• Member Since 20th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

femikol


An AU enthusiest. Always interested in the what-ifs and seeing how folks expand on them.

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Inspired by the story The Masks We Wear by Rokas

Twilight has thought about Rainbow Dash's addiction to fiction. Little does she know there is more to it.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

:rainbowhuh: my brain hurts
:twilightoops:

5796257 BOOK WORMS !:rainbowlaugh:

5796268 Oh. :rainbowlaugh: Hush though. If Rainbow found out that you knew she was a science and math fanatic... The possibilities are endless. XD

Once again, I am left in complete surprise by what Rainbow can do.

5796443 Aaaannnnnd... The laws of jaws are defied once again. XD

Love it. That eggheading tho. And twilights Reaction was priceless. I could See her "the fuck is happening Here" look in MY mind. Props to that.
But now to the unfun part: the critique.
As much as i laughed my ass off while reading this story, it also felt really rushed. Bad pacing is one of my biggest problems with good oneshots, and this is sadly no exception. I think you would have greatly benefitted from spreading the story out more, and focusing more on the thoughts and feelings of the characters. Especially Rainbow dash when twilight comes over for the first time, just a bit of mental mental commentary would make that scene that much sweeter. Same thing with Twilight when she finds out about Rainbows study room and stuff. At the Moment thr dialogue and reactions seem a little stiff, because we dont know whats going on behind them. Would do wonders for the pacing as well. Those are my only real issues with the story. It sounds Bad, but i still enjoy it and i hope you can forgive me. You still get a like.

6232216 Hey, it's okay. :twilightsmile: I wrote this story a while back, and my main problems were pacing, and descriptions... so I'm not surprised you found so much wrong with it. :rainbowlaugh: In any case, thanks for the tips! :twilightsmile:

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