• Member Since 29th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Illua


T

"Revolution lead to imprisonment, but was it worth it, Celestia?"

Three hundred years ago, I led a revolution against Celestia, in an attempt to right the wrongs of the society I saw as an outsider. A For'ner.

As repayment for my good intentions, I was imprisoned in stone like the spirit of Chaos, and left to suffer. I watched the heroes of the new generation rise as a statuesque observer, until my own escape.

Now released, I plan to see the effects of my past actions, and hopefully prevent worse from happening. Although I'm pretty sure the princesses hate me.

Featured: Saturday, January 16th, 2021. Thank you.

Regarding Crossovers: I am willing to do them, but I would prefer to have some time to read your story first so I can see if it can reasonably work. If you are interested, Please PM me.

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 181 )

Wonder how Celestia is gonna blow this out of proportions.

8626477
Probably to the Moon and Back.

Shut up Nyx.

8626600
She has a point. Also rehab does suck!

I know I'm two or three years late, but you might want to include a status in the description about cross-overs so you don't get questions/PMS about it.

8777331
And I'm late to respond!

I just completed my Rehab completely, So I'm finally working on the next chapter!

8832912
Illua?

Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced 2: Grimoire of the Rift.

You really need an editor. The previous version of this story had little to no mistakes, and yet now it's pretty much a jumbled mess. I'd recommend either getting an editor or doing more research on English and writing.

8885257

At one point, I did have an editor. however, when I went into rehab, I lost said editor.

that being said, I'm still on pain medication as I'm writing.

I know there's a lot of issues, and and All I can really do is fix them as they get pointed out cause I'm not catching them for some reason.

8888798 Fair enough. Had I the time, I would offer to be your new editor, but I do not have the time, I'm afraid.

Is everything alright in your life?

Welcome back, what happened? Are you okay?

can't you just heaivly edit the chapters you already posted? It seemed kind of a hassle to type everything up again and just delete the old chapters

DNC

Didn't like the first take?:applejackunsure: Will agree it could have been done better.:applejackunsure::ajsleepy: Still it takes some spine to start over in things like this.:twilightsmile::ajsmug: Stand and write with pride.:rainbowdetermined2::twilightsmile::pinkiesmile:

I have read all versions of this story so far, but never saw the point in the mute/anemia thing at the start.
If she had stayed mute, it would have made her social interactions kinda interesting.
If the anemia had stayed, she could have been like a glass cannon, with her stressing about ending fights as quick as possible to not keel over mid battle.
As I have never seen anything like that in any version it's kinda a pointless thing to have.

Question, at the start it says its her 600th anniversary, but she was sent 310 years into the past. That doesn't quite add up.
Other than that it's a pretty good starting point, better than the last try.

Pretty good. I like it. I think you really captured Luna's exasperation with her sister here.
I look forward to seeing this continue.

10301635
Yeah, thanks for catching that. Fixing it right now.

10301376
I know, and I saw that and failed to address that in previous versions. I'm currently working on that part right now.

10300948
It's better now than it was.

10302317
That's good. Ya had me worried considering you haven't replied to my pm I sent a year ago.

Wow. I really like this version of it. Giving some solid body to the motivation the Elements have. Nothing mentioned of capture or blasting with the elements, no blind rush to do the princesses bidding. I love it. Less of the princess manipulating and obscuring the facts. Very nice, it looks like the talk she had with Luna really motivated her to be more open of her nasty past.
I look forward to seeing you bring up the fact that she fell into the same mindset she was in when Luna fell to the Nightmare.
Also, I found this little typo.

Princess speak first?..” Rarity,

Just a double period after a question mark.
I look forward to the next chapter.

10302328

Sorry about that.

I'm still up to Collaborate, but I just need to get this rewritten. Its not up to the quality I wanted it originally, and I feel the newer chapter versions are doing that better.

So I only just recently found your story and I must say the rewrites and your previous chapters are interesting so I cant wait to looking forward to your next update
quick question where is Illua from? What game or book

Very nice. Changed from using sigil magic to asking discord for help. It makes a lot more sense. I like it. Made a deal with a demon to be rid of the devil. Can't wait till discord calls in that favor from Tia.
I wonder how everyone will react to their Solar Leader's ineptitude in the past at keeping all of her people happy. And then trying to cover up the fact through history books. Maybe this will make Illua want to write a first hand account of the events in the future, maybe as she retires, an autobiography. Maybe not.
I love where you're taking this. I look forward to the next chapters.

10302692
Illua comes from Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced 2: Grimoire of the Rift. Shes a very story relevant character that I enjoyed her design dearly.

10302743
oh cool I never really got into final fantasy and honestly I kind of wish I did as they always had interesting characters and the more memorable(?) ones like Sephiroth and Cloud I only know through games like Kingdom Hearts so yeah like I said cant wait for future chapters

Ah so now we get to see (next time) what brought Illua to declare war on Celestia and the "noble" elite of old Equestria Sinister laugh I need popcorn!

“Hey hey hey hey! It’s just me, you’re friendly, neighborhood Chaosman!”

your

10304542
Thank you. I completely glazed over that.

“I would like to look around some more, before I make any decisions.” I replied

How can she reply when you said she's mute? :duck:

10304869
A person can be mute in many different ways besides losing the ability to speak

Not bad, the meeding with discord went pretty good and was a bit smoother than last time. And I like that you're having the meetings happen simultaneously.
I spotted a few typos on my way through.

with stairs in her black hair

I think you mean stars.

“Yes. “My sister told me and the . . .

Floating quotation there

Discord put his face in Nyx’s, his eyes reading death.

Reading death? I think you mean radiating
Not bad too far, and I wonder what affliction she's got. You might want to give a little more detail on what kind of mask in the first section. A lot of isekai characters put on weird masks, you'd probably get away with saying medical mask or air filter or something of the sort without going into too much detail.
I like this version of Luna's entrance a little more than the last, but I think the dialogue falls a little short of expressing their feelings.

“You’ve obviously been pulling from my memories for these Images, why don’t you find out?” I had glared at her, sheathing the blade once again. A quirked eyebrow from the nocturnal mistress gave her the answer. “Fine. I’ll tell you myself.” I took a seat upon the boulder that we shared. "Are you positive? I don't want to taint your view of your sister."

Like here, Luna doesn't really give an explanation as to why. It makes it feel, well, empty. Now, because I read the last version, I have some background as to why, but going straight through on a clean read through, it feels like a skipped explanation you'd see in an anime because it wasn't relevant to the plot and the episode was running out of screen time.

Oherwise, this is fantastic! I'm enjoying the story so far, and I'm excited for the next chapter.

10305030
Thanks for pointing these out.

minor mistakes I glazed over, or I didn't copy over properly <.<;;;

The discord line is intentional, Although I should really make it clearer....

10304869
I like that you pointed this out, but it's actually something hard to write clearly. She would reply, but using sign language. Habitually, might I add, especially since she is talking to her brother, Who understands Sign language.

All I can do right now is little edits to fix and clarify things, since my work schedule is alot of overnights right now.

10306084
I would suggest saying she "signed" instead of "replied" then since that's what she's doing. Thank you for responding to me :twilightsmile:

This is a good change.

I hope you expand on Illua's beginning and give examples of the harshness of the world back then, it would help drive home what fueled her desire to change things. Just saying what happened doesn't have as big an impact.

10342115
*takes a deep breath.* Yay~:yay:

This is simply good... the worst thing you can do right now...is to stop. ;)

10343795
Next chapters already being written.

So don't worry about that too much.

Wow, im really impressed. A very interesting take on history and the Displaced.

A well earned thumbs up.

The Monk
“Not telling you too much about humanity's special power, but I can give you a big hint! It is pure, concentrated spite.” -Knight Breeze

10348355
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Brilliant story so far and can't wait for more.

This new and improved take on the original idea is quite well done. I do wish, admittedly, there was more of a reaction to Nyx during the first meeting, but, oh well. As a side note, I now really, really want to attempt a crossover with this story and one of my own.

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