This is based off of the new Bionicle line up.
Tahu, Gali, Lewa, Kopaka, Pohatu, and Onua have arrived on an island known as Equestria. The locals are, oddly, not of Bionicle origins. But in the dark reaches of the land lies an evil long since forgotten by the creatures of the island.
The artist for the piece of fantastic art for the cover image was Rubtox on Deviantart. Go check them out.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I.. Am interested
A couple of small grammatical mistakes, and writing is a lil bit inexperienced, but otherwise I really like it :D
Its a cool concept, and it seems to be going in a good direction, as long as it has the obvious variation to see all the characters (very curious to see their personal habits), so I will be watching :3
5842277 I do plan to have the characters split up in the search for the masks. Giving me time to work on their character. Of course they will be accompanied by a pony but that is for a bit of conversation to take place. Just reading actions can be boring. Having them interact with other characters, while they do things, makes for a much better read in my opinion.
5842304 *Rubs hands in anticipation*
Hopefully there wont be tooooo many cliches n stuff xD But it seems to be a good plan! And: #WatchOutSpoilerAlert
Uh shouldn't she say pony?
5843241 well we consider them ponies but their species is equine which is a horse. Ponies are horses and we only use it becauae pony is in the name of the show. But in a way yes they would.
FINALLY... another MLP crossover with the 2015 Bionicle!!!
Interesting, I am also making a Bionicle 2015 also called The Masks of Harmony too. Overall, I like it keep up the good work.
You kept referring to the Toa and Protectors collectively as bionicle.
That's something I found odd, seeing as Bionicle technically refers to the time it takes place, Bionicle is a Portmanteau of Biological Chronicle, so it's actually referring to a set timeframe of events, rather than a species or biological group. in G1 "the Bionicle" was a period of about 100'000 years startiing when the Mata Nui robot was built and ending when Spherus Magna was reformed
I personally would have used the term "Spherus Magnans" to describe the different species as a whole, referring to the name of the planet.
But, this is based in G2, and it's your story, so you can do as you wish
other than that, I'm interested, I can't wait to see where this goes
5843692 uh no, horses and ponies are seperate equinoid breeds with some rather distinct differences between them. That's sort of like if an alien asked some dude from New York what he was and he told the alien he was a neanderthal.
5845784 well the way the ponies in the show are designed they are of more horse like stature. So I guess horse may actually be more accurate
5846149 Look at the Saddle Arabian delegates from the Episode 'Magic Duel' (you know the one where Trixie comes back) They're nearly as tall as Princess Celestia is. Anyways 'Saddle Arabian' is obviously a pun for 'Saudi Arabian' which is also a popular horse breed, so it would be safe to assume that Saddle Arabians are horses.
Now onto the main differences between horses and ponies; Ponies are generally shorter than most horse breeds with stockier builds, they have shorter legs and relatively thicker barrels (Torsos) than horses, while not as fast as horses they are stronger pound for pound and are generally healthier than horses, not having been subject to the level of selective inbreeding that horses have been put through during the time they've been domesticated.
Anyways the only Ponies on the show that are proportioned like horses are Princesses Celestia and Luna, seeing as they have similar builds to the saddle arabians. Though cartoonish the ponies generally fit the description I gave, being short legged, relatively thick barrelled equines compared to horses (saddle arabians) shown in the episode.
So no calling them Horses is still not more accurate, especially since they refer to themselves as ponies.
5846683 I have made the changes. Thank you for pointing it out in better detail. I'm sorry I had wasted your time.
5843241 it now says pony.
Pretty good so far. I do have one suggestion for improvement though: put the phrases indicating whose talking like 'Tahu said', 'Gali replied ', etc. after the first sentance in their dialogue. It's hard to tell whose talking for an entire paragraph when it's near the end like it is now.
A bit of a continuity error here.
So how tall are the Toa compared to the ponies?
5847618 no problem
5847907 thanks for pointing that out i'll get right on it. Oh and thanks for pointing out the lack of a height reference in the story. I will also be sure to take your advice on putting who said what after the first sentence.
Lewa is the master of Jungle in gen 2, ye I don't like it much ether but that's how it is
6517759 thank you for pointing that out. I guess I felt it was all the same when it came to names and their respective element. But it has been changed to be factually correct. Once again thank you for pointing that out
6517829
Whilst you're on the subject (I know this reply is two years late), the word Bionicle is NOT their species name. I understand not referring to the Okotans as Matoran, since this is G2, but the Toa are still called by that name.
The word Bionicle has only been spoken in-universe (either of them) as the story of how things came to be: The two brothers, Makuta's envy and fall from grace, and the arrival of the Toa.
For this story, I'd recommend swapping out every utterance of the word 'Bionicle' with Toa, outside of the opening monologue.