6651351 Uh what? You make no sense. Isn't the entire purpose of the upvote and downvote feature to track how well liked a story is? The hugbox attitude is why incredibly bad fics tend to still recieve a ridiculous amount of upvotes, making searching for stories by rating on this website a complete joke due to the lack of proper use of the rating system. Writers also can't rely on the rating system to actually gauge how effective their writing strength is either for this reason. We might as well not have that system as it does absolutely nothing. In fact we might as well not have comments because "someone's feelings could get hurt if someone says something bad about their story".
If people are going to lose all motivation from one critical reader, then maybe posting their work in a public setting is a bad idea to begin with. It's pretty much a given that when you post your work in public, it's going to be criticized, and you need to accept that not all that criticism is going to be positive... Or constructive even. But that negative feedback is important to a writer's growth.
I gave an in-depth explanation about why I down voted, because in the past I've seen authors actually complain about not getting feedback for why they are getting down votes. I down voted because I did not like the story, and that's the entire reason the down vote button exists, so I apologize for nothing.
I feel that I should apologize for this. After your 6688615 comment earlier, I created a blog post, but it wasn't to bash anything you said. You made interesting points about my story and I wanted to hear from others about what they thought. A few tangents happened as I created this, so this was the result. I wasn't asking for any defense or even trying to find any actual comfort.
There may be a chance that it came off that way, but it wasn't what I was wanting. I wanted to see if how much of a collective there was of what people agreed on about what they didn't like. I take criticism in all its forms because I want to see what I can avoid in the future. True, there are people that have upvoted my story, but have also pointed out things that I probably could have done better on. Your thoughts are very welcomed here, and I thank you for your input.
I wish to avoid this becoming any sort of fight, and felt that I should explain a little more in depth of where this could be coming from. I wasn't even hurt by your comment, but more in a thoughtful mood to see what I still needed to improve on.
Again, thank you for your thoughts, and I hope this cleared up a few things.
The wait, it was worth it on so many levels! Though my head is just going to spitfire walking in the next morning. "I'm back early!" *stare* "WHAT THE BU-" XD
6651351 Gona have to disagree with you on the voting system. It is a system to let people know if the story is good or not. If you like the story upvote, if it was meh, do not vote, if you wish you hadn't read the story, downvote. There has been several stories with 1k+ upvotes and under 100 downvotes that was drivel.
The big exception to this system is for stories that have tags that the reader automatically dislikes. For those stories the reader should not downvote since they were forewarned.
I wish there was a 1-5 scale with multiple categories. That way the author could see at a glance where improvement could be had. But until then, constructive criticism in the comment section is the best way to inform the author of areas of improvement.
This story is a good romance. The main characters do not fall instantly in love. They learn about each other and help each other and romance blooms in the middle of that. The one point that could use some improvement is that Mark gets along with tons of ponies in Ponyville, but no one in Equestria wanted to take him in so Celestia had to bribe some ponies to take him in. My head cannon just assumes Celestia was playing matchmaker and helping out some ponies she likes at the same time but it is definitely not written into the story.
There was only one spot that caught my attention, the paragraphs about Celestia's appointment, the last sentence of one paragraph and the first sentence of the next paragraph kinda repeat the same idea.
Keep on going with your story, I really want to see the next chapter.
Oh the wait was definitely worth it By chance are you foreshadowing Mark having a herd in the near distant future ...? What with Silk acting the way she did and the open spots in the necklace ? If so then you have earned all of my *sqees Keep up the great work
Wow dualist that was incredible. And was that little scene at the restaurant with Octavia the stallion and Marcus a reference to the third roommate? if so awesome! Also glad this chapter came out this story is amazing.
I want to like this chapter, but the sex was honestly flat and cliche lacking any real originally. Its the same thing... First a blowjob followed by eating her out. Reversed or done at the same time it's all the dam same, and almost always before actual sex. Then he cums and strangely is instantly hard again. Ready to cum buckets upon buckets of his load. Always overflowing and spilling out. Always a bottomless pit of endurance and cum. The mare is always wanting to polish his knob and always asked to be eaten out. Once just once I would like to see a mare seem at least a bit turned off about having a mans dick rammed down her throat.
Also the part about her not getting pregnant. Its sad to see yet another story go down this road. Oh because of SCIENCE and BIOLOGY our chromosomes and DNA is incompatible so you are clear to fill me to the top with the seemingly endless well of cum stored in your balls. Throw that out the door and TRY SOMETHING NEW! Who cares about facts! This is candy colored talking horses! Have sex be fun and exciting! Have it be different! she was worried about becoming pregnant so let the chance remain! I see you added some clothing to the mix.
I have to say its a nice change, but the choice of undies leaves me confused. I would have liked to have seen her thought process as to why she chose those over a more normal pair. It just seems like a set up for a reason to mention it later. I like that you kept meat as a choice on the menu, but I am kinda disappointed by the face it seems yet again all equestrian ponies are herbivores. Sapient beings with developed brains are omnivores. You cannot live on a purely vegetarian diet without vitamin supplements. There are CRUCIAL nutrients that are pretty much only gained from eating meat. Sure you can supplement, but meat is SO much easier to absorb and pack lots of essential proteins to help develop a strong mind. And going on the fact equestrian ponies are on par equal in size with your average human (in one part you had Mark and Fleetfoot dancing with her on her hind legs and she was standing about level height with him). So they TOO would most likely be omnivores as well.
This story still has A LOT of potenial and I await to see when Spitfires is brought into the mix. But please PLEASE! don't keep the same ole same ole lackluster sex, and typical tropes seen in other fic's of this nature.
Thank you for your thoughts on this. Most people will either enjoy the sex or not, and everyone is entitled to their opinion on it. He wasn't hard instantly, though, after the first time he came. Fleetfoot never asked to be eaten out, but Mark offered and she allowed him to either do it or not. Plus, clop scenes have become the same thing for everyone, so variety can't much be seen.
The biology is something new, at least for me, in aspect of writing. I've written my other stories with the fact that humans could get ponies pregnant, so I decided to do this different thing. Plus, this was hinted at a little that it would be a thing way earlier when I mentioned Cadence having spells that help with inter-species reproduction. Clothing was actually the newest thing I've added to my clop, and I probably won't have a reason on why Fleetfoot wore what she did without it sounding in any way half-assed.
With their sapience, the food they eat is something that has been planned to be shown, but not until later on. When is that? I can't say because of spoilers. Plus, with how I created Fleetfoot's personality, this is what I see occurring (with more planned later on). That's why with Spitfire's personality, clop will be different with her.
Also, a quick thing about the ending of your comment.
But please PLEASE! don't keep the same ole same ole lackluster sex, and typical tropes seen in other fic's of this nature.
I can't really promise anything because clop is viewed differently between everyone. I have the other clop scenes outlined a little, more being developed as they come closer, about what is going to happen.
My clop is also how I write it, and it's not going to change much, expect in terms of what might happen, but how I progress it is up to me. I'll leave the choice of you wanting to leave this fic as I give this warning. These sexual acts that have been showed will not be gotten rid of in future clop chapters, but how they might occur will be different.
Again, thanks for your thoughts, and if I had failed to touch on something, let me know and I'll give an explanation on it if possible. So I'll leave you to decide if you're going to change your vote and leave or stay for the ride at this point, because clop will be written as I see appropriate to put in, and what to keep hidden until needed later use.
I was so excited for this chapter and it filled my expectations! Nice touch with the music, and the whole restaurant part just made me d'awww so many times I lost count. And the after date part was awesome as well! I'm curious how will Spitfire react to this.
If I'm thinking right (unless they aren't ther yet or their story haven't started yet) this story is asking for an crossover big time, and people want it ( I meant 8 of my friends, yes we are a reading horde) and like I said manny time before and since this story started, I will wait patently, not moving, till it comes out, or just some comframation that there is a crossover, also as a side note, if it is have it written as a compilation of your art
6691273 JeremyStorm doesn't write anymore, and the rest of us (myself, Pusspuss, and Enigmatic Otaku) don't really know about doing a crossover. These have been just for fun than anything else.
First off, love the new chapter. About time Mark loosened up and went for it and with the mare I said he'd get first. (Bet won). Keep these chapters coming. You, Enigmatic Otaku, and Pusspuss have got to be my favorite authors on this site. Aside from the almighty MadMaxBlack. What can I say, he writes some very good stories, albeit we have to wait ages before a new chapter comes out, but I digress. Keep up the phenomenal work
I wasn't to curious about the depth of Celestia's relationship before that dining hall scene. Now I can't decide is she was surprised (a)by the speed of his relationship, (b)jealous of it, or (c)simply afraid he may not have as much time to spend with her as a friend.
Really curious how that part develops. Oh, and Spitfire's reaction come morning. That's gonna be good.
Another nice chapter. I liked the whole date and the clop was slow and nice. I also like Silk, her personality is very nice! I hope we get to see more of her, maybe even join Mark if he chooses to form a herd
6692631 actually I'm wondering if it's more of a....... Foreboding if you will. Maybe she doesn't want to see mark get with anyone because she feels they're relationships are doomed to fail due to the fact that mark is from another world. It could also be that in of its self. Mark is from a different world, what happens if he does something to one of her subjects. Idk, guess we'll find out
6689847 >implying you haven't been heavily foreshadowing a relationship with both Fleetfoot and Spitfire from the start.
I mean... I have NO IDEA how this will end up! Oh, woe is me, pitiful reader, who hath not the foresight and knowledge of the author.
On a semi-serious note: I've found this story very enjoyable despite some of its flaws. I've gandered at some of your earlier works and you have definitely improved. Congradulations. I eagerly await what you bring us next. :D
Throw that out the door and TRY SOMETHING NEW! Who cares about facts! This is candy colored talking horses!
Sapient beings with developed brains are omnivores. You cannot live on a purely vegetarian diet without vitamin supplements. There are CRUCIAL nutrients that are pretty much only gained from eating meat.
About time. Nicely done my friend.
6651351
Uh what? You make no sense. Isn't the entire purpose of the upvote and downvote feature to track how well liked a story is? The hugbox attitude is why incredibly bad fics tend to still recieve a ridiculous amount of upvotes, making searching for stories by rating on this website a complete joke due to the lack of proper use of the rating system. Writers also can't rely on the rating system to actually gauge how effective their writing strength is either for this reason. We might as well not have that system as it does absolutely nothing. In fact we might as well not have comments because "someone's feelings could get hurt if someone says something bad about their story".
If people are going to lose all motivation from one critical reader, then maybe posting their work in a public setting is a bad idea to begin with. It's pretty much a given that when you post your work in public, it's going to be criticized, and you need to accept that not all that criticism is going to be positive... Or constructive even. But that negative feedback is important to a writer's growth.
I gave an in-depth explanation about why I down voted, because in the past I've seen authors actually complain about not getting feedback for why they are getting down votes. I down voted because I did not like the story, and that's the entire reason the down vote button exists, so I apologize for nothing.
Brilliant all i can say
A really well done chapter. I love this story so much. I can't wait to see how Spitfire reacts!
6651351
I feel that I should apologize for this. After your 6688615 comment earlier, I created a blog post, but it wasn't to bash anything you said. You made interesting points about my story and I wanted to hear from others about what they thought. A few tangents happened as I created this, so this was the result. I wasn't asking for any defense or even trying to find any actual comfort.
There may be a chance that it came off that way, but it wasn't what I was wanting. I wanted to see if how much of a collective there was of what people agreed on about what they didn't like. I take criticism in all its forms because I want to see what I can avoid in the future. True, there are people that have upvoted my story, but have also pointed out things that I probably could have done better on. Your thoughts are very welcomed here, and I thank you for your input.
I wish to avoid this becoming any sort of fight, and felt that I should explain a little more in depth of where this could be coming from. I wasn't even hurt by your comment, but more in a thoughtful mood to see what I still needed to improve on.
Again, thank you for your thoughts, and I hope this cleared up a few things.
The wait, it was worth it on so many levels! Though my head is just going to spitfire walking in the next morning. "I'm back early!" *stare* "WHAT THE BU-" XD
i like this story
awesome story
6688713
6651351 Gona have to disagree with you on the voting system. It is a system to let people know if the story is good or not. If you like the story upvote, if it was meh, do not vote, if you wish you hadn't read the story, downvote. There has been several stories with 1k+ upvotes and under 100 downvotes that was drivel.
The big exception to this system is for stories that have tags that the reader automatically dislikes. For those stories the reader should not downvote since they were forewarned.
I wish there was a 1-5 scale with multiple categories. That way the author could see at a glance where improvement could be had. But until then, constructive criticism in the comment section is the best way to inform the author of areas of improvement.
This story is a good romance. The main characters do not fall instantly in love. They learn about each other and help each other and romance blooms in the middle of that. The one point that could use some improvement is that Mark gets along with tons of ponies in Ponyville, but no one in Equestria wanted to take him in so Celestia had to bribe some ponies to take him in. My head cannon just assumes Celestia was playing matchmaker and helping out some ponies she likes at the same time but it is definitely not written into the story.
It continues to be a good relationship story.
There was only one spot that caught my attention, the paragraphs about Celestia's appointment, the last sentence of one paragraph and the first sentence of the next paragraph kinda repeat the same idea.
Keep on going with your story, I really want to see the next chapter.
I say, Damn fine job. Can't wait till Spitty finds out about their sexy times.
Oh the wait was definitely worth it
By chance are you foreshadowing Mark having a herd in the near distant future ...?
What with Silk acting the way she did and the open spots in the necklace ?
If so then you have earned all of my *sqees
Keep up the great work
6689827 All will be explained in future fun and sad chapters.
I greatly appreciate the fact that you used sapient instead of sentient. Thank you.
Wow dualist that was incredible. And was that little scene at the restaurant with Octavia the stallion and Marcus a reference to the third roommate? if so awesome! Also glad this chapter came out this story is amazing.
Awww yiss. Mark get some horse poon
6689953 Yes he did. Now comes Spitfire's reaction.
6689898 Maurice wasn't there, but yes it was a reference to that story.
What a delicious chapter this was hahaha!
Awesomeness all around man, awesomeness!
Can't wait to see how Spits reacts 8'D
Keep it up!
6689953 wow, holy shit, I just got done reading a few chapters of your metroid crossover! Small site huh?
6690399 Niiiiice! Hope you're enjoying that one somewhat . Seriously though. Small site
HE DID IT!
timeshighereducation.com/sites/default/files/styles/the_breaking_news_image_style/public/Pictures/web/j/w/o/crowd_of_male_students_cheering.jpg?itok=F4he0t4a
I want to like this chapter, but the sex was honestly flat and cliche lacking any real originally. Its the same thing... First a blowjob followed by eating her out. Reversed or done at the same time it's all the dam same, and almost always before actual sex. Then he cums and strangely is instantly hard again. Ready to cum buckets upon buckets of his load. Always overflowing and spilling out. Always a bottomless pit of endurance and cum. The mare is always wanting to polish his knob and always asked to be eaten out. Once just once I would like to see a mare seem at least a bit turned off about having a mans dick rammed down her throat.
Also the part about her not getting pregnant. Its sad to see yet another story go down this road. Oh because of SCIENCE and BIOLOGY our chromosomes and DNA is incompatible so you are clear to fill me to the top with the seemingly endless well of cum stored in your balls. Throw that out the door and TRY SOMETHING NEW! Who cares about facts! This is candy colored talking horses! Have sex be fun and exciting! Have it be different! she was worried about becoming pregnant so let the chance remain! I see you added some clothing to the mix.
I have to say its a nice change, but the choice of undies leaves me confused. I would have liked to have seen her thought process as to why she chose those over a more normal pair. It just seems like a set up for a reason to mention it later. I like that you kept meat as a choice on the menu, but I am kinda disappointed by the face it seems yet again all equestrian ponies are herbivores. Sapient beings with developed brains are omnivores. You cannot live on a purely vegetarian diet without vitamin supplements. There are CRUCIAL nutrients that are pretty much only gained from eating meat. Sure you can supplement, but meat is SO much easier to absorb and pack lots of essential proteins to help develop a strong mind. And going on the fact equestrian ponies are on par equal in size with your average human (in one part you had Mark and Fleetfoot dancing with her on her hind legs and she was standing about level height with him). So they TOO would most likely be omnivores as well.
This story still has A LOT of potenial and I await to see when Spitfires is brought into the mix. But please PLEASE! don't keep the same ole same ole lackluster sex, and typical tropes seen in other fic's of this nature.
6690666
Thank you for your thoughts on this. Most people will either enjoy the sex or not, and everyone is entitled to their opinion on it. He wasn't hard instantly, though, after the first time he came. Fleetfoot never asked to be eaten out, but Mark offered and she allowed him to either do it or not. Plus, clop scenes have become the same thing for everyone, so variety can't much be seen.
The biology is something new, at least for me, in aspect of writing. I've written my other stories with the fact that humans could get ponies pregnant, so I decided to do this different thing. Plus, this was hinted at a little that it would be a thing way earlier when I mentioned Cadence having spells that help with inter-species reproduction. Clothing was actually the newest thing I've added to my clop, and I probably won't have a reason on why Fleetfoot wore what she did without it sounding in any way half-assed.
With their sapience, the food they eat is something that has been planned to be shown, but not until later on. When is that? I can't say because of spoilers. Plus, with how I created Fleetfoot's personality, this is what I see occurring (with more planned later on). That's why with Spitfire's personality, clop will be different with her.
Also, a quick thing about the ending of your comment.
I can't really promise anything because clop is viewed differently between everyone. I have the other clop scenes outlined a little, more being developed as they come closer, about what is going to happen.
My clop is also how I write it, and it's not going to change much, expect in terms of what might happen, but how I progress it is up to me. I'll leave the choice of you wanting to leave this fic as I give this warning. These sexual acts that have been showed will not be gotten rid of in future clop chapters, but how they might occur will be different.
Again, thanks for your thoughts, and if I had failed to touch on something, let me know and I'll give an explanation on it if possible. So I'll leave you to decide if you're going to change your vote and leave or stay for the ride at this point, because clop will be written as I see appropriate to put in, and what to keep hidden until needed later use.
I was so excited for this chapter and it filled my expectations!
Nice touch with the music, and the whole restaurant part just made me d'awww so many times I lost count.
And the after date part was awesome as well!
I'm curious how will Spitfire react to this.
If I'm thinking right (unless they aren't ther yet or their story haven't started yet) this story is asking for an crossover big time, and people want it ( I meant 8 of my friends, yes we are a reading horde) and like I said manny time before and since this story started, I will wait patently, not moving, till it comes out, or just some comframation that there is a crossover, also as a side note, if it is have it written as a compilation of your art
6691273 JeremyStorm doesn't write anymore, and the rest of us (myself, Pusspuss, and Enigmatic Otaku) don't really know about doing a crossover. These have been just for fun than anything else.
MOAR!!
Spitfire sees the mess they made in the bed in the morning: s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/09/12/68/091268a7d24ef7ca5be2cb88658a66e9.jpg
Whenever Marks name is said by another, I instantly think "Oh hai, Mark" in Tommy Wisaeu's voice.
Just saying.
First off, love the new chapter. About time Mark loosened up and went for it and with the mare I said he'd get first. (Bet won). Keep these chapters coming. You, Enigmatic Otaku, and Pusspuss have got to be my favorite authors on this site. Aside from the almighty MadMaxBlack. What can I say, he writes some very good stories, albeit we have to wait ages before a new chapter comes out, but I digress. Keep up the phenomenal work
I wasn't to curious about the depth of Celestia's relationship before that dining hall scene.
Now I can't decide is she was surprised (a)by the speed of his relationship, (b)jealous of it, or (c)simply afraid he may not have as much time to spend with her as a friend.
Really curious how that part develops. Oh, and Spitfire's reaction come morning. That's gonna be good.
Another nice chapter. I liked the whole date and the clop was slow and nice. I also like Silk, her personality is very nice! I hope we get to see more of her, maybe even join Mark if he chooses to form a herd
Well done, and rather tastefully at that. It wasn't just mindless smut; there was enough romance and feels to make it tasteful.
6693670 I'm pretty sure it can be guessed that it will go down this route, but the heat chapter is going to be an interesting one to write.
6692631 actually I'm wondering if it's more of a....... Foreboding if you will. Maybe she doesn't want to see mark get with anyone because she feels they're relationships are doomed to fail due to the fact that mark is from another world. It could also be that in of its self. Mark is from a different world, what happens if he does something to one of her subjects. Idk, guess we'll find out
Damn......I just read some crazy comments, any fanfuckintastic story mate!!!!!!!
6689847
>implying you haven't been heavily foreshadowing a relationship with both Fleetfoot and Spitfire from the start.
I mean... I have NO IDEA how this will end up! Oh, woe is me, pitiful reader, who hath not the foresight and knowledge of the author.
On a semi-serious note: I've found this story very enjoyable despite some of its flaws. I've gandered at some of your earlier works and you have definitely improved. Congradulations. I eagerly await what you bring us next. :D
This story is freaking amazing can't wait to see what happens with Spitfire now. Keep up the good work can't wait to read more of your genius writing
6692467
I heard my name being called... Who has summoned me?
6699002 You have been summoned to be reminded you have stories to work on.
6699002
It is I O malevolent one.
6699034
Busy busy busy...all work and no play makes Enigma a dull boy.
6699043
Now, make your wish so I may return to my slumber.
6699048
I only wish you good tidings as you work diligently of your stories.
6699048 But I need more Third Roommate to make jokes
6699492 when will the next chapter be estimated at appearing?
6711610 Probably not until sometime after Christmas. I'm currently working on a holiday one-shot.
6690666
You contradicted yourself, man.
6725057 Correct.