Seventh Sense

by Aceman67

1 - A Day Like Any Other

When you've gone through the many things that I've experienced, you'd be hard pressed to wear a smile on your face. But when you have a secret like mine, one learns to be very good at hiding the nightmares that would plague lesser ponies into insanity.

My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, ponies just call me Pinkie. I've lived with this secret since I was a filly, and eighty-three winters is a long time to keep something like this from everypony, but the love of my life asked me to write this down when it was my time. You don't break a Pinkie promise.

'My time' - that's a funny statement. I know you can't see me as I'm writing this, but believe that I'm laughing, a familiar sight for those that know me. Even though I've done things, changed things, whether for good or ill is up for speculation and I'll let you decide that, the concept of 'time' becomes a very subjective thing. Knowing the exact moment of one's end while having the knowledge that you can change everything else makes the concept of 'my time' mean everything to me among the fluid backdrop of existence.

Two years, three days, nineteen hours and forty-three minutes from the time I am writing this, I will die of a myocardial infarction, a heart attack. How do I know this, you ask? I saw it in a vision the moment I picked up the stone that fell from the sky one morning. The same stone that struck my sister Marble dead in front of me. I saw it clear as day; as if I was there. Since then, I've had visions of the same moment with differing circumstances. Sometimes I'm at the market buying groceries, at the library, or throwing a party. I've lost count how many times I've witnessed myself clutch my chest and collapse, and no matter how many different ways it happens, only two things remains the same: I die at Three Fifty-Eight in the afternoon, and I always seem to be the same age as I was when I had the vision. That was until the last ten years when my age started to appear consistent as well. It was then that I became aware of the date. Shortly before the death of my beloved, the visions started to show newspapers and calendars with the dates crossed off. It would seem my time comes on the twenty-third day of summer.

That being known, I've tried to live my life as healthy as I could. Considering where I work and what I do for a living, its easier said than done. Being a master confectioner while trying to keep your heart healthy is no easy task. I couldn't have done it really without my loving husband. The fact that I'm eighty-three years young is a testament to that.

Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself why I said that Marble had died. Well, she did. Only she didn't. But now she is. A difficult concept to understand at first, but I'm sure you'll catch on when everything becomes clear.

This is the story of when I realized that I could change the past. But before that could happen, I had to watch someone very close to me die.

---

When I was ten, I was left to care for my foalsister Marble while my parents took my sister Limestone to see the dentist. This was a couple years before I would see the rainbow in the sky that would forever change the direction of my life, setting me down the path to becoming the element of laughter.

Life on the farm was quiet and full of hard work, so when a day comes when no work needed to be done, you didn't pass it up. Marble always had a sneaky streak to her. She loved to hide, and considering that she only came up to my withers (and I was pretty small myself back then), she was very difficult to find. Even in a barren field of rocks.

"Marble! Where are you?" I cried. The game was getting tiresome, the sun was beginning its slow descent to the horizon and our parents would be home soon. Frustrated, I raised my voice to sing. "Outtie outtie lets be free!"

Continuing my search, I trotted into the north field where the largest rocks were, with the idea that if anyone would hide, this is where they would go. "Outtie outtie lets be free" I sang out again.

"Boo!" came a voice behind me, followed by a childish giggle that only served to rile my frustration even further. We had been playing for too long and our daily chores needed to be done or we would be left to explain why to our parents.

But before I could admonish my sister, there was a loud crack in the sky. I snapped my head to where I thought the sound came from, only to see a trail of smoke leading right in front of me. Distracted by the sight, I had missed the sound of Marble collapsing to the ground.

"What was that?" I asked Marble. I turned towards her, and my heart caught in my chest. Before me lay my sister. Her eyes were staring up at the sky unseeing.

All I remember of that moment was that I screamed. I screamed until I couldn't scream anymore. Then I fainted.

When I awoke, I was strangely calm. Here I was, laying next to the body of my sister. I looked down at her and for the first time, I noticed the clean hole on her temple. Not wanting to look at it anymore, I turned my head away. It was then that I saw it.

A small stone laying in a crater twice its size. It looked to be the size of my hoof. It had the lustre of gold, but the transparency of glass. Oddly, it never seemed to keep the same shape. One moment it looked like an uncut diamond, the next a perfect cube. Reaching down, I picked it up and my whole world went white.

---

Now, this sensation is difficult, if not impossible to explain. Being aware of everything yet not being a part of it is disconcerting, to say the least. To a young filly of only ten? I was terrified.

"Thank you again for doing this, I didn't know who to ask. To be honest, I didn't even think of asking you to plan my bachelor party until you asked where it was going to be held." A tall, bulky red stallion said.

Stotting along next to him was an energetic pony with a pink coat and a puffy mane that seemed to defy gravity. "Think nothing of it Big Mac! This is going to be so bucking AWESOME!" she screamed, looking as if she were about to explode. This drew passive attention of everypony nearby, but they seemed to just carry on; as if it were a normal occurrence. "Oh, we're here." The pink pony said nonchalantly.

They both proceeded into the building with a bright golden sign featuring two mugs overflowing with froth.

"Hey, Big Mac! Great to see ya! What brings you to my fine establishment at this hour? You normally don't come in till after five." A unicorn stallion greeted them. He had a light yellow coat, greyish blue mane and a comet cutie mark.

"AJ gave me the day off, so I thought I'd ask someone to help me."

"I'm planning his Bachelor Party. Shhh... It's a secret!" the pink pony whispered loudly for everypony to hear, then gave him a very conspicuous wink.

The unicorn smiled mischievously. "Big Mac, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, you're not welcome back until the day that this will happen."

"Yes, we have planning to do." The pink pony said; donning an eerily identical mischievous grin, but it was then that her eyes opened wide and the smile left her face in an instant. Clutching her chest and her eyes rolling to the back of her head, she collapsed onto Big Mac's side.

"Pinkie!?" Big Mac cried out. "Comet! Go get the doctor! Pinkie!? Can you hear me?" He cried, beginning to be drowned out by the clocktowers bells tolling four times.

---

If you thought that being aware of everything but not being present was difficult to explain, then the sensation of the world rushing in, collapsing on itself, well, justice can't be done to it either.

The next thing I knew, I awoke in my bed with a start. My coat was wet and clammy with a cold sweat and my breathing ragged. Panicking, I looked around my room to see my sisters, Limestone and Marble, asleep in their beds. I was snapped back to reality when I heard the door open.

"Oh, good, you're awake. Pinkamena, I would like you watch over Marble while we take Limestone to the dentist." Cloudy Quartz said.

Still in a state, I didn't know how to respond. I looked down at my hooves to see that I had the golden stone in my possession. It shone back up at me, now a perfect sphere.

"Mother?" I called out, seeing that she had walked off, leaving the door open.

"Yes, dear?"

"I was wondering..." I began to ask. "Would it be alright if I took Marble into Ponyville? I wanted to get a book from the library." I lied, making it up on the spot.

Author's Note:

I have removed the gore tag after rereading the story several times and debating is relevancy. Personally, I think this site should have a violence and gore tag; because the two are not the same, and I feel that a violence tag would suit in this situation. I am leaving this message at the top of the story as a warning for those that still wouldn't want to read such things. The depictions of injury and blood in this story, which necessitated the gore tag originally, are not going to be graphic, and will be appropriate for a teen level audience.

This is my first MLP fan-fiction, so I'm a little out of my comfort zone. Normally, I stick to what I know extremely well: Star Trek and Mass Effect. I have two stories to my credit, the first being on hiatus, the second in progress, but I just had to get this idea out of my head after I finished the second chapter of the game "Life Is Strange". The time travel mechanic really intrigued me and while a nasty bout of insomnia (brought on by the impending dentist appointment in an hour) made me think about Pinkie's Pinkie sense, and what if there was something more to it.

So, there you have it, the first chapter of what I hope is a good story. Enjoy.

Comments

[Clairvoyance]

Nice, man. Amazing concept, and good writing, although I did notice that the quality fell a bit the closer you came to the end of the chapter. Don't rush while you're writing. As tempting as it may be to just up and rush for the end, you must resist the urge, or the world is DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!! Or just down one potentially great story. Anyways, prepare for a full, in-depth critique.

Ahem.

At the beginning, when the present (future?) Pinkie is narrating, I feel like the tone isn't cheerful enough. I know that it isn't supposed to be very cheerful, but it just doesn't strike me as a style Pinkie would write in.

Frustrated, I raised my voice to sing. "Outtie outtie lets be free!"

First of all, replace the period with a colon. Then add an apostrophe between the 't' and the 's' in 'lets'. "Let's" is a contraction of "let us", after all. And finally, a comma between 'Outtie outtie' and 'let's be free!' wouldn't hurt.

Now, while I don't believe there is anything technically wrong with the way that is phrased or the tense it is in, it is a bit bulky. Instead, try saying: "Frustrated, I raised my voice and sang: 'Outtie outtie, let's be free!'"

Towards the end, you play around with font sizes. That's totally cool, but I had trouble reading the smallest font you used, and I have 20/20 vision. Either raise the size of the smallest only, or proportionally increase all of it.

If you thought that being aware of everything but not being present was difficult to explain, then the sensation of the world rushing in, collapsing on itself doesn't do it justice either.

Do justice to what? The way that's phrased, it appears as if you're saying the sensation of the world rushing in doesn't do being aware of everything justice. Try saying: "then the sensation of the world rushing in, collapsing on itself can't be done justice either.

There are a couple of other things that I noticed, but this comment is getting a bit long. PM me, and we can talk. I'd be glad to be a proofreader! That is, if you'll have me.

[Aceman67]

5781941
Thank you for the comment, it's refreshing to actually get constructive criticism for a change. As for any mistakes, you can chalk that up to insomnia and being rushed out the door to get to a Dentist appointment (I started writing this at 3am, and was at the dentist by 8 w/ no sleep). There should have been more mistakes, but Grammarly was a big help...

As for "outtie outtie lets be free", it's a variation on "Olly Olly Oxen Free", which in itself is a mispronunciation of the german phrase "alle alle auch sind frei" (translates to "everyone is also free"). As for punctuation on 'lets', the way I used it is correct for the situation. When you're saying something like "Let's go to the mall", the apostrophe makes the word mean "let us", in this instance however it's meant to convey the act of allowing or permission, like "My mom lets me use her car if I fill the tank."

The other changes you've mentioned, I'm going to make the changes now.

As for the tone of the story not being cheerful, that's as intended. Pinkie in this instance has let her 'guard' down, so to speak. She's revealing while not actually saying anything that her demeanor, while very much a part of who she is, it's also a facade to hide this secret. There's a reason why I added the Tragedy tag. That and she's mellowed somewhat, being an old lady and all.

I think I'll take you up on your offer to proofread, I'll PM you once I've put my nieces to bed.