• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 31st, 2013

TheDeinonychus


Comments ( 34 )

And with this, I am on my way to Pony hell.
If any of you would like me to reserve you a spot, now would be the time to ask :pinkiecrazy:

As said above, this is a side-story I decided to write for Trixie's Magic Bit, with the blessing of it's original author, the talented Applejinx. Seriously, if you haven't read it yet, you should. It's an awesome clop-fic! :twilightblush:

And yes, there isn't any dirty bits to the first part, but don't worry, it's sure to happen! I've just realized that I'm a frustratingly long-winded writer, and this is, yet again, going to take multiple parts to tell. But hopefully you all will still enjoy it, and I wont mangle Applejinx's head-canon too much :twilightoops:

lol. already there friend, if you want i can get you into the vip room with me! :rainbowlaugh:

575105
Dont worry. This isnt the only reason Im going to hell. :twilightblush:
It's just likely the only one I can talk about in polite company :pinkiecrazy:

lol. indeed. i can never speak of the reasons ill be going to tarturus..... lets just say i make cup cakes look like a g rated movie........ :twilightblush:

576244
Well, you broke grammar.
Nice fucking going.

this guy on kongregate said cupckaces made him cry and its sad, is this true? is it sad like, mld or sad like ... well you get the idea

578773
Umm lets just say read it. I thought it was um pretty gruesome but I've been through situations in life that make cup cakes look like nothing.

578773>>579403
Please, if you can, avoid bringing up fics like 'Cupcakes' here. Others might get the wrong idea about the story these comments are actualy for.

579416

yeah no problem, *zips lips and throws away key* :pinkiecrazy:

579433

the mention of zipper made me play the chicken song on my coat zipper:derpytongue2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iYBIsLFbKo

And here is part two! Again, no clop yet, but don't worry. The payoff is coming!
I just hope I'm not making Trixie seem too sad or pitiful in this. She's just got a lot on her mind, and thinking about things she never really thought about before. :trixieshiftleft:
But anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm going to try and wrap it up in the next one, that is if I don't get too long-winded with my writing again :facehoof:

Great so far, the only problem I'm seeing is that you have a whole lot of "would of/should of/could of" in there that should be "would've/should've/could've" or "would have/should have/could have". ^_^

584240
Yeah. I made grammar my bitch :twilightangry2:

584903
Instant gratification isn't one of my lont term goals :derpytongue2:

584999
I would hope not, as long-term goals go that would be pretty short-term.

it has potential very few to no major errors keep it up :pinkiesmile:

606266
Now I know you're just being nice. I know I make a lot of errors just out of habit when I type. But at least they don't (in my opinion) make the story unreadable, so I don't fret over them. I'm more concerned with the story I tell than following proper grammar. And, in this case, getting the story proof-read and edited isn't a high priority for me.

639011
Well, it sorta is if you're worried about the story aspect of it. If you just want to read something that'll end in clop, I guess not :twilightoops:

TMB was amazing for a clop fic, I enjoyed it greatly just for it's story. You seem to be doing well so far with this, I'll track to see if you can keep it up. :twilightsmile:

I-I just read the entirety of Trixie's Magic Bit just today with minimal interruption at best in the form of Minecraft and a short, two hour birthday party. Something that long usually takes me 2-3 days at most. Now I'm here before subjecting myself to the sequel. My mind is filled with so much clop, but I must read this.

I love Trixie's Magic Bit and ima let you finish

But leading in with author's notes that are... like that... is bad and you should feel bad. Put it in the synopsis.

One more thing. This is a side story to my single favorite fanfic? Then I'm gonna be the one to tell you that your grammar deserves a TTG-style ass-beating. Either you or someone else needs to grind through this, finely combing it for errors. Not just the "would of" one, which is by far the most obvious, but smaller ones too.

That said, I'll read this simply because I was wanting to write a TMB side-story too.

725953
Firstly, I feel I should warn people before they get in over their heads. Seems only fair.

Secondly, I know my grammar sucks, but this story is low priority when it comes to getting it fixed. It's just a side project I do when I feel like writing but not on my main writing project. So if you're one of these people who cant read something unless it's got text-book grammar, feel free to proof-read it yourself. I might even post your edits if I like them.

728324

Not wanting to work on your grammar is your right. I guess. Your attitude towards "people who need textbook grammar" isn't terribly reassuring, but don't let me tell you your business.

I really think you ought to re-evaluate your attitude regarding author's notes, though.

One: It robs you of the ability to smack the reader in the face with your opening hook. We get distracted by hearing you talk to us; we'd rather get to the point. Your hook is less effective because you pulled us aside for a moment before delivering it. Two: It really isn't necessary. Any PR as well as almost anyone else will tell you that these things should go into a space that isn't designated for the STORY part of your story. In fact, people don't need any warning beyond the mature tag. Write what you're gonna write with confidence--if people are shocked by the effects of the titular bit, they are welcome to leave; that's not your fault or your problem.

Some corrections:
"...em merged from under the sheets." — Should be "emerged".

"Her eyes widened as she realizes then just how late she had let herself sleep in." — wrong tense, should be past.

"Back up stares in the bedroom..." — upstairs

((Read through the comments after posting this, so use 'em if you want. Not critiquing, just helping out. :) ))

The looks and giggles she got just seemed to please Trixie, assuring her that more ponies knew who she belonged to.

Your participle's dangling. Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. :twilightsmile:

I know what you said to others about your grammar, but it kind of does take away from the story. At least for me, it does. I see bad grammar or improper word usage (like "make due"), and I have to mentally correct it, which ruins the immersion into your story. Now I'm not saying you have to be English Professor perfect (Lord knows this post alone contains a handful of errors itself), but a little more care would go a long way to keeping your audience's interest.

That said, it's a pretty good side story to TMB, and I look forward to more updates with it. :twilightsmile:

729251
You've given me some thought about my own A/N in my stories.

oo I got front seats to hell ... :pinkiehappy:

Great story. I love Romance clop fics :pinkiehappy::coolphoto:

Um... I've not read the original yet, but... what the hell happened to Trixie?! :twilightoops:


...Whatever it is, I like it:pinkiehappy:

Edit:W-wait... is she brainwashed or something? (Now I need to read the original...)

Will this be updated ?

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