Proof-read, man. There are misspellings that any spell-checker would easily have caught. The paragraph structure in the first chapter wasn't great, but it was better than the second one.
The story itself seems to be on an awkward trajectory, but I'll reserve judgment until it's finished.
Sweet new chapter! I recommend keeping the paragraph spacing the same as the last one (an extra line between each), or you can use the indent button in the site's story editor controls to make indentation stand out more (keep in mind it misses indentation of the first line if you do this so you have to adjust that line manually or add an empty line above it). If you indent the second chapter, it'd be good to do the same for the first and remove the space (though I would recommend no indentation and extra space).
I was so happy Scoot got away! Why was she covered in white foam, though? Did you mean, her face was covered from her mouth as ponies are wont to do?
Proof-read, man. There are misspellings that any spell-checker would easily have caught. The paragraph structure in the first chapter wasn't great, but it was better than the second one.
The story itself seems to be on an awkward trajectory, but I'll reserve judgment until it's finished.
5851660 thank you
5851408 I promise you won't be dissapointed!
god damn, this story is making me cry. I applaud you ma'am.
5851785 thank you!!
Sweet new chapter! I recommend keeping the paragraph spacing the same as the last one (an extra line between each), or you can use the indent button in the site's story editor controls to make indentation stand out more (keep in mind it misses indentation of the first line if you do this so you have to adjust that line manually or add an empty line above it). If you indent the second chapter, it'd be good to do the same for the first and remove the space (though I would recommend no indentation and extra space).
I was so happy Scoot got away! Why was she covered in white foam, though? Did you mean, her face was covered from her mouth as ponies are wont to do?
5857822 Flutterpony
5857822 when horses run hard they sweat white foam
5857830 Oh, wow! I learned something new.
5857822 I asked her the same question about the foam when I read it. You'd expect something like that to be more widely known on a site like this!
5858196 True. Surprising it's not more commonly known.
i donĀ“t know why i thought she would be finally adopted, it was to soon.
Good story, new but i is starting to get really interessting.
They just left. I was hoping they'll rape her too.
5859962
o no :(
Someone needs to kill Bubba. I think that is what the gore tag should be for.
My heart... it hurts...
5859962
Not cool bro.
5859962
you are disgusting....