Harder Better Faster Stronger
In the green, open plain just outside Ponyville, a pair of ponies came up over a hill, their hooves rustling the lush grass as they walked. The sun warmed the land and a light breeze rustled the leaves on the trees scattered here and there over the area. Wildflowers of purple, orange, and yellow dotted the land and the wind carried their scent over to the pair.
“What a gorgeous day!” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. She inhaled through her nose and sighed happily. “Oh, those flowers… just wonderful. We could not have picked a nicer day to do this!”
“Commencing intake of air,” Turing Test said, and a slight humming sound was heard as she drew air in through her own nostrils. “No toxins detected. Spectrographic analysis reveals several elements. Flower pollen is one of the many substances. Sodium laureth sulfate is also present.”
“What the heck is that last one?”
“A key ingredient in your shampoo, Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Come on, Turing, don't these sights or maybe the smells make you feel something? Maybe another emotion?” She leaned toward her robotic companion with a hopeful grin.
“Processing visual input… negative. Processing olfactory input… negative. No emotions detected.”
“Darn,” Twilight said, heaving a sigh. “I really thought at least that sweet smell would do something.”
“While I am able to receive input through what could be considered my ‘nose,’ I am only able to detect and analyze the different components of the air. While my ability to do so outperforms that of biological ponies, I lack the ability to make judgments about odors in any sense of preference.”
“So… you can’t really smell anything?” Twilight asked. “Like, if I put a flower or a pile of garbage in front of you, you would have no idea which one would smell good?”
“Clarifying: I would know from experience that certain smells would be undesirable to others, but as I lack olfactory neurons, I do not truly experience such a sensation as ‘smelling’ it. Therefore, I would be able to make no judgment of preference for myself. For example, you could express enjoyment of two varieties of flowers and still state preference of one over another. In contrast, I am incapable of making such a distinction. Without reference to others, such distinctions are impossible.”
“Oh.” Twilight frowned. She felt a little sorry for Turing, but supposed that at least she was learning more about her robotic companion. “Uh, well, what about sights? Could you, say, tell me if something was beautiful or not?”
“Again, only through prior experience. Extrapolating such data is exceedingly complex and seems to vary from individual to individual. I was able to determine that my appearance was unacceptable to many ponies yesterday, but I required Rarity’s assistance to inform me of such things as what clothing went with my eyes, that my mane was difficult to match to many clothing styles, and that my ‘robodonkadonk’ was of sufficient dimensions and mass.”
Twilight nearly choked. “Your w-what?”
“Clarifying: my posterior.”
Twilight got her giggling under control. “Well, anyway, at least we know more about what you can and can’t do. And that’s what we’re here for today! Just as soon as…”
“Twilight! Turing!" came a familiar voice. "I’m here, I’m here!”
They both turned to see Spike running up to them. He held a long scroll that was currently rolled up in one claw, and a quill in the other. He also carried a bottle of ink under one arm and set them all down. Additionally, he carried a backpack that clattered as he walked. He set that down as well. “Sorry I was late, Twilight. I got that extra ink and the supplies you wanted.”
“No problem, Spike, we weren’t waiting long. Thanks for getting those!” She smiled and turned to Turing Test. “Okay, Turing. Spike and I are going to check your physical abilities. Are you ready?”
Turing stood up straight like a soldier at attention. “Affirmative. My battery has been charged and I am running at maximum efficiency. I am prepared.”
“Great! Okay, Spike, let’s get set up." She trotted over to him, looking over the list on the scroll he held. "We’ve got a speed test, a strength test, a math test--”
“And a Turing Test!” Spike exclaimed, sweeping his arm toward Turing.
Twilight made a face. “Let’s just get started, Spike.”
“Heh heh… right,” he said, chuckling to himself. Then he frowned and glanced over to her. “It’s too bad Rainbow Dash can’t help out with this.”
Twilight lowered her head. “Yeah," she replied quietly. "It really is.”
***
Earlier that day…
Twilight smiled up at Rainbow Dash from her position on the ground just below her pegasus friend’s cloud house. Her smile was warm and she craned her neck, holding her head up high.
“No,” Rainbow Dash said flatly, and with that, turned to go back in the house.
“What?!” Twilight cried. “Come on, Rainbow Dash, I could really use your help!”
Rainbow Dash turned back and shot Twilight a scowl, her eyes narrow and nose crinkled. “Look, I get you want me to make friends with your little ‘robot’ friend, or whatever you’re calling it now, but you do not need my help to put it through its paces. Pass.”
“Oh come on, Rainbow!” Twilight flew up and perched on the path of the cloud house, blocking Rainbow's way. She put a hoof on her chest. “Rarity considers her a friend now, so you know it’s not just me who likes her. I’d really appreciate it if you gave her a chance. She’s actually very nice and you know it’s important to me, so it would mean a lot if you lent me a hoof as a friend. I even told Turing all about you and how athletic and cool you are and she seemed interested in getting to know you! Pleeease?”
Rainbow hesitated, her scowl fading. She looked down and away for a moment, but then shook her head, her eyes going hard. “No, no way! You can’t butter me up to hang out with that mechanical pony. Besides, running a bunch of tests on it sounds like a real snoozefest!”
“But don’t you want to see what Turing Test can do? She’s got a lot of incredible abilities and you can be right there with me as we discover them!”
“No!” Rainbow shouted, flying over Twilight. “I’ve got a Daring Do book to read--”
“You mean re-read, don’t you?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.
“--and I’d rather check that out than spend even a second watching a machine do… whatever it is you’re doing!” She huffed loudly, ignoring Twilight as she trailed her. “If you think you can make me like that thing by impressing me, then you’re wrong! Call me when it’s something I might actually care about!” And with that, she walked into her house, slamming the cloud door as loudly as she could (which wasn’t very loud at all, because, well, it was made of clouds).
Twilight gave an exasperated sigh and flew off. I really thought Rainbow Dash would want to see how powerful Turing is. I have no idea why she’s not interested, but I guess I can’t change her mind. I’ll just have to do the measurements myself without her help.
***
“Okay, Turing,” Twilight began, levitating a stopwatch from Spike's backpack, “let’s start with a speed test. Specifically, how fast you can accelerate and your top running speed.”
“Very well. I am in fact capable of measuring such speed myself.”
“Oh? Well, that’s helpful,” Twilight said. “I guess we’ll just let you do it.”
“Understood.”
Turing stepped away and scanned the area. The valley stretched a fairly long distance into the horizon, away from Ponyville. The ground was fairly level and didn’t seem to have any major obstacles, so she could run in a straight line for a long distance without needing to stop.
“Activating E-Mode.” The mechanical hiss of the pistons in her legs activating and locking into place was heard. With this extra power, she would be able to run much faster. She crouched slightly, her legs tense and ready to send her forward, just like a professional racer at the starting line. “I am ready, Twilight Sparkle. Shall I begin?”
Twilight looked down at Spike who was leaning forward eagerly and she took a deep breath. “Whenever you’re ready!”
No sooner had she said so then Turing shot forward with astonishing speed, the sound of her hooves pounding on the dirt like a machine gun. Twilight had seen Turing move quickly and do some amazing things already, but even so she could hardly believe Turing's speed. Within hardly a blink of an eye, the robot was already 100 meters away and surging forward. She sent grass and dirt behind her as she sped away until she was almost completely out of sight. Twilight was about to fly over to see what was going on when she saw that Turing had reversed course and was now speeding toward them. About fifty meters away, she stopped suddenly, turning sideways and skidding to a halt just in front of her and Spike, creating a sizable gouge in the earth as she dug in her hooves to decelerate.
Spike and Twilight just stared at her with slack jaws and bulging eyes.
“I achieved a top speed of approximately 120 kilometers per hour. I was able to achieve that speed from rest in 1.346 seconds.”
Twilight began sputtering, her jaw working as she tried to find her words.
“That’s… pretty darn fast,” Spike said breathlessly.
“That's an understatement: that’s faster than any pony can run! That’s faster than most trains can go!” Twilight exclaimed.
“I have no reference for that.”
“Well… wow, good job, Turing!” she added, putting a hoof to her forehead.
“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Now deactivating E-Mode to conserve power.” The same hissing sound was heard as her leg pistons disengaged.
“Uh, okay, Spike, write that speed down and then we’ll continue with the math test.”
“Ugh,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.
“I know you're not as interested, Spike, but knowing her processing and mental abilities is important too!" She turned to face Turing, smiling at her. "Turing, Spike will start timing you as soon as I ask you a question.” She looked over to Spike, who took the stopwatch from her. “As soon as you answer, he’ll stop the clock and record your time. I have the answers on these flash cards,” she levitated them up, holding them in a way to hide their contents from Turing, “just to make sure you’re getting them correct.”
“Understood.”
“I’m ready, Twilight!” Spike said, holding his finger on the button of the stopwatch.
“Okay then… Turing, let’s start with a simple one. What is 4 plus 4?”
Click
“Eight.”
Click.
“Less than one second. Heh,” Spike said. “That was easy.”
“Not surprising. Let’s try a tough one. What is 385 times 6?”
Click.
“2310.”
Click.
“Um, less than one second again, Twilight.”
“Not bad, not bad. What is 4249 divided by 8?”
Click.
“531.125.”
Click.
“Wow," Spike said.
“Yeah, wow, that was fast!” Twilight exclaimed. “You’re really great at math, and without even using an abacus.”
“This may not be an efficient means of testing my capability, Twilight Sparkle. I am capable of calculating most general mathematical equations in an amount of time that would seem instantaneous. In fact, I can perform a large number of calculations simultaneously with no drop in performance whatsoever.”
“How large a number?” Twilight asked.
“The upper limit is unknown, but 1 million calculations in one second is certainly possible.”
Twilight gawked. “One million?!”
“Likely far more. That was a low estimation.”
Spike dropped the stopwatch, looking utterly dumbstruck. Finally he said, “I’m not sure we can ask her that many math problems today.”
“I am capable of performing a far greater number of basic operations as part of my synthetic neural processes. While the exact nature of my inner workings is unknown, I am able to estimate my abilities. It allows me to simulate the workings of a biological brain such as counting by sight and the memory of events. However, due to its precise nature, I am capable of exact measurements and perfect memory. Example: we passed exactly 14 ponies on the way here and that tree directly behind you has 30,472 leaves on it.”
Twilight and Spike gawked at her.
Spike looked back over his shoulder at the tree behind him. He could take all day trying to count the leaves and not get anywhere. “You mean you counted all that stuff on the way here?!”
“Negative. I observed my surroundings and recorded those observations. I can access any event I have experienced at any time with perfect recollection and then report information such as numerical values.”
“Amazing…” Twilight still had a hard time wrapping her head around how impressive Turing could be at times. But still, it wasn’t a real test unless she checked for limitations...
Twilight got a mischievous look on her face. “How about this… what is 10 divided by ZERO?”
The glow of Turing Test’s eyes shrank to pinpricks and for a moment her head drooped lopsidedly to the left before righting itself and her eyes returned to normal. “An error has occurred. Operation impossible. Higher cognitive function was required to terminate the calculation.” She turned to Twilight. “I will direct my program to immediately terminate impossible functions in the future. Nevertheless, it would be inadvisable to place such inquiries in the future, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Ahahaha… er, sorry, Turing,” Twilight said sheepishly, looking away as if chastised by an angry parent. “Let’s just go on to the next test. This time, let’s try a strength test!”
Right on schedule, their new assistant arrived. The sound of trotting and the rumble and rattle of something heavy and metal inside a wooden cart could be heard long before he arrived. Finally, the sight of a very large white pegasus stallion was visible as he rounded the corner and hauled his cart into the clearing.
“I’M READY TO ROCK!” Bulk Biceps shouted excitedly. “LET’S DO THIS, METAL PONY!”
“Clarification needed,” Turing replied. “What do you require of me, Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight swept her arm over at Bulk Biceps. “Turing, this is Bulk Biceps. With the possible exception of Big McIntosh, he's the strongest pony in town.”
“YEAH!!”
Twilight flinched at the muscular pony’s sudden outburst, but continued. “He has generously agreed to help us by bringing his weight-lifting equipment, so we can test your leg power.”
“Let’s see what you got, robot!” Bulk Biceps shouted excitedly. He got right in Turing's face. “Are you ready?!”
“Affirmative,” Turing replied.
“Come on, I can’t hear you!” Bulk shouted. “Louder, like this: YEAH!”
“Affirmative.”
Twilight winced. It was no more excited, but certainly louder. "Um, I think that's--"
“NO, COME ON, LET’S HEAR IT! YYEEAAAHHH!!”
Turing adjusted her volume to a considerably higher level and replied:
“AFIIIIIRRRMATIIIIIIIVVE.”
Birds scattered from trees and the others covered their ears as the sound rang out, loud enough to be heard for miles.
“Was that sufficient?” Turing asked, returning her voice to normal.
“WHAT??” Bulk Biceps asked, rubbing his ears,which were still ringing. “I MEAN… er, yeah. That was fine,” he said more quietly.
With that, he began to take the equipment and weights out of his cart and prepared to set things up for the test.
“Okay, Turing Test, activate E-Mode again and we’ll try to figure out just how strong you really are!” Twilight exclaimed excitedly.
***
Rainbow Dash had been reading her book when the loudest utterance of the word “affirmative” in Equestrian history blasted through her open window and startled her so badly she nearly fell out of bed.
“What the hay was that?!” she exclaimed, slamming her book down on the table by her bed. She stuck her head out her window, snarling and gritting her teeth as she scanned around for the perpetrator. She couldn’t see exactly what was going on, but her eyes were good enough to spot Twilight, Turing Test, Spike, and Bulk Biceps in a valley on the other side of Ponyville. Grumbling about the disturbance, but still somewhat curious, she fetched a pair of binoculars and looked again.
“What are they doing? Bench presses? That’s the stupidest…”
And then she froze. Bulk Biceps lifted a fairly heavy-looking dumbell with his forelegs on his bench. He appeared to be straining, but then she saw Turing Test get on it and do it easily. Then she did it again with just one hoof. Twilight was saying something excitedly and they added even more weight with no change in results.
“...whoa, how much weight is that? Maybe if I got closer--”
She stopped herself. That’s right. I’m not interested. That’s what I told Twilight. There’s no reason for me to care. She went back to her book and was about to pick it up when she hesitated. Buuut, maybe just a quick look over there wouldn’t hurt. Yeah, just a quick look and that’s it. Just out of curiosity. Yeah. I’ll go hide out on that cloud and watch for a minute, then come back here before anypony sees me.
And with that, Rainbow Dash zoomed out the window toward the valley.
***
“Well, great, we’re out of things to lift, Turing.”
“Shall I find more things to lift?”
“I don’t see the point,” Twilight said, looking over the numbers she’d written down. “You lifted as much as Bulk Biceps and I could get on the barbell, then we put it all back in the cart and lifted the entire thing and then we even put all of us on top of it!
Uh, just for the record, how much do you weigh, Bulk?”
“I PREFER NOT TO SAY. MODESTY FORBIDS!”
“Fair enough.” Twilight sighed. “Unfortunately, we didn’t get close to your limit, but what you lifted has got to be over three metric tons. And you can lift that much using only two hooves: forelegs or hind legs.”
“I AM HUMBLED, YET IMPRESSED! YEAH!”
“Well, on the bright side, at least you’ve got a new fan,” Spike said, thumbing at Bulk Biceps.
Turing looked to Bulk Biceps, who was smiling, then back to Spike. “Understood.”
“All right, Turing," Twilight said, "let’s move on to towing capacity.”
This was going to be trickier. It was harder to lift something than it was to pull it, especially on wheels. Bulk Biceps managed to haul all of his equipment on his cart, after all, even if he was unable to vertically lift that much. “Spike’s going to tie this magically-enhanced rope around you and then tie one end to a force gauge. You’ll be pulling against something else.”
Bulk Biceps looked at Twilight and gestured to himself questioningly.
“No, not you Bulk,” Twilight assured him, waving a hoof. “No offense, but we're going to need something with even more power than you can muster. I’m going to use my magic to try to hold the force gauge in place while Turing Test is pulling in the opposite direction. I’ll hold it until she can’t pull it any further.”
Spike finished tying the force gauge to Turing.
“Okay, Turing, are you ready?”
“Affirmative, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Good! Okay, start walking!”
Twilight tried to hold the gauge in place, her magic engulfing it and holding it firmly, but Turing very casually started to drag it in the opposite direction.
“That’s three tons, Twilight!” Spike said, watching the number on the mechanical gauge continue to climb.
Okay, let’s keep going, she said to herself and increased her magical hold on it. She kept doing that until she was was really starting to strain. Turing began to slow and her light trot became a methodical trudging.
“S-seven tons!” he said in disbelief.
Twilight grit her teeth and exerted herself further. Finally, Turing came to a stop, her hooves only digging grooves into the earth without going anywhere. “That’s it, Spike, what’s it at?”
“It’s… ten and a half, on the dot! Ten and a half tons!”
“Roger! Okay, Turing, stop!” The robot pony complied as Twilight took out her scroll. “Okay, writing it down. Whew, I haven’t had to use that much magical force since I lifted that Ursa Minor!” She wiped the sweat from her brow with her foreleg.
“Is that the last test?” Spike asked.
“Well, maybe just one more. Um…” She looked around and spotted a tall tree standing among several others. “Turing?”
“Yes, Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight pointed at the tree. “I need to get some idea of how much force you can muster at once. I want you to go to that tree over there and buck it as hard as you can.”
“Understood. Commencing diagnostic of kicking power.” She walked up to the tree and looked at it for a moment, up and down, then turned back toward Twilight and the others. “One moment, Twilight Sparkle. I detect the presence of an avian nest in the branches of this tree. While not occupied at this moment, it is possible that the bird may return. The neighboring tree is unoccupied. Shall I alter my target?”
Twilight raised her head and blinked. “Oh. Yes, of course, Turing. That’s fine.” Twilight looked over to Spike, who was smiling, and she returned it, but she had to admit that she wasn’t prepared for Turing to take the time to consider the well-being of an animal. She’d never told her to do that. In fact, she hadn’t even thought about the tree having birds living in it, but she put that out of mind for now and continued watching.
Turing walked over to the second tree and turned her back to it, getting into position. Once she was ready, she reared up onto her forelegs and aimed her hind legs at the tree. Then, with all the force she could muster she bucked with both legs into the trunk.
The whole party gasped and some even had to shield their eyes as the tree seemed to explode in a cloud of splinters, bark, and leaves that radiated out in a cloud of debris. When they looked again, they saw that the stump of the tree remained, but most of the trunk had been completely obliterated and was lying in chunks that littered the small copse of trees.
“Twilight, look!” Spike shouted, pointing into the sky.
Twilight looked and could barely believe her eyes. The top part of the tree with its uppermost branches was flying through the air, almost a hundred meters up, and was tumbling end-over-end in an arc. Gravity took over and the remnant of the tree crashed to the earth a good distance from where it had once been.
“Wow.” Twilight didn’t know what else to say. She’d known Turing was strong enough to break rocks with her hooves, but that wasn’t totally unheard of even for some earth ponies. But such sudden force was…
“THAT WAS AWESOME!!” Bulk Biceps yelled, startling both Twilight and Spike, who’d momentarily somewhat forgotten he was there.
“Well, when he’s right, he’s right,” Spike said, and started to applaud. “Turing, you’re incredible!”
Turing walked over and shook the dust and splinters from her body. “Your collective awe at my abilities is puzzling. I am merely demonstrating my physical limits for the purpose of assessment. Twilight Sparkle, can you provide information on why physical displays can be sources of amazement or delight? Without experiences with either emotion, the response seems illogical to me.”
“Uhhh, that might be hard to explain, actually,” Twilight replied, not even knowing where to start.
“Understood. I will endeavor to learn more. I may be able to gain information through interactions with those observing me today. Spike the Dragon, Bulk Biceps, or Rainbow Dash may be able to provide additional information.”
“Yeah, I guess-- wait, Rainbow Dash? She’s not here.”
“Incorrect. She is observing us from a cloud directly overhead.” She pointed her hoof straight up.
They all looked up and were just in time to see Rainbow Dash duck her head back behind the cloud she was perching on.
“HI, RAINBOW DASH!” Bulk Biceps yelled, waving and smiling obliviously.
“Rainbow Dash?!” Twilight exclaimed, her voice accentuated by both surprise and a bit of anger. “What are you doing up there, I thought you didn’t want to come at all! Why are you watching us?”
Rainbow sighed and came down off of her cloud, landing amongst everyone. “Uh… hey,” she said sheepishly.
“How long have you been there?” Twilight demanded, going nose-to-nose with her.
“She has been observing us for the last 20 minutes, shortly after we began my lifting assessment.”
“Tattle-tail,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.
"Incorrect. My name is Turing Test."
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Okay, Rainbow Dash, what’s going on here? I think you owe me an explanation.”
“Okay, see,” she began, looking off to the side, “I admit I was lying when I said watching you test your robot’s strength sounded boring. Then I heard her yelling something and looked out the window and I just couldn’t resist when I saw her lifting all that stuff.”
“If you felt that way, why didn’t you just come when I asked?”
“Because I knew you weren’t asking me just because you thought I’d be interested,” Rainbow said, narrowing her eyes. “I knew you wanted me to come because you thought I’d go all fangirl and want to be friends with that robot just because she’s strong.” She started hovering in the air and looked down at Twilight pointedly. “Am I right?”
The others also looked to her and Twilight squirmed under their collective gaze. “Um… somewhat.”
“That’s what I thought,” Rainbow Dash said. She sighed. “Look, I’m not mad or anything,” she added, her tone more conciliatory, “and I’ll stay and help today if you want, but you can forget about me making friends with her. I’m not going to bond with her over how strong she is.”
“Why not?” Spike asked. “You love seeing other ponies show off how tough they are.”
“Because she was just built that way,” Rainbow said, pointing at Turing Test. “It’s sort of cool, but it’s not that impressive if that’s what she was just designed to do.”
“That does not seem relevant,” Turing remarked, startling Rainbow. “Biological ponies likewise have innate abilities and talents from birth.”
“Yeah, but then they have to work on it and perfect it and get better at it,” Rainbow Dash shot back. “You don’t!”
Twilight looked away, remembering how, when she thought Turing had perfected magic without any effort, it had irritated her tremendously. She couldn’t exactly disagree with Rainbow Dash’s point.
“Take me, for instance,” she said, flying even higher and doing a loop for show. “I had to work hard for years to get as awesome as I am. And now I’m one of the fastest and best fliers in Equestria!”
“That is useful information,” Turing Test said, looking up at her. “How long have you been a member of the Wonderbolts?”
Rainbow froze, her eyes first going wide, then narrowing coldly. “What did you just say?”
“Clarifying: Twilight Sparkle’s book on the history of the Wonderbolts indicated that they are a group of the best fliers in Equestria,” Turing said. “You indicated that you met such a qualification. Therefore, logically, you must be a member of the Wonderbolts.”
Twilight and Spike were both motioning at Turing to be quiet.
“Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon, are you both suffering from neurological muscle spasms?”
“Ohhh Turing!” Twilight groaned, putting her hoof to her forehead.
“I don’t like your tone, robot!” Rainbow Dash shouted. Her eyes were hard and her nostrils flared. “You think you’re so tough?!”
“My durability is very high.”
“You think you’re hot stuff?!”
“My hull can reach high temperatures in direct sunlight.”
Rainbow’s frustration was boiling over and she grit her teeth. “Well, then, can you do this?”
She took to the air and flew off quite a distance, enough to where even Turing lost sight of her. Then she came rocketing toward them, overhead, picking up speed until…
“Uh oh… Spike, Bulk, cover your ears!” Twilight shouted, realizing what Rainbow was attempting.
Turing continued to watch as Rainbow Dash - now just a rainbow-colored streak - soared over them when there was a very loud sound, like an explosion, and a circular ring of multicolored light radiated outward, followed by a rumbling shockwave that blew back their manes (or scales in Spike’s case).
“Still amazing as ever,” Spike breathed. Twilight and Bulk Biceps nodded as well, and even Bulk was speechless at the dazzling sight.
A moment later, Rainbow Dash returned to the ground, tossing her mane back proudly. “Ha! What do you think about that?”
“Unknown.”
“Huh?” Rainbow asked, confused by the simple response.
“Clarifying: You previously asked if I was capable of such a feat. The manipulation of light in such a fashion is beyond my capabilities, but if you reference the ability to fly at supersonic speeds, that is unknown. I have yet to utilize or assess my pegasus-mode.”
“Your… what?”
“I will demonstrate. Switching to P-Mode.” Turing lowered her head and a panel on her back lifted slightly. With a loud clack-clack-clack sound, a pair of brass-colored wings sprouted out horizontally, then raised into an elevated V-like position. She raised her head and stood there, her bright wings reflecting light on the ground as they gleamed in the sun.
Rainbow blinked, then turned back to Twilight. “Okay, not going to lie: that was pretty awesome.”
Twilight grinned smugly.
Rainbow Dash shook her head and turned back to Turing. “But that still doesn’t mean anything to me! I bet I could beat the pants off you any day of the week!”
“I do not wear pants on any day of the week.”
“Are you being smart with me?”
“Affirmative: I possess high cognitive function.”
“Then how about we see what you’re made of!”
“I am composed of titanium alloy among many other--”
“Gah, just shut up! I mean I can defeat you in a race!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
Twilight’s eyes popped open. “A r-race? Oh, Rainbow Dash, I don’t know if--”
“A competitive race would provide a sufficient opportunity to assess my flight capabilities, Twilight Sparkle. Am I correct?”
"W-well, I mean..." Twilight looked to Spike and Bulk Biceps for help. Spike just shrugged and Bulk Biceps actually looked excited.
“A RACE SOUNDS AWESOME! I GOTTA TELL EVERYPONY SO THEY CAN WATCH!”
“Now wait a minute!” Twilight cried.
Rainbow Dash wasn’t as hesitant. “Ha! That’s a great idea, Bulk Biceps!” She turned back to Turing Test. “All right, robot: I challenge you to a race! What do you say to that?”
Turing stepped forward, and though neither her unchanging face nor the tone of her level synthetic voice gave any indication of emotion, Twilight couldn’t help but detect an edge to her simple reply: “Challenge accepted.”
To be continued...
Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen! 
Title reference? What else? 
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5933252 Thank you very much!
I hope you'll continue the story and I hope you enjoy the following chapters. I update at least once a week, so I hope I can keep up with your expectation! 
I just finished catching up on the story. Enjoy the Fav and Like!
Everything Turing says is gold.
5933576
Oh, thank you so much! You just made my day!
5933922
Thanks! On one hand, Turing feels natural to write if I imagine her as a child (i.e. very naive and unfamiliar with idioms), but editing her dialogue to get it just right is something I spend a lot of time on with each chapter. I have to choose the right words - usually to be as academic and unemotive as possible - to get her just right, so getting a compliment on her is really nice. Again, thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
I laughed once more at the return of "Robadonkadonk".
Also at Turing's reaction to everything RD said.
I'm curious now how the race will play out - I think if we bring real-world physics into this, RD would probably beat Turing in a sprint or a long distance race. After all, Turing is pretty heavy (made of titanium) and as such would require a lot more power to fly and keep flying. RD is pretty light, making her a lot quicker to accelerate.
However, Turing is made of metal, which works wonders for durability - RD is made of bones, which will break if she decelerates quickly (for instance, when doing a hairpin turn at high speed). Turing shouldn't have that problem, or at least not nearly as much. So, she might be able to corner faster, depending on whether she's sturdy enough in the wing area to offset the additional inertia.
So, it all comes down to the sort of race. A short sprint or extreme endurance flight (long distance) and RD has Turing beat on respectively acceleration and fuel efficiency.
Between those distances Turing might have RD beat if she has a higher top speed, which is determined by aerodynamics and thrust (weight not being nearly as much of a factor, although being lighter helps actually reach top speed and not use tons of fuel).
As for corners, that depends on how bad the weight situation is and how good her wings are. The inertia might be offset by how well her wings can decelerate her.
Of course, this all relies on real-world physics, and this is a world where magic is real and taken for granted and a single pegasus can fly, without outside help, at Mach 1 or higher.
I'm never going to be able to read Robadonkadonk without bursting into giggles.
Nice use of Bulk Biceps.
Turing is very impressive as she goes through her passes. I especially loved her reaction to the divide by zero question... I believe questions like that will push her development more as her system has to learn to adapt.
I'm a little surprised Rainbow was so defensive upon being questioned about being a Wonderbolt, she's in the reserves now if Twilight has her crystal castle. I feel Rainbow should be flattered Turing assumes she's a Wonderbolt just by skill.
I'm a little worried about the race, will Ponyville be able to survive two ponies breaking the sound barrier at the same time??? And if Turing beats Rainbow Dash... will Scootaloo hate her??? I really hope that doesn't happen, the interaction with the foals was one of the best things to happen to Turing and gave me hope she can grow more.
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It's neat that you're thinking about how this might play out. While I won't spoil it for you, I will say you've hit on some of the ideas in the coming chapter. I'm glad to have an astute, active reader!
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Yeah, had to sneak that dumb joke in there just one more time. It won't be something I keep milking.
Anyway, I figure I owe some explanation/clarification.
It comes down to how the two of them communicate. Turing is thinking in terms of very narrow logic: Group A is for those with trait X; Person B has trait X; therefore, Person B is a member of Group A. So she rather innocently thinks "The Wonderbolts are the best fliers --> Dash is one of the best fliers --> Dash must be a Wonderbolt."
Rainbow Dash, by contrast, hears this: "Oh yeah? If you're such a great flier, then how come you're not a Wonderbolt yet, hot shot? Ha ha!" She doesn't get that Turing isn't actually capable of being sarcastic and would see no point in teasing her. After seeing how powerful Turing is, she feels like she's being looked down on, and that's what enrages her.
i.ytimg.com/vi/2XWf7gwajZs/hqdefault.jpg
Well... at least she's growing... albeit, maybe not in the right way
And I'm loving that Twilight is learning to read Turing!
Oh yeah, and on a completely unrelated note, I thought about what would happen if Turing ever learned to feel and/or spontaneously feels romantic interest in some"pony"
Would she be naively direct and to the point or a stuttering mess that super heats (thus releasing visible jets of steam) whenever that pony is to close for her comfort... Both would be pretty hilarious in my opinion!
I just realized how much Pinkie's antics will break Turing if she tries to figure out how she does the things she does..
Rainbow is either about to do some amazing fete of pegasi magic, or she is going to eat Turing's dust.
Either way, I figure she's about to be in a whole new world of pain if she screws this up.
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I'm glad you think I'm a good reader. I try to be
Now if only my school books on database programming were this fun to read...
5937089 Keep using it, I like it!!! At the very least, it is great for a laugh! I hope Turing's logic is explained to Rainbow, or at the end of the race Turing says Rainbow deserves to be a Wonderbolt.
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Ah, there's that Listie sass I was missing lately. No, seriously. I suppose you're right about the "title" track not really being a title track. I edited it to be more specific.
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If I'm being honest, this is an idea I've considered, but I'm a little iffy on it. So, my answer to that is currently "maybe."
Ah, the featured box... The same glorious place that once hosted How an actual human vs. pony war would go and The Rise Of Spike The Dragon, the latter of which has been FEATURED SEVERAL TIMES. I just thought I'd mention that. Anyways! The chapter itself.
It certainly did live up to the title, and I assume that Turning will be better and faster than Rainbow. Or maybe something else will happen to completely subvert that, and in that case, you will have gotten me there. That's all I have to say about the chapter. Now onto the much more important matter, the title! Let me tell you, my personal favorite version of the tune is the one from Alive 2007, "Around The World/Harder, Better, Faster Stronger". Of course, I'd first heard the song from the Kanye West song that sampled it, "Stronger", and the first time I'd heard that song was the Richard Cheese cover. That Cheese song, by the way, is why I started listening to his music.
Back to the story, I'll read the next chapter whenever I can, and I'll make sure to play appropriate music while I do.
1,000,000,000 kilothenz of imagination power on the robot.
ericdye.it/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Challenge-Accepted-Meme.jpg
Okay, I'm really glad I started to read this. Turing is great.
6091648 And now all we need to know is if Turing can produce 1.8 gigathaums/gigawatts of power, because 88 mph is potentially within reach!
I bet Turing is gonna kick Rainbow's BUTT!!
I'm pretty sure Turing Test ( I refuse to call her just Turing as then the name could easily be mixed up with the actual Turing (in this case Talon Turing)) is going to win because at this point I see her as an overpowered operational construct even if different race modes can't be active at the same time.
Ooh, Dash is NOT going to be happy...
I would prefer
Crashed back to Equestria, buut.
6949878 If that held true, wouldn't they be called "Equestria ponies" instead of "earth ponies?"
Ada from Fallout 4's DLC made it easier to imagine Turing Test's voice.
7157602 Ohhh, yeah, I could see that working. Not how she sounds in my head, but that's a better alternative than all the GlaDOS comments I usually get.
I'll be honest, I really want dash to win for several reasons one being "Overpowered OC" :P. but I also want turing to surprise dash thoroughly.
7634484 its not over powered ot the machine versus organice issus while test while be often better in abilitys she is lacking in socal emotional and some what logical skills
This could end really badly....for RD. I just hope she doesn't get her feelings hurt
7673753 If she saw someone blink better than her she'd be offended.
All hail Turing Test, god of smack talk!
When I saw the title I thought of Stronger by Kanye West
6602532 I didn't thought of that
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NEVER ask a purely logical computer to devide by Zero... Ever! Luckly Turing Test had a way to brake the cycle..
She may be good, but don't push her to the limit!
Aaaaayyyyyy!
This is either going to prove Celestia's point about ponies being hurt when they are outdone, or Rainbow's gonna prove just how awesome she is.
I just started to read this and...I gotta say, this story is great when it comes to comedy. Especially Turing vs Rainbow. I'm gonna keep reading....
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I'm glad! I think the Rainbow Dash arc is about where the story really hits its stride. I hope you enjoy it!
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I'm just surprised that she had to manually abort the computation.
If I remember correctly, CPUs that get stuck in an infinite loop when asked to divide by zero do exist , but thet're so rare that Wikipedia doesn't even mention them. Normally, good CPUs will raise an exception if you ask for integer division by zero and OK ones will return a nonsensical result.
As for floating point (ie. the typical way to do decimals), the IEEE 754 standard that's used for floating-point units in modern computers specifically plans for division by zero because scientific computations could result in values so tiny that they round to zero:
On that note, this is a good read on the origins of the IEEE 754 standard:
An Interview with the Old Man of Floating-Point
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Strictly speaking, you're right that this shouldn't have caused a problem. In-universe, the explanation is that Turing predates actual computers, so rules for how human computers work don't apply.
The meta reason for it, though, is because it was funny.
She is very capable
Boy, I can't wait to read "The Iron Horse After Dark: Robodonkadonk", the cheesy clop-based spinoff of this fic.
(But no really the robo butt thing gets me every time)
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She doesb't have a flux capacitor
Oh this is not going to end well for either Rainbow – and for the fact that I can't pronounce her first name test
Celestia banned robots because they might steal jobs... but she clearly allowed machine guns to develop since this statement would make no sense otherwise.
Getting some mixed messages here, Sunbutt.