If you read this prior to 28/12/2011, the entire story has been revised and is worth a re-read.
In the widespread lands of Equestria, Opal, a young member of Thunderclan, is forced to leave under the ignorant rule of a new leader who is slowly starving the Clan. He takes his sister, Serenity, on a mission to find a new home and life as a kittypet. As he approaches more civilized lands, he falls into tradgedies, romance, danger, and in all, a home.
NOTE: I am new to FIMfic and this is my first story, please don't judge it too harshly.
Crossover of Warriors and MLP: FiM
And my new editor, ~IceOfWaterflock, is awesome.
Chapters (12)
Please give me some feedback on what I have so far, I would love to know your wishings and opinions
no way!!!! a warrior fanfic with ponys!? YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND!!!
31003 yeah I am a big fan of both warriors AND my little pony, ofcorse I am not an Advanced writer but scince there are no crossovers for the cats and ponies, I descided to make one. Glad someone likes them both just like me
(P.S. sorry for mistakes I am not a Brittish or American person so...yeah)
31649 glad you made this i always thought no one was going to make a fanfic with warriors
Awsome!!!!!!!!!!! I love this! this is great for a starter like you , but would like to make a few points about this,
1) It's kind of wierd that he did not notice rarity's cutie mark at first
2) why is twilight involved
3) why does he fall asleep so many times?
anyways this is quite a well done
31746 always welcome, if you want another crossover that you can't seem to find, let me know and I will do my best
32423 thanks!
I'm a huge warrior cats fan!!!!!!!!
32911 awsome!!!!
This is... Highly strange.
But me gusta.
Okay, as a fan of Warriors; or I was a fan, until the end of 'Power of three', I feel a need to read this. But before I start, let me just point out that you misspelled 'leaves' in the discription.
*deep breath* okay... lets do this
I think I read in the comments that English isn't your first language (if i'm wrong then forgive me) so I think many of the mistakes can be pinned to that.
Your format was wrong and made it hard to read. You need to start a new paragraph every time a character talks. this is a common mistake actually, and reformatting is a good way to make your story easier for the reader to get into.
You every now and then for got capitalization of names, which is rather easy to fix.
Now, as for the story. This feels like an outline. Like the premise for another story. everything happens so fast and things are stated so plainly that it just isnt interesting. I'm unengaged and bored with it already. Don't worry though. I have read and reviewed some fics that needed a lot of work, and many of those authors never went back to fix and just stopped and given up. you have done the one thing that many new authors dont. You kept writing. You have six chapters, and that alone shows that you want to stick with it. even though this first chapter left me unimpressed and unengaged, i know that you are learning. One cannot write six chapters and not learn how to write better in the process.
My early stuff (which isnt posted here because i'm embarressed by it) was horrible, but like you I kept writing. I'm not saying i'm a great author yet, but I feel like i've deffinatly improved.
33212 It's ok *hugs* sometimes I feel like giving up, but if you've posted your story, keep writing.
thanks
about the way I write, sry about that, it's just the way I was tought and this is my first fic sooo.... I will keep writing and you tell me if I have improved
33189
Oh man I used to troll people that liked warrior cats
...I miss iscribble
really nice story!
i was really enjoying the 1st chapter! 
sp if you will write more stories keep them as good as this one! 
and i told a lot of my friends that they need to read it, and they said that this is the best mlp fim story from this web site.
i like how you mixed tragic with drama, even if i am new, i can see that everybody are doing about loving but you are the one which i am keeping on reading and i can't wait for your next story! 
please write more!!!!
warriors??? :D must read!! but later. must first eat oreos and finish own fanfic.
49800 Lol ok.
Opal is a girl, not a boy.
But!
Just add the Alternate universe category, and it becomes a story from a universe in which Opal was born male. Problem solved.
50820 read on he becomes a she
Hello! i am new... and Jigurdaaaaa... it is alive!!!!
57103
it sure is!
33212 (<-- JuyUnseen, if it doesn't show up)
I would like to let you know I've been editing the story, and as a Warrior Pegasis, I would highly recommend a reread. I just thought you should know.
93398
Also, this would be the editor, forgetting to sign out.
Well shit. I'm a Warrior Cats die-hard, and I like crossovers. However, I prefer the 'Inter-dimensional-going-into-a-new-world-character-meets-character' kinda thing. I do NOT care for giving old characters new backstories. Do you mind if I wrie my own?
547439
why hello there dear sir, I must tell you that this story is really long. You shall not pass, bye!
K, JK ofcorse you can do your own
557517
Would you like to help me write mine, or are you busy?
560241 I would love to help you
567043
Thank you. Btw, production of the story will not start for a week or two. School is weighing me down.
>First reading it
Not bad
>Gets to clopfic part
A moment of silence to honor the fallen Angel (No pun intended)
Oh wow, just when I thought there WERE none of these!
*adds to read list excitedly* 
I'll be back for a better comment later!
There are so many mistakes in this, a deputy is smart and chosen for their bravery, intellegence and liyalty to their clan.
Bully kittens? What the hell.
Random dogs? Seriously?
Randomly plaved death of a not important cat that nobody got to know so they don't care.
A warrior cat/clan cat is an apprentice at 6 moons,
1 moon= 1 month.
Opalessence is acrually a female long haired cat not a male short haired cat,
Kittens clawing out other kittens eyes?
Highly unlikely tjey would only give small scratches at most as they are too weak and unable to place as much speed, strength and precision as an adult.
A kitten running all the way from Filkydelphia which is on the other side of Equestria, stupidly running into the Everfree? Without relising it? WTF!?
Angel Bunny randomly in the Everfree.
A KITTEN thinking to catch a rabbit when it hasnt had any training nor experience??
A bunny knowing about a WILD cat clan customs ((THAT DOESNT EXIST!!!))
Im sorry but this sad excuse for a Warrior Cats story is just intensely pissing me off, I love warrior cats and hate when people change it from the amazing series it was/is disregaurding all clan rules customs and the sheer Wild cat, mysterious and magical feeling Warrior cats gives to its readers and fans.
Im sorry but if your going to write a warrior cats book at least do things the clan cat way and not the twoleg way.
Dont be a kittypet, I know your story can prove itself to be worthy of the Warrior cats title.