LIV: Fog
I cannot say how long that concept drifted through my mind, but it was a peculiar experience all the same. Just as I had done with the limit, I had a feeling this was much more than a certain kind of function.
Amethyst and I went about our research reverently as we pondered how to employ that function. We would alternate between asking questions and answering them, bouncing ideas between ourselves until the idea had changed altogether hours later. We grew weary as we trudged through the same concepts time and again. Despite our initial fervor, we slowly came to the realization that our questions were only spurring more questions rather than conclusive answers.
Finally, after several hours of circular discussion, Amethyst broke our rhythm.
“Starswirl, I can’t think straight anymore.” Her complaint echoed my own disdain and as I looked to the increasing sloppiness of the equations on the board. I realized our work’s fruitfulness was waning.
“It is getting late,” I said with a yawn. “Maybe we can pick this up tomorrow?”
Amethyst nodded slowly as her eyes began to droop. We were both tired, but I knew that I wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon. Amethyst stepped over to the fireplace and stoked the embers back to life. “Come here,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her command was just strong enough to pull my gaze from the board to her eyes. The sparkling orange fire across that royal sea gently made everything else matter just a bit less.
“You’ve been overworking yourself. Come rest for the night,” she said as she lowered herself to the floor.
I wanted to take a second glance at the math, to pull myself from my trance long enough to make a rational decision, but my mind was already trapped in her gaze. I stepped to her side and hesitated as I began to let my head rest on her side. When she didn’t protest, I relaxed. I drifted up and down as her breathing slowed, and as my eyes drooped I thought for a moment about how peaceful the world was. There was no pressure to perform, no expectations to meet; only the two of us in front of the fire.
“I think we’re onto something,” Amethyst muttered, my head jostling as she spoke.
“Hmmm?”
“Our research… you know… with the shell?”
“Oh, right,” I muttered, my eyes still closed in contentment.
“I can’t help but feel that there’s something more to this than just a simple spell.”
“What?”
“I don’t know… I can’t place it, but I can feel it.” I wasn’t sure if her comment was founded in some sort of epiphany or a tired mind beginning to forget parts of reality. Regardless, I knew my mind was fading as well, so I let the statement hang in the air as the world drifted away.
I’m not sure what stirred me from my sleep, but I awoke from my rest in a stupor of revelation. My dream, though I have long since forgotten its specifics, had begged a question that I hadn’t considered before. And, as always happens with dreams, that question immediately began to slip my mind. With all the urgency my mind could muster, I rose from my place and stumbled to the table. My eyes lazily gazed across the surface seeking to find something I could use to record the thought as it decayed by the second. I’m not sure when I picked up the quill, or how I was able to write in such a delirious state, but I will be forever grateful that I did.
As I placed the quill back on the table and the urgency faded from my mind, I could no longer recall the revelation, all I could do was quietly whisper the line back to myself. “Answer isn’t number.” Fortunately, I was only just able to read. Otherwise I might have tried to rewrite my sentence and risk the valuable revelation held in its broken syntax.
I stood in silence as I let my mind get lost in the room once more. It was peaceful like usual, and, as always, it began to lull me to sleep. Without somepony else working in the laboratory, it never drew me to discover much. I had always been encouraged by Evenstar or Amethyst, even when they simply stood in the corner and tended to their own business.
I looked to Amethyst as she slept peacefully by the fire. Her side gently rose and fell as the fire cast a flickering shadow behind her. She was content; this was everything she had ever wanted in her life. She was moving the way she had always wanted to go to a destination that she always knew was there. I’m not sure why my mind drifted to such a thought, but it forced me to reflect on my own path. I had no idea what I was doing, and furthermore, I had no concept of where I was going. Every day was a new revelation, and despite how much I enjoyed such a stimulating life, it was beginning to grow wearisome.
She was heading the way she had always wanted to go to the destination she always knew was there.
When you chase something, it’s fun at first. It makes you think of what might happen in the future, of how your catch might suddenly change your life. It doesn’t cross your mind that your goal might not be achievable. However, after a while you begin to notice how much effort you’re spending on this chase. The novelty wears off to reveal the truth of the matter: you might not catch it.
That feeling began to dawn on me as I looked around the room. The circled equation to Evenstar’s long mathematical journey had only revealed a half answer to his question. I realized that this too may be my fate. It was terrifying. I wasn’t in a state to fully understand it, nor was I able to rationalize any lasting decision, but it was a feeling that would become rather common in my life. In the wee hours of the morning, as my mind drifted in state of loose consciousness, I was forced to face the thought that I might not succeed.
Everything else from that moment on is a blur. Through the haze of comforting sleep, I remember Amethyst, the room around me, and the small stars that glistened outside the window.
I blinked and it was day.
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Writing's hard, and stress can either be its greatest ally or worst foe. Sometimes exam stress has driven me to write some rather vivid sequences, other times a looming assignment has killed all my ability to put down even just one sentence.
The point is, you managed, despite the stress, to get this done. A thousand words might not seem like much, but it's something, and from you, even a little something is always awesome. I'm excited to see where you're taking us, but I'm also perfectly wiling to wait if you need the time.
Great chapter, as always. It was short but you made the most of every word.
Trying to write the path of maths is trying to write an origional old language play, in modern language, while teaching the language.
The fact you are doing so well is amazing.
And I shouldnt try answering any further, lack of sleep just tried to smack my head into the keyboard.
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Oh don't even get me started ;) it's so difficult to do. If I even pull it off halfway decently I'm floored.
Noooo, I'm already at the update point... This is brilliantly written, and as somebody taking Calculus at the moment, I can follow along and understand perfectly.
Although, one thing I should mention is that I'm surprised they didn't spontaneously discover a rule for the slope of simple curves like x^2. When I was in 8th grade I figured out that there was a way to predict the increase of y with the increase of x; it made graphing the equation a lot easier because I didn't have to look at the x-axis anymore and run through x^2, I only needed addition to plot the next point. Not sure if that made any sense at all, and if you had an interest for some reason I could try to explain what I did in more depth... But the point is, I didn't fully understand the implications of what I did until I got into calculus and realized I was only a few steps from discovering the derivative of x^2.
Aww man... I binge read this too quickly. Your story is very enthralling. To the point that I read from chapter 1 all the way till now in 12hours. Thank you very much for writing such a story that while frustrating to understand the mathematical equations and reasoning, (I nearly failed algebra 1, not a problem on your side) Still immensely interesting.
On a side note, has Mudak not caught up yet? I feel as if I'm missing part of the expirience of reading your story without his alternate chapter titles...
Hooray another chapter! No worries about the slow updates. Real life is more important
I love they way you've built up the excitement. One small discovery feels like such an accomplishment and makes me really happy when reading so reading about some bigger leaps in the future is gonna be amazing.
Sad to have read these so late with collage I have not been on this site much but it's fun to read these they are intresting
That last reflection was pretty deep. I believe everybody has felt like that at a certain point in their lives. Hell, there are millions of people who feel that way right now.
Anyway, this quiet chapters of pondering and tranquility are pretty welcomed in the tumultuous life of this poor guy. It was well written, the atmosphere was powerful and it left a resounding message at the end. Well done