Red is a young colt with the innate talent for healing. He has a tragic and unhappy past and isn't looking for a relationship. However, when he meets a special somepony, he finally realizes that he may have just found the thing to brighten up his life, but love's not all it's cracked up to be. Feel free to give criticism and feedback.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it. Looking forward to the rest of it.
Very well written. So far there are no flaws I could pick up on, and the pacing is spot on.
Only gripe is the waiting for the next chapter. Keep up this quality of work, and you will do well.
PS: If you were hoping to build tension by not describing who he runs into, it isn't working. One look at the character tags tells you who it is. I am not telling you to change anything, please, it is perfect the way it is, but I thought you might like to know that.
How do you cover hooves with gloves
? Other then that a great story. We all know what the shipping is though so don't try to hide it. I was writing a story similar to this (but not the same). Your story really inspired me... Keep up the good work.
580790 I know it may look like I'm trying to hide the identity of his "purple love," but that's not really what I was going for. I just didn't want a formal introduction so early on in the story. Thanks for the feedback, though!
582112 Maybe the gloves would just be like plastic tubes with elastic at the end. That way, the hoof would be covered by something sterile. Also, read my comment from chapter 1 about the shipping thing if you're wondering. Thanks for the compliment!
582309
Yeah, I actually guessed that was why you did it, which I why I told you to not change it.
Moving right along...
ONTO THE NEW CHAPTERS!
My reaction reading this chapter:
What a big twisted chapter!!
I like it
MORE? ALREADY? Sweet Celestia, you are fast.
I am going to assume that you had written all of this before publishing it, and therefore also assume that telling you to keep up the good work would be redundant. Instead I would implore you to get to writing another fiction as soon as you can find some spare time.
My one criticism of this chapter is that I dont think that you got Applejack quite right. "She's in the hospital! She's in critical condition!" I cant really hear Applejack saying something. Instead I would do something like She's in the hospital, she's really banged up! or get someone else to say it.
That was my one criticism. Whoever you get to proofread your work does a marvellous job.
Anyway, I was in the middle of reading a fic called Growing Pains. It is about the most grimdark story I have read ever(this probably says something about the stories I tend to read) so this was a pretty nice interlude.
Keep the chapters coming!
584736 Wow, you're pretty loyal! Actually, I'm writing all of this as I go and it's a completely solo project. I'll try to write another fanfic soon. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm going on a trip this week. If I can't finish the story by Sunday night, it'll have to wait until next Saturday!
584741
Don't stress about it. I'm probably following around 30 other incomplete stories, and I can play around with Diablo 3 and the Portal 2 level editor, and I am still reading that other massive fic I briefly mentioned, so I am not at all stressed if it isn't done this weekend. In fact, if it isn't, it gives me something to look forward to!
I am very surprised to hear that you are writing this fast, this well, on the fly and with no proofreaders. You keep that up, and you will go SO far. I am already eager about the idea of more of your fics, and you aren't even done being awesome with this one yet!
I see you listened to my advice. (My poor, lonely advice.) Although, generally, for future reference, when someone asks you to change something, like I did, it is generally a good idea to reply saying that you fixed it, or saying why you didnt change it. It isnt nice when someone is reading through your comments, and there is advice that looks like it was ignored. While its great that you follow peoples advice, it doesnt help if no-one knows that you did. (Yay, my advice isnt lonely anymore!)
Oops. Long post again. I do get very carried away when I am tired. It is 10 past midnight in Australia. I should stop now. I should have stopped a while ago.
ahhhh the story of Orpheus and his quest to take his wife from Hades himself.
good myth
4 updates in one day! Crap that's fast. All of it is quality too. Keep up the good work I am interested to see what is going to happen next.
586702 I am glad that I am not the only mythology nerd that caught that reference.
Whoa blood magic. Trippy man. fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/024/d/3/stoner_spike_by_thefightingmongooses-d4nghml.png
Nice job on the cliffhanger. I hope he doesnt die...
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/193/1279052383758.jpg
588086 ???? He does die... "I closed my eyes for the last time..." The whole hurtling through space thing is him dying. I'll add another sentence to make it clearer.
Please tell me there is another part to this.
Nice till now
Dear god that was fast...
So... This is the end?
I can add another part to this if you guys want, though it'll be some sort of epilogue. Also, I don't think I can make it from Red's view since he died, so maybe a 3rd person narrator epilogue.
Man... Unreversable premature death of ponies is sort of a REALLY touchy subject for me. Don't get me wrong, I loved the story, it's just that my brain just spits out the concept like a cat does a worming tablet.
If you want to see where this 'phobia' came from, look over there, and I warned you if your tear ducts run dry...
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/16861/The-Things-We-Leave-Behind
I talked a bit over there about how the Sad tag is woefully inadequate concerning tragic deaths. I ended up deleting half the comment though because I just ended up babbling my heart out and it was absolutely horrible. (This comment probably is as well.)
Good idea with that last sentence. I went straight to the comment box once I was done, and the last bit sorta missed. Using the word Death made me stop, think, and reread the paragraph, and made me stop moving so the point would sink in. (Yay, lame hunting metaphor!)
I think I have one one more piece of advice I can give you. Try writing the epilogue from Red's view, and make him the 3rd person narrator. (You know, afterlife and all that.) It would be a bit harder, but I think it could add a lot more colour to the epilogue.
(Dont trust me though, I cant write a story to save my life!)
P.S. I am sorry. There are parts of my mind which are impossible to control. I sorta lost control over that part during my chores. Those bits in the brakets are purely the not-so sane part of my mind talking. At least it isn't quite as bad as Pinkie Pie can be.
cavemanwines.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/its-alive.jpg
ITS ALIVE!!!!
590404 Thx for the tip. I found a cool way to do the epilogue and I think it turned out really well!
All of my "what?". Ending Confused me slightly. Is he dead, trapt in the statue with Twilight using an Allusion spell on him to "tell the end of his story"? Or is she just creating a space with magic where they can hangout and shit?
Post script: ... Moar?
595307 After he died, Twilight cast a spell on his statue that bound his soul to it. He can hear and see everything around him but can't move. At the end, the purple haze that envelopes him lets him dream. That's what the ending line means.
As for "moar," I'm afraid I really don't want to add more to this story. I may add a sequel in the future, but that's not my primary project. I'm currently in the very early stages of creating another fanfic involving Scootaloo. It's going to be very dark and slightly gory and will detail how she lost her wings, came to Ponyville, etc. I should be able to post it by next week.
598070. Sounds most ballin C: Can't wait!