The secret of the offices
The secret of the offices
Canterlot Castle, meeting room:
Everypony were discussing about the recent events. Luna just sighed and looked at the Agents of Chaos.
“Why didn’t you attacked me too? I’m as guilty as my sister you know?”
Spike shook his head.
“Not exactly Princess Luna, you attacked us but the one who sent the girls without warning them about being frozen in time was Princess Celestia, and I guess you didn’t tell them because she told you to”
Luna sighed.
“Next time make sure I receive what I deserve too, understood?”
Sweetie Belle chuckled.
“Sure thing”
Applejack just raised a hoof.
“Mah’ only question is, why the Elements made us immortal?”
“Yeah, shouldn’t we live our lives and let the next generation poses the Elements?” Asked Rainbow Dash.
Luna sighed and began to explain:
“Let me try to explain how the Universe works: every world is all about balance, composed both by Harmony and Chaos and the key to keep it functioning is to make the two forces work without allowing them to interfere to each other”
Celestia nodded.
“And every employee of Mr. Boss have the responsibility to keep one of the two forces moving. Luna, King Flames and I work for Harmony; Chrysalis, Smooze and of course Spike are representatives of Chaos”
Then Luna made a projection of the Elements of Harmony.
“Unlike us, who are strictly limited by specific rules according to our job, Chaos have only three limitations: is forbidden to kill, to mess with free will and never attack Harmony directly. In exchange in this world Harmony protectors have the most powerful weapons created by Mr. Boss Himself”
Then the projection changed to a black aura touching the Elements.
“But as I told you, the Other One corrupted the Elements and the poor souls who would bear them will be immediately cursed. At the beginning Luna and I used them because we were already immortal but then the Other One attacked again and we got unbounded. And because Luna is better fighter than me, when she got free in her Nightmare form I had no choice but ask for your help and condemned you”
Twilight frowned.
“So that’s why we’re immortal”
“And also why I didn’t wanted to tell you, our enemies fright me but He freaking terrifies me. I’ve only seen Him once but I assure you, he’s terrifying. I would tell that he’s surrounded by an aura of Pure Evil; but in fact what you feel is Evil emerging from Him, since it’s an extension of his Being”
Luna shivered.
“Indeed, not even his employees can see Him to the eyes. Tirek, King Sombra, The Dazzlings, Grogar… everyone is terribly afraid of the Other One”
“But what we ever did to the Other One?” Asked Pinkie.
Celestia sighed sadly.
“Nothing, it’s all about hurting people; He’s the Destroyer, and what He enjoys destroy the most is lives. Especially the lives of people as pure as the six of you”
“Evil makes no distinction” confirmed Luna.
“So He wants to destroy Equestria?” Asked Fluttershy.
“He wants to destroy. Period”
Everypony remained silent for a while when Rarity finally asked:
“And are any other employees of the Other One besides the ones you mentioned?”
Celestia tried to remember.
“Well, King Charlatan of Penguin Kingdom and some guy called Lavan but they were destroyed by King Flames”
Spike then approached.
“And are there anymore Sirens besides the Dazzlings?”
Luna just chuckled.
“Of course there are! Sirens are a subspecies of dragons; aquatic dragons to be more specific. Ask Flames if you don’t believe me”
“Fine” said Twilight. “Now, anything else you need to tell us before you take us to see Mr. Boss?”
Celestia firmly shook her head.
“Nothing else I swear, but you can ask Mr. Boss if you want”
Everypony nodded satisfied and then Celestia prepared her magic.
“Now I’ll transport you to the office, everypony hold on me”
They obeyed.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to come as well?” Asked Spike.
“We’ll be fine!” Said Twilight. “We’ll be back any minute now. Besides you said Mr. Boss is very kind, so don’t worry about us”
The Agents of Chaos nodded and said good bye while Celestia finally transported them. The girls closed their eyes when the light surrounded them and made the world disappear. When they finally opened their eyes the first thing they thought was that they were falling since there was no floor, but precisely because of that there was nowhere to fall in the first place.
Celestia just smiled.
“Don’t worry, you’re safe here. Now, come on, I’ll show you the place”
Once they recovered from the first impression the girls began to walk behind Celestia, who guided them on those strange hallways. It was weir, there was no floor but there were several walls, flowerpots, bookshelves, desks, doors and people from all the worlds walking all over the place caring documents and such,
“I don’t get it! Princess, why does it look like we’re in an office?” Asked Twilight.
“Because it is an office” explained Celestia. “This place is the center of all the universes”
And exchanging confused looks, the girls followed the white alicorn who opened one of the doors.
“Come on, right behind me, is easy to get lost in this place”
They saw lots of strange things, like a copy room; a storage room; a file room; a janitor’s closet and one place that especially called everypony’s attention: it was a large room full of telephone cabins (is not like the girls knew what a telephone was but still it was pretty interesting) where beings from all worlds were answering calls.
“Customer service what can I do for you… oh, I see! Of course you have all the right to be concerned, no, no, please, we’ll take care of it. Right now I’m processing your complain right now. You’ll get an answer in three hours. Yeah, thank you for your preference and sorry about the trouble, we’re here to serve you…”
“Customer service, good evening… oh alright, I’m processing your request and in the next three minutes you’ll get the calm you’re asking for. You’re welcome… we’re her to serve you. Thank you for your preference”
“Customer service, what can we do for you? What? Seriously? Fine, we’ll process your complain and send someone to fix your problem, thank you for your preference” — She hung. — “Ey! anyone else received a complaint about a flood in dimension 96-21 sector 5?”
“We already sent someone from maintenance. They’ll take care of that river in no-time”
Fluttershy was astonished.
“What they’re doing?”
Celestia sighed.
“Answering prayers”
“Great!” Mumbled Rainbow Dash. “Please tell me this is another of Spike’s pranks! Please, for my remaining sanity’s sake!”
Princess Celestia shrugged and keep walking.
“Come on, do not interrupt their work. Follow me, right here… no, sorry, it’s been a while since I came her the last time. Now this way…”
They continued following Celestia around the main office.
In one corner something called Twilight’s attention: it was Chrysalis and a group of unknown creatures happily chatting happily around a coffee machine.
“Now, as I was telling you” continued Chrysalis, “the Junior was hanging on the cross when he began to called his disciple: ‘John, oh John come here’. The apostle tried to get aside the Junior but the romans blocked his way. Apostle Pete fought with everything he had to finally stay aside his Master. ‘Here I am Master, tell me what can I do for you’. Then the Junior said, ‘John, have you noticed? I can see your house from here’”
“Ahahahahahahahaha!”
“Good one, good one”
“Great one Chrys. Do you now this one? Again the Junior was hanging in his cross…”
But suddenly Twilight faced the Changeling Queen:
“Chrysalis!”
“What are you doing here?”
“Don’t play games with me, are you trying to make us lower the guard? Are you conspiring against Equestria?”
“What? Of course not idiot, I’m in my coffee break. Perhaps when I go back to work. In the meantime, want to hear some Christian jokes? The Junior loves them as well”
Celestia gently called her student.
“Leave them Twilight, we have a coffee break every half eternity and they like to tell jokes about Boss’ son for some reason”
“But he doesn’t gets mad? They’re mocking his son in his own headquarters!”
“It’s an office not headquarters” explained Celestia. “Besides Mr. Boss is too busy to pay attention to stupid jokes about his son’s death. Now come on, we can’t be late for our meeting”
Twilight nodded silently and keep walking behind the Princess who was busy showing the place:
“This is the design department, the B meeting room… oh and the personnel restrooms. Oh, and here is the cafeteria”
Twilight looked around.
“It's a nice place Princess, but don't we have a meeting? Why do we need to know the entire office?”
“Well since I’m training you to become me replacement I thought in make you acquaintance of your future work place”
Twilight frowned.
“Seriously?”
“Of course! Since always you’ve been my best student you’re also the best to replace me when I decide to retire as Spike is replacing Discord”
Twilight shook her head.
“With all respect Princess Celestia, have you asked me about it? No thank you, if we’re able to fix this immortality problem I’ll gladly become mortal as well. Go find another one to replace you, I had enough of your secrets and plans for me and my friends”
“Come on Twilight! If you think about it…”
“I already did, it’s my life and if you keep insisting I’ll ask Spike to put you in your place again”
At the end there was no use to keep arguing about it and Celestia finally sighed defeated, this was all her fault of course. Before she realized, they finally arrived to the waiting room where Gabriel, Boss’ secretary received them.
But then he stared to Celestia.
“What happened to you? Seem a little depressed”
“My faithful student rejected to become my replacement and got mad”
“This is what happens when you try to force your will to others by stupid machinations. Now, come here please, Mr. Boss will receive you now”
The archangel opened a door and showed them the way to a very luxurious office where the Mane 6 looked for the first time at the Unique and Only God. Strange Being he was: looking so old but also so young; both male and female at the time and had; looking like a lot of unknown species but also all the species they knew.
“This is Mr. Boss”
The Being smiled to the group.
“Ey Celly, Bearers of Harmony, is so nice to see you. What can I do for you?”
The white alicorn just sighed sadly.
“I met a horrible mistake Mr. Boss, I allowed this girls to become the Bearers of Harmony without telling them the horrible truth about your Twin’s curse. They’ve been fighting since that day and even if they proved to be very valuable and great at what they do I haven’t even thanked them. I came here to ask you if you can fix a payment for them as well”
Applejack gulped and slowly approached to the One True God.
“And, there’s a way to get rid of this responsibility?”
“Equestria needs us and I get it” said Rainbow. “But do this forever? Spike is very annoying and all, but the other menaces are in a whole different level. Can’t we have a rest?”
Mr. Boss glared to Celestia.
“Not only you didn’t tell them but also waited this long to tell me? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!”
“I’m so sorry!”
He took a deep breath and sighed.
“Selfish idiot. Do you realize you gave me enough reasons to fire you?”
“Again…”
“Anyway, it could be worse. You could sell industrial secrets to my Brother like tons of my employees for example… but still what you did is bad. I’ll fix a salary for this girls but it’ll come from yours, sixty percent. Sadly is all I can do for the six of them”
Rarity seemed surprised.
“But can’t you undone our immortality?”
“You’re supposed to be God!” Protested Pinkie Pie.
“And my Brother is the Devil. Everything is about Balance ladies, he is my equal and opposite so as He has no power over Me, I have no power over Him. I would love to free you from this weight but I can’t”
“So you’ll just sit and to nothing about this?” Cried Rarity.
Mr. Boss smiled enigmatically.
“What? Do you think I would be that irresponsible? But I don’t blame you since you have a very poor example of a Goddess, right Celestia? However, do you know what the most especial thing about Living Beings is? Anyone?”
The girls looked to each other in confusion.
“Their souls are made both by Good and Evil, that gives you only power my Brother and I don’t have: you can choose”
“And what does it mean?” Asked Applejack.
“No matter what He does, no matter what I do, you’re still able to choose freely your own path. Never give up, maybe I can’t undo what He did, but you can if you work together. He made a crucial mistake at leaving you all together for eternity. You have each other no matter what, and together will find the force to defeat Him. Mortals always have the power to do so”
“So we can undo this?”
Boss nodded calmly.
“Yes but you must face Him in order to do so. If you don’t feel ready yet then wait, you have literally all the time in the world, in the universe… and I promise I’ll do anything in my power to help you, but you have to do the hard work this time not for your Kingdom, but for yourselves”
“And is it possible to summon Him or something?” Asked Twilight.
Mr. Boss nodded again.
“Yes, with those that your people call the Dark Arts”
Celestia panicked.
“Boss that’s too dangerous!”
“Don’t you trust in their pure hearts, Celestia?”
“Well yes but…”
“Then leave them do what they want. And girls, if she tries to stop you feel free to contact customer service and I’ll take care of the problem myself. Okay?”
The girls nodded happily.
“Yes Mr. Boss!”
So it was over, Mr. Boss gently petted their heads and gave them a smile full of hope. He was there for them no matter what, even if they faced the Other One Mr. Boss will support them with all his heart.
“Uh, I have a question before we leave!” Suddenly jumped Pinkie. “Why are we here? What’s the meaning of life?”
The Boss just chuckled.
“The answer is different for everybody girl. I gave you free will for a reason, go find an answer that suits you and that’s it”
Pinkie seemed thoughtful.
“Okay, I like it. Deep!”
Then the Boss gently opened the door for His visitors.
“And before you go, just promise me you won’t tell anyone how the universe works, okay? It’s my secret?”
Applejack shrugged.
“An office? Who would believe us?”
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I'm a christ and I now believe God works in a terribly tight-packed office surrounded by singleminded idiots. At least the devil has good insurance.
Usually a curse can be broken by a kiss but to them is a different story.
Celestia is in big trouble and almost fired...again? What she do before?
7590364
actually, the devil don't have good insurance........lol.
his employees always do a very bad job from time to time like underestimate their enemy/enemies.
Wow, she must have just come from The Department of Redundancy Department is probably where she just came from.
Love the story, the grammar is expected from you. Just keep up the good work.
And thus does the river of religious satire flow.
7590762
she banished her sister to the moon....that is ENOUGH of a reason
Cool chapter. But their planning on facing the devil?
.... May god be with them.