It's that magical time of year, somewhere in between Nightmare Night and Winter Wrap-up, when school's out on break and snow covers everything and parents send kids like Sweetie Belle outside to shovel. But when this Crusader takes it upon herself to let the light of generosity shine on her next door neighbor, she may get more than she bargained for... and may make an unlikely friend in the process.
This was my first story on FimFiction, and an entry for The EFNW 2015 Pre-Con Contest.
Cover art stitched together from here and here using Inkscape.
Credit for my writing prompt is due here: http://www.writersdigest.com/prompts/snow-shovelling-showdown
This is set sometime after the events of S2 E15 (The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000) but before S5 E9 (Slice of Life).
Official EFNW 2015 Pre-Con Contest first round grading
Total: 16
Technical: 5/5
Plot: 4/5
Character: 3/5
Creativity: 4/5
Bonus: 0/5 (There was just nothing about it that stood out as special.)
Comment: It's a unique idea executed flawlessly... so why don't I like it? There's certainly nothing wrong with this story, but it never seemed to spark much interest. Everything seemed predictable and... normal. Little emotion was called up, and what was mostly had no relevance to the larger plot. It's quite acceptable and solid... but it's dull, nothing shiny or sparkly in it. It's the Toyota Carola of stories -- solid, practical, and dependable... but a Ferrari it isn't. It's not exciting. It's an example, perhaps of when skilled writing meets mediocre storytelling. I don't mean to bash; it pains me to rate a skillfully executed story this low... but the story just didn't seem to satisfy.
While I did enjoy this story, it seemed like Cranky turned around a bit too quickly at the end. I mean, sure, he could feel bad for making Sweetie Belle cry, but then having him call her friend right away seemed a bit of a stretch. Still, an enjoyable read nonetheless.
5801752
Thank you for your very detailed review! I appreciate your larger point about storytelling and will have to Google some resources on it. Also, I believe this is the first time something I've written has been compared to a Toyota.
5804337
Thank you for your feedback sir / ma'am sir!
5807059
You are most welcome! Hopefully I wasn't too harsh of a critic, since I really did enjoy this.
This was a nice enough story. I think I would have enjoyed seeing more of Sweetie and Cranky, though. Really get some proper payoff for the rest of the story, or otherwise build it up a bit more, try to really blow my socks off.
5830078 Thank you!
Keep that feedback coming, pony peoples!
Can't really disagree with the concerns of other comments here, but I thought this was a cute little story anyway.
5968485 Thanks!
I sometimes debate going back and tweaking this to reflect the feedback I've received. It probably needed another round of editing, and a pre-reader would have helped a lot. Still, it was generally well-received, and I'm trying to include the lessons I learned here into my writing process.
A cute story. It was a pleasure to read.
7251233 Thank you so much!
Please though, consider yourself invited to check out my other stories (perhaps dis one); this was my first, and they've generally only improved from here.
Aw, cute story and very commendable for a first effort. I see you have thought of tinkering with it, I'd be tempted to leave it alone and use it as a marker to see how far you've come since.
8293910
Thank you, and yes I think it's best to leave this as a marker of sorts to help illustrate what I've learned about writing in the interim.