyway, Mister..."

"My lord," Tywin corrected him.

"Oh, uh...m'lord, my apologies. As I was sayin', this here is what we call a chili pepper. Ya may give it a taste if ya wish, m'lord; but I should warn ya that this is very hot, so ya might need ta get yerself some water just in case."

"If you insist," Tywin concurred. "Twilight, go to the natural spring and fetch some water." after taking the pepper from the sheriff's hoof and locking his gaze on it, Tywin had a feeling that Twilight was still standing in place--due to the lack of any hoofsteps. "That was a command Twilight Sparkle."

After giving Tywin the same pouty exprsession you'd see on a child's face, she stomped off to fetch some water while the sheriff was now more confused than ever. "Uh...are ya sure you can just bark orders ta the princess like that?"

"When she made me Lord Regent, she gave up all her powers as well," Tywin explained while never taking his eyes off the pepper. "The only way she'll have it back is when I tell Celestia and Luna that she's fit to rule again; and until that day comes, she's going to have to get use to taking orders."

It wasn't even a minute by the time Twilight returned with a tin cup full of fresh water. With that taken care of, Tywin placed the pepper in his mouth and slowly chewed it. By the fourth time he chewed it, his whole mouth started to feel as if he had drunk a jug of wildfire! With his face burning red and his usually cold eyes wanting to pop out of their sockets, he was almost tempted to spit the damn pepper out. (But even he wouldn't want to make a mockery of himself in front of the local law enforcer, let alone Twilight Sparkle.) Instead he grabbed the tin cup and doused his mouth with the cool water to make swallowing the pepper a lot easier.

After that immediate cooldown, Tywin panted for air as he turned to his dragon son. "Spike, in case I ever forget, remind me to never eat any of those peppers ever again."

Applejack then got closer to the sheriff and asked, "Anyway Sheriff, what seems ta be the problem you're havin'?"

Tumbleweed face had become crestfallen when she brought that up. "About that, I think it's better if we dicuss this back at the town."



No sooner had they all arrived back to Canter Creek did they enter a building that the towns ponies refer to as a saloon (which serves as both an inn and a brothel). A large round table had already been set for them by the kind owner of this establishment. After taking his seat, Tywin looked around and watched the owner serving drinks to three stallions, and he also noticed four mares dressed-up in whore outfits either roaming about the place or just lying about, waiting for some stallion to give them bits in exchange for a few hours of divine pleasure.

"This whole mess has started ever since Chili Pepper had vanished," Sheriff Tumbleweed started. "After that, a gang of outlaws called the Cattle Rustlers have been terrorizin' this town. Every week they come here, demandin' supplies and food, then they disappear inta the mountains again."

"That's it?" Tywin asked with a hint of annoyance. "Your major dilemma is nothing more than a common band of thieves? If that's the case, why don't you just arrest them and be done with it?"

"Well m'lord," Tumbleweed gulped with apprehension, "ya see, the folks around here see Chili Pepper as a leader; and with him gone, everypony's too scared ta stand up ta any of 'em varmints. (Even my own deputies are afraid of 'em.) This whole town is runnin' out of hope and I'm startin' ta lose some myself."

All of their senses were suddenly jolted by a loud ruckus eminenting from outside like an earthquake! A disturbance like this was enough to get everyone to run out--that is, almost everyone. Tywin held his position at the entrance when he looked back and saw Ser Bulk Biceps being entranced by some whore who lifted her skirt to show off her flank while also swaying her tail back and forth as if she were hypnotizing him. But after a loud, "Ser Biceps!" the walking muscle with wings had already begun to trot outside.



Upon leaving the saloon, Tywin and the others saw the very band of criminals the sheriff was just telling them about. They were five large bulls with unusually long horns, riding goats like warhorses. The leader's a grey furred bull named Longhorn--or King Longhorn as he prefers to be called--wearing a big black cowboy hat, with black circles around his eyes, and his face had a grin that looked as if it were beaten with iron. Alongside him were his minions: a light brown furred bull (with a dark brown spot covering his back and also wearing a brown bandana around his neck) called Jersey Shore, a light tan furred bull--with his whole muzzle covered by a light brown bandana--named Doc Holstein, a bull whose fur was a mixture of black and white--with a white spot on his right eye--who calls himself Buffalo Bill, and then there was the white furred, bowler cap wearing bull with a black moustache (and a black spot on his left eye) who goes by the name of Angus McSteer.

The second Longhorn had dismounted his goat, Sheriff Tumbleweed was quick to stand up to this criminal. "Longhorn! I thought I told ya I didn't want ta see ya back in my town!" he huffed.

The giant bull just looked down upon the poor sheriff, sneering his iron grin, and whispered, "Ya did say that, didn't ya?" with only one hoof, Longhorn shoved Tumbleweed straight to the walls of his office as if he was no more than an empty bag of air! "I didn't listen! And that's King Longhorn ta you, ya lil wimp!"

The rest of the bulls were laughing at the sight of this embarrassing defeat (even their goats were laughing at the humiliated sheriff). After witnessing this, Tywin could only cringe inside by this pitiful display. Seven Hells, this pony's making my father look like Barristan the Bold!

"Wait a minute, I remember y'all!" Applejack blurted. "Y'all were them robbers that me and Rarity had ta fight!"

King Longhorn stared at her for awhile until the memory finally hit him. "Say, you're right, you two did do that ta me and my boys. Since ya kind enough ta remind me, allow me ta return the favor." with both hooves, he sent Applejack crashing into a nearby barnhouse, and that's when he laid his eyes on Rarity.

The fashionista felt her beautifully groomed mane being tugged by one of Longhorns hoof, and her flank being stroked by his other one. "Ugh, keep your filthy hooves off me, you beast!" she hissed.

Her feistiness, however, only made Longhorn chuckle. "Ya know, I never was able ta get a good look at ya the last time," he commented. "But now that I do, I can see that you're quite the pretty thing ta look at. How 'bout I take you back ta our hideout and let you have a little fun with each of us?"

Longhorn had been standing on his hind legs the moment he felt an erupting pain that caused him to lose his grip on Rarity and fall flat on his back like a turtle. Everypony just watched this behemoth of bull wailing in agony--destroying whatever terror he had enflicted on them. His lackey, Jersey Shore, trotted over to him and asked, "You OK, King Longhorn?"

After punching him away, Longhorn tried to suck in his pain in order to tell Jersey, "Does it look like I'm OK, ya stinkin' dungheep?!" just when he thought he could get up, the pain dragged him down again. While clenching his teeth, Longhorn looked at his left hind leg and saw just what a bloody mess it is. Blood was gushing out of the torn up opening and making a puddle on the desert sand, a bone was sticking out with pointed edges that showed that it had been snapped, as for the hoof part of his carnaged leg, it was just dangling like a leaf that's waiting to fall. "Dag nabbit, my buckin' leg's broken!"

"That won't be the only part of you that'll be broken if you ever lay another hoof on her again!" all five bulls looked at the bold dragon who was standing infront of them with blood dripping from his fangs and rage shooting from his reptillian eyes.

But that didn't faze the injured bull one bit; it only enraged him! As he crawled towards Spike like a seal, he snarled his threat at him. "You just made the biggest mistake of yer life, ya lousy lizard! I was goin' easy on them ponies; but I plan ta do much worse ta you when I get my hooves on ya!"

All it took was for Tywin to snap his fingers and both his guards had dashed infront of his son while both their spears were aimed at both of King Longhorn's eyes. "That 'lousy lizard' is my son, and unless you wish to find out how it feels to have two spears shoved in your sockets, I suggest you refrain yourself from threatening him in my presence again."

Both he and the enraged bull pierced eachother with stares that could melt a White Walker. Not wanting to allow himself to appear weak infront of this old stranger, Longhorn spat out a wet loogie at the ground that Tywin stood upon. It may have missed his feet by a mere centimeters, but even Tywin could feel the insolance that ball of saliva had carried.

"Ya think I'm scared by yer two goons just because they wear fancy armor and carry around long toothpicks?" Longhorn snarled defiantly. "If my leg weren't so torn up, I'd pummel both of 'em right now."

"Please," Ser Iron Will scoffed at that statement. "Sir Iron Will highly doubts that a cow with fake horns could ever prove to be much of a challenge."

For any bull, being called a cow is similar to a knight being called a handmaiden. The insult had stunged King Longhorn so hard that it made one of his nerves look as if it were trying to pop out of his skin. "What did you say, minotaur-boy?!"

"You heard Sir Iron Will just fine, steer."

The only thing worse than a knight being called a handmaiden is for one to be called a eunuch; and the slight that the minotaur knight use to slap the bull's pride with was no exception. Longhorn probably would've smash Ser Iron Will's spear with his rock-hard teeth and gore through his gold armor with his large horns by now, if the pain in his leg hadn't pulled him back down. Not wanting their leader to further humiliate himself, Buffalo Bill and Doc Holstein carried the injured bull to his goat. But due to Longhorn's mangled leg, he is unable to ride properly; so he instead had to lie on the saddle like a dead stag while Angus held onto the reins for him.

Before they all rid off to their hideout, King Longhorn had a few more words to give to everypony. "Don't think this is the last y'all will see of me. As soon as my leg is mended, I'll make each of y'all pay; startin' with that dragon!"

The minute the Cattle Rustlers were far away, Applejack and Sheriff Tumbleweed both regained consciousness as they both witnessed the five outlaws escaping justice once more. The sight of this caused the Element of Honesty to trot over to her princess companion and ask, "Twi, ya mind tellin' me why you're lettin' those no good crooks runnin' off like that?"

"Well what else am I suppose to do?" Twilight asked with a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Ya mean other than using yer magic ta stop them like you've always done before?" Applejack reminded her.

"Applejack!" Twilight's voice sounded aghast. "I can't just use my magic against living, breathing, and thinking things!"

"Tirek, Discord, Nightmare Moon, Sunset Shimmer, Queen Chrysalis and all her changelings were also living, breathing, and thinking things. But that didn't stop you from using your magic against them." her former assistant pointed out.

That well-known fact was enough to give Applejack a solid retort. "He's right Twi, ya did use magic against 'em. So what makes those varmints any different from the ones ya fought before?"

The demoted princess felt like she was on trial when everyone locked their stares onto her, waiting for an answer. "Because...they can't use magic?"

Spike arched one of his eyebrows (even though he doesn't really have any) as he said, "Really Twilight, that's the best excuse you can come up with?"

Twilight had to let out an annoyed groan before she could say, "Look, I understand that we had to resort to not so peaceful actions for the most part, but that was only when all of Equestria was at risk. This is just a local problem; so I'm pretty sure we can settle things in a civil and fair manner."

"Civil?" Tywin frowned upon that word. "These outlaws forfeited their rights to any civility the moment they assaulted Sheriff Tumbleweed, and you seriously think that treating them fairly will make-up for this?"

"Look, not everypony is a bloodthirsty savage," Twilight retaliated. "Violence might be a common occurence in your world, but we ponies prefer not to stoop to any devious means."

After giving her a "I'll deal with you later" look, Tywin decided to chew out the hopeless sheriff. "What was that pathetic display that I had to witness? That brute attacks you and you don't even bother to fight back?"

"Well m'lord," Tumbleweed fumbled his response, "I'm not exactly the strong type ta just fight off someone like Longhorn, so I figured that threatenin' 'em would be enough."

"That's what you were doing?! Threatening him?!" Tywin's voice let out a feign surprise. "Words are wind; it takes strong steel to put outlaws in their place, not hollow threats. Just look at what my son did to their leader. He's still a boy and even he has more courage than you. In fact, how is it that the citizens of this town even thought that you'd be a capable protector?"

Sheriff Tumbleweed showed off the golden star mark on his flank and said, "Well m'lord, they made me sheriff because it's what my Cutie Mark says."

Out of all the ridiculous things Tywin ever heard, this one left him utterly speechless. After pinching the bridge of his nose after he allowed that piece of insipid information sink into his brain, he decided to end this conversation with this. "Normally I'd be tearing you to shreds over how remarkably foolish you've made yourself sound. But since I'm feeling tired at the moment, I'll instead retire back to the farm with everyone else, and just leave you in your town and let the stupidity of your statement speak for itself."

As they were all leaving the sheriff to wallow in his own embarrassment, Spike had walked beside Applejack and started a conversation to help make their journey to Rancho Bronco feel less long. "Say Applejack, you said that you and Rarity fought those creeps before; so how come you two didn't beat them all up like last time?"

Being reminded of how easily she was able to dispose of those criminals after being overpowered by their own leader awhile ago had caused the orange pony's cheeks to blush in a bright shade of red that pretty much exposed her own embarrassment. But since she represents Honesty, she knew that she had to do what her title plainly suggests. "Well sugarcube, Rarity and I were angry the last time we fought 'em; and let's just say that someponies tend ta feel more violent whenever they let their rage take over."

...

The moon along with the blanket of stars and the vast black sky shaded over Rancho Bronco by the time Tywin and the others finally returned. The first thing they all did was gather around a large table inside the main house and discuss over their dilemma with the Cattle Rustlers. For the most part of this meeting, Twilight and Tywin seemed to be the only active speakers. The only ones who weren't present during this was the Element of Generosity and Tywin's legitimate son.

While his father and former master were arguing with one another, Spike has been making a sandwhich with white bread (without their crust), fresh tomatoes that still had some juice in them, and bits of hay and grass. He contemplated on wheter he should add mayonaise of mustard to it, but he decided to just sprinkle crumbled oats over it instead. After placing the last piece of bread on top, Spike rummaged through the fridge and took out a jug of water. It only took one sip for him to know that it came from the natural spring. After pouring some of it in a small glass, he picked up a tray and carried both sandwhich and water out of the kitchen.

As Tywin's and Twilight's debate kept getting more heated, not one of them bothered to give notice to the little dragon walking up the stairs with a tray in his claws. Spike always did seem to have that invisible like quality wherever he went; if he wanted to sneak inside a changelings' hive, he could just walk right in. After arriving to the top, Spike had stopped in front of the door to the master bedroom. When he gave the door a good knocking, he watched it be open by the light blue glow of magic that could only come from Rarity.

"Oh, hello Spike," she greeted him. "I thought you'd be downstairs, with the others."

"Nah, I didn't really feel like listening to Twilight bicker with my father," Spike admitted. "Besides, I thought you might've been hungry."

Placing the tray on a nearby desk, Spike was then rewarded with a nuzzle from Rarity's soft cheek and a few words of praise out of her muzzle. "Why thank you darling, that was very thoughtful." upon further inspection, the site of the crustless sandwhich seemed to have left Rarity touched. "Aw, you even remembered to remove the crust."

Watching his lady love take a delicate bite out of the sandwhich that he made just for her, Spike's whole body felt as light as if this was the first time he laid his reptillian eyes on her. Allowing his feelings for the fashionista to overcome himself, Spike--for a moment--had forgotten that he's the adopted son of a lord and he felt like the hopeless romantic who'd always give her his service as if he were giving her a bouquet of roses. "Well, I figured that you deserve to have the best after that little ordeal with those bandits."

Upon remembering that intense confrontation, a cloud of dread seemed to hover over Rarity. After taking a quick sip of the water, the elegant unicorn turned and gave a concerned look to Spike. "Spike...you'd do anything I ask of you?"

"Of course, Rarity," her dragon admirer assured her. "I could never say no to somepony as loving or caring as you."

His flattery almost left her flustered, but she still managed to harden her senses enough to forge the right words for this particular request. "Spike...could you not try to do anything like that again?"

Hearing what she just asked caused Spike to fall out of his lovestruck daze and look at her with eyes that were flooding with confusion. "What are you asking me?"

It seemed hard for her to tell Spike of all people this, but Rarity knew she couldn't stop the moment she started saying these words. "Spike, what you did for me today was very brave, and I can't thank you enough for coming to my aid when nopony else would, but you could've been hurt much worse than Applejack and Sheriff Tumbleweed. So I would appreciate it if you don't ever try to throw yourself into harms way for my sake."

Spike probably wanted to grovel and cry in a vain hope that Rarity would comfort him out of pity; but he knew that he could never stoop to something this degrading the day he took the Lannister name. So instead, the little dragon with-held his tears and kept himself hard like iron for what he was about to say next. "Rarity, I'm not sure if you've just forgotten, but I've been getting myself hurt over you way before any of this. I was pushed, shoved, and tripped just to save you from those Diamond Dogs, I get back pains everytime I carry around a lot of your stuff around, I allowed you to use me as pincushion with no complaints, I never even said anything that time you were bouncing on my tail. So what difference does it make for you if I get hurt now?"

"Spike..." her tone sounded as if she were about to chastise him the way Twilight normally would, but even she knew that what Spike told her was true. "You're right Spike, I did allow you to do all those things without thinking of your own wellbeing. But that was before Twilight told us how she truly felt about you; ever since I heard all of that, I never felt more horrible on how I've been taking your love for me for granted. That's why I think it's best that you give your love to somepony else."

Spike felt both anger and pain after his lady love dare to suggest such a thing to him. "Rarity, you know well enough that I could never stop loving you! I might get irritated every time I see you fawn over some stallion who doesn't deserve you or whenever you dismiss my feelings for you once in awhile, but it never made me stop hoping that you'll tell me that you love me!"

"But I do love you, Spike! I just..."

"You just what, Rarity?!"

These last couple of minutes talking with the dragon has left the fashionista more battered than the Mud Gate. She wanted nothing more than to stop this conversation and go back to eating her sandwhich before things could get worse, but the look that Spike was giving her was all she needed to go on. "I just don't deserve you...Spike, I always thought that you're the kindest and sweetest dragon I've ever met, that's why I think you shouldn't be wasting your love over somepony who can't even find it in herself to love you back." seeing the sullen look on his face, Rarity quickly tried to calm him with her feminine charms. "B-b-but that of course doesn't mean that a handsome young dragon like you can't ever find true love again; I could set you up on a date with my sister if you'd like."

Rarity managed to force her lips into creating a nervous smile in high hopes that Spike might consider her offer; but all the little dragon had to give her was a disappointed frown. "You still don't understand, do you?" Spike gave his reply. "Rarity, you were the first pony that I ever loved. Before I met you, the only mares that I ever knew was Twilight, her mom, Moondancer, Twinkleshine, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Lyra, Princess Cadance, and Princess Celestia. Though I thought that each of them were pretty, it was you who made me realize what true beauty looked like." Spike's tone started to dim down to a more sadder note. "Everytime I look at you, I don't see some prissy fashionista whose only redeeming quality is her looks; I see a jewel that I don't want to eat, but rather keep it with me and cherish forever. I'll never stop loving you Rarity, the time when I gave you my fire ruby should've been proof enough."

As she watched her favorite dragon leaving the room, she could slightly make out the tear stains that were planted on the floor. Now that Rarity was allowed some privacy, she desperately tried to take her mind off the heated conversation by taking more bites out of the sandwhich. But she immediately realized that Spike's words seem to have too much of an affect over her. Oh why must life be so unfair? She contemplated. My Spikey-Wikey is more of a gentlecolt than Blueblood, is more interested in me than Trenderhoof, and is even more brave than Sheriff Tumbleweed, and yet I'm not even allowed to love him back! And who says I can't be in a relationship with someone younger than me? Spike's only eight years younger than me; surely there are some couples who have longer age gaps than this. And so what if everypony disapproves of this? They wouldn't dare forget that it was I--along with the girls, of course--who saved them from Discord's chaos and Tirek's destruction. So why shouldn't everypony let Spike and I be together as a way of showing gratitude? Getting all of that frustration out of the way, Rarity decided to think back to something more placid. How come I stopped wearing that fire ruby anyway? I always tell myself that it's the most precious thing that was given to me, but what made me forget it? These tender moments were already putting Rarity back to her previous dejected state. Perhaps it's because it always reminds me of Spike's generosity, and how much he truly cares about my own happiness. I'm suppose to be the Element of Generosity, and yet I still fail at giving Spikey-Wikey what he really wants most of all.

She could've been trapped by her own affliction the entire night if a faint orange glow hadn't caught her eyes. Gazing out the window, Rarity was practically being strangled with horror when she saw large flames dancing over the barn. Regaining her senses before she could lose them, Rarity had bolted down the stairs with velocity that could rival Rainbow Dash's and shouting, "FIRE!"

As if the word itself had triggered a hidden impulse inside everyone in the room, they all ran outside to witness the fiery inferno before them. Not allowing themselves to linger for even a second, Twilight and Rarity used their combined magic to lift up a nearby water tower and drench the ragging flames until it diminish into ash and embers.

Despite the barn being torched, it still managed to stay standing. But that didn't seem to calm poor Applejack down at the slightest. "When I find the no-good varmint who did this, he'll know how it really feels ta burn!"

"Lord Tywin!" Ser Iron Will called out to his lord. "Sir Iron Will found this pinned to the door!"

The moment Tywin had felt whatever it was Ser Iron Will found, he knew immediately that it was a piece of paper. And when Tywin further inspected it, he saw that it contained a message. "What does it say?" Applejack inquired.

"Stay here by tomorrow," Tywin read aloud, "then a burnt barn won't be the only thing to look forward to." After crumbling the paper and dropping it down on the grass, Tywin's gaze was then aimed upon Twilight Sparkle. "Now do you see what happens when you allow outlaws to do as they please with impunity?"

Twilight's annoyance came back to her like a boomerang. "Look Tywin, I can see that things seem to look grim at the very moment, but I just happen to have a plan that's sure to work."

"And you're so certain that this plan of yours will work?" Tywin voiced his doubt. "If you're so assured of your own capability, then maybe I ought to tell Princess Celestia to grant you your former power."

"Is that a promise?" Twilight's whole demeanor had abruptly changed from her high-expectating perfectionist self to that of a go-getter smelling an opportunity. Seeing the barely hidden look of regret on Tywin's face, Twilight had lay siege upon his personal space until he relented. "Do I have your word that you'll tell Princess Celestia that I'm ready to have my full authority back?" Realizing that Tywin only has himself to blame, he showed Twilight his submission through a grudging nod. Feeling herself invigorated with renewed confidence, Twilight then trotted off with pride as she stopped to say a few words to Spike. "I hope you brought some paper and ink, because you're going to be sending the princess an important letter when this is over, my number one assistant."

...

The sight of the barn blazing in flames was practically melded into the deepest parts of the ponies' brains like barnacles clinging to a ship, as they all tried to sleep through Luna's night. Upon leaving Rancho Bronco, the ponies, along with Tywin, his guards, and his adopted son, were embarking on their little return journey to Canter Creek. The words that King Longhorn had left on his note seemed to echo endlessly inside Applejack's head. After last night's ordeal, the Element of Honesty was feeling rather uneasy in her anticipation of what the Cattle Rustlers have in store for the town. The moment they all arrived to Canter Creek, Applejack almost felt like fainting before Rarity for once.

The sandy ground was littered with bits of broken wood and shards of shattered glass; although not a single building appeared to have been burnt, the fact that each one was plastered with a plethora of holes and looked as if they had been chewed on by dogs didn't really make things any less worse. The only thing to look more pitiable than the ravaged town was the sight of the sheriff looking over all of this destruction in despair.

Applejack was rushing over every bit of glass and wood just to get some answers from the sheriff. "Sheriff Tumbleweed, what the hay happened ta this town?!"

Tumbleweed must've felt like his spirit wasn't broken enough, because he allowed his hat to fall on top of the already polluted ground and banged his head on some nearby wooden pillar when he finally answered Applejack's question. "Them no-good Cattle Rustlers led one big stampede inta our town and made it look like one giant pile of junk! I don't know how much more of this I can take; maybe we should all just cave in ta them."

"That won't be necessary Sheriff," Twilight assured him, "it just so happens that I've come up with a plan that'll fix everything. When will the Cattle Rustlers come back to Canter Creek?"

"I'd say about a week from now," Sheriff Tumbleweed told her.

"Good! Because a week is all the time we need to rebuild your town and setup my plan."

...

A week was all Twilight needed and a week was all it took for the little town of Canter Creek to be rebuilt. All the towns ponies were gathering at the end of Canter Creek around Princess Twilight and all the others in anticipation to see her plan go into play. Towards the farther edges of Canter Creek where the sand met the grass, a wide fence of barbwire upon wooden posts were placed on the spot of the Cattle Rustlers expected arrival--with a few other surprises left in store.

Twilight looked at the whole layout with that same prideful grin from last night, as if she were expecting everypony to congratulate her early. "Maybe you ought to send that letter to Princess Celestia right now," she preemptively teased Tywin.

"That'll depend on the success of your plan," he reminded.

"It's certainly not going to fail, if that's what you're implying," she declared. "Besides, since when did any plan of mine fail?"

Spike was almost going to oblige Twilight in answering her question until the sound of bells ringing and somepony shouting, "Longhorn's a'comin'!" made the dragon silence himself. The sight of the charging outlaws made the poor sheriff chew on his own hat out of fear of what might come to the citizens of Canter Creek.

"Don't ya worry Sheriff," Applejack tried to soothe the petrified sheriff. "Twilight's the smartest pony I've ever met; her plan of hers can't fail."

Twilight's eyes might've been closed throughout the whole skirmish, but hearing the sound of shattered wood, splattered syrup, and fluttering chicken feathers was making her vision of success all the more real. The moment she heard Pinkie belching out fire, Twilight was more than ready to declare victory. Any minute now, those longhorns will hightail out of this town, Princess Celestia will return my powers to me, Tywin shall be banished, and dear Spike will scrub every floor in the castle until his claws bleed!

Her happy thoughts were immediately interrupted when she felt herself being tapped by a certain shy pegasus. "Um, Twilight."

"Yes Fluttershy?"

"They're still here."

The moment she opened her eyes and saw the smirking longhorns with their bodies covered in barbwires, syrup, feathers, and partial flames without any indication of pain, Twilight almost felt as if all the blood in her had leaked out. "B-b-b-but this isn't suppose to happen; you were suppose to turn back and run!"

The sight of the Princess of Friendship panicking made King Longhorn let out a prickly chuckle from his iron beaten muzzle. "You actually thought that makin' us all dirty would drive us away?!" all five of them were letting out their own guffaws before King Longhorn turn back to the intimidating menace the ponies of Canter Creek know and fear. "Lil ponies! Ya know the drill; food and water, in the bags. Now!"

Knowing that Princess Twilight will never use her magic to put these outlaws in their place, all the towns ponies gave all their food and water without one complaint. By the time the last morsel of lettuce were in the hooves of the Cattle Rustlers, all the syrup was slowly starting to wash off their bodies. With all that syrup finally gone, Spike was able to get a clearer look at the large cast that's wrapped around the leg he almost bitten off. Longhorn noticed him gazing at it and found the temptation of making the little dragon feel dejected too powerful to resist.

"Takin' a good look at yer lil handiwork dragon boy? Ya must've felt like a real hero takin' that lil nibble out of my hind leg, did ya? Were ya hopin' that pretty lil mare was gonna give you a stallion's reward? Well don't push yer luck; no mare's ever gonna waste her time with some lil runt like you."

Not realizing this himself, King Longhorn seemed to have just a small amount of syrup stuck to his tender regions. And to the unsuspecting bull's dismay, Spike noticed it right away and was more than to spat out enough fire to set his cowbells aflame. The very sight of this outlaw leader hopping like a fool, fanning his burning parts with his own hat, and howling in pain like a monkey was enough to make both Ser Iron Will and Ser Bulk Biceps drop their spears due to the laughing frenzy that festered upon them.

After Angus poured a barrel of water over Longhorn's flaming crotch, Spike took this chance to dump all the salt over this big wound. "You know, with a charred pair of gonads like yours, maybe you ought to start calling yourself Queen Longhorn."

If seeing the big bull getting his own parts burnt wasn't funny for the two guards enough, they must've been coughing out their own lungs at this point. Having been humiliated by the little dragon once again, King Longhorn desperately tried to fight off the pain in order to stand himself up. "Why you buckin' lil pest! I'll...!" but the combined agony of his broken hind leg and scorched tenders proved too much for him. Upon mounting his goat, Longhorn had a few last words to say. "Go ahead, laugh! It won't change anythin'; this town will still be ours either way!"

The sound of sand blowing through the wind was the only thing the Cattle Rustlers had left the ponies of Canter Creek. If despair were a disease, than the whole town was suffering a pandemic by now. The death of the towns ponies hope seemed to hit Applejack the hardest. "We...we lost."

"But we can't lose!" Rainbow Dash denined. "We're the heroes!"

The Element of Loyalty felt the hoof of the downtrodden sheriff placed above her shoulder. "Ma'am, we've lost the moment Chilli Pepper had left." After removing the gold star from his vest, Tumbleweed let out a defeated sigh as he handed it over to Spike. "Here son, you should wear it; you're the only one who's even brave enough ta stand up ta Longhorn, unlike me."

"Wow, thanks!" Spike eagerly accepted the sheriff's gold star as he was pinning it on his scaled chest.

Before the sheriff could retreat back to his office and fill up his own spittoon with his tears, he --and everypony else--became drawned towards the sound of slow clapping that could only come from the hands of Lord Tywin. "Bravo Twilight," he said mockingly, "in all my years, I've never seen a plan fail so miserably as yours."

"This isn't the time for you to be rubbing it in my face, Tywin!" Twilight fought back. "This is a very serious matter that we have on our hooves!"

"Of course it is," Tywin countered. "Thanks to you, a band of outlaws have managed to leave this town unpunished once again. And all because you're too scared to apprehend them by any means necessary."

Twilight Sparkle could feel every blame filled glare that everypony was aiming at her. "All right everypony, I'll admit that my plan didn't exactly work, but I promise that next time will be different."

"And it will," Tywin stated, "because you won't be the one in charge of the next plan."

Twilight felt just as flabbergasted as she was when Spike turned Celestia and Luna against her. "B-b-b-but you said that if I..."

"I said if your plan worked, I would tell Princess Celestia that you may have your authority back," Tywin interrupted her. "But after your little mummer's farce of a plan, you managed to prove that Celestia had stripped you of your powers for the best. And since I'm the one who has any real authority around here, I'm going to settle all of this myself."

"If a princess couldn't stop Longhorn and his gang, what makes you any different?" some skeptical pony in the crowd shouted.

Tywin just gazed over all the towns ponies who were now curious by this stern creature that stood before them. "You think this is the first time I had to fight some weakling's battle?"

...

After my father had foolishly allowed himself to give in to Ellyn Reyne's threat and return her husband to her unharmed, Lord Reyne decided to throw a feast to celebrate and rekindle the supposed friendship between all three houses. Roger Reyne might've thought his feast would keep his House lasting for all eternity, but I however didn't even allow it to last for another year.

While my father was busy fooling around with some wet nurse, I seized this opportunity to finally finish what my father had forestalled. Alongside with Kevan and Tygett, I stood upon the main hall, awaiting for the two lords to come and answer for their insolance. It was the noon by the time I started to hear metal stomping upon the marbled floors of Casterly Rock. Lord Roger Reyne and his brother Ser Reynard Reyne, along with Lord Walderan Tarbeck and Ellyn Reyne, both being accompanied by fifteen guards each, looked at me with smiles that were drooling with defiance.

"I trust that you've all received my letters?" I said to them.

"Aye, we did," Lord Reyne admitted. All of Casterly Rock was silent but the faint flutter of shredded paper being sprinkled to the ground by the fingers of Lord Reyne.

"I take it that there's a reason why this couldn't simply be sent by a raven?" I probed.

"Always so quick to grasp a situation as ever," Lord Reyne flunged his hollow compliment at me like a catapult. "Tywin my boy..."

"That's Ser Tywin to you, you impudent son of a poxy whore!" Tygett roared loud enough to cause an avalanche.

"Be quiet, cub," Ellyn Reyne hissed. "No one was talking to you!"

"You'll have to excuse Tygett's temper, sweet sister," Ser Reynard commented. "He's only being fussy because he never got to have a knighthood like his brothers. Then again, his disrespectful attitude is probably why he hasn't earned his spurs in the first place."

Ser Reynard could have surround himself with scorpions, vipers, bears, wolves, and even dragons, and it still wouldn't stop Tygett from charging through all of them just so he could shove a blade through his throat. Tygett would of done that just now if Kevan hadn't held him back.

"You were saying, Lord Reyne?" I insisted him to get back on track.

"Tywin," Lord Reyne slowly calculated his next response, "when you sent each of us those letters that were telling us to 'answer for our crime', we decided that we're getting rather tired of having to lick the boots of you Lannisters. Which is why we've all arrived before you to let you know that as of today, House Reyne and House Tarbeck shall never bend their knees again to the gold lion."

"Is that so?" I responded. "If that's the case I hope you all have alternative Holdfasts somewhere out of the Westerlands, because the lion doesn't allow defiant beasts to stay on his lands."

"And who's to say that we can no longer stay on these lands?" Ellyn challenged me.

"Our House was declared Warden of the West by Aegon himself," Kevan reminded the Reyne bitch. "So it's clearly obvious that only a lion may rule these lands."

"You're right about one thing, Kevan," Lord Reyne said to my brother, "it does take a lion to rule these lands; just not a gold one."

Anyone, even some lackwit fool, would've figured out the Reyne's and Tarbeck's true intentions at this point. "So, you've finally decided that being second best isn't going to be enough for you," I deduced. "What pray tell caused you to fall under this madness?"

The lord of Castamere let out a soft chuckle before he offered us his details. "Tywin, your uncle dying during the War of the Ninepenny Kings was no mere coincidence. I finally realize now that mine taking command of the western forces was a clear sign from the Seven that House Reyne is meant to be the new Warden of the West."

"And House Tarbeck has the honor of being their first loyal bannerman," Lord Tarbeck declared rather proudly.

"Well, I hope that you all intend on actually succeeding this little endeavor," I gave the four traitors a feign courtesy. "It would be a shame after all if everyone of you were to suffer the same fate of the many Blackfyre pretenders who tried to take the Iron Throne."

Lord Reyne returned my subtle threat with another chuckle before letting more words come shooting from his mouth like arrows. "Tywin, before I was Lord of Castamere I slew seven Peakes in one day. What makes you think that you, your brothers, and your five hundred knights will prove any different?"

"I'd love to share my battle strategy with you," I lied, "but why spoil the surprise? If you want to find out so badly, why don't you bring both of your hosts to Casterly Rock by tomorrow?"

Ser Reynard was probably the only one who managed to contain his laughter. "Why Tywin, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're being more generous than your father."

"You're right, this offer does seem rather too excessive," I agreed. "Which is why I suggest that you all return to those second rate ruins that you call castles before my senses return and make me call all my guards and have you all killed right where you're all standing."

Finally, those cocky smiles of theirs' had melted into irritated scowls. Without even so much as a last remark, Lord Reyne, his brother, his sister, and his brother-in-law, showed only their backs as they--along with their guards--left the halls of Casterly Rock until only I, Kevan, and Tygett, remained.

"I hope that you've got a plan in mind, brother," Kevan spoke, nervously.

"Of course I do," I gave him an ensuring answer, "you'd have to be quite the fool to send a man like Roger Reyne a letter without a plan."

"If you were to ask me, you ought to conjure up another plan," Tygett allowed his skepticism be known. "Because I fail to see how waiting for the Reynes and Tarbecks to march on Casterly Rock and slaughter us all is going to bode well for us."

"We're not going to wait for them to come to us," I told him, "we're going to bring this war straight to their doorsteps."

My words had practically left my brothers dizzy; Tygett, for the most part, seemed to have taken them in much worse as he desperately tried to find a response. "What do you mean we're not waiting for them?! You said...!"

"That we shall wait for them till tomorrow," I finished for him. "I might have said some words back there, but none of them were true. For our sake, we'd best hope that the Reynes and Tarbecks are foolish enough to believe my words and don't rush to assembling their forces. Now let's head on to the armory and prepare ourselves; the sooner we gather our host, the sooner we can ride to Tarbeck Hall."

Before I could even manage to leave one footstep towards the armory, I found myself being face-to-face with Kevan. "Host? What host? Tywin, have you forgotten that most of our men had perished back at the War of the Ninepenny Kings? Our five hundred knights are going to look like a speck of dust compared to a thousand Tarbecks or a thousand Reynes! And even if we were to call one of our vassals, what makes you think any of them will even want to fight for us?!"

Wanting to set my brother at ease, I decided to prove him otherwise. "Ser Ilyn!" knowing how vast every hall of Casterly Rock is, anyone can rely only on their echoes to summon someone. After my call finally fade away, the only sound that came after were that of the slow metallic stomps that was coming from the footsteps of Ser Ilyn Payne: captain of our household guard. Upon finally presenting himself, he removed his helm to reveal the grim somber face that would one day meet anyone who dares to break the King's law. "Ser Ilyn, how many soldiers does your House provide?"

"Three thousand men-at-arms and three thousand crossbowmen, ser," said Ser Ilyn, using his tongue to its fullest.

"And does House Payne remain loyal to the gold lion?"

"Our men are yours, ser."

"Good. Go gather them all; we ride for Tarbeck Hall."



Covered from head-to-toe in crimson armor, with a sword by my side and a helm within my grasp, I was now making my descent down the almost endless steps that accompany the entrance of Casterly Rock to join with my brothers and five hundred knights. Just when I held my horse's reign in my clutches, I heard a woman's wail that echoed my name. I looked up and saw my sister hastily dashing down the immense steps towards me.

"Genna, why aren't you keeping father distracted with Gerion?" I gave her a mild scolding.

"Don't worry, Gerion's already taking care of father," she assured me. "I just wanted to see you off...and to tell you something." She carefully inched herself closer and whispered a few words. "Tywin, you're the man that our father will never be; and if you die today, our House will die too. Please brother, don't let them kill you!"

"I won't," I stated it more like a common fact than an actual promise. With that said I mounted on my warhorse, placed my helm on my head, and wasted no time in leading my host to Tarbeck Hall.

My brothers and I stood atop a cliff with our five hundred knights and the six thousand combined forces of House Payne, looking down upon the pitiful mustering of men-at-arms at Tarbeck Hall. The plains were littered with pavilons that belonged to lesser lords even lower than our own vassals, green soldiers wandering around aimlessly while donning only half of their armor, and undisciplined sellswords getting themselves drunk on strong wine.

As we were taking this view to sink in, a scout of ours came rushing and fell to one knee before us. "How many did you count?" I asked him.

"There's a thousand of them, in total," the scout reported.

"Did you happen to spot Walderan Tarbeck amongst them?"

"Aye, he and his sons are there as well."

After dismissing the scout, I then gave Ser Ilyn my orders. "Have your crossbowmen rain some bolts upon them, then send your vanguard down and finish the rest."

"Yes ser," for someone of a simple mindset like Ser Ilyn Payne, he still managed to have his forces organized in their proper positions rather quickly. What started first was the sound of arrows being shot from crossbows, and then all that came after was a symphony of agony. While the crossbowmen begun to reload, Ser Ilyn and his three thousand foot soldiers were descending down the wide hill to make quick work of Lord Tarbeck's weakend forces. It didn't take too long for some of the Tarbeck men to start fleeing for their lives, but I saw to it that they wouldn't escape the lion's wrath when I ordered Kevan to ride down with our five hundred mounted knights and devour all stragglers with their swords.

"This battle ended much faster than I thought," Tygett said astonishingly.

"What can you expect when you someone who still has his breeches down?" I told my brother. "Come along Tygett, let's get a closer look."

The crossbowmen followed Tygett and I down the hill as we were strolling through this plain of bloody corpses and damaged pavilons. I was hearing nothing but half-dead men screaming for help until my brother shouted, "Tywin, that Reyne just sent a raven; we better shoot it down, fast!"

"No," I commanded. "Let the bird fly to Castamere; it'll only make defeating the Reynes all the more easier."

It wasn't even five seconds by the time Kevan finally reunited with us. "Good news brothers, Lord Tarbeck's army has been completely shattered."

"How many casualities on our part?" I inquired.

"Thirteen wounded, and only four were killed. Other than that, we should still have more than enough to face the Reynes."

"Ser Tywin!" Ser Ilyn's voice boomed like thunder as he--and some of his men--dragged a broken Lord Tarbeck and his remaining sons before us. One of Lord Walderan's eyes might've been bloodied, but he still knew a lion of Casterly Rock when he saw one.

"T-T-T-Tywin," his voice rasped with fear, "w-w-what in Seven Hells are you doing here?!"

"Oh Lord Tarbeck, tell me that you weren't really stupid enough to believe that farce I told you." I taunted him.

Despite his injuries, Lord Tarbeck managed to muster up a nervous smile before pleading. "All right Tywin, you've proven yourself the better man; I know when I'm beaten. Just let me and my sons live and I'll be more than willing to renew my allegiance to your House."

The way I kept my gaze upon him would've almost driven him to insanity, had I not finally unnerved him with the sound of my voice. "You should've thought of that before pledging yourself to House Reyne." I then turned my gaze to Ser Ilyn. "Chop off his head and those of his sons, cousins, and any man wearing a seven-pointed blue-and-silver star on their surcoat. When you're done, have them all on spears and present them to Lady Tarbeck." I then gave the Lord of Tarbeck Hall my parting words. "You may scream if you like, my father can't save you this time." With that said, I then made my way to the opened gates of Tarbeck Hall while I left Ser Ilyn Payne to take care of his order.



The Tarbeck's were so certain of their victory that they never bothered to close down their gates by the time we arrived and left their entire army to rot all over the plains. But my brothers and I had no reason to complain; this only made our seige all the more easier. With our little welcoming gesture put into place, I then called the Reyne bitch out and watched her peak from above the keep and took a good look at the many heads laid before her.

"Lady Tarbeck," I shouted, "what you see in front of you is the penalty of defiance. Your scheme to steal Castly Rock has failed; come out right now and your head may join with your husband's."

Her response came in the form of a ball of spit that landed near my feet. "The Others can take you, Tywin! I'll be a pile of blood and bones before I answer to the likes of you!"

"That, my lady, can be arranged," I then turned my back on the stubborn cunt to give my men new orders. "Head to the nearest woods and start building siege engines!"

A day had passed since I gave the command, and after all the hard labor my men put themselves through, they managed to construct one siege engine. It may have seemed less than we need, but for a minature half-crumbling fortress like Tarbeck Hall, one siege engine can have the same force and power of a hundred. With the one siege engine, it only had to fling one boulder to bring the very foundation of Tarbeck Hall had crumbled to the ground with all that remained of Ellen Reyne and her last son.

"What shall we do now, brother?" Kevan inquired.

"Burn it," I said flatly. "No one's going to be inhabiting this pile of rubble any time soon."

That night, the flames that were blazing amidst the ruins of Tarbeck Hall almost made it feel as if the sun had risen early. When I took my eyes off of this bonfire, I allowed myself to listen to the thunderous chants of, "Tywin! Tywin! Tywin!" coming from my host. But before we could begin to celebrate, the sound of a horn had caught us by surprise. Despite the pitch black of night drenching the entire surrounding, I could see the two thousand warriors of House Reyne charging towards us.

Immediately taking charge of the situation, I quickly mounted my horse (as well as my brothers and knights who followed my example) and gave my host the next command. "Form up, men! These traitors think that they have the advantage over us; so let's show them otherwise! Charge!"

I stood back with the crossbowmen as I watched my brothers gallop with our mounted knights and remaining foot soldiers towards the oncoming horsemen of House Reyne. Everywhere I looked I could see horses ramming into eachother, men-at-arms unfortunate enough to face the ultimate disadvantage of fighting someone on horseback, Ser Ilyn having all kinds of body parts be flunged everywhere with every slash of his blade, I even saw one of our men bashing a Reyne soldier's face with his own helm only to have a horseman drive a spear through his ears!

It was then that I heard combined shouts of "Castamere!" and "Hear Me Roar!" that I noticed two gold lions clashing against two red lions. Kevan would carefully parry each blow that Ser Reynard tried to lash at him while occasionally clanging his blade along with Reynard's (when given the chance), but Tygett wouldn't even allow Lord Roger a chance to breathe as he kept on attacking him as if he were holding a mace instead of a sword. I can already guess that Lord Roger was just waiting for Tygett to run out of breath so he could jam his blade straight to his heart or throat.

After quickly disposing of three Reyne knights attempting to kill me, I took hold of a nearby crossbowman's crossbow and took aim at the Red Lion. Just as Roger Reyne raised up his blade, I pulled the trigger and let the arrow punch through his breastplate, between his shoulders, and watch the Lord of Castamere drop from his own destrier. It was at this moment that Ser Reynard must've realized that their days were now numbered; quickly placing his wounded brother on his horse, Ser Reynard shouted for whatever remained of his host to retreat back to Castamere.

The sight of our enemies fleeing away gave my men reason to shout in celebration; but I was still quick to silence them all. "Stop your hollering at once! Now's not the time to be celebrating; our enemy is still on the run! Ride with me to Castamere and finish these traitors!"

As the remainder of our army was preparing for the long march to Castamere, Kevan trotted beside me on his destrier and said, "Tywin, shouldn't we at least bury some of our fallen men before we give pursuit?"

"No," I replied, "that'll just give the Reynes more time to ready their defenses. Besides, the crows should be more than willing to see to the dead."



Not one man had cease their constant sprinting for a chance to relax or to lay down on the ground for sleep to take them for days. By the time we finally arrived to Castamere, our horses were almost to the brink of death and the soldiers who had to run by foot were tempted to let themselves collapse upon the soil. Expecting the gates to be closed and swarming with archers, the sight of it being left opened and defenseless like the gates of Tarbeck Hall took everyone by surprise. My exhausted host didn't seem all that disappointed by the lack of any Reyne soldiers for them to fight, but I wouldn't have it said that I allowed my men to lower their guards.

"Keep your swords ready," I ordered, "this is probably a trap."

The inside of the fort was no different than it was from the outside; every plate and silverware was left on all the tables, banners of the red lion were trampled on the ground, and not a sound--save that of our footsteps--could be heard anywhere. Our trek through Castamere was about to be cut short if it hadn't been for the sudden slam of a door echoing over the halls. Like trained hounds, two of my knights went searching for the cause of the abrupt noise and came back with some peasant.

"Please ser," he pleaded, "don't hurt me! I'm not armed, I swear!"

"Where are the overs?" I interrogated him.

"Upon Ser Reynard's return, he insisted that everyone be evacuated to the mines for our protection."

It finally made sense; when you're ever being chased by men who wants your head, what better place to hide than underground mines? A bit of me wanted to kick myself for a fool for forgetting Castamere's legendary mines, but I had some more questions to ask this stray lowborn. "What drove you to leave the protection of your mine's?"

The peasant finally decided to rise on his feet. "Ser Reynard has bid me to give you his terms of surrender."

The red lion bows again. "Very well, tell me his terms."

"He...he says that he shall take full responsibility for his brother's defiance, and that he'll gladly forfeit a portion of House Reyne's lands as compensation for the debt owed to House Lannister. Shall I tell him your reply, ser?"

I was now getting tired of having to look at this man's face; I only had to say Ser Ilyn's name and my captain of the guard had no trouble in slicing a quarter of the peasant's face and let all the blood in his head ooze all over the clean floor. Deciding not to keep the Reynes waiting any further, I turned to some of my men and said, "Seal the doors that lead to the mines, I don't want anyone inside them to escape." While they ran off to take care of that, I then turned to the rest. "All of you go to the stream and start building a dam."

When I was finally out of Castamere, Kevan spoke to me. "Tywin, wouldn't it be far more quicker if we just head in and behead them instead of starving them?"

"These rebels plotted to usurp our ancestral seat and titles," I reminded him. "A simple beheading is too merciful for the likes of them. And I'm not planning on starving them, either; I have a more fitting punishment in mind."

Everyone in the Seven Kingdoms are familiar with the cavern-like mines of Castamere, what they don't know is that certain parts of the mine have small cracks that could allow water to leak in. And once the stream had been dammed up, the leaking water mixed with a sealed shut door preventing anyone to escape makes for a perfect death trap. I was outside while all the Reynes and their smallfolk slowly drowned within their own mines, but I can still imagine the screams of terror they let out as they desperately tried to hold on to their last breath. Soon after, the knights I sent in to listen finally came to bring me the news.

"The screaming's stopped, ser."

"Very well then," I said, "Let's burn this place and go home."



Victory was the souvenir that we brought with us to Casterly Rock. With House Reyne and House Tarbeck permanently eradicated, House Lannister had finally been brought back to its rightful place as the most powerful House in all the Westerlands. As my brothers and I were making our way to the main hall, we heard the sound of a lute and our sister's voice reciting lyrics that'll forever come from the lips of every Lannister soldier.

There sat our father, with Gerion and Genna by his side. My dear sister had left our father the moment she saw me. After receiving both a hug and a kiss on my cheek, Genna told me how news of my victory spread fast. "You did it Tywin, you saved our House!"

"What was that song I heard you singing?" I asked her.

Gerion answered for her. "It's a little tribute I written myself; I call it the Rains of Castamere."

"Oh, and no song for the Tarbecks I presume?"

"I tried, but the Crumbles of Tarbeck Hall doesn't have much of a ring to it."

I noticed the melancholy look on my father's face that hinted that he wanted to speak with me alone. "Gerion, why don't you sing your new song to Lord Farman? I bet he'll love to listen to it."

"If you say so, brother," he then left, and no sooner did the rest of my siblings leave as well. When it was just me who gave my father company, he finally found it in himself to speak. "When you were just a babe, I heard that you bit your grandfather's finger when he ruffled your hair. I had a feeling ever since that you'd have a bit of a beastly nature inside yourself; but to go so far as to kill not one, but two of my own bannermen, I honestly don't know the words to describe you, son."

"I was expecting more of a 'thank you', Father," I said.

"This isn't a laughing matter, Tywin! You just killed thousands of people! This is something that the Gods, and all the Seven Kingdoms shall never forget! If you keep going down this path you'll be forever remembered as a merciless monster!"

"Good. It'll be a much better reputation than yours, that's for certain." My father finally lost any willpower to talk and kept his gaze down to the floor. "The Tarbeck's and Reyne's demise is more your fault than it ever will be mine; if you hadn't allow yourself to be taken advantage of so easily, I never would've had resort to such lengths to ensure our survival. You're too weak to be a lord, Father. No one will respect or fear you, but so long as I'm still alive no one will ever doubt our might again." Our maester came scurrying towards me and handed me a letter. After reading it, I had this to say to my father. "It looks like I shan't be staying home much longer."

"Why is that, Tywin?"

"Because our new king is in need of a new Hand."

...

Everypony stared at Tywin with both fear of the way he describes killing thousands of people with no hint of guilt and awe at the authority that practically exhales from his own breath. One of the towns ponies finally decided to muster a few words to say. "Ya really did kill all of 'em?"

"Precisely," Tywin clarified, "the Reynes and Tarbecks sought to destroy my family, so I took it upon myself to stop them by any means necessary. And to this day, the burnt ruins of Castamere and Tarbeck Hall are looked upon now as a reminder that the gold lion will never be killed easily." Unless Tyrion hasn't already killed everyone else at this point.

"So does this mean that you'll help us?" the former sheriff asked.

"If I can wipe out two families then one band of outlaws shouldn't be any different," Tywin declared. "Besides, someone has to fix Princess Twilight's blunder."

"Hey!" Twilight shouted defensively.

"I'll discuss more on your incompetence later," Tywin promised, "but for now, I must needs talk with my guards, privately."



Nopony understood why Tywin had them summoned to the saloon. Twilight noticed that all of the individual round tables were replaced with this one long table big enough for at least twelve ponies to have their feast. Seeing the Lord Regent standing in front of the stage with her former "assistant" by his side, she finally noticed that his two bodyguards were nowhere to be seen.

"Uh, Tywin," she asked cautiously, "is there a reason why Iron Will and Bulk Biceps are not around?"

"It's nothing for you to concern yourself with," Tywin told her. "All you have to do is stand next to your friends, not say anything, and watch."

Twilight didn't even lift a hoof before she heard the sound of the doors being slammed against the walls and revealing the unexpected arrival of the Cattle Rustlers! Each one donned refined suits (at least by the town's standards); Angus McSteer's suit was light gray with a red ascot tie poking out of it the way a rooster would puff out its chest to impress hens, Jersey Shore's suit was colored with a brown sandy texture, Doc's suit was so yellow that it could make a bannanna turn pale, Buffalo Bill's suit came with a bolo tie that looked like it were choking him and had a red pattern that could've almost be mistaken for blood, and finally the suit that King Longhorn chose to wear was layered with light and dark blue stripes in a clear attempt to make everypony overlook his cast and the bag of ice taped to the burnt area that use to be his genitals.

"What in tarnation are these varmints' doin' here?!" Applejack cried out.

"I invited them," Tywin let that statement to drop like a hammer on steel.

"Say that again?!" Applejack thought for a moment the stress was making her slightly deaf.

"He ain't pullin' yer tail, lil pony," Longhorn sneered, "Lord Grandpa over there sent us an invitation fer a grand feast, and he told us ta wear our best suits."

Now it was Twilight's turn to do a double take from what she just heard. "This is your plan?!" she whispered to Tywin while trying her best to control her voice's volume.

"I told you to be quiet," Tywin replied softly as his hard gaze froze her back to her former position. With Twilight back in her place, Tywin turned his attention back to the Cattle Rustlers for the sake of giving these guests a proper greeting. "I'm very pleased that you've decided to join us."

"Is that so?" Longhorn's tone seemed to drip with skepticism. "Ya don't exactly strike me as the hospitable type."

"One must never judge soley on appearances," Tywin lectured the outlaws.

"Say, where are them bodyguards of yers?" Doc Holstein asked suspiciously.

"On the next 'train' back to Ponyville," they could tell that Tywin was adjusting this new word to his vocabulary. "I didn't want their presence to spoil the feast."

"Ya call this a feast?!" Angus threw the news of Iron Will's and Bulk Bicep's disappearance away like old bread. "I see one hay of a table, but no food or any drinks on it! You some kind of amateur?!"

With two claps of his hands, Tywin signalled for the ponies working at this saloon to present the food that they had to offer. Plates of biscuits dipped in warm honey, a tower of nachos with a bowl of red dipping sauce, mountains of fresh apple fritters, a giant loaf of hay bread, and an overflowing bowl of mashed potatoes with a bowl of hot gravy were placed together upon the long table. The sight of the delictable dishes might've made each of their mouths' water, but what brought their saliva to start pouring out like waterfalls was the moment four large barrels of hard cider were being rolled out to them.

"I trust that this should suffice for now?" Tywin made sure the bulls were completely satisfied.

After taking their seats, King Longhorn spoke for all of them. "As long as y'all keep fillin' our mugs with cider, y'all will hear no complaints."



The night was one of triumph and merriment for the Cattle Rustlers. When they were not binging on hard cider, they were devouring the entire smorgasbord as if none of them had eaten for months; and when they're not leaving a mess of crumbs all over the floor, they would laugh in delight of the dancing mares on stage while listening to the former sheriff play the piano.

Despite draining four barrels of hard cider, not one of them gave in to the temptation to pass out or vomit one another's laps. While four of the bulls took a slice of the hay bread, Angus took the whole loaf for himself. After biting off almost all of it, Angus felt like drinking some more cider to make the morsel go down his throat more easily. Rather than chug down the whole mug, the half drunk stupor he was in told him to pour the rest in his own hat and drink from that. Jersey Shore had been wolfing down on five apple fritters at a time while he would occasionally bellow for another refill. Buffalo Bill's suit had been stained in so much honey from eating every last biscuit that he can be seen licking any bits of honey that he could find on his body. On this rare occasion of Doc Holstein finally removing the bandana from his muzzle, he scooped up a mouthful of mashed potatoes but didn't start chewing until he poured some gravy over it. King Longhorn may have tried one dish at a time, but when his eyes became set upon the tower of nachos his stomach demanded the whole plate. While he sat there munching an entire plateful of nachos, his half drunk trance mistook the bowl of dipping sauce for his mug. The sauce must've been made from peppers because the moment Longhorn drank the whole bowl he was frantically picking up any random mug for at least one drop of hard cider, only to find that all were empty.

"More cider!" Longhorn hollered with fire in his throat.

"There's only one barrel left," the barkeep warned him.

"Then bring me the buckin' barrel!"

Not wanting to face the wrath of a half drunk bull, the barkeep rolled the last barrel straight to King Longhorn and watched him punch a big hole into it and chug every ounce of hard cider from the barrel. Noticing that most of the cider was spilling, Doc grabbed his mug and placed it under pouring liquid until it was full. Upon hearing the barrel hit the floor, the next sound to come to everyone's ears was the sound of Longhorn belching for fifteen seconds. While all the bulls were laughing their hides off, Rarity was looking at them with disgust on her face like makeup, but Rainbow Dash was trying her best to keep herself from crying over all that cider that she never got to drink.

Getting that out of his system, Longhorn's mild intoxication had him talking to anyone he sees. "Ya know Tumbleweed, ya maybe a lousy sheriff but ya sure are one hay of a piano player. As fer you Lord Grandpa, ya sure can throw a good feast. My gang and I could get used ta this when this town is ours."

It was now Tywin's turn to talk. "What makes you so certain of that?"

Longhorn's iron grin slowly started to come back while a chuckle started to rumble in his throat. "Because I happen ta have the one thing that nopony in this town has." That's when he rummaged through the inside of his suit and took out a particular piece of paper.

"That's the deed ta Rancho Bronco!" Applejack jolted. "How long have ya had that?!"

"Since the day Chili Pepper had left Canter Creek," Longhorn replied as he placed the deed back in his suit.

"Ah hogwash," Applejack scoffed, "even if my great granduncle were ta hightail out of Canter Creek he never would've let Rancho Bronco fall inta yer hooves!"

"I know, that's why we had ta make him."

A little part of Applejack might've known what Longhorn was implying, but even she would like to make sure of it. "Ya sayin' that you and yer flea-ridden bovine gang beat him up 'til he gave ya the deed?!"

"We did nothin' of the sort, lil pony...we only turned him inta buzzard chow." Looking at Applejack's appaled face made King Longhorn's grin all the more vile. "Yer great granduncle was a brave stallion and a strong leader (unlike that sorry excuse of a sheriff), but that's why he was such a problem ta us. Rancho Bronco is the key ta ownin' this town and Chili Pepper sure as hay wasn't goin' ta let us have it. That's why me and my boys barged inta his house at night, and dragged him all the way ta the farthest part of the desert. We each took a turn poundin' the livin' daylights out of him; we just didn't make it quick fer him. Before I put Chili Pepper out of his misery, I of course took the deed from him and that's when I finally shoved my horn inta his wound very slowly--ta savor his agony. Ya want ta know the last thing yer great granduncle said before he died? Nothin' important, he only started ta squeal like a lil pig; and I think it went somethin' like this!"

The sound of Longhorn mockingly imitating Chili Pepper's death cry may have resulted in a chorus of laughter from his gang, but Applejack only gave him a loud cry that demanded his blood as she charge for an attempt to beat down that iron grin of his only to have her tail be pulled back by Twilight's magic.

"Applejack, don't!" Twilight shouted. "You can't just attack welcomed guests!"

"Consarn it Twi," Applejack roared her frustration, "when are ya gonna accept the fact that they're just no-good criminals already?!"

Watching Applejack and Twilight Sparkle squabble with eachother gave King Longhorn a speck of amusement. "Ya should listen ta yer princess, lil pony; she at least knows how ta respect her superiors. When I took that deed ta Rancho Bronco, my plan was ta wait a few weeks until it was legally declared abandoned. But since even yer princess is too chicken ta stand up ta me, it would seem that I'll be havin' my own kingdom quite early!"

Great, another outlaw wanting to play king, Tywin thought to himself. "As the Ironborn would like to put it, 'you've just paid the iron price'."

"Ironborn?!" Buffalo Bill spat out his exclamation. "Dag nabbit Longhorn, I told ya we should've come up with a better name than 'Cattle Rustlers'!"

"Ah shut up and suck on more of that honey that's still on yer hooves!" King Longhorn silenced him.

Spike felt a tap on his shoulder which made him turn and spot a sheet music in front of his face with his new father's fingers clenched to it. Realizing what Tywin wanted him to do, the little dragon grabbed the paper and walked towards Tumbleweed. "Excuse me Sheriff."

"It's just Tumbleweed now, son," Tumbleweed sighed, "I ain't no sheriff anymore."

No bucking shit, crybaby. "My dad would like you to play this for him."

Tumbleweed was already surprised even before he looked over the sheet of music Spike handed to him. "Yer father wrote this?"

"Oh no, I did most of the work for him; he only gave me an idea on how this particular song if it were played by piano."

Not feeling like questioning Tywin's son any further, Tumbleweed placed the paper in front of him and started to pound the right keys. While most of the tunes the disgraced sheriff had been playing were fast and upbeat, the slow and somewhat grim tune he is now playing had caught everypony--including the outlaw bulls--comepletely unawares. (For not everypony has ever heard the Rains of Castamere on a piano before.) Despite the music only being played for a minute, the silence that surrounded the whole saloon felt like an eternity.

"What in Tartarus was that?!" Jersey Shore made his confusion clear.

"I don't know," Doc commented, "but it sure as hay ain't no tune that I'll ever dance ta."

Doc Holstein was in the middle of having his last mug of cider when Tywin suddenly said, "King Longhorn, are you familiar with the High Valyrian term that states that 'all men must die'?"

"What is this, some kind of riddle?" Longhorn dismissed it as a poor attempt at humor; but Tywin's silence proved otherwise. "All right, I give up. What is it?"

"Two words," as Tywin was stepping closer to the table, he could sense Longhorn's distress the moment his face was only a few centimeters next to one another. "Valar Morghulis!"

The sounds of glass shattering combined with the shrieking of Fluttershy and Rarity caused Longhorn to stir until his eyes could see his fellow abettor, Doc Holstein, having a long spear sticking through the back of his head to the table--with his mug stuck within the shaft. Angus was the first to break as he attempted to make a run for the door that lead to where the food and cider had entered; but his drunkenness betrayed him in the end when it allowed the panicked bull to collide with an oncoming Ser Iron Will and his spear! As if being impaled in the stomach wasn't already painful enough, Angus found himself being lifted high up where he saw the minotaur knight's fierce face getting closer as his body slowly ooze down the shaft.

Jersey Shore would've rushed towards Ser Iron Will if the sound of the front door slamming hadn't diverted his gaze to meet Ser Biceps and become embraced by a sharp hug from his dual swords. When both blades finally parted from the brown bull's sides, Jersey's top half had tumbled to the floor leaving all his blood and intestines to leak all over. Buffalo Bill let out a roar as he jumped from his seat in an attempt to land at least one punch at the muscular pegasus; however, his brash act only allowed him to position himself for Ser Biceps to pin him against the wall, shove one blade into an eye socket overlaid with a white spot (now smeared with blood), and using the other blade to carve into his neck until he raised the bull's head while letting out a victory "Yeah!"

By the time Ser Iron Will left Angus McSteer skewered atop the table like a suckling pig, King Longhorn knew that he was next. The outnumbered bull soon set his eyes upon Tywin until his rage started to kick in. "Why you sneaky old...!" his curse had ended abruptly the same time he found himself knocked to the floor and at the mercy of the two knight's fury. Now a beaten and battered mess with a black-eye, cut lip, and a few missing teeth, Longhorn could do nothing but let himself be held by Tywin's guards while the former digged inside his suit until the deed was in his hands.

"Ya...ya rotten liar...!" Longhorn fought through his pain to let out more curses. "Ya told me yer guards were gone!"

"Only a fool would ever take my word," Tywin add insult to injury. Just ask Princess Twilight.

"Yer princess won't stand fer this!"

"Let her spew her curses; her words have no power over me."

"But she's...!"

"A powerless figure who answers to me. She might've tolerated you and rabble running rampant all over this town as you please, but a lion never bows to cows." Tywin decided to end the conversation. "Hold him in a cell until tomorrow."

When the subdued King Longhorn was finally dragged out of the saloon, Tywin handed the deed to Rancho Bronco back to Applejack before receiving a yell from Twilight. "What have you done?!"

"What you should've done," Tywin retorted. A yawn had escaped from his mouth as if signalling him to rest. "I'd best have a goodnights sleep if I plan on getting the execution finished before our ride back to Ponyville comes. In the meantime, why don't you all make yourselves useful and start cleaning this mess."

Before any mops or buckets of water could be brought out, Spike started to hand some ponies large black bags. "What are these bags for?" Pinkie asked.

"For the bodies," Tywin explained, "it would be a shame to let good meat go to waste."

If Fluttershy were holding a glass of wine when she heard this, she probably would've let it crash to the floor. "Y-y-you mean that you're gonna e-eat them?"

"Exactly," Tywin spoke his last words for the night.

Rarity had fainted the moment she saw Angus get impaled, Fluttershy was now joining her.

...

The rays of the sun had poured red blaze all over Canter Creek after that bloody feast from last night. It was blood that the towns ponies were expecting to see as each were crowding eachother to get a good look at the vanquished outlaw that used to be the bane of this town be brought to his knees before receiving Tywin's punishment. Speaking of which, Lord Tywin was given space by the ponies to walk over to the beaten outlaw as his voice became loud enough for everypony to hear.

"King Longhorn, for the crime of assaulting the town's sheriff, assualting an Element of Harmony, for countless destruction of property, and for the murder of Chili Pepper; in the name of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, I, Tywin Lannister, Lord Regent of Ponyville, hereby sentence you to die. Care to share your final words for all to hear?"

Longhorn's chuckle felt dry and hoarse to everyone's ears, the words that came with it didn't sound any better. "Ya think killin' me and my gang is gonna save this town? There are far more worse outlaws who would dogpile on this town after word of this reaches their ears. The moment you leave and put that wimpy sheriff back in charge, this town is gonna be real bucked up the flank!"

"That's not going to happen," Tywin leaned closer and whispered to the only ear Longhorn had that wasn't bloodied. "Your death shall be a warning to any future criminals who think they can take over any town; and if any other brain-dead cow tries to do what you've done, Sheriff Tumbleweed only has to send me a letter and I'll be here to put them down. And in time, every criminal shall learn to fear my name."

"What can an old geezer like you do that nopony else can?" Longhorn whispered his doubt.

Tywin didn't have to say anything to get his point across; he only had to slid out a knife, slit his own throat, and watch the horror in Longhorn's eyes as it didn't bleed and healed itself in a blink. Pacing back a few steps, Tywin gave Ser Iron Will a nod and the minotaur kinght finally pulled the giant axe with both hands from his back and let it fall on King Longhorn's neck with all his strength!

Lifting up the sand covered head by the horns, Tywin gave it to the sheriff and said, "Put it with the rest of them." The towns ponies were finally going about their business after Tumbleweed ran off with Longhorn's head, Tywin then turned back to Ser Iron. "Bag that body up as well." The minotaur wasted no time in taking out another black bag.

"Are we gonna eat his body too?" Spike wondered.

"No, the other bodies shall be more than enough for us," Tywin told his son. "This one we'll just give to Tytan."



It took them nearly thirty five minutes to get all their baggage onboard the train (including the five bodies), luckily for them that train wasn't about to leave for another ten minutes. As everyone lingered near the train station until departure, Spike felt like asking his father something. "Dad, where's Bulk Biceps?"

"After tossing Longhorn in a cell, he requested for a certain reward for his service," Tywin explained. "The last time I saw he was heading back to that place called the 'saloon'." I just pray that he doesn't plan on fucking every whore in that place.

"Lord Tywin!" everypony can recognize Bulk Biceps yell when they hear it. When the muscular pegasus finally came within closer view, Tywin finally noticed the pink furred, pink manned, pink dress wearing mare that was on the knight's back.

"Ser Biceps, who is this?" Tywin inquired.

"This is Sassy-Parilla..." Bulk Biceps had a little trouble before saying these next words. "She's my wife!"

"Mazel tov!" Pinkie cheered.

"Care to explain this," Tywin demanded.

Bulk Biceps remembered as much as he could. "Well my lord, I went over to the saloon, had a few drinks, went in bed with Sassy and then this morning I find this preacher telling us that we've been married! I was wondering my lord if it's OK for her to come along?"

You and your whore should be lucky that you're not Tyrion. "Just go inside the train."

After letting out another "Yeah!" Ser Biceps carried his new bride into the train. With that out of the way, Tywin now only had to deal with Twilight's angry glare. "That wasn't a peaceful solution."

"But it was an effective solution," Tywin pointed out, "can't argue with the results."

"Just so we're clear, that's not at all how I would've handle this." Twilight stated.

"I know," Tywin didn't deny, "which is why it was all the more better that I took full control of the situation. At the poor rate you were leading you would've had those outlaws living in your castle by now."

"That is not what I had in mind!" Twilight retorted defensively. "I would've just slowly move their hideout away from Canter Creek's boundaries while requesting Princess Celestia to make Rancho Bronco a historical site and then use Longhorn's destruction of it as a fair cause to use my magic against him."

Tywin, Spike, and all of Twilight's friends were giving her the same irritated look someone would have after hearing something incredibly stupid and ridiculous. "You like making things needlessly complicated, don't you?" said Tywin.

"Yep, that's Twilight Sparkle for ya," Spike agreed. "That's just the same kind of drawn out tediousness that should be expected from the same pony who had me send a report to Celestia despite being in the same area and ten steps away from telling her what she learned in person."

"Well at least I'm not a killer!" Twilight retorted.

"What makes you think that Longhorn's and his band of criminals deaths weren't as much of your doing?" Tywin challenged her. "Does your magic ever kill any of your enemies?"

"Technically no, but..."

"Then it's plain to see that their demise is clearly your fault. Had you only just apprehended them with your magic in the first place, you could've spared those bulls this cruel fate; but you had to chose to be incompetent instead."

"Well excuse me for acting like the Princess of Friendship! You think I wanted it to end this way?!"

"Who cares? Them murderers got what they deserve."

This darker side of Applejack made Twilight Sparkle hold her breath. "Applejack, how can you say such a thing?!"

"Those varmints killed my great granduncle like some animal!" that's because you are animals, Tywin kept that thought to himself. "Why shouldn't I feel this way about 'em?! In fact Twi, what makes ya think ya can still call yerself the 'Princess of Frienship' after all that trouble you'd put the whole town through? Longhorn assaults the sheriff and you did nothin', Longhorn knocks me senseless and you did nothin', yer plan ta stop him failed and you just gave up, even after he confessed ta murderin' Chili Pepper you had the nerve ta hold me back! You claim that ya didn't have any cause ta use yer magic; except them bulls were practically givin' you all the cause ya needed. Some reliable friend you turned out ta be."

"All aboard!"

No one felt like speaking through the whole train ride; Applejack was too caught up in her new bitterness, Twilight Sparkle was stunned by how much her own has little faith in her, and Ser Biceps was busy caressing his new wife. As for Tywin, he only looked out the window to get a good look at his handiwork. Passing the train was the welcome sign of Canter Creek, in front of it stood the five heads of the Cattle Rustlers on wooden pikes with a sign written in black paint: OUTLAWS BEWARE! Those heads use to be the worst nightmare of everypony in Canter Creek; but like the Reynes and Tarbecks, they're nothing more than another cautionary tale.

Comments ( 20 )

God damn Lord Tywin just wrecked house, made Applejack question Twilight's ability to even be a useful friend and Spike finally told Rarity his feelings for her! In all an amazing chapter!

And who are you, the bandit King said,
That I must bow so low?
Only a lord of a different land,
That's all the truth I know.
In a coat of gold or a coat of grey,
A warrior still has claws,
And mine are long and sharp my lord,
As long and sharp as yours.

And so he spoke, and so he spoke
That "King" of Canter Creek.

But now the rains weep o'er his hall,
With not a Rustler left to hear.
Yes, now the rains weep o'er his hall,
With not a soul to hear.

I'm sold i love this story i would love to see more i'll be watching for the next chapter with bated breath

I can't wait for the next chapter. Good job.

more i beg of you

more please

I wonder how Celestia will handle the news.

Many typos, and not only that, but the scene of them walking out to the ranch, just for Tywin to try a pepper? What the hell? Talk about unessesary detail.

I like the premise, but you are starting to go way too far. Twilight would not have signed those documents in the first place. She is way to perfectionist for that. She would have read them, thoroughly.

Iron Will and Bulk Biceps are both inhabitants of this dimension, and would not intentionally kill another person.

Most of the characters are OOC. And not from character development. Celestia and Luna would not believe that Twilight would have signed those knowingly either. Why? They know Twilight, and know that she would not hurt anyone if she could avoid it. Twilight never had any problem with Mayor Mare before, why would she now? It makes no sense.

Honestly, I will continue reading this, as I believe it has potential. Don't waste it.

I also realize that my gripes with the story are too far gone to fix now, so I will enjoy what I have.

And finally, take a look at your tags. Some of them are not needed, and with how far this deviates from cannon, it should be an AU.


P.S. Don't delete my comment. It will make you look bad. Deleting it will leave the contents to the viewers imagination, and humans always imagine the worst when it comes to things like this.

9019506
That was a year ago.

My points still stand. Interesting premise, bad execution.

I'm thinking that the knighted Pegasus and the Minotaur were given some drugs to make the really aggressive, but make them forget what they did after sleeping. Kinda like a hybrid of those mushrooms that berserkers took, and those roofies that the Wolf pack took in the first hangover movie.

There are plenty of drugs in real world that do that, so just use that as an excuse for how those two did that kind of violence, when one of them said they was afraid of blood and the other said they don't want violence on their conscience.

I really enjoyed this story, waiting for more

I adore this story. This is the first fanfic I read when I joined the fandom, and it is the sole reason why I got into GoT. I know Twilight acts out of character, but frankly I don't care. This story perfectly portrays Tywin as a cold and ruthless schemer, but still human and capable of caring for others. Spike getting some well-deserved love from an author is also great, and Mayor Mare's execution and the Rains of Canter Creek feel ripped straight from G.R.R. Martin's books. As unlikely as it is, I hope the author eventually decides to continue this fic, because it has yet to be topped as my favorite fanfiction story ever.

I do like to see this continued.


11078450

Me too.

I really enjoyed this story so far. Would also like to see it potentially continued one day.

When Tywin finally took his eyes away from his son, he saw that the sheriff was looking right at him. "Pardon me fer starin' at ya sir, but ya wouldn't happen ta be one of 'em humans who fell from the sky by any chance?"

"No, no, he's not one of those three," Spike clarified. "He's a new human."

"Oh that's right, the one's I was thinkin' of are suppose ta be younger than you," Tumbleweed told Tywin. "Anywho, what brings you ta our town?"

Seriously, where the heck are they now?

"Tirek, Discord, Nightmare Moon, Sunset Shimmer, Queen Chrysalis and all her changelings were also living, breathing, and thinking things. But that didn't stop you from using your magic against them." her former assistant pointed out.

And Sombra too.

Twilight's eyes might've been closed throughout the whole skirmish, but hearing the sound of shattered wood, splattered syrup, and fluttering chicken feathers was making her vision of success all the more real. The moment she heard Pinkie belching out fire, Twilight was more than ready to declare victory. Any minute now, those longhorns will hightail out of this town, Princess Celestia will return my powers to me, Tywin shall be banished, and dear Spike will scrub every floor in the castle until his claws bleed!

Celestia and Luna will actually KILL YOU if you take it too far with Spike like that!!!

Good thing that your plan freaking sucked!

Twilight felt just as flabbergasted as she was when Spike turned Celestia and Luna against her. "B-b-b-but you said that if I..."

"I said if your plan worked, I would tell Princess Celestia that you may have your authority back," Tywin interrupted her. "But after your little mummer's farce of a plan, you managed to prove that Celestia had stripped you of your powers for the best. And since I'm the one who has any real authority around here, I'm going to settle all of this myself."

Well that's what you get for being a pacifist and a hypocritical moron, Twilight!!!!!!

The sound of Longhorn mockingly imitating Chili Pepper's death cry may have resulted in a chorus of laughter from his gang, but Applejack only gave him a loud cry that demanded his blood as she charge for an attempt to beat down that iron grin of his only to have her tail be pulled back by Twilight's magic.

"Applejack, don't!" Twilight shouted. "You can't just attack welcomed guests!"

"Consarn it Twi," Applejack roared her frustration, "when are ya gonna accept the fact that they're just no-good criminals already?!"

Really Twilight!? What's wrong with you!!?? If something similar happened to your own family; Like your parents, brother, sister-in-law, or even future niece like Flurry Heart. You wouldn't act being a pacifist fool for long.

"Who cares? Them murderers got what they deserve."

This darker side of Applejack made Twilight Sparkle hold her breath. "Applejack, how can you say such a thing?!"

"Those varmints killed my great granduncle like some animal!" that's because you are animals , Tywin kept that thought to himself. "Why shouldn't I feel this way about 'em?! In fact Twi, what makes ya think ya can still call yerself the 'Princess of Frienship' after all that trouble you'd put the whole town through? Longhorn assaults the sheriff and you did nothin', Longhorn knocks me senseless and you did nothin', yer plan ta stop him failed and you just gave up, even after he confessed ta murderin' Chili Pepper you had the nerve ta hold me back! You claim that ya didn't have any cause ta use yer magic; except them bulls were practically givin' you all the cause ya needed. Some reliable friend you turned out ta be."

Ha, you tell her, AJ!!!

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