"Magic, as the moon, has darker side." Everything Trixie wanted when she came to Cloudbergen was making her name famous in one of the most obscure and remote locations in Equestria, a place with a mysterious past and gullible citizens...With a sudden turn of events her expectations are shattered, she attracts unwanted attention and meets her early demise faced with a seemingly impossible task that puts her pitiful life on the line, possibly even more. Something lurking in the shadows is ready to offer his help, but are his ideas the right ones? Trixie is taken to the most sinister passages of Equestrian history, learning that sometimes, death isn't the worst alternative, and evil lies everywhere, at every hour... Will she be able to escape her unfortunate fate?, Or be dragged to the wretched depths of the world-not? Magic is Chaos, Art and Science. It is a curse, a blessing and progress. It all depends on who uses magic, how they use it, and to what purpose.
Need help with Editing.
Dark + Mature
A good read for people who dont like grimdark or is it pure grimdark with death or something?
A few minor errors here and there, but they are overshadowed by the sheer quality of this work. This is an excellent read.
We require moar.
I really don't know what to say, I'm kind of dumbstruck after reading this, it was great! I really enjoy writing about unicorn magic because there's just so much potential for great lore and some such. Anyways, just keep on writing this piece was great
ooh, me gusta this one.
I'm happy to see some ppl like this story.
28956
Well i kinda think that it's a Dark not a Grimdark fanfic. No pony dies in it, and it has sort of a "happy end".
If you don't like pure grimdark "madness, lets kill everypony" story, but still enjoy less "sugarcube" Equestria then you might like this story.
I'm kinda hoping for some feedback.
29191
Ill check it out then,thanks.
An interesting piece, to be sure. I think Trixie would inadvertently allow herself to become host to some evil entity in her pursuit of power. I do think that The Lady included the book in the stack for Trixie to find knowing about the soul trapped within. Her questioning earlier about whether such evil could survive the ravages of time was the biggest clue.
The grammar was somewhat hard to follow at times. However, due to the nature of the grammatical errors, I'm going to hazard a guess and say the original was probably written in another language, and then machine-translated into English. Would that be a fair assumption?
I agree with Fuse, i dont want to and dont plan to read Cupcakes.Im not into gore.
But this ,occult, necromancy,ghosts, things from beyond and such interest me a lot.
If such was in the description i would have read it right away heh,and i think this is more "teen" rather then mature, mature i would leave for describing gory stuff and clopfics.This was pretty light compared to other stuff.But its the writing style that makes it either good or bad.
This story is good and interesting, you created a interesting universe here, some maybe a sequel (or just continue the story in more chapters) and eventually a prequel to expand on the town and the history of it,the organization the lady leads and such.
There is a lot you can do with this
I am slightly confused...why did you delete most of the story, where did acid cookie go?
Was confused at first where this went,but see you combined the story into one part.
But honestly,dont know why you did it since its easier to read when split rather then a wall of text (easier at least if you dont have the time to read it all at once)
and congrats on getting it on Equestria Daily, dont know if its a "censored" version or the original but congrats anyway.
and i doubt that Seth is among the pre-readers of EqD with how much people and fics they get, i know there are a few and not all like the same so some will pass something while others fail it, the suggestion is to try again if one says no because others might like it.
Nobody is the same and likes the same.
155691
I assume it's because he is editing it to fit EQD standards and reposting it here, somehow, I can't get enough of reading this part, I said it before and I'll say it again, Vilwind, you made one hell of a Blueblood, I congratulate you again
So are you rewriting the rest of the story? This is one of my favorites, but after this chapter it felt like you weren't even trying. I know English isn't your main language, but that's no excuse when the first chapter is a veritable masterpiece. And past the grammatical errors, the rest of the story was excellent, exactly what I expect from good grimdark, so I sincerely hope you're fixing things up. It would be a terrible waste not to bestow the rest of this fic with the quality in the first chapter. Again, dat first chapter. When you write something incredible, you set a benchmark for yourself.
You aren't just letting us down by not meeting it, but you're letting yourself down. You have something amazing here, don't let it go to waste.
155691
The Lesser Evil will be rewritten and remade to fit content from Family Appreciation Day.
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Thank you ( and its the censored version). I updated the first chapter so its the same what I posted on EqD. I added Rebirth for ppl from EqD who wanted to see the rest of the story faster disregarding warnings about my grammar.
156128
Yes. The story is undergoing changes and I will post Rebirth on EqD only after Vimbert and Vanner grammar approval. As I said Rebirth is here only because there were ppl asking me to show next chapter and didn't minded my grammar.
First chapter was edited and improved for almost three months before it hit "decency". I just hope Rebirth will take less time.
This story was what made me originally want to read MLP fan fiction. So, imagine my glee when I found this here.
Keep up your good work, Vilwind.
Good good like the ending
....
Now write it up please
156128
I couldn't agree more with this, I felt this very lackluster as opposed to the first chapter. I had to force myself to finish reading near the end.
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I’m aware that my literary English is ... well let’s face it... it sucks hard. With the first chapter I was lucky enough to find a editor who helped me with the language barrier. Through the past year I read, wrote and basically learned English, but it seems I can’t get through the point where my writing is bearable for native English speaker.
I know "I'm trying..." is not an excuse. In my defense I can only say:
I had a story to tell and I told it with all the skill I could muster.
Thank you for your comment. I really means allot, but basically you didn’t liked the story or just my horrible writing style?
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It wasn't that I didn't like it, it was a well-written tale. The grammar just kinda turned me off to the story on the second chapter. I wasn't as engaged as I had been the first chapter. I know English is a tough language to learn, though, so I can understand.
If you wish, I could lend a hand at editing.
Perhaps this fic is long dead, but I'll leave my thoughts anyways:
This story has some interesting plot elements, but it feels like the pacing is very, very off. Essentially, certain parts just drag on too long (dreams and arguing over sealing the catacombs), while other parts go by too fast (like the end), and overall, I think chapters are too long (10k words is long); this one should've been split into two and then each half trimmed by at least a quarter.
Also, "Back then Trixie didn’t argued with him."
It's a shame this hasn't continued, cause especially the stuff with Blueblood executing the family is pretty nice. I could help with editing, if you do feel like continuing this fic at some point or at least polishing up what's there.