• Member Since 19th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

the dobermans


Winter break is over, and the rolls of Celestia's private schools are being inked once again. The Princess makes a trip to Ponyville to ensure that Featherweight returns to Canterlot to obtain the education she believes he deserves.

Special thanks to Pre-reader 63.546 for proofreading, editing and providing general advice.

Featured on EQD on 18 Sep 2015.
Podcast review by ObabScribbler and Gina M.
Review by Present Perfect.
Review and reading by darksymphony777

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 35 )

Whatever I just read.... it was sad and haunting and seriously I have no idea what happened


Looks like my work is done here. :twilightsmile:

First person to decode this, let me know, 'cuz I have no idea what the buck I'm reading.

I'm getting faint traces of "special needs child", "special needs but prodigy in something unusual" (colors?), and frankly the stark stink of pedophillia from Celestia. Words like "special time" and how he was "bathed in all the light" certainly sets off my red flags.

How can a story say so much, and frankly, say so little? It frustrates me that I cannot understand it. I must thumbs it down, sorry

P.S. HOW did this get featured on EQD when it has 2 comments, no rating, isn't in the top stories of the site this week, and frankly has less than 200 views? Everything about this story is off-putting and un-settling. :trixieshiftleft:

Sorry, mate. It was written well and it was interesting, but I have no idea what you were trying to accomplish. Overall, I feel I just wasted my time. If there was something I was supposed to get from it, it went over my head. Had to down vote it.

There is being secretive and there is being meaningful. Talented authors like those I admire can do both. But having one aspect doesn't necessarily mean the other is guaranteed. This sadly I feel falls short of gaining the second trait. When you want to string someone along the mystique, give them a puzzle, it helps to to give them the first piece and let them build from there. They'll get some things wrong, for sure. If there is luck in a group, maybe even some cleaver discussion amongst the group as to figuring out what all is going on and what is important.

You can build the best maze with the most satisfying secret out there, but if you don't give those who wish to try said maze an entrance; it's not a maze anymore. It's just a series of walls with a prize inside almost no one is going to get too. At that point its not a matter of the readers not being smart enough to figure it out, it's a matter of they have nothing go off of other than a blank space.

I respect you as an author and smile at your success in getting this on ED. But, honestly I feel this could have been much better. It's well written, just very unsatisfying.

So... does anyone have any idea at all about what it was that I just read? Because I don't have a clue what this is supposed to be about. :rainbowhuh:


It's an exercise in pseudoliterary masturbation. Pretentious types will nod their heads to prove that they get it, and laugh at us unwashed peasants who keep trying to figure out where the actual story went.

6438264 pseudoliterary? Then what's literary masturbation?

And do I want to know?

I would say any story that makes one feel any sort of emotion has succeeded at its goal.

After reading your story I feel rather sad for the poor colt. Not the kind of "oh, that's sad, I guess" kind of sad, but the whole drooping eyes and heavy heart kind of said. I really liked this story for that. Have my thumbs up.

If EqD only featured popular stories, they might as well just feature whatever gets featured on Fimfic. Which would defeat the purpose of them even having story posts, because a) people would most likely have read them already, and b) getting a feature on EqD would have a greatly reduced impact on views.
Either Prereader 63.546 actually found something in it that struck a chord with them, or it could be a case of "I'm not sure I like this, but I can't fault it on a technical level, so up it goes." You just can't know.


Thanks for giving it a try. For anyone looking for a place to start an interpretation of the story, I'll drag over the EQD tagline:

"Education is the state's power"

What minimum of views and comments would you suggest as a requirement? The masses would like to know which stories not to bother submitting, no matter how good they are.


Thank you for being polite about it. I meant no insult. I did understand what you were meaning and playing towards, I just felt the delivery was a tad disjointed that it killed any sadness I would have felt for the pay out. If anything I'd maybe like to see that blurb from ED be a little more apparent, that way you wouldn't have so many confused comments and feel the need to post that line.

Nailed it in one mate, nailed it in one...

Seriously, I have no fucking clue why people put, of all ponies, Celestia in these sort of scenarios. And no, its not because she's my fav that I'm saying this.... okay it is, but... It just bugs the fuck out of me. I think it stems from the first season. We see this seemingly perfect goddess, who pulls of Xanatos gambits that put him to shame so badly he stays up at night nursing expensive hooch questioning his manhood, and people go from that and fill her with flaws. No, not flaws, flat out dysfunctions and aberrations of behavior to bring her down to mere mortal levels.

You know... as opposed to actually watching the show, seeing her mistakes, and then being giddy at episode 100 where she and Luna are actually having a snit over who forgot the gift.

6439140 Hmmm. So, and do correct me if this isn't the right interpretation, but your story is intended to be a glimpse into the terrifying process by which Equestria's status quo is maintained, as ponies are broken down and built into whatever role is needed? With a side of a nightmare fuel in the form of those who should have objections not only not objecting, but not even noticing the wrongness?

At least, that's how I'm now seeing the story, in light of your mention of the tagline.

After reading this, instead of a thumb, I'm going to say "No." This is not a leader who cares, this is a leader who destroys. This is the terrorist who wields the power of the State to end sanity and well-being. This Celestia is out of character for me. I cannot accept her.

It's a good story, or at least well written. But it's not a story I would tell or can accept outside of particular circumstances. So, no thumb, up or down, and no fave.

But good job with it.

Why isn't this labeled "Dark"? This story is quite unsettling. I love it. :pinkiecrazy:

Yeah, Celestia seems a bit... off. Can't really defend that. Still, I enjoyed the fic for the way it subtly introduces the horror of what's going on. I'd rather have this kind of "OOC" than have someone plant the mind of a retard into the skins of the canon characters and pretend it's "comedy".


To put it bluntly, Celestia is getting revenge for someone taking photos of her while she was eating cake. What is so complicated about that?


Are you seriously using a fanservice episode as a point of reference?

...I'm not sure what I read.

The only thing I'm certain about in this fic is that Featherweight is terrified of the color white. Other than that, I'm not sure what was going on.

>Checks ED
>Sees story
>Decides to check story
>reads story without looking any comments or rating
>opinion fresh
>opinion turns sour
>looks at rating
>looks at other comments

Oye, ED checks still got a fan wank for immoral Celestia stories. I'll give it 2/5 for good writing talent, but nothing positive for the plot.

6439742 Actually, I DID think that it was revenge for the cake pictures at first. But what happens as the story progresses seems awfully vicious for a candid photo of Celestia gobbling baked goods. Which is why I'm so puzzled about it.

Author certainly got a bunch of discussion going, even if it's mostly confusion :rainbowlaugh:.

Normally I would spend hours writing a long and scathing commentary on how this story is worse than Hitler and ranting until my blood soaked the keys of my computer.

However, this thing is just so stupid it's not worth more than the time I've already spent.

10:1 Featherweight's autistic
5:1 Celestia's a pedophile
3:1 Tyrantlestia
2:1 it's some allegorical shit

Seriously, though. This wasn't a good story. It had a really boring start, meandered along with stiff dialogue, dropped some vague, totally useless hints, then ended. It really felt like a waste of time. I was left not giving a shit about Featherweight or Celestia because I couldn't follow what was supposed to be happening.

If you want to confuse your audience, write a crackfic, not some pretentious filler. At least then they can be entertained.

Reads like Celestia plans on molesting Featherweight. Which is kind of scary when you consider the size difference.

What even is this? I don't understand any part of this story. Just... why?

6439960 I didn't even get that. I thought he was just terrified of something at school.

And that his mum fails at motherhood.

Author Interviewer

I'm gonna have to think about this one for a while.


Let me know what you come up with. Despite the almost universal negative response, I'm pretty proud of this one. It isn't necessarily about what everyone seems to be thinking.

6439140 Is Louis Althusser writing ponyfic now?


Derrida by way of Althusser, maybe? Or vice versa. What's Celestia without Featherweight?

I have no idea what everyone's rambling about. Sure, nothing happens, but the same could be said of most one-shots that end up in the feature box. I've seen utter crap get shining reviews, and it's honestly a pity to see something that's at the very least written competently being treated so poorly.

I mean, what are the negatives here? Everyone's decided to interpret random gibberish and an accidental kiss as Molestia, a character that the vast majority of the fandom doesn't understand was written slightly OOC, and the author's refusal to offer anything beyond vague hints and trust that their audience can understand anything that isn't spoon-fed to them. Again, I've seen much worse. As anticlimactic, unsatisfying conclusions go, this is much better than most of its caliber.

I, for one, like it.

This is complicated, unsettling, and very well written. Most of all, it made me think. Good job :yay:

How did this not get a dark flag? It's not bad, it's just untagged, semisubtle horror. Like baking chocolate in a Hershey's wrapper, or a Skittle in a bowl of M&Ms.

This is... not good. Sorry, but it's fairly incoherent, dense in a bad way and just made little sense.

my guess is that the story is an allegory for propaganda

They give me blank pages, wide open, open wide they tell me, and there are no words or pictures. They don’t teach me any words. You don’t need your camera or your press or your quill. Not going

i can infer from this is that featherweight is scared over the fact that celestia has control over the news blank pages can reference clean slate, or can be seen as lies.

the next part is easy "wide open, open wide they tell me and there are no words or pictures" easily means they are forcing to put what they want to put for their own agenda and the rest of the line being as a way to enforce that, after all if you being given fake pictures and lies you don't need a camera , press or quill to do it.

Education is the state's power

this is what gave me the answer. what power does the "state" have in terms of education. why they have the power to control how the schools run and what they teach. my guess, celestia being the "state" knows about what goes on in the school and approves of it hence why their is ink on all the WHITE items in the house because featherweight knows that celestia is involved and is trying a sort of brain bleach by getting rid of all the white in the house.

honestly the only answer left is why, why would celestia go to such lengths to get featherweight into her school.

6439742 was on the right path but not the fact featherweight caught her eating cake, i think it was the fact she was caught PERIOD. after all if you can get a picture of a celestial all-knowing goddess AND get away with it you can be damned sure sooner or later he could find out about the propaganda machine at the school and no one would bat an eye because she is the goddess the "state" because she know she has them under her thumb already.

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