• Member Since 30th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Duelist96


Retired writer of almost anything. Lover of RariDash and background ponies.

Sequels2

Comments ( 1223 )

Story caught my eye, was reading the premise when I had a little mini-jump after seeing what inspired this.
Now I'm planning on reading this after my breakfast.

5857203 I hope you enjoy it, then.

This is how I pictured Spitfire outside of the hospital room.

5857314 That was what I was going for.

This is going to be amazing XD

Interesting premise, nice to see a HiE that isn't in Ponyville or some other kind of cliche. I'll follow this and see where it takes me. :twilightsmile:

This is going to be very interesting!

Great minds think alike? I've read all of those so far. Looking forward to what you come up with friend.
-Be seein' ya on the flip side

Aw man! Im currently reading all those too! (And waiting for chapters *grumble grumble*)
Those stories changed me from absolutely despising HiE stories, to enjoying them quite a bit. I just have to move my bed outta my room and move the futon in, check my notifications, and I'll get right to reading this! Can't wait for it :rainbowkiss:

5858405 Hope you enjoy it.:twilightsmile:

5858413 me too lol.
one thing though. How long do you plan to have this story be? Or is it just a "let the story guide itself" sort of thing? Id be cool whatever way :pinkiesmile:

5858440 I have a few things planned out, so it can go pretty far. It all depends on what gets put together, taken out, or expanded on. It will be at least a decently sized story, I know that much.

great start just next time use some sort of break line between scene jumps, time skips, and flashbacks.

.......................
or
*****************
or
_______________________

they just make the story flow a bit cleaner and easier to follow

Was this supposed to be in my world group?

5859063 Possibly. I may have added it by mistake.


Good story so far. And I wonder if Mark's been taking lessons from TD, they could probably be related.

I saw a giant Lyra icon in the comments... I squeed.

nice start to this! Its looking like a good story my friend! :D

5859302 This is probably my near sleepy state, but who is TD?

The icing to that cake, though, was that I ended up punching the lavender princess herself.

But did Mark punch Twilight with all of the quiet dignity and grace that he could muster? :ajsmug: :trollestia:

5859348 There was no quiet dignity to it at all. He was going for the knock-out.

Okay, so you convinced me.

Spitfire hates Mark.


Therefore sex will happen :rainbowwild:

I really enjoyed the intro there. As far as artwork goes, I do know a few artists that could do coverart for you *commission wise*

5860931 If I had the money, then I would.

5860931 Whenever you get the chance, I would like to know of people that would be willing to possibly make me coverart.

5859374
I edited my comment to include a link to the relevant story that I got the "quiet dignity and grace" quip from. (It's also the story that 5859302 was referring to. :ajsmug:)

5862015 Yeah, I saw the story and have it on my read later list. Thanks for telling me where it came from also.

Alright, so in between all the real life crap ive had to do the last couple days, i finished the first chapter. And it does indeed look promising! My only complaint is that during the conversation between Mark and Fleetfoot, the whole thing came off as robotic. I'm not sure if this will change in later chapters as they get to lnow each other, but i Would suggest them saying something a bit more lighthearted, like "whats up?" Or making a joke to clear the tension.
im looking forward to the next chapter. :rainbowwild:

5862795 It will get better later on. It was set-up this way because there is slight tension between them all. Fleetfoot is a little nicer, but she's very indifferent towards him, but more of that is explained later on. As they get used to each other, they will be more expressive about what they say, with a few jokes to help ease tension.

5862819 ah, i hoped it was just that, wonderful!

5861287

Hey again. Just got off work, heres the list of people/artists for you:

Scootafail

Foxenawolf

Ruck

Fox is pretty reasonable. For what your wanting, prob looking at, for a colored piece with two characters... $70-75 :pinkiesick: but shes very fast.

Next is Scootafail. While I can't give you a quote from the top of my head, shes a very talented artist.

and Finally is Ruck. Good friend of mine and he does many different types of drawings from ponies to anthro to whatever for the most part. Tomorrow Ill know a price for exactly what your wanting.

Wait... I helped inspired this!? I just now saw that! That's awesome! :rainbowlaugh:

5866728 How did you miss that? You're like the first one mentioned on that list.:rainbowlaugh:

5866770
I umm... didn't click the '+more' button until now. :twilightblush: But thats really cool that I could give you some inspiration with my weird little fic. I can't wait to read more. :rainbowkiss:

5866780 Glad you're looking forward to more. I just wish I could find a better picture for this story.

5866786
Hmmm... I see that is a problem... Well I can't promise anything at the moment, but I might be able to do a quick thing with like a bust of them both with annoyed looks. Working on my next chapter now so idk when I will be able to do this.

5867187 It's no big rush at the moment. You do your thing first since this will be decent sized story where this current cover picture can hold out.

Good so far, but the speech feels kinda clunky and awkward.
I could make some cover art for you if you want. I'm not amazing at making pictures (link), but I could make something for you to use that's at least better than what you're using now.

A few things to fix:

Fluttershy was extremely shy, as her named pretty much suggested, but after a few small conversations, she seemed to be a little more outspoken. Applejack is an orange earth mare that runs an apple farm down in Ponyville. Rarity is a white unicorn mare who does pretty well in terms of fashion. Granted, I don’t see many ponies wearing clothing, unless you’re in Canterlot, but Rarity was generous enough to make me a few articles of clothing. Rainbow Dash was pretty headstrong and stubborn, but she was a great friend to have.

The tense keeps swapping between present and past.

Once everything of mine was packed away, the lavender alicorn poofed my bag away.

Using th word 'away' twice is kinda awkward.

“Let’s get going. I want to introduce you to the two ponies that are watching over you before they fly off for practice.

Missed the end quotation mark.

Redheart said with a small scow.

Scowl.

“Can I possibly get an escort back to house?”

The.

I’ve seen Spitfire get in a few fights, and that you’re out of the hospital the same day you get put in shows that you’ll be fine,”

Should be; 'the fact that you're'.

Even if I wasn't in Spitfire's physical shape I still wouldn't be afraid of them, pansy ass.

5868959 I have mentioned before in an earlier comment that the conversation is to be like that. He's not really comfortable around the two mares since he hasn't really gotten to know them.

5869263 yeah but lets not forget how vicious women can end up becoming when they're pissed, regardless of race, nationality, and, in this case, species. Because of this reason, I can understand why Mark is scared of Spitfire.

it's like the third roommate, with the feel of hate thy neighbor. i like it



stayclassy:moustache:

Looking forward to more!

Don't understand why most Griffon's have to be such dicks. Razor was cool though.
Good chapter.

Razorwing was a pretty cool character, she was nice :D I like her!
And this was a cool chapter, that bit with the changing their clothes...

Heheheh eue
Nice job!

Wow... I hate to say this, but this guy really is a pansy. :rainbowlaugh:

I would find it difficult to be afraid of a pony, just their eyes the size of a human head is enough to make them seem less fear-inducing.

But, perhaps I would fear them if I got hit by one... :rainbowderp:

5882851 Getting hit by one that travels at who knows what speed, I would be slightly afraid of them.

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