• Member Since 20th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 37 minutes ago

Silent Quill


"Shh, I'm trying to think here..."

T

I was a simple drone; I did my work, had my meal, and returned to my own little carved-out den day in and day out. At least, until the invasion of the Golden City. Now I'm alone, cold, scared, and I'm pretty sure something is wrong...

I suppose being found is the least of my concerns...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

Huh. Well, I don't think I've ever seen a changeling story quite like this before.

Too bad it's complete... Oh well, a good read nonetheless.

Eh... it's not bad.

Sorry if I sound rude in saying that, but I think that's my general reaction to this story: there's really that bad about it... but there's nothing that truly stands out about it or makes it particularly great either.

I suppose problem for me as I see it is that it feels like I've read this story multiple times in the past. And no, I don't mean the exact same story, but the general plot type: a badly injured and angsty changeling soldier taken in by the pony authorities where he is at first treated as prisoner and/or then nursed back to health and forms a bond with an OC/Canon pony, here being the princesses. This is a major problem I have with a LOT of changeling stories, that they tend to follow very similar storylines and I'm sorry to say this, but your story seems to follow it without doing much different. I guess one thing I can give it credit for is that the ponies in general are NOT turned into pricks so to further gear our sympathies to the angsty changeling OC, save for that... odd quick scene with Blueblood, and I'll take about that in a moment.

And, though it may be no surprise... I'll really, really don't like Changeling Angst. Angst is nothing new to this fandom's fanfiction and fanfiction in general, but good God, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of woobie changeling pity parties sometimes. So that's less this story's fault, and rather an issue I have with the fandom in general.

And yeah, speaking of that Blueblood scene... what was the point of that? It ends almost as quick as it starts, with no real pay-off and is pretty much ignored after it happens. The only purpose it seems to serve is to give some last-minute "Hey, remember, we all hate Blueblood for some reason!", "We need to have SOMEPONY who acts like a racist douche to Buzz!" or just a reason to get Luna and Buzz together for one final scene.

Like I said, all in all, there's nothing fatally wrong with your story, but it's just, well, been done before. That's the ultimate sin I suppose. There are so many changeling stories like this by now after three years, and yours doesn't really do anything to make it any more noteworthy or particular than the hundreds of others.

Forgive me of however harsh I sounded in this review, I do not mean to sound discouraging of your writing.

5831327

You know what they say: hindsight is 20/20, and now that I look at it, I feel kinda like a kid with his crayon picture showing it off to his parents and finally realizing just how... meh it is. I can see your point, I really can; initially this story wasn't going to get here in the first place, but it just kinda grew on me. At the time of actually writing and posting it, I was all 'this is great, people are going to love this!' and now I look at it and I go 'this is just more of the same, the hell was I thinking?'

5831743
Hell, I find myself half-tempted to take it down again now that I've realized just how samey it is. It's the writing equivalent of my artwork, almost. Just... more of the same.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go think...

Too late. Archived.

A very good read indeed!:pinkiehappy:



sequel?:fluttershysad:

This was great I loved it and would actually like to see a sequel to this

5831327
I'm going to have to partly disagree with you on one of your points. Or... perhaps not even disagree. It's a little strange, so forgive me if I sound unsure.

This Blueblood appearance was actually one of the more positive ones I've ever read in a Changeling-focused story. Yes he tried to kill a helpless and crippled prisoner, but at least he mentioned a reason for it that wasn't him just being the Avatar of Pony Bigotry: They hurt his family, so he wanted to hurt them back. That doesn't make it right, but at least it's something we can understand!

And the sad part about that? Blueblood out to murder a defenceless creature because they injured his beloved auntie Celestia is indeed one, if not the most positive portrayal in a Changeling-centric fic dealing with the fallout of the invasion I can think of.

This was good, could be better because somehow I couldn't get that felling of total despair what he should fell :P

5834762 Hey mate, thank you for replying. I appreciate you giving your two cents.

In a way, I can see where you're coming from. Yeah, here, he does have a reason for his actions other than "Hey, I'm just the poster boy for racist douchebag ponies", I'll concede that.

Maybe the problem then was less the idea itself but how the author executed it. I mean, the scene with him almost comes out of nowhere and is over nearly as quickly as it began, with little lasting impact on the remainder of the scene with Buzz and Luna. And really, what was the point of it? What purpose did it serve, other than just to serve for some last minute drama or an excuse to bring Luna and Buzz together for the last scene? The scene came across as too forced and somewhat unnecessary in its current state.

And the sad part about that? Blueblood out to murder a defenceless creature because they injured his beloved auntie Celestia is indeed one, if not the most positive portrayal in a Changeling fic I can think of.

Well, I think his portrayal in Princess Celestia: The Changeling Queen was actually very remakrably positive. He knew Celestia was a changeling all along, and you know what? Knowing that, she's still his beloved aunt.

5835053
That, I can agree with. It was kinda out of the blue (no pun intended) and didn't leave too much of an impact, since the story is now over. Which is a shame, really. I would've liked to see this conflict developed more, perhaps with Buzz and Blueblood forced to spend time with one another in order to overcome prejudices and fears.

Ah, I forgot that one! Yeah, that's true^^

I've got something in my eye. :fluttercry:

I must say, it's quite amusing to get messages like "*user* has favourited Nothing". I honestly didn't think about that, and now that it's happening, I'm quite enjoying the silliness...

5838483
I like Nothing.

I am absolutely thrilled about Nothing.

I am very excited to have discovered Nothing, and in fact, Nothing was promptly read tonight.

But do tell. Exactly how do you feel about having written Nothing?

5838599
Having read some other comments, you mean?

... Like I'm going to eventually write a sequel to Nothing.

5838611
A sequel, eh?

Well, wouldn't that be Something? Really, with everything you could draw from, it could be Anything.

Clearly, the only evil changeling is Chrysalis; the others have all been accounted for. That said, you have some very effective imagery and world-building that many of these stories lack.

I noticed a couple of disconnects. The doctor says that only the princesses can fix a ruined spine, implying that they can restore Buzz's back legs. Later, Buzz becomes a staff sculptor for Luna, so he'll be fine even without his legs. However...if it's something they can fix, it seems like they would look into it more.

You pointedly distinguish changelings from invertebrates so that he can have a messed-up spine, but then he has blue blood anyway, even though all vertebrates have red.

The majority of the story is written in the past tense, but there were a few places where you slipped into present tense. For example:

With a groan I lifted my head, and looked around the room. Stone walls refuse to give up their secrets to my gaze, and the dust settled all across the floor tells me few tales.

should be "refused" and "told" to be consistent with the rest.

5845436
Okay, okay, just... gimmie a second to marshal my thoughts. I can defend myself from these, I just need a moment.

Okay;

The doctor says that only the princesses can fix a ruined spine, implying that they can restore Buzz's back legs.

I don't see where I said that the Princesses could fix the ruined spine of another. I said that their personal healing would allow them to recover from such an injury. I'm sorry if it wasn't quite clear enough, but that's what I was getting at. They can't fix Buzz with their magic, it's their own personal healing factor at play.

You pointedly distinguish changelings from invertebrates so that he can have a messed-up spine, but then he has blue blood anyway, even though all vertebrates have red.

Yes, all Earth invertebrates have red blood, but this is Equestria, and sometimes creativity can let us get away with whatever the hell we want. They rely on magic/emotive energy to survive, meaning that their body would rely on something other than Iron to circulate oxygen in their blood. You'll have noticed that his blood, when fresh, glowed, which implies that his blood is at least partially magic. Changelings, also, have blue eyes...

See where I'm going here? It's only a little world buildy thing and headcanon for this story/universe only, but I thought it was a fun one...

Finally;

The majority of the story is written in the past tense, but there were a few places where you slipped into present tense.

Sometimes, depending on how it's used, slipping into a different tense is alright for storywriting. It's not always agreed with, often frowned upon, and this isn't the first time that it's been pointed out. It's a bad habit that I've been trying (and failing) to break for a while. Hell, this one suffers from a quick re-edit making it past tense instead of present because I found a constant present tense too frustrating to work with by the time Celestia was trying to calm him.

5845659

They can't fix Buzz with their magic, it's their own personal healing factor at play.

Ah, that makes sense. On the other hand, I haven't seen anything to indicate alicorns recover faster than normal ponies; Rainbow Dash recovered from supposedly life-threatening injuries overnight. (I could cite Twilight in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" but that was a humorous situation, so it's probably exaggerated) Apparently, changelings slept in on the day they were handing out healing factors.

You'll have noticed that his blood, when fresh, glowed, which implies that his blood is at least partially magic.

Fair enough. I can hardly object to the use of "Magic." as an explanation for anything, considering the genre. :trollestia:

Sometimes, depending on how it's used, slipping into a different tense is alright for storywriting.

Choosing one tense or another is fine, but if you switch from one to the other, it implies that the events happen in a different timescale from each other. When you switch in the middle of a paragraph, it's just confusing.

5836119 Well, maybe, I suppose. All in all, as I said, it felt like there was no substantial need to include him.

I'm afraid biggest grip with the story does lie with its concept, something the author sadly cannot help; I've just seen so many angsting woobie changeling stories on this site. I mean, I thought Luna had it bad in terms of woobie stories, but bloody hell, like I said, it's like an ocean's worth of changeling pity party's. I long pine for a story where changelings are either the evil imperialists from the show or at least mopin' and dopin', crying about "wanting to be loved and accepted". That's the worst part; it's the mopin' and the dopin' that drives me nuts.

In a way, that's more my problem than the author's or anybody's on the site, I suppose.

I liked your take on the injured-changeling-in-equestria story. While I'm somewhat leary of the way no one noticed his disability, the story felt genuine emotionally.

I like changelings so if you do write more changeling stuff I don't mind. Also SEQUEL! :yay:

5849998
I can see your point, there are many changeling stories that basically start off where the invasion ends, and they typically involve the changeling(s) struggling to find a stable existence within Equestria. It's an unfortunately common trope amongst changeling stories, as it's horridly convenient a time-frame to use.

Let's look at my own, for example. This story, Nothing, is one such story. As is Changing Times. Fall of a Monarch, while technically not of the same timeframe, uses the same sort of element, the "I'm a poor crippled changeling in enemy territory" thing. It's horrendously common, I'll admit.

However, it's a pattern in many stories.

Damsel in Distresss story plots are very common. Heck, I've used it in my older work frighteningly often, and it's a pattern that I've seen and am trying (obviously with not much luck) to fix. While I acknowledge that it may become tiring to see the same trick used by so many ponies (pun intended) over and over, but, well... it's easy. Taking a character to rock bottom and then steadily building them up from there is sort of the point, and this makes an easy starting point for any character if one wants to make them somehow relateable, and who doesn't relate to someone in crippling pain?

... If you said 'me', you might want to see a therapist.

The show painted changelings as being powerful. Capable of being anypony is a power which can be very overpowered, so taking the 'crippled/dying changeling invasion aftermath' start makes them seem less threatening if that's what the author is trying to convey as they're no longer such a powerful and threatening figure.

Hell, it sorta worked for Chrysalis in Fall of a Monarch, and all I had to do was drain her of magic and remove her horn.

I like to take the view, when I come across any changeling stories such as this, that I'm not reading something that I've basically seen a dozen freaking times before, but that I'm seeing an old framework used in a new and interesting way. It works for me. Think of it not as 'oh, here we go again with the changeling sob story', look at it as, 'okay, how does this person build the race', or 'how does this person build the character'. When the fandom is handed a goddamned Tabula Rasa race, it's how we use them to mold our stories that makes them interesting. Do they survive on love alone, or can they eat food? Do they have a hive mind, or are they individuals? Do they have genders, or... well, I'm sure you get the idea.

Reading through others' stuff is a fun way to get ideas that can be borrowed. 'Oh, I didn't think of that!' is a fun feeling to have. Take the glowing blue blood idea I had here; if love energy is pink (or whatever colour it was in the show, I admit it was a long time ago I last watched it,) shouldn't it be pink? I made it glow, because I figured that they wouldn't have the iron intake to warrant red blood cells and instead relied on magic to circulate their body. I could just as easily not. It's all down to imagination.

... I might also be a sucker for villain redemption stories.

Far out, I'm rambling here.

Anyway, long story short, in a world of Mary/Gary Stu, fan characters, and creativity as I've said before, crying wolf over any little piece of imagination that seems old, stale, or re-used can only be bad for the community as a whole. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy what people come up with. Borrow ideas, use them to enrich your own worlds. Don't look at a story for what's the same, look for what is different.

-Silent Quill.

I didn't cry... much.

Found this gem and said
"Oh interesting name... Hmmm changeling fic, ight let's check it out"
It didn't disappoint
I've only read one other broken changeling fic I liked
Know of any others?
I'm a sucker for nursed back to health fics

I absolutely admire the work you've made with all the changeling centered fics you've written and this one is no exception. It was quite sad indeed, but at the same time, cute and heartwarming. My only disappointment with it as that it ended where it did as I wouldn't have minded a longer story, though it was good while it lasted.

I give you a halfbreed Changeling in a wheelchair. :facehoof:

derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/2/8/546272__safe_solo_oc_oc+only_vector_queen+chrysalis_shining+armor_offspring_artist-colon-starryoak_wheel.png

I went through every wheelchair pic on Derpibooru, and all I can find is this, a genderswapped version of the same OC, and a Pony in a wheelchair punching a Changeling. Honestly, fandom, I expect better from you. Get out there and make more images of disabled non-Ponies! ...and more disabled Ponies as well. There were only 11 pages under the wheelchair tag, after all.

Oh, goodness, this was such a ride! Are you, perhaps, writing a sequel? If you aren't, do I have the permission to do so?

Damn i have to admit i almost cried at the part where the name of his sculpture(s) was revealed and the following scene with Luna and Celestia.

Great story. :twilightsmile:

Came because changeling, didn't expect to leave inspired.
Seriously, fantastically written a beautifuly articulated story aside, this was one of the most inspirational things I've read in a while.
Definitely didn't cry a bit near the end.
Would really, really love a sequel (or possibly even series) to this, I would read the ever-loving heck out of that.

I hoped this would be good but I never expected it to be this good.

This story was so good, I'll end up rereading it a lot. I rarely do that. It had an interesting plot, it was beautiful, heck, it had everything it needed to be an awesome story.

I really liked how Buzz was portrayed too, his reactions to everything and connections to the princesses.

Congrats, Silent Quill. You've earned your story a place on my Favoritest Fics shelf, and it's pretty hard to get on that thing. Only the best of the best end out there. :ajsmug: Also, have a follow. You've earned it. :pinkiehappy:

I swear if someone came upon this story and disliked it purely for the tags then I will make DISCORD LOOK TAME COMPARED TO WHAT I WOULD DO.

When I heard prince I thought it was shining armor instead and please will you right a sequel

That was beautiful

Still want to know how they missed a broken spine, I mean honestly, it was dragging its legs, what more evidence does one need to know it's badly injured?:flutterrage:

After all the time still one of my favorite "sad fics" on Fimfiction. The whole idea of giving a literally and figuratively broken creature new hope by creating art is... well... you know... :fluttercry:

You are a really good author,though the end felt alittle rushed. Overall I wold say it was excellent.
I'm very tempted to read your unfinished work. Especially if they are as good as this.

Reread it and it's still beautiful. It has its meaning... Buzz is like a rock, featureless & plain. But once touched by an artist, it become a thing of beauty. And Buzz can do this to his own life. He has the tools.

There is absolutely no need to apologize for writing this instead of the other story. It was beautiful.

She smiled and helped me rest back onto my bed, pulling the sheets over me gently. “Thank me after you have met the first mare I have in mind, she is liable to attempt to clothe you.”

She’s talking about Rarity isn’t she? Wonder how that meeting would go.

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