The perils of reading
The problem with Reading
It was Tuesday morning and certain alicorn princess was spending it as she liked the most: to take a break from the annoying paperwork and read one of her old favorites: The Life of Star Swirl the Bearded. Those times when she could relax were fewer since Spike quit being her assistant to become the new Lord of Disharmony and Chaos and she had a lot more to do but Twilight didn’t complained. She knew Spike had to grow up and have a life by his own.
But suddenly an unusual banging coming from Spike’s room interrupted her thoughts. Twilight sighed and tried to concentrate on the book again but the banging kept going driving her crazy. That was it, Twilight went upstairs and knocked Spike’s door:
“Spike! What do you think you’re doing? You know well that my reading time is sacred, I don’t care if you’re the new Discord, let me read! Don’t you have something better to do instead of annoy me? You know, like go hang out with your friends or something”
Spike opened the door with all the expression to be annoyed:
“I don’t know Twi, you see: this can’t wait, somepony tried to enter by force to my room and I have to make my security system stronger. By the way, do you have any idea who tried to enter?”
Twilight blushed, it was her fault of course; and the worst part was that it was useless. Blue Blood couldn’t find anything neither the Ponyville agents. Of course she didn’t knew that Princess Celestia intercepted the information and then Luna took it from her.
But back to Twilight and Spike, the dragon seemed really pissed off.
“You can go back to your reading as soon as I update my security system”
He was about close the door but Twilight stopped it with her magic.
“Look, I’m sorry Spike. Is just that this Agents-of-Chaos thing is getting me really nervous. We know you and we trust you even if you have your new powers, but what about them? Are they trustable? Perhaps now they’re just annoying and cute like any child but they can become a threat when they grow up; so just please tell me who they are and I promise I won’t try to enter to your room again”
Spike rolled his eyes.
“I’ve told you Twi: that’s their secret, not mine. Besides a very important part of friendship is trust remember? Why can’t you just trust in my judgement? I trust them, that should be enough”
Twilight nodded ashamed of herself but still she had to read:
“I understand Spike, but please can you do it later? I’ll help you if you like but please just let me read”
Spike let escape a small puff of smoke from his nose.
“Twi you read every single day, and I’ll finish this today but I need you to stop interrupting me. Don’t tell me you can spend a day without open a book”
“What are you talking about Spike! Reading is very important for adults and children alike. A book have the magical power to expand our minds and fill our imagination with the greatest and bests trips in all Equestria. By example, you know what’s the beauty of geography? It give you a wonderful landscape without leaving your book”
“Blah, blah, blah, I know the speech. Besides I can go wherever I want by just clacking my fingers” said Spike disappearing and reappearing with a miniature of the Eiffel Tower. “See? A souvenir right from Maris, now if you excuse me…”
Twilight stared to Spike:
“I want to read Spike”
That was it, the dragon lost his patience.
“If it was for you, everything would be read, I’m the first to give you the reason that a good book or a comic can give you tons of fun, but not everything is reading. Besides you read every day and I finish this today. Why don’t you read at any other time or something?”
“Other time? Other time, Spike? You don’t know how many headaches I suffer when I organize my every day schedule. My whole day is full with paperwork, an appointment with Pinkie Pie and such, and because of this stupid discussion I already lost five minutes. Yes, I would do anything to live in a book but since I can’t I have to conform with just an hour of reading so please pause your little project until then”
Then Twilight noticed the black and purple energy Spike was accumulating between his claws. She began to carefully move backwards finally understanding how angry Spike was.
“Always bossing me all over, always making me stop anything I enjoy doing because of your books. You know? Because of these situations I accepted to replace Discord”
He took paper and quill, wrote five letters and sent them to his agents, then he released his chaotic powers all over Equestria.
It was the first time Twilight witnessed how the chaos energy emerged from Spike’s claws transforming the reality around him and how it expanded to cover the entire world; it was really fascinating, but also terrifying, it was the first time Twilight saw Spike as the mighty lord of Chaos.
“Spike, what have you done?” Gulped Twilight.
Then a long ridiculous beard appeared on the alicorn’s face followed by a magician rove and a hat full of bells. She looked herself on a mirror.
“I’m Star Swirl?” She giggled amused. “The name is Swirl, Star Swirl! This is pretty fun!”
And now that she noticed, she was still her but disguised as her favorite sorcerer of all times during his early years as an itinerant adventurer; her favorite part of the book by the way. Of course she felt different, fearless and full of ancient knowledges. Smiling she shaved magically but noticed how her mind was being absorbed by Star Swirl’s.
“No, I must resist” mumbled the alicorn, and she succeeded. “Now, exactly what you did Spike?”
But nothing, he was locked in his room already and the banging restarted. Shrugging Twi took a time to enjoy her new ancient knowledges, it felt so wonderful.
“Okay, this is definitely great, maybe this little prank isn’t too bad. I can’t believe it, I’m Twilight, Twilight the Bearded. Spike, if you wanted to annoy me you failed miserably”
But then Twilight had a bad feeling about what was going on and opened a window, realizing Spike’s prank wasn’t as funny as she thought it was.
She saw Time Turner (or the Doctor as people called him), a lover of science fiction who always borrowed the complete works of H.Pony Lovecraft from the library. The black and purple energy of chaos transformed him into a horrid creature, with the body of a dragon and an octopus-like face, enormous claws, giant wings and creepy orange eyes that examined the surroundings. Cthulu/Time Turner roared amused by his freedom, now that he was out of his imprisonment of R’ilyeh he was ready to reclaim this world.
Twilight gulped.
“This is definitely nor right”
Spike giggle behind her.
“Literature can be amazing and charming, but also very dangerous” said the dragon getting out of his room disguised as Humdrum from Power Ponies. “You can see that now that everypony is their favorite literature character; comics, novels, short tales; everything. Have fun”
“I thought you didn’t like Humdrum” said Twilight.
“Oh, but after what happened in Issue # 109 ‘Mane-iac’s Death’ I can’t do nothing but love him. You see: Mane-iac’s hair mutation was killing her but during her last moments she called Humdrum who apparently was her childhood friend and transformed him into Ultimate Drum; Power Ponies’ new arch nemesis. He was a failure as a hero but as a villain he’s damn good. Unlike Mane-iac who only was insane Ultimate Drum is truly evil”
“Seriously?” Said Twilight. “How long since it happened?”
“Strangely enough it was the same day Discord transferred me his powers, coincidence or destiny? However, you’ll see how dangerous is reading, now if you excuse me I have to get some more materials to make my new security system unbreakable”
He teleported away and Twilight looked through the window again; and as she thought, it was pure chaos:
She spotted Dash in an explorer suit fighting with a whip (Rainbow Doo or Daring Dash?) side by side with the pirate Joan Silver (Silver Spoon) from the Treasure Island and on the background Fluttershy was swinging in a vine screaming ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH’ as a crazy pony guiding a band of gorillas to the deeps of the Everfree Forest.
In the other part of the town they saw a now green Diamond Tiara dressed in a Santa Hooves entering to the houses of Ponyville stealing Hearts Warming decorations and presents. And in another part, on the top of a giant mushroom, they saw Derpy disguised in a Victorian jacket with a great hat drinking tea with Dinky disguised in a light blue dress with a white apron.
“At least not everypony likes dangerous creatures” sighed Twilight. “Oh, whatever, the same routine as always: I’ll get the girls and we’ll go to stop Spike”
In the meantime, in Canterlot in the deepest room of the Palace a selected group of chefs and experienced confectioners were studying the components of a strange candy the Princess gave them along with the best equipment money could buy. Celestia didn’t care about how much it costed, she had to know what was on that damn candy of all candies and make ones for her own.
“So?” She asked the ponies. “Mares and gentlecolts, you had five days, I want results”
“Princess, we studied this sugary wonder even to molecular level and I can say is practically impossible to pony magic to recreate such thing. This marvel is completely perfect in every way possible. We’re unable to replicate even a single component since they’re both magically and scientifically unclassifiable”
“Sorry Princess” said another cook, “but not even with our talent we can recreate this”
Celestia frowned.
“NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! IF THAT DRAGON COULD CREATE THIS YOU CERTAINLY COULD”
“Princess…”
“No buts, I want that candy of all candies replicated as soon as possible”
“Princess, in order to achieve this goal we would need a whole team of chemistries and pharmaceutics; we make candy not science. This marvel needs both science and art to be created; we only ask for a little help”
Celestia nodded a little more calm. Or course, she would need a lot of help in order to get a new candy of all candies.
“Alright, I’ll start looking…”
Something alerted her, with all she had to support during the last month her alarm spells activated at the feeling of Spike’s powers. She concentrated all her power to create a small shield on that room. The idea was to block Spike’s attack to keep her investigators from distraction.
The shock wave almost destroy the lab-kitchen but it survived.
“Princess, since we’re unable to do something, can we go home please?”
“Yes, I suppose you bette” sighed Celestia. “When this overs we’ll concentrate in look for some scientists to support this investigation. Now if you excuse me, I’ll see what the dragon did”
Cooks and confectioners said good bye and Celestia walked to the Throne Room trying to guess what was Spike’s plan this time; but there she found somepony she thought she will never see again: a black alicorn dressed in a light blue armor.
“Nightmare Moon” she said preparing for a fight.
The black alicorn looked with disgust.
“And who the hell are you?”
“What you mean who I am? I’m Celestia, your older sister!”
“Sister? I don’t have any sisters nor brothers. I’m and always being a Queen. Or should I think you came here to defy me for my title as Supreme Ruler?”
Celestia knew there was no point to discuss with Luna in that state so she just sighed and let her magic flow through her horn.
Nightmare let escape an ironic laugh.
“If that’s what you want”
With her magic the dark alicorn shouted doors and windows at the time a sad music began to sound all over the place. Celestia raised an eyebrow, what the hay was happening?
And then much to her surprise, Nightmare Moon began to sing and dance with spectral grace:
There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night
I excel without ever even trying
With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms
I have seen grown men give out a shriek
With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan
I have swept the very bravest off their feet.
Blue flames appeared all over the place while the elder sister made an exasperated Face-Hoof, this singing Nightmare Moon had nothing to do with the original she fought. And the monster kept singing with her beautiful yet stupid voice:
I'm the mistress of fright, and a demon of light
And I'll scare you right out of your pants
To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Lady Unlucky
And I'm known throughout Ponyngland and Prance
And since I am dead, I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearean quotations
(At this point Nightmare did as she sang)
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations
As a great finale Nightmare made a beautiful flip while her flames surrounded Celestia and saw how the black mare’s face with a demented smile approached to her and it vanished on a puff of black smoke. At the end Nightmare walked to her with a self-sufficiency aura.
“So afraid you can’t speak? See fool? That’s why I’m the Supreme Ruler here at the Nightmare Town and the Nightmare Night. Only I can organize the holiday to make it especially scary for the mortal ponies”
The older sister just sighed and shot a memory spell on Nightmare Moon, whose evil smile turned into a confused look.
“Ey that was pretty interesting” the black alicorn smiled.
“Indeed it was” said Celestia. “What’s up with that song of yours?”
Luna, still on her Nightmare form, scratched her head.
“I have no idea, but it remembers me that tale Pip wrote me last Nightmare Night”
“A tale from that colt who admires you and send you a letter almost daily?”
“Yes, my favorite reading” said Nightmare. “He wrote it himself, is about how in the World of Holidays Nightmare Moon is the Queen of the Nightmare Night and rules the Nightmare Town, a town full of monsters and horrid creatures who spend the year planning next Nightmare Night. One day Nightmare Moon gets bored of the same thing over and over again and decides to steal the Heart Warming Eve”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah, it has a lot of songs written also by Pip like the one I was singing, Moon’s lament is called. I love every part of his story, especially the ending when I found that in the bottom of my heart I didn’t need the Hearts Warming Eve but love, from his character also called Pipsqueak”
Celestia chuckled.
“Well, well, as charming as it sounds we should figure out what is planning Spike”
Without nothing better to do, Luna followed her sister ready for everything, and as soon they left the Throne Room they found their guards impersonating different kinds of characters like one of the Musketeers who offered Celestia a diamond for her collar. Or the one who said he buried his treasure on the island of Monte Celestia.
But the funniest were Luna’s personal guards: Black Swordsman and Lighting Flash who were in the middle of a literary discussion:
“Do you realize every day we spend here is a day we lost in the real world?”
The black swordsman shrugged.
“Don’t bother me, I’m taking a rest. The weather is nicer on this time of year here in Aincrad”
“This is a computer program, we shoud go back to our lives in the real world”
“Complain all you want but the truth is now we live here in Aincrad”
Celestia was confused as before but now Nightmare nodded in understanding.
“Mistery solved: we all turned into our favorite character of our favorite book. Let’s wait for the Bearers of Harmony to solve this”
“How can you be so sure, Luna?”
“Because I turned into a singing version of Nightmare Moon and my guards are playing a light novel called Pony Art Online where… well, it doesn’t matter. Now we know what’s going on”
Celestia nodded.
“Yeah, I suppose we should wait now”
“Do what you want, I plan to enjoy this”
And then she began to sing again:
Well, what the heck! I went and did my best!
And, by God, I really tasted something swell!
And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky!
And at least I left some stories they can tell, I did!
And for the first time since I don't remember when
I felt just like my old bony self again...
And I, MOON, the Nightmare Queen...
That's right, I am the Nightmare Queen! Aha, ha, ha!
And I just can't wait until next Nightmare Night,
'Cause I've got some new ideas
that will really make them scream!
And, by God, I'm really gonna give it all my might!
Uh oh, I hope there's still time to set things right
!
“O great” sighed Celestia exasperated for the song. “I wish I was affected by this”
Back to Ponyville, Twilight finally managed to submit Rainbow Dash (after receiving a whiplash from her) and use the memory spell to recover her from Spike’s power.
“Twilight! Wow, so that’s how it feels to be Daring Doo? Whoa, it was so cool”
“I know is excellent Dash but we have to fix this before something bad happen”
“Something bad like what?” Asked Dash.
Twilight pointed to the left:
A manticore roared trying to fight Ponircules jumping all over the place avoiding the attacks from the monster like the spikes it was shooting from its tail.
And right at that time Fluttershy and her gorillas landed and threatened Ponircules.
“I, as queen of this jungle, demand you to leave now or accept the consequences. I don’t tolerate that the ponies attack the pacific wild creatures”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow and looked to Twilight.
“Care to explain?”
“Tarzan from Edgar Rice”
“Whatever, let’s finish this already”
Rainbow tackled Fluttershy at great speed while Twilight pulled the manticore away from her magic; something relatively easy considering she was an alicorn but at the time one of Fluttershy’s gorillas got rid of Rainbow who fortunately had Daring Doo’s abilities.
With her whip she was able to maintain the gorillas away from her but sooner or later they’ll got her.
“Twi, a little help!” Begged Dash.
“We have some problems to deal with first” said Twilight looking at the giant dragon flying all over Ponyville.
“You, give back that challis now, HOBBIT BILBO SADDLEBAG!”
On other point of the town, the agents of chaos Shadow Bloom and Sweetie Black were enjoying the sight.
“I have to read more, we have tons of interesting characters” said the unicorn looking a stallion who turned into a mare who were telling stories to her husband to avoid being executed.
“Yeah, but some aren’t that good” sighed Shadow looking at Applejack, who turned into a biologist who tell everypony who had enough patience the good things about the apple trees.
Then they kept walking just enjoying the chaos since that time they had specific instructions to not to intervene.
“Have you seen Spike?” Asked Shadow.
“Yeah, I’ve never saw him so pissed off, if I were Twilight I would go look for some place to hide for at least a week”
Getting back to Twilight and Rainbow, they managed to scare the gorillas with some help from Ponircules and when Dash immobilized Fluttershy, Twilight used the memory spell on the yellow Pegasus.
The poor Fluttershy blinked surprised.
“Oh girls I so sorry! I never thought I would ever sent you gorillas! You should be very upset!”
“Not with you Fluttershy, not with you” said Twilight looking at her Palace. “Now let’s get the others and finish this now. Uf! Damn Spike, I’m actually thinking in stop reading for a while”
“I never thought we’ll hear you say that”
Twilight only grumped annoyed and the group went to Rarity’s place. They knocked the door and Rarity opened, but the white unicorn seemed very different.
Her usually curly mane was now straight and all she had a grayish tone just as a bored expression on her face. Or well, not boredom weariness.
“What do you want in here?” Asked Rarity.
“Are you feeling alright Rarity?” Asked Twilight.
The unicorn seemed confused.
“Rarity? That’s my name? I have no idea; I’m not sure of anything now, anything except three things: Trender Hoof is a vampire; a part of him, and I’m not sure how strong is that part, wants to drink my blood; and third: I’m completely and unconditionally in love with him”
And she shouted the door.
After a quick face-hoof, Twilight explained:
“That was a reference to…”
“Don’t bother Twi, who doesn’t know that stupid vampire saga?” Sighed Dash. “And just when I thought it couldn’t be something worse than the books, they made a play about that”
Fluttershy agreed.
“The twenty bits it hurt me the most to spend” said the yellow Pegasus.
Then Twilight forced the door to Rarity’s house and began a small struggle to recover her friend:
“NO, STAY AWAY FROM ME SERVANTS OF THE ZOLTURI! I BELONG TO TRENDER HOOF, HE’LL MAKE ME IMMORTAL!”
Finally they dragged her back to reality while she fixed her mane with dignity.
“We won’t talk about this ever again, understood? I have a half made dress and is a fashion urgency”
“Just two more to go” said Twilight: Applejack and Pinkie Pie. Pinkie’s house is the closest, let’s go!!”
They ran to Sugar Cube Corner, but instead of the bakery they found an enormous factory protected by an iron grill that opened to let them pass. Twilight was thinking, trying to figure out what book was this but suddenly the factory’s doors opened to reveal a show of marionettes and fireworks. The marionettes began to sing:
Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie...
The Amazing Chocolatier.
Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie...
Everybody give a cheer!
She's modest, clever, and so smart,
She can barely restrain it.
With so much generosity,
There is no way to contain it...
To contain...to contain...to contain...to contain.
Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie...
She's the one that you're about to meet.
Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie...
She's a genius who just can't be beat.
The magician and the chocolate wiz...
The best darn gal who ever lived.
PINKIE PIE HERE SHE IS!!
Just in that time a red throne with the letters PP engraved in gold appeared on the middle of the marionettes at the time several fireworks activated at the time melting the happy marionettes making them look really, really creepy.
The four ponies stared shocked but some enthusiastic clapping called their attention. There was Pinkie Pie with a red satin coat, goggles and a top-hat.
“Amazing, spectacular! At first I was afraid that the show would be a little exaggerated but with that ending, it was so wow… just wow”
Twilight had a sweat drop on her forehead.
“Pinkie… shouldn’t you be sitting there?” She asked pointing to the throne.
“Well, duh! How I was to enjoy the show from there then?” She asked jumping in front of her friends taking some cards from her coat. “Now let’s see: Welcome, winners of the golden ticket. I, Pinkie Pie, greet you and personally will guide you to my chocolate factory. And when you leave a truck full of Pinkie’s finest chocolate will accompany you back to your house”
Twilight shot her with the memory spell.
“Which book was that?” Asked Fluttershy.
“The chocolate factory!” Said Pinkie bouncing happily. “Is really fun and every time I read it I have to eat like ten or twenty chocolate bars or it would be an absolute torture; a deliciously made masterpiece; now what’s Spike’s scheme this time?”
The girls explained it to her during their way to Sweet Apple Acres, and when they arrived, professor Applejack received them with a very particular speech:
“Finally some enthusiasts of biology decided to show up, today’s lesson will be about the malus domestica, better known as apple trees. A tree from the rose family, is cultivated worldwide as a fruit tree and the most widely grown species in the genus malus. Domesticated over 15000 years ago, Caucasian origins. Introduced to the Earth Pony Federation from Ponytalian immigrants and in the present day we count with over 1000 varieties as a result of countless hybrids between wild varieties and…”
“Let’s do something before she bores us to death!” Protested Rainbow covering her ears.
Twilight raised a hoof.
“But it’s interesting!”
“Twilight!” Protested the others.
Again a mare was shot with a memory spell.
“Yee-hah!” Celebrated the cowgirl. “That was very informative; who could guess I would become the author of my favorite book?”
“We can discuss it later” said Twilight. “Now let’s finish this now, how dares Spike to use my hobby against me? And he can’t fool me, he made this to keep me away from him while he finishes his project!”
They ran to the Palace back to the chest where they kept the Rainbow Powers but when they opened the door a new surprise awaited them: an enchanted comic book, and like the last time they were sucked into Maretropolis.
“You have to be bucking kidding me” said Applejack examining her old uniform of Mare-Velous.
The others also saw their Power Ponies uniforms, yes, that again.
And then Spike, or in this case Ultimate Drum, appeared before them with a defying look in his eyes.
“Let me explain you the rules: do you still think that your books are more important than my privacy, Twi? I already finished updating my security system but you pissed me off, you really did. So wanna end this? Defeat me but not as ourselves but as Matter-Horn and Ultimate Drum, the ultimate villain of the Power Ponies. You can ask your friends for help but at the end this would be between the both of us”
“Spike, look: I know you’re angry but we can solve this as adults, there’s no need to fight”
Spike shook his head.
“You still don’t understand Twilight, is always the same, you don’t respected me before always interrupting me, always sending me to here and there to your will; and when I didn’t want to, you forced me with your magic. Enough! At first I thought you respected me more when I became the new Discord but during the weekend I was out, you try to enter to my room by force. What do I do? Upgrade my security system, but I shouldn’t have a security system on the first place… if only you respected me more…”
Anger was almost tangible on Spike’s eyes.
“Good luck Twilight, you’re gonna need it! You see: this is a comic for teenagers, lots of violence”
Said that, he vanished in the shadows and all of them turned to Twilight.
“Seriously? You tried to enter to his room by force? Officially you crossed the line Twi, I don’t blame him for being so upset”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Why you did that Twilight?
“Darling I must disapprove your behavior this time, I mean, he’s the Lord od Chaos but he deserves a little privacy” said Rarity.
Pinkie Pie didn’t say anything, just moved her head in disapproval.
Rainbow sighed:
“You screw up this time Twilight, he seemed really mad at you”
Twilight lowered her sight ashamed.
“Yes, I broke into his room but because I wanted to know more about the agents of chaos, and… yes, I admit I shouldn’t be that unfair to him. Sorry”
“Say sorry to Spike when you see him” said Applejack. “And I mean it, apologize to him”
Twilight nodded, she would think in something at any other time, now it was time to fight and finish all that for good.
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Not that song Spike. You truly are evil.
Well this was awesome. but didn't the comics do a story like this where a magic book worm was eating stories and characters from the books where coming into the real world. I do love what all the ponies where turned int but Pinkie, I prefer the 1978 movie.
An amazing chapter, a lot of errors though, I would suggest an editor. Other the that I had a lot of fun, very good job my friend.
And for once pinkie surprises absolutely no one.
Honestly, Spike's plan of making everyone their favorite character could have a very, very, veeeery terrible ending if someone in that world had Deadpoolny (ba-dum-tsss) as their favorite character. That would surely be a goodbye to the no-killing rule, and to a few thousand living creatures in Equestria. And if you stop to think about it, not even the elements of harmony would stop him, for Deadpool(ny) being unkillable, so he would likely survive the harmony powers that should make him go back to normal, but I think the coolest thing would be a battle between Pinkie, Babs, and Dead, that... THAT would be awesome.
okay let's what references you put in here;
indiana jones , treasure island (silver spoon), Tarzan (fluttershy), the Grinch who stole Christmas (Diamond Tiara), Alice in Wonderland (Derpy = Mad Hatter, Dinky = Alice)
Twilight, i presume
charlie and the chocolate factory
Nightmare before Christmas is the best movie ever
Twilight the sage.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory