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Yet To Be Discovered624 stories ·397 members

I Guess We Are Friends, Now

Twilight Sparkle and Spike. We know they are best friends, to the point of family. How did that bond, one so trivial that we take it for granted, even in real life, come to be forged?

My entry for the Everfree NW Pre-Con Contest.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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Forderz

Forderz #1 · Apr 8th, 2015 · · ·

Alright, man. Hate to break it to you, but this is pretty bad. You have a problem telling me what to think about what you've written instead of letting me come to my own conclusions. You've destroyed any sense of discovery that your story could have, and your work reads like I'm being talked at, not talked to.

There's some inconsistencies in the plot, as well. If Twilight is merely making an illusion of her classroom, the second illusion proves nothing, as she can create the illusion that her paper is there, whether it is or not. If the structure is warded against teleportation, its probably warded against scrying, which we've also never once see Twilight do, so there's little evidence Twilight could garner any useful information from an illusion.

Mechanically adept, though. That's alright.

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