Rainbow Dash
I leaped through the window of the crystal castle and bowled into the study.
"Twilight!" I called. "We need you! We think that creepy mare from the sperm bank is trying to kill us! Rarity's in the Hospital! Also Flutters is passed out with a killer hangover and is only guarded by a seriously beat up AJ. And, if you've got some time after all that, I've got something to help us coming in I... Think..."
I blinked. Our resident egghead wasn't here.
I flew through the castle. I rifled through the book cases, I even checked under her bed... Nothing.
"TWILIGHT!" I cried out.
I felt a cold sweat break out. Where could she possibly have gone?
#
Twilight Sparkle
The train pulled up to Fillydelphia's platform and I shook Spike. "We're here sleepyhead."
He yawned and blinked his eyes open. "Ugh... Did we really need to take the red eye?"
I picked up my saddlebag "Yes Spike, I already told you, I sent the message to the university a week ago and they still haven't responded." At this point I'd actually sent about 20 messages. I steeled myself. "We need to get to the source!"
" Couldn't we have gotten to the source tomorrow..." He muttered.
I ignored that and strapped on my saddlebag, lifting the beleaguered dragon onto my back. I needed to prove my theory and time was wasting.
After spending some time in Manehatten, I have to say the ponies of Fillydelphia were startlingly polite. Still, it was a city and I wasn't in any sort of royal precession. The streets were crowded and traffic was heavy Getting to the office building would take time. I only had... I checked a nearby clock... three hours to get there.
I heard Spike's stomach rumble. I winced. Okay, maybe I was rushing things a bit.
I cleared my thoat. "Say, Spike would you like to get a cheese portabello before we get started?"
The little dragon perked right up at that. "A filly cheese portabello! Count me in!"
I smirked. I felt like it had been forever since I'd seen him excited.
That was... actually kind of sad.
It didn't take long before we bumped into a food cart. I ordered two sandwiches... Okay four sandwiches, and waited while Spike covered his with so much hot sauce it made my eyes water.
"Would you like anything else sir?" asked the mare behind the truck.
I winced at the 'sir', but shook my head and gave her some bits with as polite a smile as I could manage. Spike and I wandered over to a park bench and sat down with our piles of greasy deliciousness. We tore into them with gusto and with some food in me I started to feel like a pony again... But something was off. Spike wasn't talking very much.
I swallowed down the last of sandwich number one and turned to the little dragon idly licking hot sauce off his claws. "Spike, are you okay?"
"Huh?" He looked up. "Of course! I mean... Things have been kind of rough recently, what with all you girls coming out, and you locking yourself away, and Elusive... I mean... Rarity not being Elusive any more."
I sighed. "Okay, fair..." The sounds of the city hummed in the background. I grew up in Canterlot, so I found them somewhat calming... not calming enough, but it helped.
"Spike," I began, looking down awkwardly. "I'm really sorry if I've been neglecting you recently. It just feels like so much stuff is happening to me at once and there just isn't an easy fix." I gripped my oozing sandwich. "I mean, maybe something good will come out of this though. Pining after Rari- I mean, after Elusive wasn't super healthy."
He crossed his arms. "Oh, really, so it wasn't healthy when he talked me down from the whole giant monster phase? I think the Wonderbolts were pretty happy about that."
I shook my head. "That's not what I mean... Although I'll admit Rar- Elusive did seem to bring a lot of nobility out of you that day. Still, you've got to know it wasn't in the cards. Imagine what it would be like if Pound Cake told you he was in love with you."
Spike raised an eyebrow. "Uhh... Twilight, Pound Cake knows like two words."
I rolled my eyes, "You know what I mean."
He opened his mouth... Then closed it. "Okay, yeah I get it. I need to find a guy who's my age it's just... He made me feel special, he made me feel warm inside. Now I look at him and it's still him, or her or whatever, but all the attraction is gone. It feels... weird."
I put a hoof on his shoulder. "Sometimes we get caught up in good people who just aren't right for us."
He grinned. "Are you speaking from experience?"
I blushed. It may have fit well, but for the record I was not going to tell him about those two weeks when I was four when I convinced myself I was madly in love with my brother. "... Let's just go with 'it happens and it's not fun' okay?"
He sighed. "I guess I'll meet other guys... Preferably ones that want to stay guys."
An uncomfortable thought occurred to me. "Spike... Have the people in town been okay with you? I mean, I've been sitting here whining about being trans when you've apparently been openly gay for a long time. I have to admit, I haven't really been... Paying attention." I slumped. When did I become such a terrible caregiver?
Spike smiled. "It's okay Twi, honestly the ponies in Ponyville are pretty chill. There are a few jerks, like that Carver guy who runs the toy shop ugh, but overall folks have been really nice."
I smiled back. "Good to know."
We finished our food in a much more comfortable silence.
We deposited our wrappers in the trash and spike hopped on my back... We had to try and catch-
"Uh... Hey... Twi?"
I stopped. I turned to the little dragon. "Yes Spike?"
He twiddled his thumbs. "I just... I wanted to let you know, it took me a while, but... I'm really glad to have you as a... Sister? Mother? We never worked that out. The point is, I just wanted to let you know I still love you and I'm sorry if I've been distant."
There was a pause.
Then I picked him up with magic and gave him the tightest hug ever.
Spike squirmed. "Ack! Okay! I get it! You love me too. Are you planning on letting go any time soon?"
I thought about it...
"No." I said finally.
#
Twilight
The walls of the University of Fillydelphia's administrative office were not quite as impressive as some of the palaces I'd seen in Canterlot, but they were lined with gorgeous tapestries showing the university's august history. The discovery of teleportation theory, the first Equestria Games victory against the Griffon Kingdom, and many, many more triumphs were woven into the fabric.
But the University of Fillydelphia's quiet victories were even more impressive. They were the first to map and monitor the mana lines that knit the magic of the world together. It was diligent, slow work, but it was impossibly important for spellcasters drawing power from the earth and the detection of magical anomalies. If anyone in Equestria knew what was wrong with the magical background radiation, it would be them.
Spike and I made our way to the reception desk and found a somewhat flustered blue mare sitting behind the counter.
"P-Prince Dusk!" She sputtered.
I bit my tongue.
The receptionist (File Folder, if the name on the desk was right) gave me a small bow. "I am so sorry your highness, we had no idea you were coming, shall I contact the presid-"
I held up a hoof. "It's quite alright, and just T- Just Dusk is fine. This isn't an audit or anything, I'm just trying to clear something up."
She relaxed somewhat. "Of course Prin- I mean, of course Dusk, how can I help?" She folded her hooves and waited professionally.
I smiled. "Recently I sent a few letters to your magical survey department about a matter of some urgency and I was really hoping to talk the Department Head as he still hasn't responded. Would you have a map so I could..."
The mare's expression had grown somber.
I blinked. "Is... Is something wrong?"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid I know why he hasn't responded."
Spike tilted his head. "Why?"
The mare hung her head. "He was murdered several months ago."
Really? Where the heck are you taking this story?
6387064
Oh... Places. There are plenty of clues...
6387071
There are many clues, but the difficulty is working out which are intentional. I mean you've left a lot of references to the fact that there use to be stallions in this world that the mane 6 have replaced, but it's clearly not an intention otherwise this story would be tagged 'dark'.
I know that you're never going to make the main characters wrong about their gender change choice, so you're not going to make them ever go back to their old world, so really all you've got its too either focus on their struggle to be accepted, or find someone to blame for their gender change.
I assume that in the end you'll reveal that the world was just magically modified to alter their gender and everyone's perception of them (which is also kind of messed up as it also forced Spike to change his sexual orientation) or maybe this is how it was always how it was and the spell just made they think they use to be women (which is also messed up on its own ways).
So really most of my ideas on the story path make me think I'll take exception to the ending, but you probably have something clever hidden that makes better sense.
6387200
Wouldn't it make more sense if this was an alternate world all together? One where everything was the exact same as usual except the Main 6's gender, and Spike being gay.
6387248
It might make more sense, but the author can't have that happen because then it will mean that the male versions will be in the female bodies of the mane 6, but this just means that then their gender confusion is temporary, which makes their actions and goes against the compulsory implications that the author is trying to heavily imply.
Also too much time had passed fo it to suit the narrative for them to return to their own dimension, so we have to assume that it doesn't exist. So either there is no alternate dimension, or there are some serious problems with the plot line.
6360340
I missed this comment.
The reason there is so much hate is because this story exists in a world where magic is a daily occurrence, and add the events that kicked everything of are magical it makes it obvious that fixing the direct problems without fixing the actual problem leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
I don't want to read a story where the main character has their computer stolen so they learn to use a tablet, the underlying problem is being ignored in favour of something else.
I know you'll eventually address the underlying cause, but at the moment I don't know whether to support the mane 6 for their choices because the story makes them seem reckless. They aren't having true gender dysphoria as they know they have moved into new bodies ,so I they just seem reckless and uncaring of their body's former inhabitant.
But again, I am aware that that isn't where you are taking this story, but I can't think that you keep pretending that the situation is comparable to people who are legitamently transgender.
There are some rather important things that you are basically ignoring in favour of assuming that everyone is just hating on the lack of an easy cure when we are actually annoyed that every pony seems to be blatantly ignoring something that should be more relevant than gender dysphoria.
From their perspective they changed from one form to another. The fact that this happened is much more important than any mental or chemical imbalance issues that have arisen. Why do they seem to so quickly forget about it? That is what I don't understand.
6387771
See... I think looking back, the time skip was an issue. It's important to remember that Twilight was looking for a magical solution for months. Heck, she and the Mane 6 are still looking for a solution, they're just trying to survive long enough to get one.
6360727 First off, just want to say I've enjoyed going through the story so far even if a few things rub me the wrong way, for example it has a bit of an infomercial feel to it. I know your trying to communicate the plights and trials of the medical condition but it feels very forced, most of the struggles communicated through simple dialogue and exposition rather then emotional states, perceptions of the characters and their actions. Your story does what it does well but I feel like it could do better. I know it's a hassle first hand but try to get hold of an editor, they should help smooth things out and make them feel more organic so to speak.
Another side note is I don't think Celestia would run a country on medical insurance, rather putting the time and effort into forging a decent national health service but I understand your trying to portray real life analogues so it's not much of a gripe.
Regarding the specific comment I'm replying to, I can completely understand why people are coming (I wouldn't say its too much of a jump) to that or similar conclusions. You have seemingly put effort into stating that both the male and female versions of the main six exist as characters, both by repeatedly highlighting the absurd improbability of altering the minds of all of Equestria and that their identity and memories as mares is deeply rooted in their minds. To many this creates the distinct possibility that the male characters may still exist in some capacity and that undoing what ever has been done will land them in bodies that have, from their point of view, been violated and ruined not to mention likely leaving them going through similar physiological problems to the mares are now due to the hormonal treatments. I'm not sure if you have done it on purpose but you leave the distinct possibility this is a two way street and that more then anything is going to put readers on edge and even get them defensive especially where irreversible (or hard to reverse) medical treatments are concerned and the potential tragedy involved. I'm not certain if it is a problem that needs to be rectified depending on where you are going with this story (for all I know it could just be an artificial dream some well intentioned malcontent has put together to teach the ruler of the country about their plight) but it is certainly an issue that bears need for attention.
I hope I helped!
And if not I certainly hope I didn't make things worse.
6389780
All fair criticisms. Honestly, cutting down on the preaching is something I'm trying really hard to do and I'd definitely love to get a hold of an editor (if you're interested, don't hesitate to ask).
As for the rest... I guess you'll have to see how things play out.
6389845 An interesting offer. I've considered going into editing but it's not something I've ever really done before, I've helped people brainstorm story ideas but never proper editing of any description. If you really want me to I could give it a go but keep in mind I've got next to nothing as far as experience goes. Honestly I'm afraid I could screw you over as much as help you, especially given the fact I've got a rather sordid track record as far as my own story attempts go. I'm also an atrocious speller (curse you dyslexia/dyspraxia!) so there's that.
As for "preaching" I understand your trying to help people understand a situation better and I wouldn't ask you to cut down on anything, just try to word it better or even add more in detailed drips and drabs for depth. In other words pace things slower. Skipping a whole month at the beginning probably wasn't the best idea, would have better been filed with the the sort of day to day details that led them to the more desperate situation.
6389935
I'd be glad for any editing help I could get, really.
And yeah... That's fair, I admit I kind of wanted to get into the meat of the story and dysphoria is... surprisingly difficult to talk about in detail with a T rating (maybe I should have made this mature).
Before you realize what's going on dysphoria really isn't that... *flashy* for lack of a better word. It's more like a slow, debilitating slog and a fog on your mind punctuated by moments of intense self hatred, fear, and self harm.
When you start to transition, your dysphoria gets worse in some ways, because you're actively looking for flaws. but it also gets a lot better because you have hope for once.
Before you realize you actually want to change you're just sitting there going "this is temporary and not that big a deal, I'll get over it..." or "Okay I hurt myself that one time, whatever, maybe it's something most people go through, it wasn't that big a deal." or "Good god I'm ugly, I wonder what I'd look like as a girl... Well, that's not going to happen so I guess I'm screwed forever."
I guess I just didn't have the heart to write out that hopeless miserable mire in detail. "Cracking" was my attempt to, but it clearly needed more.
6390121 That sounds uncomfortably close to the hell I've been through with depression, which makes sense in a way, different issues causing vaguely similar emotional problems and the same self destructive behaviours and though processes. I was never into self harm but I came uncomfortably close to suicide a few times and feelings of self loathing or pity when faced with my reflection are far from foreign. The day to day slog of misery and melancholy also strikes an uncomfortable cord.
In regards to the story I guess what I mean to say is to incorporate more snippets of situations and thinking that lead up to or nurture such drastic things as self harm or suicide attempts, not necessarily every excruciating detail but a few examples both potent and mild. Like you said you've already done it a bit with Cracking and it was pretty good I just feel it would would work better if it were more frequent and more spread out.
To wrap up, okay I'll give editing it a bash. As for how we go about it I think it would be best if we continued in Private Messaging if that's okay with you?
Of course he was.