Hello, I am new here and just started writing Pony fanfiction. I have written some stories on other sites but I am barely starting out with ponies, so I hope you enjoy my work!
A freak show has come to Ponyville, ran by the ever shady Flim and Flam Brothers. Scootaloo finds a little more interest in the show then she probably should. She can't possibly be considering running away to the circus right? Right? ((Slight gross body imagery, put under gore just in case.))
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That was actually fairly good. Some things I have to point out are that you constantly put Rainbow Dash's name as Rainbowdash, which isn't proper; Rainbow is the first name and Dash is the last. Also, a bit more detail as to where some places are could help.
What made this great was that the Flim Flam Brothers weren't portrayed as 'HORRIBLE EVIL MONSTERS,' but as business ponies that actually warned Scootaloo that she wouldn't be able to go back after her alterations and gave her multiple chances to say no. It ultimately stops them from being villains along with the fact that no pony was altered without consent. It added a realistic layer to the Brothers, one that I've rarely seen at all.
Overall, good job.
5819149
Thank you very much! Yeah I for whatever reason couldn't figure out which way to do her name at the time, sorry about that! As for details, I will keep that in mind. Better explanation is always good yeah?
That's the thing about Flim and Flam, they were never really evil, dishonest yes but not evil. So I wanted to portray them as such. Flim I imagine is a bit more manipulative then Flam but Flam balances his eagerness with being more level headed though passive. So I'm glad you enjoyed it! I appreciate your comment~
5819177
It's good to see you accept criticism as well. New authors often tend to blatantly ignore or even delete criticism; it's rare that I see someone like you take it in stride. Congrats on that!
Uuuugh, this story was sooooo bad! You should just leave FIMFiction cause you are a bad author and a bad person for writing this. Like uuuugh, this thing triggers me sooooo hard!
/SARCASM
Ohai Nat! I see you there....
5819545
RA-UDE! If I didn't know you I'd say I didn't know you! HUFF!
5819214
Well, it's not like you were attacking me or anything xD
Just offering some suggestions, and I don't mind that!
I thought this was extremely interesting, and the fact that they were modified made it even more so. My type of gruesome.
A lot of grammar work left to be desired, however it's good enough in that regard and I understand that you didn't want to deal with it.
All in all, it's an extremely interesting story.
This story.. I almost cried at the end. Poor Scootaloo, just why? TT.TT
I also found this kinda.... cute? I dunno, it just feels so bittersweet. With Scootaloo admiring Rainbow so very much. And she did find a loving home in the end, didn't she? So we could say it was a happy ending too? Right? (Just trying to convince myself it's not as sad as it is)
Seriously, this fanfic is awesome, and I love how you portrayed the Flim Flam brothers. ^^
5821766
Thank you very much! Im glad you liked it, sorry for any grammer errors, Ill try and run it by better editors next time >A<
5827495
YEAH. MAYBE. Nah they took her in and Im sure she got used to her new...body eventually! But yes Im glad you liked it!
I think you fixed the whole "Rainbowdash" thing, but you missed a spot. Sorry if this seems rude, just trying to help!
5863453
No no, its not rude at all xD
I really liked this story! You did a good job :3