- Member Since 21st Mar, 2015
- offline last seen Jun 11th, 2022
Gvozdi
Former Russian Soldier now living in Denmark with his girlfriend.
Gvozdi
Joined 21st Mar, 2015 ·
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............ well that was just garbage. it sounds more like they would have just executed him and be done with it. murder is probably uncommon for ponies. serial killing and cannibalism would indicate something that is just irreversibly wrong.
and its not about morality here. it is about getting rid of something vile.
5765848
This takes place in an alternate, darker view of Equestria - specifically the Pony equivalent to the Soviet Union.
And it is based on an actual, real serial killer who committed such crimes and was indeed placed inside an insane asylum - because the Soviet Union thought that serial killers were the product of the "decadent West" and wished to try and see that medical science could solve such mental disabilities.
How about instead of just disagreeing with the subject matter, you give an actual critique rather than "it was just garbage".
5765874 if it is darker then it would have only made it more likely that he would have been put down.
how you built this world is pretty much not functional. you are using alternate universe as an excuse, like a lot of people end up doing, and you are going for grimdark for the sake of grimdark, like a lot of people end up doing.
a world where twilight is celestia's daughter is an alternate world. it exists as a world with a single change to it.
you have it a world that is a thosuand times more violent than equestria just so you can include a rather bland sociopath for a character, one who can function without just being put down.
more along the lines of an excuse. a whole lot of change made for just one singular motive.
5765914
Hmm I see your points
Really, this was just because I wanted to introduce a new character for a tumblr askblog I run with a friend
And it was well... it was grimdark
Based on some of my own investigations into Soviet era serial killers and what not
The blog does a loooot better job establishing the world realistically and giving evidence as to how such a thing will work
But I do get your points - as a stand alone story, this simply does not work
I will take note of this and I appreciate the blunt honesty
I will try my best not to make such mistakes again and will avoid writing grimdark for the sake of grimdark
It is kind of a bad habit of mine, that I carried on from a past fandom
My future writings are bound to be drastically different, a lot more innocent and laid back
When I wrote this around the mid-point of last year, I was still hardly through the series and I guess I was trying to make something that my typical reader base would appreciate and except from me
So yes, once again - thanks for the critiques, it is much appreciated
I am still getting the hang of writing for this universe and you have proven to me that pandering for the grimdark is really not the best way to go about it
A good day to you, friend
Personally, I typically find myself scanning the pages of more lighthearted romance centered works as I quite enjoy stories without needless conflict and an abundance of euphoric emotions as the narration progresses, yet I am always an individual with enormous reverence for the immeasurable power of the written art and have a fascination with pieces that explore the darker aspects of psychology particularly those dealing with the balance between instinctual drive and the state of self-awareness which allows one to overcome, or be consumed by, it. So I often find myself reading novels exploring the true depths of insanity and depravity such as this because while we tend to try and avoid such distasteful topic in our day to day routines such pieces usually seek to answer the question echoed by all individuals when considering such acts of deviance and iniquity, why? That is the initial reason this piece interests me, it is an exploration into the mind of an individual who is representative of "evil" by most civilized conventions.
Part of what really appeals is your style of writing this piece, however, the manner of internal monologue in a conversational manner. This style of writing seems to be such a natural flow of information and for the purposes of properly giving a great deal of expositional information it is fascinating because we are able to see how the protagonist is reflecting on his own development over this period of time which gives us an immediate contrast of how his philosophy or character has become altered over the course of time demonstrated by his own perception of his past. The personality we see seems truly fascinating as well in it's highly observant, yet detached manner. Nikolai seems wholly aware of how horrifying an image he projects to the pony world yet he doesn't seem to, with the exception of a few moments thus far, which seemed to be spurred upon by his treatment at the hands(hooves? ) of others, attempt to justify or overly explain away his actions. He merely gives a calm, detailed explanation of his actions, his exact thoughts and emotions from each, a vague but rational fact driven thought on the incident, and he moves on. He is pure, totally detached,analytical and the diction matches so well. It is not low but very straightforward and only as complex or descriptive as the situation merits for proper understanding. I quite enjoy usage of flowery, high diction but in this case it is not necessary as Nikolai is only seeking to convey information as accurately to the truth of it he perceives as possible. This does necessitate thorough description, but not regular usage of metaphor and lengthy illustration, only as much information as needed to be perfectly clear of his thoughts and past, then move forward. I found the pacing to be well measured as well, it was a great deal of information to cover but it was not rushed, we begin, essentially at the start of Nikolai's life and slowly progress to the current day in a manner which, for the most part, is simply a list of cause/effect scenarios of his life that reflect his gradual descent into insanity.
Again because it is in a pure analytical way, we are never given any deeper motivation for all of Nikolai deviance past his own rational explanations and recollections of how he felt or was treated at various points in his life yet we sense and undercurrent of psychological motive beneath his narrative and we see hints of it such as in the various moments he looks to see the soul of his victims or the judge leave their person and his reaction to said occasions which hints at an answer to the ultimate "why?" question and further compels me to continue the piece. It is truly fascinating to ponder how and individual who radiates such a sense of normality and detachment from his own actions to be so utterly depraved and this piece thus far has made a case on this vein of thought I find intriguing. Despite his seeming total sense of detachment he speaks of alternative normal life near the end as well lending even further mystery toward his total thoughts on his actions as well as the lives and actions of those around him.
I typically do not comment on any works, but the subject matter as well as the manner it was written and the basis for the piece in an actual occurrence greatly intrigued me and I look forward to reading the continuation of this piece, well done.
I need to find the DA page for the artist...
Your tone that came off while reading through this, it gave me chills. Genuine chills. Well done on that part.
Although even though the RL inspiration for this character is still alive, a country that was based off the USSR would be more likely to simply have him killed instead but thats just me.
5766454
It is my good friend Tybay!
http://tybay.deviantart.com/
I highly suggest you check out their stuff
Although their pony stuff is slim to none nowadays
5766458
Thank you for the kind words!
I have been told that I have a grand ability to conjure up such disturbing atmospheres with words alone
And that is where you are wrong
The former Soviet Union was more keen on imprisoning, sending people to gulags and so on - than right out executions
In reality, the Soviet Union actually did not believe Serial Killers existed in the USSR
Rather that - Serial Killers were exclusive to the decadent cultures of the West, supposedly
It was this ignorance that actually let some truly gruesome, disgusting horrible people operate in the Caucasus specifically and even the mainland
Their kill counts out doing most western killers by a long shot
Metal Fang in general is actually inspired by an actual Soviet cannibal, who was institutionalized several times and was never considered for death due to a history of mental illness and a diagnoses of schizophrenia
The Soviets felt it would be inhumane to bring someone to death, for simply the way their mind works
As they would put it, "it is blaming water for going over a waterfall"
Thanks again for the comment!
5767033 Thank you!
5766212
Thank you so much for this long, well written comment!
For once, I feel like my writing is appreciated and I see that I made immensely the right decision to come aboard this fandom through this site
I wanted the character to be very natural in the regards of which they understand their nature and the extent of their own deeds
I like to think of sociopaths and serial killers as often, unintentionally narcissistic and ego driven
I was cautious with a lot of the themes that are portrayed through the mouth of the character, or at least I was at first
A lot of them are excuses, self justification and the unreliable narrator aspect adds a certain level of depth that makes us feel like we are almost being manipulated, coerced and taught to think in a similar manner
Perhaps the biggest intent of this writing was for myself, to discover this character and discover who he is as a pony and what has developed their mind to this point
If I were to describe to someone how Nikolai is, they are an incredibly honest person that acts like they are lying or exaggerating
He has nothing to exaggerate or embellish, hardly anything to polish over nor does he try to
But he is almost convincing himself while talking to the reader - that these are the things that have happened
Almost like he doesn't realize he is talking to himself
Yet he knows it to be true, he knows the true depth and the horrors of his actions
For the consequence of institutionalization is a constant reminder to that
It is a surreal kind of writing - as it was intended
As you mentioned, the diction and overall lexicon is a bit higher brow - without throwing the audience away
Because in the end, Nikolai is someone just explaining, or rather - convincing you of the truth
A lot of it comes from my own sense of english
Russian being my second language and Russia being my current residence, very rarely are things in Russian simply explained
Russian is a language of specifics and often long winded explanations at times
And Nikolai reflects that to a degree
I tried not to make them seem like an utterly educated person - because he is not meant to convey they same illusions and presence as say, Hannibal Lector
But they are a pony who knows Solar Empire Equestrian with a higher, graduate knowledge
Yet it is still vaguely evident that it his second language, yet so comfortable with it
I would be lying if I said that his speech is not based off largely of my own verbal, english statements and conversations
And oh yes, the familiarity and the fact this is the normality to him
It is fun writing a character that is so far gone, past redemption and anything remotely relateable
Yet easily readable, because I think the reader wants to know the truth - following the path that is padded down from the character's own explanations
But wanting the actual explanation
And the explanation is rather ambiguous, I like to think
Because mental illness and whether or not it is blatantly responsible for one being a psychopath is an entire thesis statement and an essay on its own
In the end, can we say Nikolai is a bad person?
Because in the end, we are blaming water for going over a waterfall
Water is naturally occurring and the environment plays a big role into where it settling, how fast it is going and where it is going in the first place
ONce again, tremendous thanks for the comment!
5767033 I replied to your comment. That artist...
there are no words to adequately describe just how incredible he is. Tomorrow, when I am not so exhausted, I shall have to do an indepth commentary on this. He shall get such a glowing review, he will feel as if Celestia raised the sun just for him alone.
Now, for the story. I read it, I pondered as I read, and when I finished, I found I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I found it very well written, and the style engaging.
5767121
It is actually a girl
And my ex-girlfriend, lol
But she will surely enjoy any comments
She does not get nearly enough attention and it is utterly kind of you to give her the praise she deserves!
And thank you
It is a bit of a weak work from what I usually expect from myself
But I tend to enjoy the style of it as well
Good to know it is still engaging and entertaining to those who read it!
5767132 how it is that you have only two followers baffles me. then again, I see that you have only been here as a member for a day...
I must promote you. You're good, and the readers need to see your work, so they will find this gem.
I shall have to promote her work as well. The other works I saw on her DA page were equally well done. To let such a skilled artist languish unknown in the background would be a crime against the artistic world.
5767206
It would be greatly appreciated
I plan on submitting a looooot more
Not necessarily the same kind of content, but I have some very ambitious projects ahead surely!
Hopefully I will be able to balance out the thumbs down by then, haha
People like you are the reason why I am glad I make an effort to post such content
It will surely make her day
Thank you again!
this is so creepy. silent hill creepy. psychological warfare creepy.
5768140
Thanks! :D
I guess that was the intended effect
5767263 Dual Promotions
Cannibal? SHIA LAPONE!!!!!!!
5780608
Haha, nice one!
I like the name and icon by the way
This was a really awesome story mate! And while I don't have any problem with cannablism, I do have a problem when it is done through illegal means.
I don't understand how writing like this can go so unnoticed. It's structured beautifully, it's encaptivating and it keeps your mind going; It makes you think and allows you to view life from another person's/pony's perspective. It's writing like this that paints pictures for the audience, and that is a talent far too difficult to find these days.
Simply put; You, my friend, have not written a story.
You have created art and I applaud you.
6997163
Sorry for the late reply, I was serving in Ukraine
Many thanks for this comment! I am surprised people even bother with it
7728113
Sorry for the late reply, I've been in the Ukraine war and I'm still getting situated with civilian life
I appreciate the kind words
I highly suggest you look at my other work however, for it is of higher taste and quality surely
But I am very appreciative of this either way!
I am glad it has managed to entertain someone
7974028 No problems, mate. Glad that you have returned safely. Cheers!
7974270
Thanks lad, here to stay as well!
No more war or military for me
Wonderful. I always enjoy something dark yet fascinating to read
I knew this sounded familiar as soon as the first few paragraphs were through. An appropriately nauseating story.