Hello my dears. I enjoy narrating stories and producing dramatic readings. It's a lovely time~ https://www.youtube.com/user/yeahshorts
Applejack has fallen ill lately. Worse yet, her condition only seems to be getting worse by the day. Can her family and friends uncover what's wrong? Or will the farmer succumb to this strange disease?
Inspired by a story from my youth. Not a romance fic, but there is a shipped pairing in-story.
[Special thanks to ObabScribbler, TheLostNarrator, and Thornquill for pre-reading!]
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pretty damn sure she would have been incredibly uncomgfortable with the pillow long before it really hurt her.
I think this story would have made more sense with Applebloom, actually.
Lesser body weight slash blood volume, equals a faster health degradation and less time for...
Well, any of the many things that frankly should have saved Applejack's life.
The big thing though, is that I frankly can see no way that an animal expert on Fluttershy's level and living so close to 'Pony Mordor' would make such a rookie mistake. Plucking a wild bird —that it was implied she found dead at that, is just an written invitation to get all sort of lice and other nastiness on yourself.
Heck, given that she's got wings you'd think avoiding those type of parasites would be utterly ingrained culturally for her no matter her profession.
And that's not even touching on that cleaning those feathers should have either killed or scared off the parasite.
Or a hospital visit showing odd things with AJ's blood, for that matter.
Still, I rather liked the subtle hints in the epilogue that Celestia losing one of her friends and champions in such a silly and heartrendingly stupid manner compared to the monsters AJ had faced, made her go beyond the call of duty on making sure it would never happen again.
Really nice character moment for somebody that doesn't even get mentioned by name in the story proper.
I would have to follow Lord of Dorkness' and lordofmyth (man, lot of lords here
) points with the tidbit that if the parasite was big enough by the end to both move AJ's head and tear itself out of her pillow it would have been noticeable by someone long before. A mention of maybe AJ feeling like the pillow was moving on its own which everyone writes off as another hallucination, or alternately changing the parasite's size to something smaller that could then sneak out once its source of food was gone would've made that less of a sticking point.
I'd also have liked to know how Fluttershy handled the aftermath, knowing her friend's illness was the result of her own error.
Aside from that, though, this was a good and tightly paced read.
*Inhales* FLUUUUUUUUUUUTTEEEEEEEEEEEERSHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
At least things get explained. o.O I loved that hallucination, but geez!
so there was some kind of parasite or something in it? Kind of like a cross between a camel spider and a leech am I right? Where'd you get an idea like that Guiti?
Awesome but now I want to know what that creature was that fluttershy seen right at the last moment
Well holy bucking horse shit... well time to go and check ALL of Fluttershys animals. And I do mean all of them just to be on the safe side.
Oh hey! I remember reading the story this was based on. Kind of underwhelmed me since we were learning about urban legends and this was suppose to be one of the oldest, but works since you didn’t focus on the cause till the end, or at the very least was way less obvious ^^’
Happy Birthday!
8390286
Same here. And did Fluttershy unintentionally cause AJ's death?
Dreadnought
8998382
Yes she did not mean to kill AJ but holy celestia sweet flank. That spider is scary