Electric Ladyland, Part 2
Twilight and Spike went back inside after bidding Princess Celestia farewell. She heaved a sigh of relief and actually sat down, slumping against the front door, and Spike nearly joined her.
“That could have gone better,” Twilight said, letting out a long sigh. Then she raised her head, brightening. “But it also could have gone much worse! It looks like Princess Celestia will let me handle this!” Then, raising her voice, she called out: “Turing Test? Turing, are you around?”
“I am here, Twilight Sparkle,” she responded, her voice coming from the room she’d entered earlier. “I require your input.”
“Input?” Twilight asked, walking to the room. She opened the door and found her robot friend sitting in front of a tall mirror. “Turing? What are you doing?”
“I am cataloging and comparing known physical differences between myself and the general norms of biological ponies. This present situation is the first time I have viewed my own image in its entirety.”
“Oh. I guess that’s right, I hadn't really put you in front of a mirror before. Um… thoughts?”
“Unable to complete task. My shape is that of a biological pony and I have many of the same features. However, in our recent outing, my auditory sensors picked up several onlookers commenting on my physical appearance.”
To Twilight’s surprise, Turing then imitated several ponies' voices, mimicking their inflection and pronunciation perfectly: “‘What is that thing? It didn’t look like that in the newspaper!’ ‘Wow, that ugly thing is a mechanical pony? Weird.’ ‘Hey, get a load of that machine with Princess Twilight! Doesn’t she get freaked out being followed by a talking hunk of metal?’ ‘Mommy, I’m scared!’ ‘Oh, jeez, I think it looked at me! Do you think it eats? What in the world is the princess doing with that monstrosity?!’”
“Turing, enough!” Twilight cried.
“Apologies, Twilight Sparkle. I only wished to convey several comments. Is it correct to state that the majority of ponies are disturbed or disgusted by my appearance?”
Twilight hesitated and looked at Turing carefully. Without the ability to change her facial expression, it was impossible to tell just by looking at her if she had any emotional response. With a normal pony, Twilight would have likely assured her that such an awful thing was not the case. But with Turing…
She leaned closer to the robot. “Turing Test, do you… I mean, does it bother you?”
“I am attempting to discern how I am perceived by others.”
Twilight swallowed. “Then… yes, I think that it is true. Not everypony, but yes. Most ponies are not used to seeing an automaton in their midst.”
“Robot.”
“Okay, fine, ‘robot!’” Twilight exclaimed, throwing her hooves in the air as she gave up. “But listen: just because some ponies are scared of how you look, that doesn’t mean anything.”
“That contradicts the data obtained in your books, Twilight Sparkle,” Turing replied. “It is clear that ponies form bonds based on a number of factors. Physically acceptable or pleasing appearance is one of the most common of those factors, especially in the case of romantic relationships. I have seen this in 100% of stories documenting pony courtship found in your library, including an unfinished quill-written manuscript describing the relationship between one 'Flashlight Twinkle' and one 'Dash Gentry.'”
Twilight’s eyes bulged and her cheeks went red. She knows!
“The reactions of the citizens of Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle’s friends, and Princess Celestia all indicate that my physical appearance is unacceptable.” She turned back to the mirror. “This is an impediment to my directive of making friends. A solution must be found.”
“Wellll, there’s more to making friends than physical appearance, but I don’t see any harm in helping you look your best,” Twilight said, starting to think out loud. “Unfortunately, that’s not something I’m an expert in. The only pony I know who is an expert is… of course!” Her face lit up. “Rarity! She’s the perfect pony to help you! Oh, and this is a great opportunity for you to bond over something! Come on, Turing, we’re going to the Carousel Boutique!”
“Um, Twilight,” Spike said, his voice coming from the main hall, “I think you might want to look at this before you go.”
Twilight and Turing exited the room and Twilight saw a veritable mountain of envelopes stacked at the door. “What in Equestria is that?!”
“The telegraph office sent over a bunch of these telegrams and the post office delivered a bunch of mail too. They say there’s still more coming, too!”
“What? What are they writing about?”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Take a wild guess.” He jerked his head toward Turing Test.
“Oh. Right. Wellll, I better answer them… but I was going to take Turing to see Rarity…” She paused to consider it, tapping her chin with her hoof. “Okay, I know what to do. Spike, I’m going to write a note to Rarity explaining the situation. I want you to take Turing over to the Boutique. I’ll look through this mail.”
“To see Rarity?” Spike's eyes lit up and he clasped his claws together eagerly. Then he paused and asked, “Are you sure you don’t want help with these letters?”
“No, I want to look at these in private anyway,” she replied, levitating one of the letters up to her face. “But do me a favor and let me know when you’re back so I can see Turing’s new look, okay?” She smiled and winked at Turing. “Give my regards to Rarity, you two!”
***
Rarity was adjusting a dress on display in the window of the Carousel Boutique when the bell over the door rang. A customer! She turned, putting on her best smile.
“Hello! My name is Rarity, and welcome to the Carousel Bout-eek!”
“Hi, Rarity!” Spike said, waving to her.
Her attention wasn’t on the little purple dragon, of course, but on the mechanical pony right behind him.
“S-Spike? What is this, why is the… oh, what was Sweetie calling it this morning?… Oh, yes, ‘robot!’” She smiled, apparently pleased to remember the term. “Yes, robot, that really is a much better word than that mouthful of a word ‘automaton,’ that Twilight keeps saying.”
“Yeah, Turing Test here seems to prefer it too,” Spike said.
“That is correct,” Turing agreed. “‘Robot’ is favored by juveniles. It is the choice of a new generation.”
“Well, now that we’ve got that settled… what is that robot doing here?!”
“Twilight Sparkle has directed me to seek your assistance in attaining positive aesthetic modification.”
“Er, come again?”
“She wants to be pretty,” Spike said, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, Turing can’t you just talk normally, like me?”
“Affirmative. Extrapolating data,” Turing said, and then, perfectly matching Spike’s voice, said “Hello! I am Spike the Dragon! I enjoy naps and graphic-intensive manuscripts! Let us all breathe fire and consume gemstones!”
“Cut that out!” Spike yelled, stomping his foot and glaring at her. “I don’t sound like that!” Then he caught sight of Rarity stifling a laugh and his expression fell. “Aww, Rarity, don’t laugh!”
Rarity covered her mouth, looking away as she tried to stop laughing. “Oh, yes, um, sorry about that, Spikey-wikey.” She regained her composure and continued, glancing over at Turing. “So, what do you mean it wants to be pretty?”
Spike offered her the note Twilight had written. Rarity read it over, scrunching her face up as she did so. “My my, that is quite a request. But… it says here to help her ‘friend.’ Does that mean--”
“Yeah, Turing’s actually really nice! Maybe a little different, but you should give her a chance!”
“Affirmative. Twilight Sparkle and Spike the Dragon have both identified me as a ‘friend.’”
“Hmm,” Rarity said, wrinkling her nose. “Well… Applejack did say she’d be willing to give things a try if Twilight could become friends with this mach-- er, with Turing. I suppose…”
“Please, Rarity?” Spike asked, giving her the best puppy dog eyes a dragon could muster.
“Oh, what the hay! I am a professional, darling, and I never back down from a challenge!” She pointed a hoof at Turing Test. “Ready your chassis, Miss Test! I am going to give your look the greatest upgrade it has ever had!”
***
“Let’s see, ‘To Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle’ yadda yadda ‘automaton sounds fascinating’ yadda yadda ‘would love to have it join our traveling’ whatever. Ugh!”
Twilight occasionally got fan letters or questions from citizens of Equestria, usually children, and those were ones she did her best to answer. But most of the telegrams and letters this time were, of course, about Turing Test, just as Spike had suggested. She tossed the latest letter aside and read another message and then another and another and so on.
A few of them are genuinely curious about studying her or learning more about what results I’m getting. Then there are the ones asking if Turing could be part of a circus or magic show or some other crazy sideshow attraction! What is wrong with these ponies asking things like that?! She opened a few more letters, reading them quickly and then throwing them out once she got the gist of whatever they wanted.
But the sideshow letters aren’t the worst. Not even the ones calling this a hoax are the worst. No, the worst ones are… She picked up a letter and read it. This kind.
She saw the familiar words: ‘very interested,’ ‘acquire your unique machine,’ and ‘greatly compensated for the device.’
Twilight grimaced as she crumpled the letter. They want me to sell her.
***
“Is this satisfactory?” Turing Test asked, exiting the dressing room wearing another of Rarity’s selections.
“Oh, no, no, no, that isn’t right either!” Rarity moaned, throwing her foreleg across her forehead dramatically.
They’d been trying on several different dresses, ranging from a flowing gown to a simple frock to a business suit and even a wool sweater. And yet somehow nothing looked right on the mechanical mare.
“I’m no expert, Rarity,” Spike said, narrowing his eyes, “but… yeah, for some reason none of your dresses look good.” He paused and quickly added “I mean on her! Of course they’re all great, they just--”
“No, Spike, no offense taken; you’re absolutely correct." She frowned, going over to Turing. "These dresses would look good on any number of ponies, but for some reason they just look out of place on Turing. It’s hard to say why.”
“Perhaps it is the hue or texture?” Turing suggested.
“No, that’s not it,” Rarity said, inspecting the dress more closely, lifting up the hem of the skirt.
“Some mares in Twilight Sparkle’s books complain of dresses causing their posteriors to appear abnormally large.”
“Your robodonkadonk looks fine, darling,” Rarity assured her with a smile.
Turing tilted her head to the side. “Idiom not found.”
“Never mind that.” Rarity walked all around her, fussing with the sleeves, the hemline, and everything she could before stepping back and shaking her head.
“Any ideas, Rarity?” Spike asked.
“Not really. Oh! Unless we could do something about your mane or tail, Miss Turing?” Rarity lifted one of the grayish-white locks of Turing's mane, but Turing took a step back.
“Inadvisable. My mane and tail are composed of conical filaments that draw heat from my inner machinery. Modifying them could jeopardize my functionality.”
She tossed her head back, letting a groan escape her. “Well, I guess that’s a no on the perm. Too bad! It’s hard to find something to complement all those curls.” She sat down to catch her breath and looked down at Spike. “It’s no good, Spikey-wikey. No matter what she tries on she just looks like… like…”
“Like a robot in a dress.”
“Exactly!” she cried, tossing her hooves in the air. “Oh what to do, what to do, I can’t believe my fashion expertise has failed me!”
“Um…” Spike began, scratching his head while trying to think of suggestion, “maybe… uhh… makeup?”
“Don’t be silly, Spike.” She rolled her eyes at the very suggestion. “She doesn’t have eyelids or eyelashes, so that rules out eyeshadow or mascara. For pony’s sake, she doesn’t have lips, so we can’t even apply lipstick! And even if we could, it would take more to help her fit in than just painting her face!”
Spike looked down, but then he saw Rarity’s eyes light up.
“Oh wait wait wait… 'Paint her face.' Yes! Ah ha, idee~aa! Spike, you might be right after all!”
She walked over to Turing Test and gave her a confident smile. “I know just how to help you, Miss Turing! Let’s get that dress back on the rack and then we’re going out to find a true artiste!”
***
Rainbow Dash reclined lazily on a cloud just outside Ponyville when another pegasus flew over carrying a note.
“You Rainbow Dash?” he asked.
“The one and only!” she replied haughtily, standing up and placing a hoof on her chest.
The messenger rolled his eyes and passed the note to her. “Message from Cloudsdale. The Wonderbolts reported a strange rogue cloud. Details are in the letter.”
“Rogue cloud?” She took the envelope, raising an eyebrow as she looked at it.
“Apparently. Good luck if you see it!” he then flew off, leaving Rainbow Dash to open the letter.
She opened it and read it carefully. Then she looked up, nose crinkled and eyebrow raised. “...In a tutu? Is this some kind of joke?!” She laid back down on her cloud, tossing the letter over the side. Forget it. This sounds like some kind of prank from those hot-shots in Cloudsdale and I’m not going to fall for it and waste the other weatherponies’ time looking for some imaginary cloud!
She closed her eyes and began to doze, snoring loudly. She slept so soundly that she didn’t even wake up at the sound of “Swan Lake” wafting through the air…
***
Palette Swap, the local paint and art supplies vendor of Ponyville, was drawing a simple sketch alone in his shop. He sold paint, brushes, easels, canvas, that sort of thing, but it was a fairly slow day for art supplies, so he thought he would plan his next watercolor painting. Then he raised his head as he heard a knock at the door.
“Oui?” he called. The door opened and he smiled, putting his signature red beret on over his blue mane. “Welcome to my shop! How may I help-- sacrebleu!”
It wasn’t the reaction Rarity had been hoping for, not that she had done much better when Turing Test had come into her shop. Still, she decided to downplay it and led Spike and Turing Test up to the counter.
“Palette, I apologize for the suddenness of this request, but I am in dire need of your assistance and expertise!”
“Moi?” he asked, glancing between Rarity and her companions uncertainly.
“Yes!” Rarity exclaimed. “As you may know, my dear friend Twilight Sparkle has taken it upon herself to teach this robot the finer points of friendship. Alas, her appearance, as you so perfectly demonstrated, is prone to making ponies jump right out of their skin with fright! Despite my best efforts, it seems even the magic I work with dresses isn’t enough to help her. But then I realized that there may still be a ray of hope!”
Palette Swap blinked. “I… don’t quite understand, but please go on.”
“My point is, mon ami, that I want to enhance her appearance not with clothing, but with paint! And that is where you come in, for I can think of nopony better qualified to give Miss Turing Test here the perfect artistic flare she desires!” She stood on her hind legs, spinning around, gesturing to the huge assortment of paint in all colors surrounding the little shop.
“Oh, Mademoiselle Rarity, you do flatter me, but this pony,” he looked to Turing Test, pausing for a moment, “she is, how do you say, not really my ‘schtick.’ I work with canvas, wood, and paper, but this metal and machinery is--”
“I require your assistance,” Turing Test said, startling the art vendor once again. She took a step closer to him, looking up at him with her violet eyes. “It is my directive to make friends. If I am to form bonds with ponies, it may be necessary to update my appearance. Your assistance could enhance my aesthetic value.”
He blinked, then tilted his head as he looked down at her. “You want me to make you... beautiful?”
“Correct. Ponies on the street find my appearance unacceptable. Such terms I have heard in the last 24 hours include the terms ‘ugly thing,’ ‘freakish contraption,’ and ‘monstrosity.’”
The rest of them were silent at this. Palette and Spike looked away. Rarity put a hoof over her mouth, but then found her words. “Oh. Oh, darling, that really is awful.” She looked away, feeling a bit guilty for her own previous judgments about this strange robot.
“Are you able to assist me, Palette Swap?” Turing asked. Then, considering that the phrase had such a strong effect on Twilight Sparkle, she added, “Please?”
He smiled. “How could I say no to Miss Rarity and such a polite poney mécanique? Very well, I shall lend a hoof to your cause!”
“Thank you, Palette,” Rarity said with a smile. “Now, I have some design ideas, but I’ll need your help choosing the right colors and accents!”
“Very well, but the first thing is first: we must apply a coat of primer to her! If you will both assist me, I will take her to my back room and get you both a pair of paint shirts and berets!”
Spike raised a claw tentatively. “Uh, why berets?”
“Pfft, such a ridiculous question!” Palette laughed, walking to the back room.
Spike waited and waited, but when he never got an answer, he shrugged his shoulders and walked to the back room.
***
A few hours later, a small crowd had gathered outside Palette Swap’s shop. The news of what was happening traveled fast and even Ponyville’s citizenry was not above gossip and a free show. Spike had run out to get lunch and blabbed about what he was working on with Rarity and Palette at the Hay Burger and soon the word spread to half a dozen others who told friend after friend and finally a crowd of over fifty ponies was milling around in the road outside the paint shop.
“I am telling you, Miss Rarity,” Palette said, peeking through the windows, “we should wait until tonight! The paint, she is not dry!”
“Oh, a simple walk to the castle won’t do it any harm!” Rarity laughed, dismissing the idea. “Besides, the whole point was to make Turing Test look more pleasing to the eye. Now we have a chance to show dozens and dozens of ponies what we’ve done! We can’t miss this opportunity!”
“Well, perhaps, but--”
“And it is sure to drive up business for the shop!” Rarity added, giving him a sly wink.
His worried look melted away. “Ah. When you put it that way, I suppose you have a point!” He chuckled and looked to Spike and Turing Test. “You are ready, Monsieur Spike, Mademoiselle Turing?”
“Ready!” Spike said.
“If Rarity and Spike the Dragon and Palette Swap are confident that this will gain everypony’s approval, then I am prepared.”
“Let me go out first and give it some dramatic flair,” Rarity said, looking back at them as she made for the door. “This will be the talk of the town!”
She went outside, blinking in the bright sun of the afternoon. All the ponies in the crowd had been chatting excitedly, some sneering and ready to get a good laugh at the mechanical freak show. Rarity intended to show the naysayers a thing or two.
“Ladies and gentlecolts!” Rarity shouted, and the crowd all snapped to attention. “I know many of you came to see what we have wrought! Science from parts unknown in Equestria built the strange robot known as Turing Test!” A murmur went through the crowd at the word ‘robot.’ Everypony gathered seemed to take an immediate liking to the term. Rarity went on. “As I have said, science may have built her, but in teaching her friendship, Princess Twilight Sparkle will give her a heart! Nay, a soul! And to celebrate this, Palette Swap and I have fused art and fashion to give her a new look that is sure to leave you dazzled! So, without further ado, I present to you all… Miss Turing Test!”
Turing emerged at the mention of her name. As she stepped into the light, a collective sound of awe swelled up from the crowd.
Rarity had originally wanted cooler colors, but in the end they had decided on a theme of red, white, and blue. The bottom parts of her forelegs had been painted blue with white stars on each leg, and her head and body had an asymmetrical, almost checkerboard-like red and white alternation. Her flank was blue and her back legs red, again with the white star motif on them. Though they couldn’t modify her mane, they did toss in a little glitter to give it some extra sparkle. Rarity had been afraid that the colors would clash, but somehow, with Palette Swap’s help, they managed to pull it off. And now Turing Test stood shining brightly, her new coat of paint standing in sharp contrast to her drab metallic hull from before.
“Greetings, citizens of Ponyville,” Turing Test said. “My goal is to integrate and become friends with normal ponies. Hopefully my appearance is more acceptable to you now.”
The crowd began to chatter excitedly, impressed and their initial fears about this strange mechanical pony began to dissipate. Somepony began stomping their hooves and others joined while still others began to applaud directly.
“Rarity, you did it!” Spike whispered, coming up alongside her.
“I’d say we did it, Spikey-wikey,” she replied, giving him a wink. His heart melted and did his best to hide his blush from her.
“Good luck, my friends,” Palette said, waving goodbye as they left. “Madamoiselles, Monsieur, it has been my pleasure!”
As the crowd parted, Rarity led Turing Test and Spike down the road. All along the way, more and more ponies stopped what they were doing and gasped, smiling with glee at the colorful sight before them. Some of the same ponies from that morning were still out and about and now looked on Turing not with apprehension, but amazement.
Processing. Turing Test began to assess the situation. Aesthetic appearance has been improved successfully. Responses to this unit show a significant rise in positivity. This unit is... She paused, her functions momentarily seizing up. I am no longer unpleasant to look at. I am no longer ‘ugly.’
“Darling, try not to lag behind,” Rarity exclaimed with a laugh. “Besides, with your new look, this is no time to simply walk. This is the time to strut!”
Rarity broke into a trot, holding her head high and proud. Turing Test fell in line behind her, mimicking the action. This seemed to get an even more positive response from the onlookers. They smiled and turned their heads, cheered, laughed, and some even ran alongside the little parade.
"Strutting is successful," she said, which got a laugh from Rarity. If I am no longer ugly and if other ponies find my appearance pleasing, then I will be able to make friends more easily. This action will please Twilight Sparkle. Other ponies will reciprocate positively in the same manner as Rarity and Palette Swap. I will be accepted.
It was an intriguing thought. Perhaps everything would become simpler. Perhaps many more ponies would want to be her friend.
Eventually the crowd of onlookers and followers thinned out as they got closer to the castle. About fifty meters from it, Rarity stopped, causing Spike and Turing Test to do the same.
Rarity tapped her chin, then raised her head with a smile. “Spike, come with me, please! Turing, please stay out here for a moment. I've just had an idea! I’d like Twilight to come out here and get a look at you in the sunlight! It will be such a surprise! Ooh, she is going to just love this!”
“Understood,” Turing Test said.
Rarity looked her over once more and her smile grew. “Oh, darling, I just can’t get over how fabulous you look!” she cooed. And with that, Rarity and Spike rushed inside to get Twilight.
Turing Test stood there. She didn’t know why, but this new appearance, for whatever reason, had a profound effect on ponies. She hoped Twilight would like it. If so, then Twilight Sparkle would be pleased with her efforts and like her more. And so would others. She was "stylish." She was "fabulous." She was...
"I am beautiful." That word lingered in her mind. Beautiful. I am beautiful.
Then she heard a strange sound. Ears twitching on their hinges, she glanced skyward and caught a strange sight.
“Unidentified aerial object located,” she said aloud. “Auditory input from unknown source. Magical readings cannot be analyzed.”
Something was coming toward her in the sky. It was a cloud wearing a tutu and dancing to ‘Swan Lake.’ It was doing dance movements in the sky, spinning and turning and leaping. Turing Test knew what a cloud was, and anypony would normally have been able to see from its dark gray color that it was, in fact, a raincloud.
But Turing also knew that clouds did not wear tutus; therefore, with that narrow definition, she didn’t recognize the thing before her as a raincloud. Instead, she only regarded it as thing to be analyzed as the music wound to a close and the cloud finished with a grand gesture directly overhead.
And as Discord’s magic finally ran out, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Spike all walked out the front door of the castle. They arrived too late to see the tutu disappear, but just soon enough to catch a glimpse of Turing’s new look.
Twilight's eyes went wide and they lit up as she saw Turing in her dazzling array of bright colors. For one brief, glorious moment, she saw Turing shining in the sun.
The robot began to take a step. "Twilight Sparkle, I--"
And then the rain cloud, no longer enchanted, bloated and heavy with precipitation, emptied its entire contents of water onto Turing.
“Noooo!” Rarity shrieked, seeing the day’s work ruined in an instant.
The downpour was short-lived, but powerful. The cloud shrank down and dissipated into nothingness. When it cleared, Turing was dripping wet, steam rising from her warm mane and sun-heated hull. The paint, so painstakingly applied, was now almost completely washed away. The red, white, and blue paint mixed into the mud to create a murky shade of pink. Wet clumps of glitter slowly fell from her mane. Only a few blotches of the paint and the remnants of one of the stars on her legs were left.
Turing looked back at herself, and then down at her hoof, seeing the bare, unpainted metal. “Outer coloring removed,” she intoned. “Aesthetic enhancement lost.” She looked over to where Rarity, Twilight, and Spike were all gawking at her, too stunned to react further. She sat down in the mud with a wet squelch. Her ears slowly lowered and she looked down at the paint that had formerly adorned her body, now useless and ruined.
“Turing Test!” Twilight exclaimed, running over to her. She slowed, seeing the way Turing's head was lowered. “Turing, are you… are you okay?”
“Physical condition is undamaged,” she replied. “My hull is resistant to rust unless exposed to water for prolonged periods of time.”
Twilight gave her a weak smile. “That’s… well, I’m glad for that, at least.”
But then Turing Test spoke again: “Twilight Sparkle. I… I am…”
They all looked to each other. They’d never heard Turing Test hesitate or fumble with words before.
“Cognitive functions have entered into a continuous loop. This experience is deemed significant. However, unlike the previously identified ‘gratification,’ I do not wish to experience it further. I am unable to fully process the data.”
“What did she say, Twilight?” Rarity asked, leaning over to her.
Twilight furrowed her brow. “I’m… I’m not really sure.” She cleared her throat. "Turing, could you please explain?"
“Clarifying: it seems probable that I am again experiencing an emotion. Analyzing...” She raised her head slightly, though her ears were still lowered. “Miss Rarity and Spike the Dragon and Palette Swap devoted effort toward my physical improvement. Such effort has now been negated. Twilight Sparkle wished to assist me in this goal. Now you will be unsatisfied in this regard. I am again unpleasant to look at. Ponies will not wish to become friends with me. I am… sad.”
“Oh, you poor thing!” Rarity cried, bursting into tears. She threw her hooves around Turing’s neck. “I’m so so sorry, darling!" She took a deep breath, sniffling. "But don’t you worry! We can take you back tomorrow and get that coat reapplied! And we’ll let it dry this time!”
“Um, Rarity, Turing,” Twilight said, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “I… I’m sorry, but Turing is made of an alloy that won’t hold paint very well. I know this because it came up when I suggested painting her to Mr. Vanderbull and Gadget a few days ago. It would crack and peel from the continuous heat she gives off. We’d need to get a special kind of industrial paint and they only sell it in bulk. And it’s very expensive.”
“Well, how expensive?” Rarity asked, drawing herself up. "Surely it can't be--"
“Over a thousand bits per barrel."
Rarity's voice caught in her throat.
"That’s 75 liters of paint, by the way," Twilight continued. "And you had three colors, so of course we’d need three barrels.”
“Oh.”
“And we’d need to reapply it to her once a month since she moves around so much that it would probably get scratched and start to flake off. We’d have to keep buying it.”
Rarity made a face. That was far more than any of them could reasonably afford, even if she and her other five friends chipped in. And she suspected that not all of them would be willing to do so.
“I... I see,” Rarity said quietly. She turned back to Turing, heaving a long sigh. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but I don’t think we can do this again after all.”
Turing Test said nothing. She only looked back down, poking at the mud with her hoof, noticing the way the paint mixed with it. After another moment, she looked back up and said, “Understood.”
Spike tapped Twilight on the shoulder. “What now, Twilight?”
“Let’s go inside and get Turing cleaned up, Spike. We’ll talk about what to do after that.”
***
Rarity and Twilight finished toweling off Turing Test after getting rid of the excess paint. She was now back to her original look.
“Oh, I just feel awful about this whole mess,” Rarity said, fussing and pacing back in the spacious bathroom where they’d washed off the remaining paint.
“You shouldn’t, Rarity,” Twilight said gently, as she wadded up a towel and tossed it into the hamper. “Your heart really was in the right place. Thank you very much for trying to help Turing Test.”
“Twilight Sparkle is correct,” Turing added. “My current state of ‘sadness’ is only due to the impermanence of your contribution. The act of applying paint itself was helpful.”
“Well, on the bright side,” Rarity said, smiling as she raised her head slightly, “at least a lot of ponies got to see that paint before it was washed away. You still might have made an impact on how this town sees you, Turing.”
“Analyzing… that is possible.”
“There, you see!” Twilight exclaimed. “It wasn’t a total loss, although I wish I'd had a chance to see your paint job for myself for more than a second.”
They walked back out of the bathroom and walked down the hall, intending to see Rarity out. They passed Twilight’s study along the way, which was where she had been reading and answering letters all day. Spike was carrying the envelopes of those few she had chosen to respond to when he encountered them.
“Aw, going home so soon, Rarity?” Spike asked, frowning and kicking at the ground.
“I’m afraid so, Precious Scales." She put a hoof over her mouth as she yawned. "I’m actually a bit exhausted after all that happened today.”
“I could walk you home!” he offered, perking up. “I need to stop by the post office to drop off these letters Twilight is sending, s-so, heh heh, you know, it’s on the way.”
“If you take the long way,” Rarity pointed out.
“It's not long! It, uh, it’s the scenic route!” Spike exclaimed.
Rarity smiled, but then, looking through the door into Twilight's study, she noticed the huge pile of mostly crumpled letters in the waste basket in the study. “Hm? What in Equestria are all those letters and telegrams about, Twilight?”
“Oh, just ponies mailing me about Turing,” Twilight said quickly, moving to close the door.
“Scanning letters,” Turing Test said, peering at the letters, reading the text of those she could see clearly through the door.
“Turing, no!”
“Aborting. Scan incomplete. However, it appears that many letters have made a financial offer to Twilight Sparkle for the acquisition of this unit.” Turing Test cocked her head and turned to Twilight, who had already placed her hoof on her forehead. “The offers appear to be substantial.”
“Wait just one minute,” Rarity said, her eyes going wide. “There are ponies that tried to buy Turing Test?!”
“Oh my gosh! You’re not going to sell her, are you, Twilight?!” Spike cried, latching onto Twilight as he looked up at her entreatingly.
“No, of course not!” Twilight groaned. “I threw those letters out for a reason.”
“Illogical,” Turing said, catching their attention. “Previously, Twilight Sparkle and Rarity indicated that they lacked the finances to purchase items in excess of 3000 bits total. However, the top offer made for me was 11 million bits.”
“ELEVEN MILLION?!” Rarity and Spike shouted.
“I don’t care how much it is,” Twilight groaned, rolling her eyes.
“Well, neither do we!” Spike said defensively, Rarity nodding alongside him. “But seriously, that’s a pretty surprising amount of money! That’s… I mean, that’s unbelievable!”
“Twilight Sparkle, you could use that money for your own comfort. Or, should you wish to use it for the sake of others, you could use it for the nourishment of orphaned foals, the improvement of Ponyville’s infrastructure, or any number of altruistic goals.
“By contrast, this unit is of less value to you. I have proven slow to learn magic. I have frustrated you and cost you and Miss Rarity money. I have frightened others and made you an object of ridicule. I have had only limited success making friends. My appearance is unappealing. I am a faulty companion and unworthy as an assistant. Why do you not sell me?”
“Because you’re my friend, Turing!” Twilight shouted, stomping her hoof. “Many of those things you said might be true, but none of that matters! I don’t think I have the right to sell you, even if I actually wanted to! You’re not just some machine to me, and I don’t care what Celestia, the villagers, or anypony else says! You aren’t a burden; in spite of some minor troubles I like having you around, Turing Test! You’re a friend of mine and I would never ever sell you!”
They were all silent at that.
Rarity finally broke the silence, her eyes again watering. “Oh, Twilight… you really do care for her!” She turned to Turing, who was still totally motionless, though her ears had shot straight up. Rarity smiled and went over to the robot pony and hugged her again. “You know what, Turing? You can take comfort in knowing you’ve added one more friend to your list of successes, so don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Twilight and Spike shared a look and also came over, embracing Turing Test in what had become a group hug.
“Strange,” Turing said quietly. “The cognitive loop previously identified as ‘sadness’ has terminated. No explanation is available.”
Twilight laughed. “I guess that means you feel better.”
“Feel.” Turing said, as if trying out the word. Her ears twitched. “Checking status: feeling better… the possibility exists. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle and Rarity and Spike the Dragon.”
“You’re welcome, darling,” Rarity said, letting her new friend go. “Now, come along, Spike! I need to get home and you need to drop off those letters! I think the post office should still be open if we hurry!”
Twilight and Turing watched them go. “Oh, by the way, Turing,” Twilight said, “one of the letters was from Gadget. She’s asking me to test out your capabilities. Up for some exercise tomorrow?”
“I do not require exercise, but I will comply with physical diagnostics.”
“Great! In fact, I bet I know another pony who might be interested,” she said, a sly grin on her face. She turned to go back into her study.
Turing Test, however, made her way down the hallway back to the room with the mirror. She looked at herself in it just as before.
“Running query: Is Turing Test a pony or merely a construction resembling one?” She let her processor check the data against biological definitions, scientific ones, the philosophy texts she’d read, and what she’d heard other ponies say, including Twilight. “Results inconclusive. Query will require more data.”
She stared a moment longer at the mirror as she stood alone in the room. The image only told her so much. She would learn more about herself tomorrow. In the meantime, she could only stare at the strange creature in the looking glass and ask of it one question: “What am I?”
To be continued...
Hello everyone! Two things real quick:
First, references!
-The title refers to the great Jimi Hendrix album "Electric Ladyland." You can check out the not-exactly-title-track "Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)" here:
-Turing says the term robot is "the choice of a new generation," referencing the old slogan for Pepsi.
I hope you liked the illustration of sad Turing Test sitting in a puddle. As a bonus, Colby Green, my illustrator, also did a rainy version. He did this before I had to clarify that Turing was not actually in a rainstorm. I still really like it, though, so here it is!
As usual, thank you so much for reading. 
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5881042
Hey you two! First, thanks for commenting on the story. Nothing I love better than to see someone take the time to leave a comment!
Second, since you both mentioned it and I figure others might too, I thought I'd explain something I'd left somewhat unspoken. So, is Twilight genre-savvy enough to realize the flaw in the "Three Laws?" Check out the spoiler-hid stuff if you care to know. If not, then no biggie. It's not a real spoiler, just a slightly more explicit statement of Twi's logic.
Yes, Twilight realizes the problem with the Three Laws (as do I). But she's also able to see that Turing is potentially dangerous and needs some sort of guidelines. So she puts them in place because some rules are better than none. However, she's really counting on Friendship teaching Turing to value life and become more self aware. Until her little robot is ready to make moral judgments, a rigid makeshift moral code is the best she could do. Of course... that doesn't mean it's a good idea...
Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, because there's more to come.
5914796 Oh thank goodness someone got the joke.
5915399 Oh you'll see.
MY SIDES HURT FROM LAUGHING, WHY MUST YOU CAUSE ME SUCH PAIN SILLY LITTLE WORD???
SHE NEEDS A HUG ASAP!!!!!
Turing is making excellent progress in my opinion, I esxpecially like how her ears reacted to her being sad. Little details like that make her seem more real and pony like.
5915762 Wow, that's really profound. I suppose even I hadn't thought of it quite in those words.
Anyway, the scene with Celestia is to show that, while she is an antagonistic force toward Turing and Twilight's goal, it isn't done out of malice. Celestia often gets portrayed as a villain or a troll and I think that's not part of her character. Vanderbull's summary that she is a technophobe is only partially true; she's also genuinely trying to look out for her subjects and her kingdom.
It also puts the pressure on Twilight to make sure Turing behaves herself, because the instant Celestia thinks she's dangerous, it's the scrapyard for her.
Thanks for commenting! I hope you enjoy the story as it continues!
"Robadonkadonk" made me laugh far more than it should have.
It also made me think of something that should be implemented post-haste: Turing Test learning a few slang words and attempting to sound "street". Bonus points if it's just one sentence, and when asked exactly why she said that, "Possible match for cognitive state: Amusement".
Also, the part about people wanting to buy Turing seems like a very good place to start her up on "Friendship is more valuable than anything else" - a lesson Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had to learn as well IIRC.
Ok. I handle the
from I-Robot, but in no way in hell am I going to excuse you from going all Geth from Mass Effect.
But good story. I like it.
5920752 I'm glad you like the story. Had me worried there!
(Though I always enjoy a good DBZA quote. "Dammit Takei!")
For the Three Laws, I actually posted a comment earlier in response to a few others who noted it. For the other thing... I confess, I haven't played Mass Effect, so I had to look up the Geth to find out what that even meant, so any resemblance is coincidental. But after checking out a video or two, I'm intrigued, so thanks for the exposure to something new!
I hope you enjoy the next entry, which should be in under a week if you follow it. Thanks for reading!
5921345 The only reason I pointed that out because the Geth began to ask their Quarian creators questions like "What am I?... Do I have a soul?... Am I alive?..." So I'm glad to pointed it out.
However, since Turing Test is the most advanced robot/automaton, complete with microchip memory databanks, this could become a Terminator story... Pony style of course.
So The Hat Man. This story has probably caused a bunch of fan theories. But which is correct I wonder? I guess I'll just have to read and find out.
5915568
5916444
True story: I was going to have Rarity say something more ladylike, then I thought "badonkadonk" would be funnier. Then I decided that Rarity would never say it unless she could make it into a clever/stupid play on words ("Rariots" indeed). And there ya go.
I don't like to admit it, but I actually made myself laugh with "robodonkadonk." I am just that much of a sucker for that sort of joke.
Yeah! Our little robot is growing!
5921805 Totally worth the brief out-of-character moment.
Well, Turning, I nor anybody else here except for maybe Hat Man can answer that question for you right about now. Wild mass guessing, maybe, but no conclusive answers. However, if there's one thing I do know for sure, my alloy darling, it's that I want an excuse to play this clip. As it turns out, I didn't really have a good one. Go figure.
Now about the title, I assumed you were referring to Electric Ladyland the album and not whatever that other song is. As well (I assume you already know this, but for those who don't), there technically is no title track to that album. Following "...And The God Made Love", there's "Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)", which could very easily be shortened to just "Have You Ever Been". However, one could also make the argument that "Bold As Love" isn't the title track to Axis: Bold As Love because it doesn't have "Axis:" in front of it, despite the fact that Axis is mentioned in its lyrics and I dunno what I'm talking about. Uh, how do I get out of this? Uhm... Electriclarryland?
Did I hear Star Trek Insurrection be mentioned? Well, cue the Nostalgia Critic review and my work is done here. See you next chapter!
Its a pony version of Chappie!!! Yes!!
Well that is a very complicated question, and one i'm not sure i can answer, but if i had to define you there is one extremely complex definition, one that even given our centuries of study have being unable to truly understand.
You my dear pony, are Alive.
'Flashlight Twinkle' and one 'Dash Gentry.'”
I think you make this story around Turing Test really good, this is a good OC, and till now i saw nothing bad about the story, beside Celestia at first, but i can understand her problem.
I can't believe you just erased the American flag like that. You monster.
I love this story, by the way. Very entertaining.
It Begins
Eww. Those colors just do not go together in an aesthetically pleasing way. I've never liked the American flag's look, which has nothing to do with my opinion of my country, for some reason. Maybe it looks good, but since I can't see it and my mind is making up the image it looks bad to me.
LAW 1:A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to be harmed. LAW 2: A robot must obey orders given to it by humans except to where it would conflict with the first law. LAW 3: A robot must protect it's own existence as long as such protection does not interfere with the first or second laws.
As I said in my previous comment, though I phrased it differently to this, when an entity asks themself 'am I a person?' the answer is almost always 'yes!'
My favorite line in the story thus far!
Haha, despite the description, we could only imagine Turing painted like an American flag...
6786014 I like to think that it depends on when the question is asked. At the time, it's safe to say it's learning to be a pony, it's becoming a person/pony, it is growing a soul. A machine like this has the potential, so asking such a thing in the beginning is pointless: it's still a machine. But as time passes and it gets to interact with the world, it learns: it becomes more than a machine.
Then again, this is just IMO.
robodonkadonk
I'm dying. Please help.
5921379
The funny thing is, if the Quarians hadn't flipped out and acted hostile, the Geth would probably have been perfectly fine with continuing on the way they were.
After all, they're completing their purpose: To handle the difficult (for organic beings) labor that the Quarians can't or don't want to do. But because the Quarians took up the gun, AIs were outlawed across the entire galaxy. Way to ruin the fun, guys. Oh, also the newly created, abandoned and betrayed race decides to help the Reapers, or at least part of them do.
I didn't think I actually needed to spoiler tag those for such an old game, but better safe than sorry.
First please, Then thank you, Then I, and now one of the most important questions of all. "what am I?". Second only perhaps to "Why am I here?". You've done an excellent job of subtly introducing minor facets of self awareness to Turings interactions.
A non sentient being can ask What am I? but not What am I? not "Who am I?" It can ask "What is happening?" but not "Why is this happening?"and we're seeing more and more of those things in Turing.
Hi! Is there any possibility of you getting the person who does the artwork for this story to do a picture of Turing WITH her new paint job? I'm having a hard time visualizing the design.
7225039 So you want to hear another story, eh?...
I feel sad that turning lost her paint job
6020893
Who and or what is chappie
8366891
I actually haven't seen it yet either, but here's the Wikipedia entry on it.
And thanks for reading, by the way.
She is cognizant, self-aware, super-intelligent, in possession of a sense of identity (and the ability to question it), and capable of both sustaining and provoking communication with others. She is, therefore, a fully sapient and sentient life-form.
I get you're upset Turing, but I'm actually a little glad you last your paint job. American flag/Iron Patriot colors would just look out of place in Equestria.
I have to wonder though, if a tutu is enough to make her unable to recognize a rain cloud, what will happen when Discord meets her? Nothing is normal around him.
Awwww, I wanted to see her paint job :C
Well at least I got this
Hehe :p
Try fake fur
Turing found your shipfics.
8847511
Looks like someone made it to what might be my favorite arc of the story.
...And yes. Turing knows about the shipfics. All the shipfics.
8847511
Oh wait, had the wrong story arc. But this one was fun too.
This made me laugh... but it also reminded me of the bit near the beginning of Short Circuit when Number 5 read the Dr. Pepper ad and transmitted it back to the terminal.
Also, here's a Making Of clip I found while Googling that up:
Also, you might want to double-check that all plot-relevant illustrations are included outside of the author's note block. Author's note blocks are omitted entirely when someone chooses to use fimfic's support for downloading each chapter as a separate HTML file.
8866991
Well, since it's just an alternate version included as a bonus, it isn't really "plot relevant." It's just an extra. I couldn't reasonably fit that into the main text, so if people want to download the html, they'll have to do without. At least the regular illustrations are still included!
You have made friends
You are real enough, I think this an important saying I think therefore I question therefore I am and you are doing all 3. You are real.
PPPFFFFFT
You made me laugh out loud at 2 AM and everyone hates me but it was worth it honestly.
Huh, Rarity knows the word chassis? That's usually a tech-related word, I'm surprised.
Clearly, this is entirely Rainbow's fault for forgetting that Discord exists.
But what if you enchanted her to be those colors, though?
*beat*
What? Am I the only one who remembers that magic exists?
And just like that, the ability to question one's self like that proves her sapience.
This melted my heart.
So far this story has been effectively pulling my heart strings.
Greatly enjoying it so far!
8996783
That's good. There's more where that came from.
The impression that I'm getting from Turing: is that she is effectively an infant, albeit one born with high intellect. Since her memory got wiped, she didn't know anything from before her reactivation. We've seen that she can process emotion similarly enough to intelligent creatures and now she's have an existential crisis. But, she doesn't know what emotion is, despite being able to feel it. I doubt an infant could possibly know all of the aforementioned, but gains the ability to do so later in life. I wonder if we should be applying the same concept to Turing Test?
9206978
You've got the right of it. While there is a larger story looming in the background, the central part of this story is Turing Test's development and growth. I hope you enjoy seeing her become a more well-rounded character.