Alternate Ending: An Unnecessary Evil
…But this is not what occurred. You, who found this journal upon the ashes of the nation, already know this. The happy ending I have included here, wherein I realize my mistake and throw myself to the mercy of my fellows is patently false. I wrote it for my own sake, as a method of denying what’s happened. It has not helped. I end this book here, in the Gray Domain, facing the harsh light of the truth. My existence is beyond your comprehension now, and pray it remains so. I am a lonesome deity, left to wallow in the cold seas of regret. For eternity.
I cast these pages through the void, in the hopes that they would find their way to the upper planes. If you’re reading this, my gamble appears successful. Learn from my mistakes. The deal I struck with the Other Gods was sordid. I would wish it upon none other. What follows is a rewrite of the finale. It is closer to the truth.
“I can hardly believe you would debase yourself like this,” hissed Rarity. “What you’ve done to Equestria…” She paused for dramatic effect. “…is absolutely evil!”
I was unimpressed.
“Is that really the word you would use to describe what I’ve accomplished here? There are motivations behind every action, Rarity. To classify them as good or evil is childish. Narrow-minded. Discard your outdated conceptions of morality. They will serve no purpose where we’re headed.”
“Rainbow Dash is crippled because of you! And Fluttershy’s d-DEAD!”
Pinkie and Spike turned to Rarity, mouths agape. Solitaire looked at me, gauging my response.
“Is that right?” I asked casually. My next question was laced with venom. “So what?”
Silence fell over the study once more. The group stared at me, horror and disbelief slowly spreading across their features.
“You bear witness to the pain and suffering of life in this imperfect world. I will take all that away. Come with me, and we will all see a brilliant utopia in a world without death. My actions here are for the greater good of the species.”
Rarity leapt at me.
“You… You’re NOT Twilight!”
I smacked her away with my left. She rebounded against one of the tables, knocking it over.
“Oh grow up,” I said in a disinterested tone.
The light coming from Celestia’s horn intensified.
“That’s enough. You’ve gone entirely too far.”
“You think so?” I turned back to her. “I’m curious. As the Princess, as my teacher, would you be willing to kill me for the sake of Equestria as a whole? Hmm?”
The next instant I was thrown backwards by a terrific lightning bolt. When I tried to get up I saw that I was paralyzed. A few stray sparks leapt from her horn as Princess Celestia stood over me. I looked defiantly at her.
“Nice shot. Now do it. End me.”
Spike looked away. Solitaire stared intently at the Princess, but did not intervene. No killing strike followed. She faltered, just as the soldier guarding the shield earlier. All as expected. As the feeling crept back into my body, I wrapped my tentacles around her neck and stood up. She fell to her knees, struggling to breathe.
“Disappointing. You are no different from the rest. Unwilling to make sacrifices, even with the kingdom on the line.” I chuckled quietly. “In your position, that is simply unacceptable.”
I allowed the volume of my voice to climb a few notches as I looked at the others.
“Who are YOU to criticize my methods? You think this path was easy for me to follow? It wasn’t. But I stepped forward to improve our miserable existence where nopony else was willing. Did you support me? NO. “
“Geez Louise, you didn’t even tell us what you were up to!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That being said, friends don’t let friends open portals to… to…”
“…To the Dungeon Dimensions,” Rarity finished weakly.
Something started to happen outside. The various lights around Canterlot left their sources and raced towards Azherkin hovering above. The Other God was collecting energy.
Solitaire took out a pocket watch and glanced at it theatrically.
“The hour is here.”
The candles on the chandelier flickered out. Darkness spilled across the study. I released my grip on the Princess and stepped back.
“This is your last chance,” I told them. “If you wish to return things to the way they were, step forward. Step forward with killing intent.”
My blackened left eye saw them through the inky darkness. They were advancing towards me. Good. I was itching to settle things once and for all. Solitaire moved to intercept but I pushed him aside.
“No. I don’t need you for this.”
“Suit yourself.”
The group was at a disadvantage. Unlike me, they could not see in the dark. I was able to land several substantial strikes on Rarity before she retreated to catch her breath and recover. Spike blew a couple puffs of green flame that illuminated the chamber for a few moments. Pinkie leapt forward. She opened with a couple of feints. While I threw up my left to block, she tripped me up with a sweep of her tail. Her tactics took me completely by surprise. I wondered if she’d done this before. Somehow that seemed unlikely.
“No hard feelings, right Twilight?”
I grabbed one of her pasterns and tossed her aside.
“Not at all.”
My eye focused on a light near the entrance. Princess Celestia was standing there, charging a finishing spell while the others distracted me.
“I’m sorry I have to do this,” she whispered. The words cut through the fight like a cleaver. I tried to cast a defensive charm but was not fast enough. An invisible force collided with my body and I was thrown backwards. I hit hard against the eastern window, easily breaking through it.
“Well done,” I said to nopony in particular as I fell through the freezing night air. The wind swept my words away. I had cleared the edge of Canterlot, and was sailing into the valley. I started to spin as I tried to get into a more comfortable position. Far below, the earth was racing to meet me. With nothing left to do, I screamed.
But I did not die here. The cliffs began to stretch, and the ground fell away. My screams gave way to laughter. It was too late to change a thing. The Gray Domain flashed thrice before my eyes and then… I was above the great shielded city, gazing upon it with silent fury. My voice echoed through the abandoned streets and alleys.
“Your ideals are worthless. They will perish alongside you. Farewell.”
The stone and mortar that comprised the city broke apart and fell upwards. Most of the ponies inside the buildings were vaporized. In Ponyville, all was destroyed in an instant. The shops, the schools, the hospital… Everything was taken apart along with the liars and the looters. Cloudsdale fared no better. The pegasus outpost was swallowed in its entirety. Azherkin had made His judgment. Equestria’s inhabitants were determined to be far too shortsighted to live.
I drifted through the infinite gray expanse, looking over the hills and meadows I once knew. How cold and lifeless they now seemed. I would not see my friends again. My only company now would be the Other Gods. I had become one of them, as I wished. These endless leagues of nothingness, punctuated by alien landmasses would become my home. A vast unknowable dreamscape for me to explore. A seamless world of grays, larger than any planet, larger perhaps than the known universe. I looked upon my hosts, massive creatures of whom Azherkin was just one, and I wondered. Was it all worth it?
In time it changed me, their otherworldly grace.
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As the author, I still prefer the first ending. But that's just me.
That's it, everyone. Done for now. May polish for EQD, may eventually do a sequel. Who knows.
Well, I won't lie in that I was surprised to wrote an alternate ending. Personally I think this ending is more, in don't know suitable perhaps. It rejects the idea that Twilight wasn't completely warped in both body and mind. I however shan't deny that I did like the so called happy ending. I think that either ending is satisfactory. From one writer to another, yes that's right I've posted a fanfic, keep up the good work.
I actually preferred this ending. It seemed really deep, because of the conflict about Twilight and Celestia's relationship, and it is especially difficult to find a tragedy among all of the fanfictions on Fimfic. So, bravo. But...
And, space after "NO". 
"...improve our miserable existence where nopony else was willing. Did you support me? NO. “
Quotation mark facing the wrong way.
But, pretty epic ending, if I do say so myself. I would be quite excited for a sequel.
this one was better emotionally
I liked it, though, as I'm wont to do, I think I should point out something that kind of bugged me.
I loved the cosmic horror and seeing Twilight's slow descent into madness, though I feel like her musings on life, death, the afterlife and religion seemed... I don't know, out of place. All of the sudden, someone would start talking about religions and their thoughts on life and death, and while this was a clear and present element in actual Lovecraft books, it doesn't feel like something the ponies of Equestria would be talking about (the closest we ever get to discussing anything resembling religion in the show is the Pinkie Sense, and that's more about faith in general than faith in some sort of mystical force or god figure). I guess it might've improved if you actually brought up one of the religions that are present in this universe, though it might have messed with the pacing and still threw everything off. I don't know, I just felt like, while it had a place in an actual Lovecraft story, it didn't seem to have one here.
However, I loved this story all the same, enjoyed the horror that ensued and seeing Twilight's mind warp into insanity of a different color was chillingly delightful. Good work, I look forward to another.
1321890
Yes, you're probably right. This story oftentimes felt like a vehicle for my thoughts. Maybe it is a bit more Lovecraft than My Little Pony. Then again, Lovecraft was a bit more subtle in shoving his views down your gullet. So yeah, I respect you for pointing that out. I considered bringing up specific in-universe religions at times, but given that none are ever mentioned in the show, I chose not to do so. Who knows, maybe they'll introduce one eventually. Unlikely as it is.
I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. It was a lotta fun to write. Currently working on a one-shot that isn't cosmic horror. Hopefully it won't be quite as pretentious.
Well, here we sit. A comment on the last chapter. After finishing the final word, you scrolled down and found me. After those tears and fears and monsters and malarkey, we sit here, together at last, at the end of your journey. And, in case our dear MonoGlyph is reading this, and if he follows any common courtesy he is, I suppose the preceding bit can be explained by my portal into your mind, similar to in Being John Malkovich. And just so you know, it's way beyond fucked up. Get help. Now then, on with the review!
After thoroughly enjoying My Money's Safer In My Mattress, I made sure to look at the author's other works, as I often do. I have only one thing to say: I may be in love. This reminds me of two of my absolute favorite fics ever, Fillystata, and it's sequel, Mare In The Mirror. Read them at some point, please. Please meaning now, I can see every last one of you, and I can promise you, Joseph Gradys of 221 Fuller Avenue, that I will hunt you down and I will kill you. Oh, wait, accidentally pasted a blackmail note there. Sorry about that, and Mr. Gradys, I have no pictures of you engaging in bestiality or necrophilia, and you have a beautiful and loving family. Thank you.
Seriously though, read Fillystata and Mare in the Mirror and you'll die quicker when the old ones return.
This was good. Twilight's descent into madness was done very nicely. Nihilism sure sucks, don't it? The moral, I'd call it almost... Randian. In a good way. The story was wonderfully Lovecraftian. The ending reminds me of Ex Oblivione. You can go read it now. It's literally just a couple hundred words. Really, I've got nothing but time. Literally. I'm just words on a computer screen, I'm not going anywhere. Oh come on, it's public domain, just google it.
...
...
Done? Okay, so, in closing, this was an awesome fic with an awesome story and an awesome moral by an awesome author who I expect to see more from in the near future. Three cheers for our new overlord, MonoGlyph! I'A! I'A! I'A!
1399525
Woah Nelly, I don't know how I missed this comment. It's almost as though there wasn't a notification.
So here's my much-belated reply. Thank you for the kind words, sir. Alas, I'm not as active on here as I might be. I said before and I say again, I only write when my muse strikes me. Updates are infrequent. But your support makes writing all the more worth it. I've read Ex Oblivione as you suggested. Though I have not heard of this story previously, it is unmistakably Lovecraftian and is consistent with his philosophy. Good thing you've pointed it out for me, it was a good read. Thanks again.
I played around with the idea of writing a sequel for Their Otherworldly Grace, but I refrained from making an attempt as I felt it might tarnish the original. And now, although cosmic horror is easily my favorite genre, I'm trying new things. The fanfic I'm working on presently is slated to be an ontological mystery, you might want to be on the lookout.
And in the meantime, I'll have a look at the two stories you've mentioned. Who knows, I might learn a thing or two.
1813263 Hey, I just summoned a shoggoth or whatever the hell those tentacle-y thingies are. Luckily for (someone, I guess), I'm a sick bastard, and there ain't no breaks on the rape train! All aboard!
...
...
The Asian guy from down the street is staring at me again.
...
...
I should get a hobby.
3865655
Thanks muchly. I'm surprised you managed to find my first story, I'd thought it buried beneath the ever-shifting sands of FIMFiction. Each story like another grain to add to the desert with no end in sight.
I'm glad you approve of my first foray into the land of fiction-writing!
I remember loving this. Time to read it again.
5753041 Wait. Again? But... I just... How many times have I read this?
I much prefer this ending.
Gotta love it when the bad guy wins.
This should be the ending to the story. I much prefer this one rather where its all candy and sunshine.
MonGlyph, if at some point read this because this is in your notification window, I just want to say, that in one night, your work here has inspired me to try and make one similar to this, albeit more mature and more hopeless. So thank you for creating on e of the best Lovecraftian horror stories I have read that was made in and for the Brony community.
-Madman The Mad
This history was like "wow" I don't have the exact words to describe how was it; weird, strange, interesting, like I said before I don't even know how to describe it.
This history is great, good job.
In my time on this site, I've read approximately seven Lovecraftian-type stories. Of all of them, this was likely my favorite; it also stressed me out the most. Made me think, ya know? The writing style was quite effecient at portraying emotion...
Perhaps I wasn't stressed-- as far as I can tell, I sweat when feeling any emotion at a significant level.
I also appreciate that it wasn't just 'Twilight becomes evil and nobody is suspicious'. There was clear emotional conflict that I don't see... anywhere, really.
All-in-all it was a good read. Thank you.
A beautifully crafted piece of dark fiction. I admit to having only passing knowledge of lovecraftian horror, but this story has opened my eyes to just how much more I have to learn. This story has inspired me to do better when it comes to these types of stories, and so I shall. Thank you for this story.
9388952
Hahaha, setting in... I'm one tattoo and many doctor visits beyond the point where it's merely setting in.
Thai said, I know what I'm reading tonight now.
9105826
I decided to check this story out after reading one of yours and with absolutely no offense or disrespect to the author of this story, I found yours to be creepier and more unnerving. This one was not bad, but it didn't quite cause the same level of unease perhaps it's an effect of reading several of these stories back to back, I don't know.
10474219
Well I still believe this one is something special but I've written quite and have come a long way when it comes to both storytelling and my knowledge of the Cthlhu Mythos since I posted in the comment section of this story. I'm glad to hear I was able to accomplish what I set out to do since that post back in 2018.
10475132
You're very welcome. As I said, maybe if I had read this one first, or at least not read 3 or 4 existential terror stories back to back it would have had a more profound effect.