Chaos: the Age of Spike

by Kaliann25

Food fight!

Food fight!

Another beautiful morning in Ponyville, Twilight have just had a good breakfast and was about to start a great day, when somepony knocked the door insistently. Judging by the large shadow under the door and insistence of the knocking Twilight knew this was not a good thing.
She opened the door and Princess Celestia entered to her castle with anger bursting in her eyes.

“Where’s Spike?” Asked the white alicorn. “I have a couple of things to yell… ehem, discuss with him”

Twilight sighed and aimed a hoof to the kitchen.

“What he did now?” Asked Twilight.

“He sent me a hell of a treat, a hyper-sugary candy that kept me awake and running all over by three whole days. I burned all the extra sugar in my system already but I really want to strangle… I mean, indicate our Lord of Chaos all the inconvenience I had”

Twilight nodded with a small sweat-drop on her temple.

“If you have a plan to put him on his place I’m listening, last time we tried we paid a lot, literally”

“Oh right, the Ponysney bill. Good one, good one, but that’s not the point! The thing is I don’t know who he think we are, his mocking or his toys”

“Both!” Said Sweetie’s voice through the door.

“WHAT?!” Shouted Celestia entering to the kitchen, so angry that her aurora-boreal mane turned into flames.

But in the kitchen the scene were very innocent: Spike holding a bottle of fudge and a bottle of strawberry jam in his claws and Sweetie waiting with a bowl of vanilla ice-cream.

“What’s going on here?” Asked Celestia.

“Nothing, I was asking Sweetie what she wanted on her ice-cream, if jam or fudge” explained Spike.

“And I said both” said Sweetie.

Celestia frowned and closed the door trying to maintain composure, looking at Twilight.

“As I was saying my faithful student, I don’t know if they have something against me or they’re just having fun looking me reacting”

“Both!”

Celestia opened the door again but what she saw was exactly the same scene that last time: Spike holding chocolate chips in one claw and nuts in the other one.
Celestia rolled her eyes and closed the door again.

“Where was I? Oh, right, I don’t know if they really send me those samples because they want me to recover my sweets or they just like to see me suffer”

“Both!”

Celestia was about to open the door again but she didn’t.

“No, may be it is that stupid ice-cream again. Whatever, I’m not sure if it is a coincidence or they’re just mocking me”

“Both!”

Celestia grinded her teeth but took a deep breath.

“I’m okay, I’m okay” sighed the Princess of the Sun. “I know for first hoof that if I face them, I’ll end up beaten and humiliated”

“Princess Celestia, why don’t you go to sleep for a while, huh? You were awake for three days, after a good rest you’ll feel better”

Celestia was about to say something but at the end she nodded and automatically walked to Twilight’s couch and lied down yawning.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right my faithful student. I usually enjoy of a good joke even if it’s on me but lately I’ve been really stressed-out and the lack of sleep got me in the worst possible moment”

Twilight sat in front of her teacher.

“And what’s happening? Do you want to tell me?”

Princess Celestia shrugged sadly.

“It’s Luna, since Spike’s remote prank I realized I am jealous”

Twilight thought she better kept to herself the fact that she was the one who had Celestia’s remote, just a little precaution.

“You’re jealous?” Twilight asked.

“You remember how Luna was when you freed her from Nightmare Moon, right? Well, when she slowly got used to modern society and forgive herself of all what happened with Nightmare, she began to recover her old self. She does whatever she wants without consulting to anypony, she got back to duel with the guards, reorganized her personal guard with soldiers of fortune and former criminals who are stronger than my guards, she hides information from me… Well, she’s becoming a nuisance”

“But she hasn’t done anything against Equestria?”

“No, in fact her independence is a great resource and she’s even more efficient than me. The problem is that now the ponies look at her as ‘action Princess’ like you. And some of Spike’s pranks like the Wolf-Pies showed the world what a good sword fighter she is. I can’t’ stand being last in popularity surveys”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, why was her teacher worried about such things? However, she offered a pillow to Celestia.

“I don’t know what to say about that, Princess Celestia. But still, if you want to have a word with Spike it’s better if you take a nap first”

“I know, I know… if you excuse me I’ll stay on… grrr, Luna’s Realm”

But she fell asleep before she could complain again.
Twilight shrugged and went back to her things. By their way the kids were enjoying a delicious bowl of ice-cream.

“There’s no better treat!” Said Spike finishing his bowl of candy of all candies ice-cream. “The greatest of all desserts!”

“A’ don’t know pal, ice-cream is good but is not Granny’s apple pie” said Apple Bloom putting aside her empty bowl.

“Both of you go to hell” defied Rumble. “Chocolate cake, that was my favorite treat… until I ate the candy of all candies but that’s a story for another day”

“Chocolate is the best flavor in the world” agreed Scoots. “But for me is better in a cupcake, there are on its own category; especially when are made by miss Cake or Pinkie. They have a divine touch for sweets”

“You know the Mayan considered chocolate as a sacred meal?” Said Babs. “They knew what they talked about when they said chocolate is divine”

“We get it! You love chocolate!” Said Sweetie. “I do love it too but in ice-cream”

They stood imaginary tasting their favorite snacks when suddenly Scootaloo chuckled.

“What?” Asked the other agents.

“Nothing, is just that I pictured a bunch of cupcakes kicking ice-cream’s ass”

“Are you crazy or what?” Asked Spike. “If they ever fight, ice-cream will win. Ice-cream always wins”

“Yeah, right, and what if Granny’s pie enter to the fight, huh?” Said Apple Bloom. “At the end the pie will raise victorious over puddles of melted ice-cream covered in cake crumbs”

They all laughed happily for a while.

“It’s a shame that will never happen” sighed Sweetie Belle.

“Why not?” Asked Spike preparing his powers. “That sounds like a very funny idea”

“FOOD FIGHT!” Cheered the Agents of Chaos.

Derpy’s house:

“I don’t want it, I don’t like it!” Protested Dinky rejecting the plate of chards her mother just gave her.

Derpy stood there with crossed hooves.

“Dinky Doo Hooves, we talked about this. Chards are good for you. Eat!”

Dinky stared defying at her mother, she won’t gave up. She won’t gave up like the other times!

“I don’t want it!” Said Dinky pushing away the chards and taking the roasted potatoes.

Derpy took the potatoes away from her daughter and gave her back the chards.

“You can’t eat roasted potatoes until you eat your chards”

Dinky pouted and Derpy just sighed, this was going to be a long afternoon.
But suddenly the potatoes jumped out of their plate and advanced to the little filly.

“This kid knows what is good for her! Stay aside leaves!”

The chards also stood pushing the potatoes away.

“No, no, no, no, no, wait your turn ladies. The mother was clear, we go first!”

“She doesn’t want to eat you losers” defied the potatoes.

The chards kicked the potatoes there where it hurt the most to potatoes making them bend in pain allowing the chards to mercilessly kick them over and over again.

“Wait your turn! The foods rich in iron are good for ponies, we deserve to go first!”

“She doesn’t want you!” Suddenly said the third plate ignored until now, the grilled zucchinis. “You know what? Neither you or you; WE MUST BE EATEN FIRST!”

“To the line opportunists!” Shouted the chards trying to push away the zucchinis. But they weren’t going to let them do it.

“Go to hell!” Answered them punching the chards’ faces.

The small confrontation gave the potatoes enough time to recover and took forks as weapons to fight defend themselves. The zucchinis spotted them on time and armed with knives to force their enemies to retreat.
Seeing that things didn’t look so well for them, the chards were forced to build small trenches with plates and glasses.

And at all this, mother and daughter were watching in awe.

“Wow, just wow” mumbled Dinky amazed.

“Yeah, wow” mumbled Derpy hugging her daughter protectively.

The battle kept going growing in intensity when Dinky noticed a noise from inside the pantry. Derpy noticed it too and held her daughter tighter.

“Dinky” said the gray Pegasus gulping. “Open the door for mommy”

Dinky obeyed waiting to see something amazing. And she was right because in the drawer where they kept the cans there was another fight going:

“Soldiers, you have heard me!” Said General Cheesson, the cheese sauce. “The Pantryfic Ocean is too small for the both of us! We must claim it for the people of Saucesia!”

“The canned solids and semi-solids cannot defeat us!” Shouted all the canned sauces at their general command.

From the other side of the drawer, Commander Gumbo (a soup) was leading the proud people of Conservia.

“This pantry had seen generations and generations of canned goodies coming and going! We cannot allow a bunch of sauces to kick us out of our territory. Instead…”

“THEY’RE THE ONES WHO WILL LEAVE!” Shouted the other canned foods.

“Let’s push them with breads and pastas where they belong!”

So the two groups of cans began to smash to each other’s in a desperate attempt to defeat their enemies. In the upper drawer the jars were also in a horrible conflict between jams and jellies versus pickled eggs, pickled onions and similar and the glass containers were about to crack.
And of course pastas, cookies and breads were no exception, they were also trying to expel their counterparts out of their drawers.

“What right does the pastas have to go and sneak inside our sanctuary?” Demanded to know the baguette.

“You stole the words out of my tongues!” Answered the linguine. “THIS MEANS WAR!”

And a third war started on the pantry. It was a disaster, but a funny disaster.

“Great! But I’m still hungry!” Complained Dinky.

Lord, she made things worse.

“Eat me, eat me!” Said several foods at the time jumping over the little filly.

Luckily she was rescued by her mother who took her on hooves and flew away from the food rampage.

And this was only the beginning.
For the good citizen of Ponyville Herman Farbage, while taking out his garbage; he turned around and he did see tomatoes hiding in his tree; and ran for his life.

“Tomatoes! Not tomatoes again!” He shouted alerting everypony that something chaotic was going on.

But he had to run back to his home because the first thing he found were a bunch of apples (the ones from the Apple Family kiosk) started to chase him in a desperate attempt for him to eat them. Herman got inside his home just in time, because to both tomatoes and apples several allies were joining: carrots, corn, radishes, potatoes, oranges, bananas and such.
Soon enough there were two big groups about to fight in Ponyville plaza, fruits and vegetables.

The leader of fruits, Pearl the Pear spoke to her people:

“My brothers and sisters, what brings us here today? Why are we fighting?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Asked an apple. “We Fruits are tired of being on the same food group than veggies! WE ARE PEOPLE INDEPENDENT AND PROUD!”

“YEAH!!”

“DIE VEGGIES, DIE!”

From the vegetable side, General Benito Muzucchini stood:

“Fruits, this is a nonsense! There’s a reason ponies count us in the same group: they recognize we’re the strongest group! This is a violation to the Nutrition Treaty!”

Veggies roared in patriotic furor and prepared to battle.

But all of sudden a fruit philosopher stood in the middle of the battlefield, it was a small cherry called Mother Cereza if Calcutta, who extended her stalks in pacifist attitude.

“Organics! Brothers and sisters! Please do not start an endless fight between us, we are in the same food group I know; but isn’t that mean that we should work together to defeat the true enemies? WE ARE AN INDEPENDENT AND PROUD FOOD-GROUP! So let’s show them, join forces and go defeat our true rivals!”

“And who is it?” Asked a potato.

“Cereals, sugars and proteins!” Shouted mother Cereza. “Think about it, most of foals despite us because they prefer prepared desserts, fats and other things that are not good for them! If we terminate our rivals, foals won’t have any other choice that go back to us!”

“She’s right!”

“We are the mightiest food group, let’s show them who we really are!”

At this point Ponyville’s sweets have joined and heard the war speech from mother Cereza, so they walked threating the group of organics.

“It’s time for someone show you your place in the food pyramid!” Said the leader of desserts, Napoleon, leading the attack.

Watching from the park Snips rubbed his belly.

“Ey, I am the only one who got hungry?” Asked the unicorn colt.

“I think I have an apple and a cookie on my saddlebag” said Snails. “Want some?”

Snips opened the saddlebag only to see the cookie fighting the apple.

“Kids deserve healthy treats!”

“No, delicious treats!”

“And what are you going to do if you’re none of it?”

“Now you’re gonna pay!”

And kept fighting.
A little far from there, in the Crystal Empire, Shining and Candace were about to have a nice lunch for just the two of them.

“And at the night we’re going to have more fun” smiled seductively Candace when the butler brought them the salad platter.

“I hope you’re ready for what I have for you” said Shining kissing his wife’s ear.

“Oh I can hardly wait!” Said Candace smiling and opening the wine.

They both kissed deeply when heard the scandal coming from the kitchen; and they both jumped in surprise when the spaghetti kicked the table and jumped on top.

“Stay away from my mouths you stupid salad!” Said angrily the spaghetti. “I am the one feeding me”

“Come and make me” answered the salad raising its fists and punching the spaghetti.

The fight couldn’t get any worse, or could it? The wine turned to the two rivals preparing to join and wipe them out of the table for good.

“My name is Legion, because we are many!!"

The two rulers of the Crystal Empire just looked at the scene without knowing what to say.

“Ehem… Shiny?” Asked Candace.

“I don’t know… Ten bits that the wine wins!”

In Reptilia the Dragon Kingdom, in a certain restaurant on the city of Buenos Aires Draguentina, the Maestra Parrillera (Pit Master) Pina was looking at her different meat cuts with patience.

“I’m the one whose gonna get eaten!” Said a piece of ‘entraña’ with remorse slapping the lomito and puyazo. “You two stay here until carbonize, I’m in my point, serve me Maestra Parrillera”

“No, no, no, us!” Interrupted a bunch of chorizo. “We have more fat that means flavor!”

“Stop saying foolishness, what you two want is to obstruct an artery in the costumers” said the cut of lomito. “I may not have that fat but I’m delicious and divine! At your orders, Maestra Parrillera!”

Of course the different cuts began to punch to each other in a battle that won’t end soon, but luckily Pina had the solution.

“EY!” Pina said suddenly crashing two pans on the table.

“WHAT?!” Asked the cuts interrupting the fight.

“You’re all for different costumers, everyone will get eaten at the end”

The meats blushed ashamed.

“Sorry about that, I shouldn’t say those things” said the entraña.

“No, no, no, we all said things that we regret” mumbled the lomito.

“We weren’t being ourselves, sorry about it” said the chorizos.

And with that stupidity under control, they were served to their respective costumers.

“Something tells me that this is going to be a long day!” Complained Pina.

In Canterlot Palace Luna walked to the wine cellar to see why they haven’t brought the bottle she requested for her meal, but she bumped into a battle that would determine which bottle will had the honor to be served in the Royal Table.

“It had to be me! I’m aged already!”

“If it was for me I would let you stay until turn into vinegar!”

“Mister you have crossed the line!” Said the bottle intensifying the fight.

It was pure chaos, the whole cellar was flooded with wine along with several pieces of glass floating around.

“Okay, if you don’t mind I’ll go for a beer instead”

“BEER?! BEER?” Shouted an old champagne bottle. “See? Because of our stupid fights she’ll go to drink an inferior beverage! Can we allow it?!”

“Never!”

“NEVER!!”

And the bottles rolled to action while Luna sneaked and went for a glass of water.

“I should stop drinking in work hours” mumbled the Princess and ran to see how the disaster ended up.

“Damn you snob drinks! If the Crown want something refreshing, something refreshing will get!” Said a bottle of beer answering the attack of the wines.

It was chaotic but kind of funny see everypony’s favorite foods in the middle of a fight just to be eaten first; and of course the team of chaos was no exception enjoying the strange match: on their case they were enjoying the alliance between apple fritters and Granny’s signature pie vs. chocolate ice-ream, chocolate cake and chocolate cupcakes.

“Go ice-cream! Go ice-cream!”

“Cupcake don’t fail me! I’ll eat you the whole day if you win!” Said Sweetie and Scoots at the unison.

By their way Apple Bloom was cheering the apple fritters.

“Go on girls! A’ believe in ya’!!”

The desserts roared in frenzy intensifying the battle, and finally the scandal called Twilight’s attention.

“Be quiet please! Princess Celestia is sleeping and all this scandal will…”

She saw the food fighting.

“What’s going on here?” Sighed Twilight.

“Food fight!” Explained Spike with a smirk.

“Okay, I need a hot drink to stand this” sighed Twilight walking to the pantry. “What should I have? Coffee? Tea? Hot cocoa?”

But when she opened the pantry of course the three mentioned beverages were trying to destroy each other with rage: the tea bags strangling the coffee can with their strings while the cocoa bags were ripping them mercilessly and kicking the coffee can and such.
Twilight sighed and closed the door not in the mood for this kind of stupidity.

Back in Draguentina in Pina’s restaurant, the Maestra Parrillera had given up. At first it was easy to handle when she convinced the meat cuts they were going to be served to different costumers, that there was no need to fight, but when the jewelry side-dished entered on scene the war had finally begun and there was nothing Pina could do to stop them. She just sighed and walked away to take her lunch-break.
She planned to go to her favorite pizzeria but when she entered she noticed all the costumers had run away and the toppings were trying desperately to be the ones baked on the pizza.
So at the end Pina made a face-claw and shrugged.

“I give you an A for originality kiddo, but if I don’t eat something soon you’ll have news from me”

In Ponyville Vinyl Scratch returned home after another successful night of partying hoping that her wife had the lunch ready.

“Ey Tavi! What’s for eat?”

Octavia was resting on a chair chuckling at the spectacle she was seeing.

“That depends, we have some leftover hummus or soup”

“Depends? Depends on what?” Asked Vinyl.

“On who wins”

Vinyl saw how the soup used it’s ladle as a weapon to defeat hummus who was using it’s dish as a shield in old Captain Equestria fashion.

“You’re nothing but a leftover, nopony wants you!”

“I’m so delicious that I’ll be eaten twice!”

They kept fighting making Vinyl laugh happily, that’s why she loved living on the same town that the Lord of Chaos. But she still was hungry so walked to the pantry where cookies and crackers were fighting as well.

“Sweet territory!”

“No, no, no, salty territory!”

The white unicorn closed the doors and shrugged.

“It’s kind of funny but I hope this end soon cause I’m hungry!”

And they weren’t the only ones, it was funny to watch food fighting; but at the end everypony were hungry and Twilight knew she had to fix the situation with her friends.

“I must admit this one was funny, even kind of adorable” said Rarity. “Less annoying than the usual”

“A’ know but ma’ belly is claiming for attention and because of this A’ haven’t eat anything”

“Let’s go now, I’m starving!” Complained Rainbow.

Fluttershy nodded softly.

“My animals are protesting already, they want to eat too but my birdseed doesn’t stop attacking Angel’s carrots”

Pinkie Pie just cleaned a tear from her eye.

“My sweets are like my children, I can’t stand seeing my children fighting!”

“Children? But you eat them!”

“Oh right, then if my children were delicious those would be my sweets!”

“Stop talking about food!” Complained Applejack. “A’m hungry!”

Si without further discussion, they activated the Rainbow Power to get things back to normal so they could eat peacefully. Once they finished, they went to eat.

“Ey Twi, did you enjoyed our prank?” Asked Spike when Twilight returned.

“It was okay” said Twilight. “Very funny and not as annoying at the other times”

“Just a random idea Scoots suggested”

Twilight smiled and both of then sat to eat happily, until Princess Celestia went downstairs better than ever after a good nap.

“Thank you for suggesting the nap Twilight Sparkle” said the white alicorn yawning. “Now Spike, I want to exchange a couple of the words with you about certain thing…”

“Sorry about it Princess Celestia, but we wanted to test the candies we made for the Nightmare Night and our anniversary”

Celestia rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah, you’re celebrating a year of becoming Lord of Disharmony and Chaos. However I would appreciate if you stop torturing me with my candies; not only I’m not in the mood but also the side-effects were horrible”

Spike sighed.

“Okay, sorry and I promise it won’t’ happen again”

“Good!”

“Now what about if I make it up for you?” Suggested Spike. “I can help you to recover some of your popularity”

Twilight looked at him.

“Spike…”

“No, no, let him continue my faithful student” said Celestia smiling at Spike. “So what do you suggest oh Lord of Chaos?”

“Easy, with my agents we’ve been discussing of how should we celebrate our anniversary and now we get it: why don’t you challenge Princess Luna and defeat her in her own game?”

“Game? What game?”

“Scaring ponies at the Nightmare Night. If you beat her in her own celebration I’m pretty sure that your popularity will only raise”

Celestia smirked.

“I like your idea, a scare competition…”

“And to make sure it’s fair, I’ll be judging it” said the dragon with a proud smile.

Celestia considered for a while but at the end she nodded.

“Okay, let’s do it!”

And she teleported them to Luna’s study.

The blue alicorn rose her eyes from the pile of documents she was working on.

“Yes?”

“Dear sister I challenge you to a duel!”

Author's Note:

Now the tables have turned, with Celestia being jealous of Luna; how this will end? Anyway, I promise the anniversary will be great and as always:

Read ya’ later!!

Comments

[Darth Redbeard]

I have a feeling that Celestia is going to lose big time.

[Guardians-of-chaos]

True One: Something tells me, Celestia's challenge will come back to bite and rip half her ass off.

[kudamon]

i say both loses in the end.

the winner will be spike and his agents of chaos instead.........lol.

[Randomfastreader]

Celestia will become solar flare and be banished to the sun.
or she will win

[dj-pon3fan]

It's the Return of the Killer Tomatoes. I wonder if that's a actual movie. I bet it is.

Edit: it is

[Crisis Novastar]

“My name is Legion, because we are many!!"

It's: My name is Legion, for we are many"

[OmniFox]

Will it involves the Royal sisters' pets too?

[Foolish shadow]

7915637 Thus far? Yep.
7908244 That's practically a given.

[Nikolas]

I had read this chapter while i ate spiced chiken wings