• Member Since 19th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen March 10th

yackaro


A brony that rarely get inspiration but can write at least a quarter of a book when he does.

T

Note: Idiots demamded originality from me, idiots GOT originality from me. I hope you enjoy reading this piece of shit that I completely regret having to take credit for. On a side note, you dumped this shit into the Unoriginality Brigade? Wow, very fucking original. lemme tell ya what, I'm going to write what I want, when I wamt, HOW I want from now on, and if you want me to do something else, I'll jist give you a link to this piece of shit. I'm putting this on premenent hiatus.

Kyle and his friends are just a normal set of people to New York, with jobs, parties, occasionally drugs, you name it. Then they suddenly get hit by a new Russian nuke that was designed to not even leave debris.

Meanwhile, Ponyville has just seen the last of everfree forest; an oversized city just popped up in it's place.

Can Kyle ad his friends help the citizens of New York come to terms with the ponies, or are they the only idiots dumb enough to attempt contact?

Could this lead to one of the greatest and fastest non-magical advancements known to Equis or will it lead to mass bloodshed?

I don' know either! I'm writing this story on air, so I'm clueless as to where I want to direct it!

Rated T for teen: Violence, Language, Terrible Puns

Sony Literature Entertainment America

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 21 )

I ponder the transforming back and forth you otherwise an interesting concept..

nuke that was designed to not even leave debris

Because screw physics, am I right?

Even the very first A-bombs didn't leave any debris at the point of impact -- or in a very large radius beyond that. Everything was vaporized. The thing is, though, that the released energy has to dissipate, and as it expands over a greater volume, it has a weaker effect. You get to a point where you have a little debris, then more and more as you move away from the point of impact. Eventually you reach a distance where solid objects are fine (but living things have still probably picked up too much radiation).

Ponyville has just seen the last of everfree forest

"Everfree Forest" is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

an oversized city just popped up in it's place.

Boy, you took the "Human in Equestria" cliche of suddenly appearing in the Everfree and just ran with it, didn't you?

are they the only idiots dumb enough to attempt contact?

Given that the combined population of New York City is above eight million, I'm going to say no.

I don' know either! I'm writing this story on air, so I'm clueless as to where I want to direct it!

...and there goes the rest of any credibility you had as a writer.

Sony Literature Entertainment America

Why is this in your story description?

Kyle was sitting at a party
He kept a phone and a small TV with him
I was the boring, cautious guy
I turned to watch it as the news reporter

So is it third-person or first-person? Make up your mind; it can't be both.

That's not the sun, that's the nuke they just announced!
INCOMING NUKE HOLY SHIT RUN!

If you see a glow like the sun, it's already too late to run; you're screwed. Light is just another form of electromagnetic radiation, which means the high-energy stuff travels just as fast of the glow. The alpha and beta particles might travel a little slower, but not by much.

Edit: I'm not even gonna get into the stupidity of Russia attacking us in this era. This isn't the Cold War any more.

"Urgent News: a new Russian nuke may be on a collision course with New York city," my mini-television told me, catching my attention, "it is recommended that all citizens evacuate immediately."

I then realized. "Oh shit! That's not the sun, that's the fucking nuke they just announced! PARTY'S OVER, INCOMING NUKE HOLY SHIT RUN!"

How the hell did they miss that? Talk about United States defense system guys.

5851368 1: Yeh. Debris is still debris, if you want no debris anywhere then what better way than to make a bomb that just... makes it completely dissappear... or in this case, become a magically haunted forest?

2: Thank you for pointing that out, I'll make edits first thing after I get some much needed sleep.

3: Ran like hell I did.

4: Who's up for writing side stories about the other idiots dumb enough to attempt contact?

5: I can't say I give a dam about credibility TBH.

6: I felt like placing it there, I guess. I started writing this story when I was in a REALLY good mood, I tend to do things like that. Also, puns. I think I need to put a pun joke on the fake ESRB.

5851402 I know it's not the Cold War, and I also understand that factor of nuclear weaponry. But if you haven't noticed, Russia and the 'States have been ridiculously tense with each other ever since, and it shows too, especially during the Olympic Games. I remember how bad they screwed themselves in last year's Games because of it.
Edit: got carried away with Russia vs America that I didn't even notice the first part of your comment :facehoof: .
Yeah I've been absolutely everywhere with my POV lately, It's worse on my other story; hopefully I can get help editing all that out, but for now, it'll do, as well as the fact that both of the the storylines that I've written (one per story,right?) are for sure both absolutely packes tight with plot holes and even missing plot and/or unexplned circumstances.

5851586

I can't say I give a dam about credibility TBH.

And that's part of why your story has no upvotes so far.

5851511 They're so broke on obamacare that they can't buy a decent set of heat tracking satellites with infrared cameras built in. Sorry but it's true. Obama Care, along with any other unconstitutional laws, such as enforced car insurance, are driving this country six feet under. R.I.P.
United States of America
~1750-2020
Cause of Death: Obamacare

5851610 ratings don't matter to me; 1: I'll get better at writing over time, I'm sire of it. 2: To ne honest I started writing my first fic as a result of a self-motivation that I'm usually found severely lacking in. However, the sudden ability I had to allow my mind to savor whatever form or corner of creativity I could imagine quickly turned it into more of a memtal therapy for me. That may not have been why I started writing, but it has become the reason I write. I can't say I dislike positive attention, however, while it os true that I don't necessarily like negative attention, I don't get angry over it. I'm not going to restrict myself to some kind of extra logical barrier because it makes much more sense, I'm not going to be original because people won't shut up about originality, I'm going to go with the flow. Part of my lesson was actually learned via this story. My first fic, because it started out similarly to several other fics, even though it did have its own twist to it, a twist that becomes more and more curled up and stuff especially in the later chapters, got thrown into several badfic bins and got around a 3/4 uv/dv ratio mostly because it was "unoriginal". after a fair hamdful of nagging commentary I decided to write this so that I could please the originality seekers. Look where that got me. I've surely written another badfic bin story. definitely more deserving of the BFBin than the other one.
EDIT: Yep, right down the Badfic bin it went. It even made its way into the Unoriginality Brigade, not sure how that happened; it's definitely original in execution if not in the entire general idea (outside of the HiE part of it).

5851617
Or how about they hack the defense system like:

Russia:Hacker, can you blah-blah-blah the defense system babble?
Hacker:Maybe, if we yada-yada-yada, there’s a chance it’ll boomity-boomity. It’s
very unlikely that it’ll humina-humina, but we’ll give it a shot, and of course it’ll work.
Russia: Prepare to launch for boomity-boomity!

NOTE: If you know Nostalgia Critic, ya I kinda use his one quote and re-edit from his Star Trek Generations Review, but I'll be kind to borrow his joke from it. NC awesome. :scootangel:

Also, USA didn't found on 1750. The US declare independence from Britain in 1776 during the American revolutionary war.

5851684 bah, n00b h4x0rz. also, note it said around 1750, not 1750 specifically. ~ counts, you know.

Honestly the thought of New York city getting sent to Equestria could've been one hell of an idea. Hell the concept is near original. However since you, a person (calling you a writer is an insult to writers both on and off this site) who gives zero fucks of having credibility or even pretending to care means that this idea becomes a footnote in the trash bin.

Im not mad, just disappointed.

I then realized. "Oh shit! That's not the sun, that's the fucking nuke they just announced! PARTY'S OVER, INCOMING NUKE HOLY SHIT RUN!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well, I wasn't bored, exactly, 'cause that shit was hilarious, but if you were going for some kind of serious drama, then I'm afraid you weren't successful. If you had submitted this as a comedic parody of the HiE genre, it might have actually worked. A few people have already pointed out some of the logical problems with a nuke hitting New York, so I won't rehash them, but the biggest problem here is that the characters didn't behave naturally. If you're going to have a "tragedy" story, then you've really got to work hard to be taken seriously. Characters nonchalantly experiencing body transformations and nuclear explosions is the opposite of what you want.

Other than that, there's the problem with the HiE genre in general, where the protagonist meets the ponies, then just farts around aimlessly for a few chapters until the fic gets abandoned. The whole thing has been done so many times that the community doesn't judge it very kindly.

Overall, this a bizarre contribution to a tired and overdone genre, but I've seen much worse shit on this site. I hope you try to write again in the future, 'cause unlike a lot of the other commenters, I don't think you're some kind of travesty. At least you seem to understand grammar. In this instance, your reach exceeded your grasp.

5851749 I kind of gave the main cast a perception problem that makes it hard for most of them to take anything seriously. I find that lack of serious attempt quite common in the area I live in. Also, check the permament hiatus note, this is a story that was born out of hateful commentary about the unoriginality of my other, far more successful fic. I've decided that this junk is permanent hiatus shelf material and that if I get any more shit thrown at me about unoriginality I'll reply with a link to this. If I want to fix it, I'm going for a complete rewrite. For now, though, I'm going to keep this junk on permanent hiatus. My other fic is much better than this; I based the main character off of myself. While I do have a problem with being serious, I don't show ot as badly as... well, that^. It's much easier to think anout what me or my freind would do im a situation than to create a persona that I'll probably never meet anything close to IRL. I think I've done enough overexplaining in this comment and I'm probably getting more amd more off topic, so I'll end it here.

5852100 Well, I'm doing my hand at a fan sequel to Living Hell, maybe you should go check it out. I guarantee you that it's better than this junk. I may also completely rewrite this thing in the future, with a more accurately aware character set that doesn't have perception problems (At least not to this degree of stupidity). I spent three-four hours writing Chapter 7 last night, hopefully the ideas born in late Chapter 6 and well used throughout Chapter 7 are good, because they're... different if anything. Chapter 7 also does skip around time a little bit between paragraphs, hope that doesn't negatively affect the flow of the story. Maybe you'll enjoy that one much more than this one, it actually has a plot and a... MORE proper character depth. I do admit to giving the main character a fair degree of overenthusiasm and lack of seriousness, but TBH, he's based off of me. He even has my name. I have those personality problems IRL, why not give them to him so as to make as accurate a representation as I can? Anyway, I hope you can enjoy that one. Also, thanks for providing the positive side. Just so you know I don't even have an editor helping me; I wrote this, as well as what's been done so far on my other fic, completely lone-wolf. Hopefully soon I'll get editing help for my other fic, the author of the original book actually contacted me and offered editing as well as full support.

So far, I'm figuring that it's either a very slowly exploding nuke (which doesn't make sense if it's already showing daytime levels of brightness) or it's something that the humans have mislabeled as a nuke. Without having seen future chapters, if it is Celestia, glowing like a second sun and attempting to make contact with the citizens of New York, than I'd say "kudos."

Not going to make any judgments just yet until I get into the meat of the story.

5855249 It was intended as a mislabel supposedly due to its "destructive" capabilities, which is really just teleporting the target into a random spot in space, while teleporting any material that is possibly in the way into it's place. In this case it teleported Everfree Forest in place of New York and New York in place of Everfree Forest. Also, I'm afraid you won't be seeing much meat in this story; the characters have noticeably horrible perception problems and not even I, the writer, enjoy this fiction. I regret that I have to live with the title of "Writer of New York Nuke". The perception problems of the characters makes the entire thing seem like a joke and makesit hard for plot development; how can a main character who can't even take anger seriously push any sort of proper, juicy plot? Anyway this insult to e-books is going on my permanent hiatus shelf unless I ever take a notion to completely rewrite it with more depth and the ability to develop a proper plot that might be juicy, but I'm not up for that right now since I have a better imterest in writing Living Hell, anyway. Besides, I can feel the juice erupting from the ideas amd storylining I've poures into Living Hell, unlike this one. This thing was just an oversized writer's block of a joke anyway.

Meanwhile, In Ponyville

Twilight had never seen such an occurence happen to the Everfree forest; she was able to see the buildings that stood in its place even from her personal quarters in the Castle of Friendship. She felt she needed to see for herself what these new buildings were.

Edge of New York

I think the narration would have flowed better if it didn’t have this insert at this point. The fact that Twilight is seeing a city is interesting, but this little interjection is WAY too short to break up the rest of the human-centric perspective. I’m getting whiplash.

It’d be better if you stayed in the human perspective until the humans are about to meet the ponies. (What the ponies see can be done as sort of a flash-back that ends once they come into contact with the humans) Alternatively, you can have the pony point of view pop up if you have more than a handful of paragraphs to warrant the scene change.

---

"I'm going to do it, just give me a minute; the air smells so fresh right here."

Semicolons are supposed to separate closely related independent clauses. The fact that he’s working up the nerve to leave and that the air smells fresh are… well, not related enough. “The forest is dangerous; you can get killed,” is good use of a semicolon.

This isn’t the only punctuation mistake I’ve noticed, but this is the kind of mistake that might be missed by an editor, which is why I made a point of it.

---

We found and stopped at a cottage, almost sure that it was uninhabited because of the nuke. We invited ourselves in, expecting to find a complete mess and maybe even a radiation poisoned dead body. In all contrast, it was very tidy, with a lot of bird houses and similar looking contraptions, and a suprised and frightened looking small yellow horse with wings and long pink hair standing in front of it all. Confused, we looked to each other's deforming bodies, and then back to the creature standing in front of us.

"Da hell? I thought we were exploring a beautified nuclear wasteland, not a ten year old's greatest dream come true!"

The characters are… well, either the ‘laughing gas’ effect is impairing their ability to figure stuff out, or they’re not that bright. They shouldn’t be considering it a normal nuke by this point. I could see them thinking of it as a ‘teleportation bomb’ or ‘time travel bomb’ that was launched at them from Russia for some reason, but they shouldn’t expect to see irradiated dead bodies in cottages. Explosions don’t assemble thickets of trees.

---

Hmm... I'm going to say that this story could use a second go at the proofreading in the grammar, spelling, and punctuation department. Also, the pacing is far too rushed for my tastes, but it's not nearly as bad as some of the other stuff I was reading earlier today (I read your story immediately after reading Scootaloo gets her cutiemark, so my normal critical sense might be heavily distorted).

I think if you spent more time within the character's heads dealing with their moment-by-moment rationalizations about why the bomb made everything green, where everyone else in the city has gone (The party evacuated, sure, but nobody could have gone much father than your two characters here. Those partygoers should be transforming in the background just like your heroes... as well as everyone else who slept through the broadcast or who got caught in traffic,) and other stuff like that, you'd have a much smoother and richer narrative.

Actually... I don't see why you have as many down votes as you do. The concept of an entire city being transported is so far interesting, plus the characters have understandable reactions (given that the air of Equestria is kind of drug-like, apparently).

I'll withhold voting until I've read the last chapter, but this story is... okay.

5855447 I'd say you've given the most positive consideration towards this story. My intention with not exemplifying background characters getting transformed was reasoning that most of the populace would have the idea of mutation (which is true, but to a fine-tuned survivable degree caused by magic) and don't want to die horribly. I was also under the impression that since they hadn't seen any form of population until Flutter's cottage, it would be reasonable for them to expect dead bodies. I'm honestly suprised that you think this junk didn't deserve a 1-0 ratio in favor of downvotes. Personal opinions tend to differ, I guess.

Y'know, despite the poor presentation, I might like this.

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