Mega Mares

by Keeper of time RD

Chapter 4: The Pinkie Pie Stage

Two mechanized gorillas raise their tree-trunk-sized cannons, pointed them to the pink form hopping down the road toward them and then paused to look at each other.

“Is that one of ours?” one of them asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t think we had any pony models on our side, but she seems to think she’s in friendly territory,” the other answered, taking notice of the cheerful humming coming from the pink robot mare.

As the pink pony-bot approached it was clear that she saw the two guards, even offering them a friendly wave, and yet she didn’t seem to care about the drawn weapons pointed at her.

Lowering his weapon slightly, one of the guards shouted, “Halt! State your name and function!”

“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m here to talk to your boss,” she answered, finally stopping her cheerful hopping.

“I don’t see you on the personal roster.”

“Well duh! I was just made this morning. Well… actually I was just turned on this morning, I’m not exactly sure when I was made.”

The guard looked at the robot pony for a second and blinked his eyes in confusion. “So… what are you? Some new espionage model or something?”

“Yep! I’m defiantly a spy!”

The two guards tossed each other peculiar glances. Simple logic was that that wasn’t something one would admit to the enemy, and thus this robot pony definitely thought she was among friends. Hesitantly one of them said, “Okay… The captain’s tent is the small one to the left of the command tent.”

Leaping up, Pinkie pulled the two guards into a hug and slid her head between the two of them, saying, “Thanks, you guys are the greatest! Remind me to throw you a party! I promise it’ll be a blast!” With that she gave them a hardy pat on the back and went hopping off, into the camp.

After a moment one of the guards spoke up. “Hey, I just thought of something.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“If command wanted to make a pony-bot to infiltrate the enemy, wouldn’t they have made one that looked like one of the robots the enemy already has, instead of one that looks like a completely different pony?”

“Yeah… wait a second, what’s that noise?”

Listening for a moment they pinpointed a subtle ticking noise coming from behind them. Twisting to show their backs to each other, they spotted the magnetic mines attached to their backs, right where Pinkie had patted them. “Oh scrap,” one of them managed to say just before the mines exploded.

As the shrapnel, sparks and dirt of the sundered guard post rained down, the ten or so infantry robots in the immediate area, also designed in the likeness of gorillas, all aimed their bazooka-like beam cannons at the cheerfully hopping pink pony-bot.

Stopping to admire all the glowing beam-cannon lenses pointed at her, Pinkie giggled. She calmly and suddenly pulled out a bright pink boom box, seemingly from nowhere, and cheerfully announced, “Hello everyone! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I’m here to throw you the best party of your lives!” Pushing the button on top of the boom box it came to life, blasting upbeat dance music as Pinkie stood up on her hind legs and opened her front hooves to show her own beam cannons. Then, with a sinister grin and a distinctly darker tone she added, “So let’s get this party started!”

* * * * * * *

A soft red glow appeared around the eyes of large alligator-like robot as it began to move. Walking upright, the robot emerged from his maintenance bay, the soft glow of lights dangling overhead, glistened off his freshly polished green and yellow armor. While the yellow portion of the armor was mostly limited to the belly it wasn’t the only non-green on the mechanized alligator. Two orange disks with seemingly empty slots along the edge were attached to his shoulders.

Noticing a rhythmic thumping noise that didn’t belong in background he tilted his head to the side and started looking about the tent. Quickly realizing that the sound was coming from outside he headed to the flap of his tent.

“What the…” he muttered in a gruff voice. Before him the tents of the infantry camp where ablaze, scrap metal and shattered circuit boards littered the ground, along with a multitude of small blast craters. And there, sitting amid the devastation, miraculously untouched, was a pink boom box, the pulse of it’s bass for the current song proving to be the source of thumping noise he was hearing.

Trotting casually into view from behind a burring tent was a robotic pink pony. “Oh, hey! You’re different! Does that mean you’re the boss here?” Pinkie greeted the alligator robot.

Ignoring the pony’s question, he shouted a question of his own, “Where are they?”

Pinkie Pie tilted her head to the side. “Where is who?”

“The rest of your forces!”

“Sorry, but I’m the best party planer around! I threw this party all by myself!”

The robot alligator stared blankly at the pony-bot for a moment and then said, “How?”

Glancing at the devastation around her, Pinkie answered, “It was a wild party.” Reaching her boom box, she pushed a button a few times until it switched from playing a party dance beat to a rock and roll song. “Oh yeah! That sounds like boss-fight music! So what are we waiting for? Let’s dance!”

Making the first move, Pinkie Pie darted to the side while firing blasts of pinkish magic-like light from her beam cannon. In response the robo-alligator dodged, grabbed the orange disks on his shoulders and threw them. Halfway to their target a dozen tiny blades popped out of the gap along the edge of the disks and began spinning, helping them bounce in a controlled fashion, aiming right for the pink pony-bot.

Pinkie ducked under one bladed wheel and hopped over the other. As she came out of the dodging maneuvers, her chest opened up, presenting the large beam-cannon and she fired her ‘party cannon’ weapon. Trying to dodge, the alligator-bot ran to the side, but his back and tail were caught in the flash of the party cannon’s beam, drawing the electric shimmer of damaged shields. Without a heavily shielded object in the way, the rest of the beam continued on until it hit a hill, where it exploded with the force of an artillery shell and sent a spray of dirt the size of a small house flying.

At that same moment Pinkie Pie’s armor arched with electricity, as one of the bladed wheels bounced off of her back, on its way back to its master. “Ouch!” she cried, as she second blade rolled under her, raking her belly with its blades. After quickly checking the new scratches on her armor Pinkie added, “Ohhh! They’re bouncing boomerang blades! Neat-o!”

Just before reaching the robotic alligator, the blades retracted into the disks, allowing him to catch them unharmed. With a sinister grin, he flung the dicks back at his foe and said, “You wanted a party! So let’s see you dance!”

While charging up the beam cannon in her hoof, Pinkie dodged the bladed wheels with two playful hops and then fired the blast at the robo-alligator, as she spun around to face the returning blade wheels.

This time the infantry commander had enough room between himself and the pink pony-bot to dodge the shot. Catching his blade wheels, he prepared to throw them back out only to stop when he noticed his target seemed to be missing.

“Peek-a-boo!” Pinkie’s voice came from behind. The captain turned just in time for a blast form the pony’s beam-cannon to slam into his face. Throwing the blade wheels again, the battle resumed, with the captain trying to keep the distance needed to dodge his enemy’s attacks and Pinkie Pie hoping about erratically, trying to close the distance and dodge the blade wheels at the same time.

As the seconds went on, Pinkie became increasingly attuned to the patterns of the blade-wheels’ attacks and was able to fit in counterattacks more and more between dodges. More and more, the alligator was failing to keep enough room to dodge the pony’s shots.

Then Pinkie suddenly cartwheeled into the burning remains of a tent, disappearing into the smoke. Wary, the captain backed up, watching the sides of the pyre in the middle of an open field for any attack, and readied his blade wheels waiting to see what side his foe broke cover from. As his patience waned he called out, “I know you’re back there! So come on out! That pyre is in the open, there’s nowhere to escape to without being seen!”

The alligator’s eyes widened as he heard the high-pitched whine of a high-energy weapon system charging up behind him. The last thing he saw was a flash of pinkish light washing over him from behind, and the last thought that passed through his mind was ‘Logic error.’

The blast from Pinkie’s party cannon faded and she looked over the shattered remains of the robot alligator. “Oh, have we here?” she said, as her sensors started to go wild. As a new weapon system appeared in her weapons menu she added, “Looks like I got razor confetti!”