A horrible transgender story that probably will confuse you. Nothing makes sense anymore this isn't a trollfic btw.
Chapters (2)
SpookyPrincesssa
Joined 18th Aug, 2014 ·
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I'm not much of a fan of Transgender stories, not so much because i'm against the concept itself, but rather because the story always seems to give the feeling of being slightly confused and quite awkward. And yes i am aware that this is probably to allow us to empathise with the character, but if they themselves don't want to feel said emotions, why would i as the reader.
A quick read through I could not find any errors. When I get in front of my computer I will read again. Good work Skates!
5768738 Haha thanks! And shit really no mistakes that's surprising.
Glad you enjoyed it! 
A couple of very minor errors. Nothing serious. Spike and twilight felt a little OOC. Otherwise great work! Thanks for sharing with us Skates!
Hmm... This... Was poorly handled, I think. There's a lot of promise, as a good general idea's there, but it needs a LOT of work.
The dialogue is awkward and stilted, the characters BARELY seem to have their own voices, the entire thing feels so OOC that the AU tag barely seems to cover it, and I think my computer started spontaneously playing Linkin Park lyrics when I clicked a chapter heading. That's not even taking the technical aspects (you REALLY need an editor) into account.
There's just too much wrong with this as it stands for me to be able to stand behind it. If it becomes too much to polish up the technical, at LEAST work on the dialogue and characterization.
You don't have characters in this- you have archetypes and cliches. You have the "Confused Protagonist™", who just Doesn't Know How To Tell Anyone™, you've got the "Angry For No Reason Best Friend™, who has no real reason for going repeatedly ballistic...
Also- if you remember nothing else from this comment, remember this:
SWEARING CONSTANTLY DOES NOT 'RAISE THE STAKES', MAKE ANYTHING COOLER, MAKE ANYTHING SEEM MORE MATURE, MAKE YOU LOOK 'EDGIER' OR MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS LOOK BADASS. IT MAKES YOU LOOK 13.
Tautology
Inconsistent tense
*For
I like the story though it does seem to be moving a bit quick.
hmmm it seems to be somehow interessting, i maybe read it,.....why do i have to think about Spike kiling (dark ag?)everyone, because Rarity doesn´t want to be the target of his little crush?
5768813 Thanks for pointing those out. And yes I know, I would make it slower, but meh. Just writing for fun you know
5768810 Thanks, and I know about the swearing. I am trying to not make them swear like a sailor at least, like more when they get mad. Thanks for all this, but I am just really writing for fun and displaying it haha. I'll keep this stuff in mind if I wanna polish this up.
5768874 That's why a lot of people write.
Spike's not being a nice dragon.
Not to be mean, but when a fic starts with author notes like this I already get a first bad impression. Now onto the fic...
Rarity is taking things fast with Fluttershy, and Spike is an asshole. While I don't like Spike I would never expect him to be this much of an asshole towards Rarity, just doesn't seem like his character.
i.imgur.com/s2YZkAa.png
I like fics with transgender characters (hell I write one,) but everything is going too fast and is unorganized. I know you want to write this fic for yourself, but this is bad. If anything I'm insulted how generic and stereotypical Rarity is as a trans character.
Don't take my criticism personally, but I really want to see more high quality transgender fics across FIMFiction and this is not one.
5768738
I found two:
5769091 Yeah I know it is pretty bad
And none taken at all. Like said I am not writing this for anyone, but if I do I'll make a remake and slow everything down. And I know, I am not exactly too focused on making them in character. I don't know it is complicated... Sorry this was insulting to you, I was just fast writing. 
oh well
WARNING:#2fab4u
wow. spikes a dick
