Atypical or A typical, that is the question.
It is every mare's desire to look the best in front of everypony. But when one mare is unable to obey the most fundamental tenet of the Filly Code—the unobstructed sharing of beauty secrets—all hell breaks loose. Some beauty secrets are just worth fighting for, even if it's against a princess.
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This is really funny! Can't wait for more of your work! Here, have a follow and a fave :)
Booze Princesses are best princesses!
Rather amusing
Keep up the good work!
Nicely written, for a first fic!
I got a giggle out of this.
Fav'd and hoof'd up!
“She reeeely means ‘we’ this time. *hic*” Twilight added.
For that line alone if nothing else this is getting favorited lol!
Really amusing, please write more stories like this when you can
....
Drunk Luna is best Luna.
Anything else is not.... -snickers- Possibru. XD
This actually is extremely good.
I imagine this is set a few years into the future where Twilight isn't quite so high-strung anymore and where she and Luna has gotten to know each other better... And that this isn't the first dumbass thing they've done together xD
But... But... But... What's the seeeeeeecreeeeeet...?!
Very good for a first fic indeed, especially given language barriers. I actually have only one issue- however it is a big one. You quite often mess up tenses, going from present to past to present tense quite often. Nothing that affects the substance of the story, but a very important grammatical error I suggest fixing. If you need help with it, I'm here, and I'm sure many others would be willing to assist! Upvote, btw!
5823953 Thanks for the offer! I got the vague feeling that tense shift may be a problem, but I am confused as to when it is done. Not all of them should be in the past tense, right? Take this short paragraph as an example, the underlined words whose tense I actually gave some consideration before writing.
The way I explained to myself is this:
"attempt" and "process": They can't be both past tense right?
"is willing": It's a general truth about Twilight, so present tense. The same reason why we say the sky is blue.
"yelling": It's happening as Celestia thinks about it, in Celestia's POV, so present continuous.
To everyone else, thanks for the kind comments!
And now to go pee...
After laughing.
5825258
That whole paragraph is completely correct, actually.
If you can revise the story with that thinking in mind, you should be able to fix most of the mistakes. If you want to write this story in the present tense, then anything happening at that moment in time should be present, and anything else should be past (most of the time, anyway; I'm sure there's exceptions, given how finicky English can be, but I can't think of any off the top of my head right now.) Rest assured that tenses are difficult in many cases; I often have to go back through my own writing to correct tenses before publishing. I actually quite admire non-native English speakers for being able to write comprehensive stories in English, and you are no exception! Really, it's quite good. 
5825258
Try this:
5877004
Ah, "attempted to process". Sounds more correct. The rest of the paragraph looks better as well. The only change that I still object is the use of "confusing", because getting afflicted by a mind altering spell that demands you to get that dolly at all costs is not quite the same as being perplexed.
I'd like to use your version, but is it okay to edit your work after it is published and declared completed? I sort of remember there is one such complaint on this site somewhere.
I agree with you over the word confusing.
I do not believe editing an existing work is a problem. I think the issue is using edits to bring more attention back to your story after its initial posting; say deleting and re-posting chapters in the process, instead of just editing them. But you'd have to check the site rules as I've never posted a story here. I, however, do a lot of editing work for other authors on this site and they haven't said anything about backlash from posting my suggested corrections.
have no
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happen
One space after end ".
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pony
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placed
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5893565 Thanks, it's fixed!
5895869
You're welcome
.
Hilarious.
It's the face-hoofing. Thousands of years of face-hoofing... It leaves black rings around the eyes, y'know.
If Applejack's Applejack causes this much trouble, what would Nightmare Moonshine do..?
6150044
It would not only convince Luna eternal night is a good thing, but she'd get so silver a tongue that she'd convince the entire populace of Equestria, too.
And then Celestia would need a drink.
Nice.