Dust from the streets of Ponyville, stirred up by the hooves of the residents and helped along by a mild breeze, coated Michelle Baranski’s arms and face with a light grit. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the bright spring day being warm enough to cause her break out into a light sweat, giving the dust a good surface to cling to.
With the look of the town, with all the thatched roofs and old-world architecture, it reminded her of her teenage years, back when she would go with friends to their local Renaissance Festival, located just on the outskirts of Des Moines, Iowa.
Granted, none of the ponies were dressed up in period costumes, though that would have been adorable. In fact, they typically weren’t dressed at all, except for the occasional accessory such as scarves or hats. For the most part, that wasn’t a problem, but every once in a while Michelle’s eyes would happen to catch a glimpse of a body part that, in human society, would likely get that person arrested.
Adding to her nervousness was the small crowd of ponies that had gathered to watch her and Tandy work, chatting softly to each other while keeping their distance. It was a level of scrutiny made her a little uncomfortable, which in turn made her even more sweaty, which increased the amount of dust that was sticking to her.
Instead of dwelling on it, she focused as much as possible on the task at hand, which currently meant standing on top of a short stepladder in order to install a mounting bracket under the eave of the building they were working on. The building, a cozy little combination of flower shop and residence, was owned by a pink-coated mare named Daisy, who was staring at them while they worked.
“Try not to damage the exterior more than necessary,” Daisy called to them from the front of her shop.
“Yes, ma’am,” Michelle called back.
“Is that the whole thing?”
“No, it’s the mounting bracket,” Michelle replied. “The repeater will attach to this, once I get it in place.”
Daisy sniffed, her ears flat on her head. She pointed a hoof at the repeater, which Tandy was unboxing. “Is that the thing?”
Since Tandy didn’t seem interested in replying, Michelle had to answer again. “Yes, ma’am.”
“I don’t like the color,” Daisy said. “It clashes.”
Michelle was barely able to check an exasperated sigh. The last thing they needed was for the mare to change her mind. “It can be painted to whatever color you like.”
The mare blinked at that. “It can? That won’t hurt it?”
“No, ma’am. It’s weather-proofed. Once we seal it up, you can paint it to your heart’s content.”
“Wait, wait,” Daisy said, waving a hoof and frowning. “I have to paint it? Not you?”
Michelle ground her teeth together and shot an exasperated glance at Tandy, who was studiously ignoring both human and pony. No help would be coming from that quarter.
“We’re only contracted to install it, ma’am.” She allowed herself a smile as she added, “Besides, if you do it, at least you’ll know the color will be right.”
Daisy’s frown didn’t lighten at all. “I’m just glad the Mayor is going to be paying me for this, or it wouldn’t be worth it.”
With that, the mare turned and walked away, presumably to go back to work in her store. Michelle finally let out the pent-up sigh she’d been holding on to for so long. It was the mention of a monthly stipend that had finally swayed the mare into letting them install the wireless repeater on the outside of her home-slash-business in the first place. Michelle hadn’t bothered telling her that it was actually the US government that was paying for it, and not the Mayor’s office.
“So, what’s that thing?” a young voice piped up from ground level.
Michelle glanced down at three young fillies who were staring up at her with wide eyes. Unlike the adults, who were happy to watch them work from the roadside, the fillies had come right up to them. The one who had spoken was a light yellow filly with a pink bow in her red mane. She was flanked by a unicorn on her left and a pegasus on her right. They were, as far as Michelle was concerned, the most adorable things she’d ever seen.
“It’s a wireless repeater,” Michelle said, holding the device up. It was deceptively heavy for its size, the weather-proofed and tamper resistant smooth white plastic case specially designed to use Ponyville’s spotty DC current. Most of the weight came from the built-in battery which was installed to even out the current and keep it working without a hitch.
“What’s it for?” the pegasus asked.
“It’s complicated and you wouldn’t understand,” Tandy said from the bottom of the stepladder as she sorted out the cabling. She was apparently a lot less impacted by the sheer adorableness of their new fan club than Michelle was.
The pegasus took a half-step back, her ears drooping. “I was just curious.”
Michelle, not being able to handle the look of wounded pride on the filly’s face, took over the explanation, ignoring Tandy’s irritated snort. “It’s for a wireless network,” she explained. “It makes it so that some types of human devices can talk together.”
“Talk? Talk how?” the unicorn asked in a chirping voice. “And what ‘devices’?”
“Well, you see…” she started.
“We’re kind of busy, kids,” Tandy said, interrupting. “Can’t you run along and play?”
The work continued in relative silence for a few minutes as the three little fillies held a whispered conference amongst themselves. Finally, the redheaded pony spoke up.
“By the way, I’m Apple Bloom. This here is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.”
“Nice to meet you, girls. I’m Michelle, and my coworker is Tandy.”
“Hey,” Tandy said, still working on the cabling and not bothering to look up at the fillies.
“Any way we can help?” Apple Bloom asked. “I’m pretty good with tools.”
Michelle gaped in horror at the filly for a moment before forcing a smile. “I’d love to let you, but I don’t think our insurance carriers would be happy about it. Besides which,” she said, holding up her electric drill and pulling the trigger a couple of times, causing the thing to whirr loudly. “I don’t think your hooves will work with our tools.”
She didn’t miss the avaricious glint in the filly’s eyes as she looked at the power tool and promptly decided to make sure she kept a very close eye on her tools while the fillies were nearby.
“I can do magic!” Sweetie Belle offered, doing an excited little prance that melted Michelle’s heart. “I’m sure I could help!”
“What kind of things can you do with magic?” Michelle asked. Aside from levitation, she hadn’t seen much in the way of magic from the ponies.
“Um… Well... “ she looked down at the street while she scuffed a white hoof in the dirt. “I can make my horn glow,” she said, blushing. “Usually.”
“We have flashlights,” Tandy said brusquely. “Why do you want to help, anyway?”
The trio exchanged looks. Apple Bloom, who seemed to be more or less the leader, piped up. “We were thinkin’ this may be what gets us our cutie marks.”
Their briefing before heading to Equestria had included, amongst many other things, a short summary of cutie marks. Michelle didn’t really understand them or where they came from, but she knew it was of huge cultural significance to the ponies. A quick glance at the filly’s hip indicated that it was, indeed, unadorned.
Michelle sighed and turned back to the bracket she was trying to install, slotting a couple of rails into place in the assembly. “So, you think you’ll find your purpose in setting up Wi-Fi repeaters?”
“Well, maybe,” said Scootaloo with a touch of defiance in her voice. “We haven’t found anything yet, but maybe that’s because none of the things we tried were human-related.”
“It would make sense,” Sweetie Belle said in a reasonable tone of voice. “We’ve tried everything we could think of in Ponyville, and nothing worked. So maybe that means that our cutie marks might have something to do with Earth?”
“It would be awful if we went our whole lives, never finding our purpose just ‘cuz we never got to try out human stuff,” Apple Bloom added.
“So, can we help?” Sweetie Belle asked, then all three of them together pleaded, “Pleeease?”
Michelle glanced down at her audience and then froze. The three little fillies were looking up at her with big, soulful eyes, droopy ears and pleading expressions, which even included a trio of wobbly bottom lips.
It was the closest thing she’d ever seen to weaponized cuteness.
“No,” Tandy said, as blunt as a brick wall. “Not even a remote chance.”
The three fillies held the look for a moment longer before they broke.
“Well, it was worth a shot,” Apple Bloom muttered, kicking at the grass with a hoof. “Come on, girls. Maybe we can try chicken wranglin’ over at Fluttershy’s again.”
Michelle’s heart was in her throat as the three fillies slumped away, heads down and tails drooping as their hooves dragged through the dirt road.
“Don’t do it,” Tandy warned, causing her to jump.
“Uhm. Do what?”
“I know that look. Those three little cuties got to you.” Tandy smirked at Michelle’s look of surprise, adding, “I’ve seen it over and over again growing up with my little sisters. They’d turn on the sad puppy eyes and my mom and dad would cave.”
“They looked so miserable though,” Michelle said, looking after the three of them as they trudged down the street.
“Eh, they’ll be fine,” Tandy said as she unpacked the power supply for the repeater. “Did you want to be tripping over them all day?”
“Well, no…”
“Give them ten minutes—twenty, tops—and they’ll be just fine,” Tandy assured her.
Michelle sighed and got back to work, attaching the wireless repeater to the freshly-installed mount while Tandy secured the power line down the outside of the house. She looked up just in time to see little the earth pony say something to the other two, who perked right up at whatever it was she’d said.
“Cutie Mark Crusaders Human Investigators!” the three of them shouted together, adding a “Yay!” at the end for good measure.
Michelle gaped as the three of them ran off, any sign of of their previous distress completely gone. Something in her gut told her to be worried about what just happened.
“Looks like it took a lot less time than ten minutes for them to get over that,” Tandy noted wryly.
“Yeah, I guess,” Michelle said with a laugh.
She looked at the repeater, now nice and tight in its mount. Tandy had attached the power cord securely to the wall, though she’d left some play at the end. A Ponyville-certified electrician by the name of Sparky would be coming along later to actually attach it to the building’s electrical system. She wasn’t sure if Sparky was his actual name or just a nickname. It could be hard to tell with ponies.
“Well, let’s get on to the next one, shall we?” Michelle said as she hopped off of her ladder. A quick consultation with their tablet-based map pointed her towards their next target. “Let’s see…Lily’s house should be this way. All set?”
Tandy had already packed their gear onto the cart they were using to haul the equipment around. “All set.”
Together, they made their way into town and towards their next destination.
~~*~~
Rob Walters blinked the grit out of his eyes as the breeze once again flung more of the road into his face. He was getting paid well for this trip to tiny pony land, and far be it for him to argue about the nature of the job, but it seemed damned strange to him to set up wireless internet in a town that hadn’t even bothered to pave most of its roads.
As weird as the rest of Ponyville was, the “building” he most recently found himself in front of of took the cake, managing to be even crazier than the shop that looked like a giant jester’s hat. Part of his brain was telling him that there was no way this was what it looked like. The ponies, he deduced, must have applied those same crazy building techniques to their library, fashioning it into a very convincing, but ultimately fake, tree.
That part of his mind steadfastly ignored his senses, which were busy pointing out little details like bark on the outside of the library, and the green leaves that fluttered in the breeze. The tree had to be fake.
“This one gets a repeater both outside and inside of the building, right?” he asked his co-worker.
“Yeah,” Erika replied from somewhere in the vicinity of his right elbow.
It briefly occurred to him to wonder if it was Jerry’s idea of a joke to assign the tallest and shortest person on the team together. Maybe he thought they would even out to an average height, or something.
The fact that Erika almost never spoke more than absolutely necessary meant that most jobs with her tended to consist of long periods of awkward silence. Well, awkward for him. She seemed unperturbed by the whole thing.
“Right, let’s see if anyone is in,” he said before giving the door three firm knocks.
A moment later, a scratchy voice from inside snapped, “It’s a public library, you know. You don’t have to knock!”
Rob glanced down at Erika, who shrugged before opening the door and walking in, leaving the battery-powered hand truck parked in the grass next to the door. He left the propped ladder against the exterior wall and grabbed his folder full of paperwork off of the top of the boxes stacked on top the hand truck before following her. He had to bend almost double to avoid rapping his head on the top of the library’s door frame. Pony-sized doors were definitely a problem for taller humans.
The interior of the library was wood. Wood floor, wood walls, wooden shelves carved into the walls, wooden ceiling, all polished until it glowed. All joined seamlessly and, apparently, organically. He marveled at the skill of the pony craftsman—craftspony?—who had built the place.
The place smelled of musty old books intermingled with the sharp scent of fresh ink, layered on top of a citrus odor he guessed was probably wood polish. And underlying everything, of course, was the scent of wood.
To his surprise, Erika was looking around with a wide-eyed expression of wonder rather than her typical blank stare, her eyes gleaming as she wore the biggest, and possibly only, smile he’d ever seen on her. He found that vaguely unsettling.
According to their map, this place was both the town library and the home of one Twilight Sparkle. Every news station back on Earth reported that she was the leader of a group of six ponies, each of whom wielded one of a set of insanely powerful magical artifacts. As upsetting as it was to think of magic being real, there was no denying that it was. Especially after seeing what had happened to the Black Tide when Twilight and her friends went after it. Her picture, as well as most of her friends except for the rarely-glimpsed Fluttershy, had been all over the news for the last few months. He had been looking forward to meeting her.
The unicorn mare in front of him was not Twilight Sparkle, though she could have passed for her grandmother. She looked as much like a stereotypical librarian as a pony could, with her iron-grey mane done up in a tight bun as she glared at them through the red-framed catseye glasses perched on the end of her muzzle. She had a pencil lodged in the crease between her right ear and her mane, and a spiral notepad dangled from a string around her neck. Her coat was a dark grey, like a thunderstorm, which matched her scowl as she took the two of them in.
“Humans, eh?” she said after she finished sizing them up. “Can’t say as I’ve ever had your kind in my library before, but I don’t mind as long as you don’t make a mess.”
“Your library?” Rob repeated. “I thought you said it was a public library.”
In the uncomfortable silence that followed, Rob’s smile wilted like a flower at noon in Death Valley. He’d meant that lightly as a way to break the ice. Judging from the freezing cold glare the librarian was auguring into him, no ice had been broken. It didn’t help his pride one bit that Erika was giving him a look that was equal parts pitying and exasperated.
“I, uh… I meant it as a joke,” he ventured lamely into the silence.
“A joke?” The librarian arched an eyebrow. “We have books on those. Can’t say I’ve ever read any of ‘em.”
He started stammering out an apology, which the librarian waved off with one of her forehooves.
“Relax. That was a little joke of my own,” she said, smirking.
Rob flushed hotly while Erika let out a low chuckle at his expense. So much for human solidarity. He cleared his throat and attempted to gather the tattered shreds of his dignity together, straightening up until his head almost brushed the ceiling of the library.
“Anyway, we’re not here for books,” he said, a little stiffly. “My name is Rob, and this is my co-worker, Erika. We’re here to install a wireless repeater.”
The mare hummed and tapped her chin with a hoof. “Hm. I haven’t heard about any installations, and I don’t have a single clue as to what a ‘wireless repeater’ is. In any case, I’m not about to allow that, not without a form signed by the mayor and approved by Twilight Sparkle.”
“I’ve got the forms right here,” Rob said, opening his folder and pulling out the pertinent forms. He let out an involuntary yelp when the papers started glowing an icy blue before yanking themselves out of his hands.
“Where is Twilight Sparkle, if you don’t mind me asking?” Erika asked.
“Hmm? Oh, she’s in Canterlot. Some business for the Princess, I gather. I’m filling in for her.”
The librarian studied the papers with narrowed eyes and pursed lips before sighing and floating them back over to Rob, who took them gingerly and placed them back in his folder, unconsciously wiping his hand on the front of his pants after he did so.
“Well, it all seems to be in order,” she said. “Will it take long?”
“No, it shouldn’t,” Erika said. “Most of the time will be figuring out where to put it so it’s unobtrusive and out of the way, but still close enough to hook into the library’s electricity.”
“Unobtrusive, hmm? I approve of that.” The mare gave out an almost genuine-looking smile. “My name is Mrs. Stacks, by the way.”
Erika shook her hoof first. Rob had to kneel in order to grasp it, shaking the hoof gingerly while trying to ignore the fact that he was basically holding one of her feet in his hand. He gave it a gentle shake, then waited until she glanced away before he surreptitiously wiped his hand on his pants while wishing he’d brought along some hand sanitizer. Who knew what ponies walked through during the course of their day?
“So, what do you need for this doohickey of yours?” Mrs. Stacks asked.
“Ideally, it should be mounted on a ceiling,” Rob said. “As close to the center of the structure as possible, so we get the best signal strength possible throughout. And it should be near an electrical outlet.”
“Hmm. Second floor, then.”
Mrs. Stacks led the way to a short, narrow staircase, with Rob and Erika trailing behind.
“This place is pretty impressive,” Rob said as they ascended the staircase. Hopefully, complimenting the mare on the library would get him into her good graces after his earlier faux pas. “How’d the builders manage to make it look so life-like?”
Mrs. Stacks looked over her shoulder at him, one brow arched . “It wasn’t built, it was grown. It’s life-like because it’s alive.”
She turned away and climbed the last few steps to the second floor, ignoring Rob as he goggled at her for a long moment. He finally started moving again when Erika jammed her index finger into his rib cage.
“That’s not possible!” he managed as he reached the top of the stairs and walked out onto the second floor. “This tree is all hollowed out! It should be dead!”
“Earth pony magic,” Mrs. Stacks said as she turned to face them. “Old magic, too, and powerful. This library’s been here for over ninety years.” With a wink, she added, “Of course, it’s gotten a bit bigger since then. Only had two floors when I was a filly, now it’s got three.”
“But… how?”
The old librarian shook her head. “I have no idea. You could ask an earth pony about it, if you can actually find one who knows how it was done. I researched it a little when I was younger, but whoever grew the place didn’t bother writing anything down. What little bit I could find out didn’t make a lick of sense to me. But, then, I’m a unicorn, not an earth pony, so I suppose it wouldn’t.”
Rob swayed a little as his brain tried to process what he’d just been told.
“In any case, I was thinking you could install it next to the ceiling light, maybe use the same electrical current?” Mrs. Stacks said, pointing a hoof at the fixture in question.
“That should work,” Erika said. “Do you know Mister Sparky?”
“Town electrician?” Mrs. Stacks smiled and seemed to thaw a little at the name. “I know him, yes.”
“He’s going to be doing all of the electrical work,” Erika continued. “You should see him in a day or two.”
“Right.” The mare’s horn glowed again, and the pencil lifted itself from behind her ear as the notepad rose up before her face, both items surrounded by that same icy blue aura. She made a note before placing the pencil behind her ear again. “So, what exactly does this doohickey do?”
Erika looked over at him, a question clear in her eyes.
“Why don’t you tell her?” Rob answered, his voice faint. “I, uh, I’ll go get the stuff from the cart.”
She shrugged and started giving the old mare what sounded like the beginning of a very abstract version of what Wi-Fi was and what it was going to be used for.
Rob made his way down quickly down the stairs and onto the first floor of the library. He made his way to the center and turned slowly in place, trying to take it all in. Then walked over and put his palm on the interior wall of this supposedly-alive tree.
It only took him a few seconds before he yanked his hand back. Then he went outside and picked at the bark until a small piece came off, examining it for a few minutes before dropping it in favor of plucking a leaf off of one of the branches overhead. He examined the leaf closely, then dropped that too.
The wood of the interior had been warm to the touch, and it felt fresh, not dry at all. The little piece of bark looked authentic, and there wasn’t any glue on the back to hold it to the tree. The leaf had obviously been alive before he pulled it off of the branch.
There was no doubt about it. The tree was alive.
It took a few minutes for Rob’s heart to stop racing. Just the other day, he’d stepped through a portal between worlds and into a place that looked like a city out of a fairy tale. He had been greeted by pony-like aliens on the other side before taking a train ride to a town full of them, a place where magic actually worked, and where the practitioners of that magic used it for the most mundane things imaginable, like writing. They’d had many briefings before they’d left, and he had been sure he was ready for whatever they would encounter, but this library had thrown him for a complete loop.
He wasn’t sure why it had impacted him this way. Maybe it was because the ponies, for all their strangeness, were at least consistently strange. All their weirdness was wrapped up in one package, take it or leave it. But the tree was different. Trees were familiar to him, or they had been. To see one shaped this way by magic while still keeping it alive… for the first time since he’d arrived, the realization struck him, deep down in the core of his being, how very very far away from home he was.
Eventually, his breathing slowed back to a normal rhythm. He was intensely aware of the fact that Erika would be waiting on him and wondering what was taking so long. She might even come out to investigate, which meant that she see him as a quivering mess over a stupid tree. At that thought, he managed to pull himself together.
He grabbed a few of the things he’d need off of the cart and, bracing himself, went back inside the magical, enchanted tree library. No matter how crazy everything was, he still had a job to do. Now, if only he could get his hands to stop shaking...
Hear that? You poor humans may hear that and believe it to be the voiced of three young ponies. But in truth, what you are actually hearing is a promise, made by the universe itself that all your hard work will soon go right down the shitter.
Ah, the sudden epiphany. A beautiful thing it is as well.
Why is every brony so astonished at the idea of a house made out of a living tree? There are people IN REAL LIFE who have such houses.
images.fotocommunity.de/bilder/fotomontage/fantasymystery/baobab-house-1134c3ba-a846-4237-835b-122a17d07de6.jpg s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/b6/72/bf/b672bf8b26c00c456f5b8608c147c297.jpg
pinchauser.com/images/small-tree-houses.jpg
And bucking Gorramn it, Trees are not alive all the way through. All of the inside of a tree except for about an inch or so under the bark is nonliving wood. THIS IS HOW YOU CAN HAVE HOLLOW TREES. The outer layer is the part that continues to grow. So long as you don't girdle the tree-- cut through the living layer all the way around--- the tree will continue to grow and live. You can even splice the branches so they grow AROUND openings, to route the xylem (the tree's circulatory system, for lack of a better phrase) around cuts. You could carve up the interior, sand it, polish it, coat it with varnish-- it would have absolutely no more effect on the tree itself than cutting your hair would have on you.
What are those drooling idiots in the public school system teaching you people in science class these days?
6276162
Interesting. I didn't know that about trees. Never came up in biology class I guess. Thanks for sharing but did you have to be so insulting about it?
6276162
I don't often see that as being a huge surprise. But in this case I think that what you just said is exactly why Rob had such a reaction to the library. He's familiar with trees and he knows how much of one can be hollowed out and keep it alive. The library is something exists in that junction between what he subconsciously thinks of as "reality" and "magic". It's sort of what he knows, but at the same time is impossible by the rules as he knows them, so it really hits him that he's not on Earth anymore.
As to why it's not possible: Yes, the tree's circulatory system is entirely on the outermost ring, but the inner wood is still necessary for support. If you remove a significant portion of the supporting structure of anything, it will collapse. And branches and leaves are very heavy. Given that almost the entirety of the library is hollow, it could never support it's own weight.
Okay everyone that is the alarm sounding that says "Get out of Dodge while you still can!"
I nice pair of chapters. Really liked the interaction between Erika and Fluttershy in the last chapter.
6276162
A reality check from RealityCheck.
Very helpful.
6276259
He's RealityCheck. While a brilliant author, he feels such a need to be tactlessly opinionated that he also writes blog posts quite a bit.
Don't take it personally. It's just the way he is.
6276162
Those pictures are pretty interesting (though I get a 403 Forbidden on the first one). I was really hoping I could see some pictures of the interior of the "World Famous Tree House" one, but so far I'm coming up empty. There were a few more similar to that one which came up after a quick google search, but the ones I've found so far were more tourist spots than places for people to live. Which is unfortunate, because I now have a new item on my list for "What to buy if I strike it rich".
I've seen hollowed-out trees before... in one my old neighborhood's parks, there was a large tree that had a hollow space that was just big enough for a young child to wriggle most of the way into (though, speaking from personal experience, it was pretty filthy and cramped). And then there are the giant redwoods that people can actually drive through. So, I did know that something like the Golden Oaks is possible. But, after seeing the joke shop and Sugarcube Corner, Rob's initial belief that it's fake is understandable, I think.
Incidentally, Erika didn't share that belief, though she did think it's really cool.
6276162 General facts, fundamental structures, and applicable-to-life skills. Find me a reason the general population should know that about a tree, you've made an argument. And so I'm clear, the existence of horticultural professions isn't a reason, any more than the existence of teachers is a reason everyone should be conversant in educational theory.
6276162 young earth creationists like yourself are in no position to ridicule the science curricula that other people have studied. Aren't you the guy who once argued that we dont have to worry about water pollution beecause the water cycle will take care of it?
please tell me again how the universe is six thousand years old and Noah's ark is totally a thing that happened.
6276681 you are arguing with realitycheck who apart from being the board asshole ( really more like the town crazy person) is also a homeschooled young earth creationist. they teach these kids plenty o f trivia to make then think they are getting a better education than the public school kids but it is only rote memorization.
On the other hand critical thinking skills, the scientific method, and the basic concepts of science ( like you know evolution) are expressly avoided because those things would pierce the fantasy world that the families of these kids wish them to live in.
You are being lectured oN. science by a man who has proven time and time again not to have the foggiest idea what science IS
p.s he also thinks public schools are per se unconstitutional, which is hilarious for a whole host of reasons. alas his understanding of the United States constitution is as woeful as his knowledge of science, and yes just like in science he also thinks he is an expert on the Us Constitution. realitycheck is the living embodiment of the dunning kruger effect
Another enjoyable chapter. Good job.
6276849 No, the trivia is from The Internet. I strongly suspect
6276162 to be an INTP, as well. And his religious beliefs are irrelevant.
P.S. Don't you know it's rude to talk about someone behind their back?
The really weird thing about the library
is that it appears larger on the inside than the extieor diameter
would imply.
AND... That the 2nd floor balcony is on the first floor.
That's what he should be freaking over.
6276668 I've always viewed the Golden Oak Library as a variant of habilis ficus, or the Convenient Hollow Tree, which is the subspecies quercus bibliotheca, or the Library Oak. Small earth pony towns would start out with a branch library (ouch) of a small oak tree, and as the town grows, so does the library. It's a very earth pony concept. I've written one or two stories/chapters based on the concept, including a kiddie story.
6276903
That would require them to be talking about him via PM, not in the comments.
The only living part of a tree is the thin layer on the surface. The wood under it isn't alive. Hollowing it wouldn't kill the tree.
6276998 That's not quite "behind his back"; more like "After the fact, in another location". The particular rudeness is in talking smack about someone while they are present, but not addressing them. As the saying goes, "Why don't you say that to my face?"
6276261
In the case of the library tree there is no danger of it colapsing because it isn't hollowed only at the ground level. And we mustn't forget there is some unicorn magic at work, because the library is bigger inside.
Gee, Rob. For someone so averse to touching feet with their hands, you sure do love to stick yours in your mouth.
6277024
And now I'm wondering how pegasus magic contributed to the treebrary's existence. Maybe they made the magical lightning rod?
Making a tree structure like that really isn't all that hard, with a little stencil-ing and cyclic permutation you can write a spell that compounds the innermost rings of the tree, increasing the density and weight capacity of the growing wall while simultaneously creating a cavity inside. So long as the tree lives and the spell isn't disbanded this process could easily produce a livable tree, and the cost of expansion is extremely negligible.
Keep going! ;)
Tandy reminds me of Garnet...
6276681 Because it's knowledge at least a thousand years old or more? Because every human being on the planet outside of DESERT DWELLERS knows about hollow trees? Because the writer and all his readers are on the internet, the greatest information resource in the history of the human species, and even minimal research, to answer the question "is that possible?" doesn't even require you to put on underpants to leave the house anymore? Because this is fundamental knowledge IRL to anyone--- such as a LINEMAN--- who has to work with, around, or even sometimes through living trees?
Because you used to learn this crap in grade school?
The Witchetty bush in Australia can be cut in order to obtain grubs but grow back, so I can picture there being a specie of tree that can be carved and live despite being carved. Now a tree that natural grows in the shape of a building is, I guess, possible but very unlikely.
6276824
Wait, he actually believes that? Oh man, I knew he was an ego-inflated joke, but now I'll never be able to look at any of his posts again without bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter. Someone please take pity on this guy and put him out of his misery. For realzies. Wipe his mind and force feed him some science books. I know brainwashing in general is frowned upon but I think we can all agree that in the case of this guy it would be for the betterment of mankind, if not the universe.
6277456 If all knowledge a thousand years old was appropriate for general consumption, we'd never have time to use it. You need to prioritize these things. It's self-evidently obvious that no, knowledge about hollow trees is not universal. Don't confuse what you think reality should be with what reality is. The availability of research assets is a fair point, but it does also require knowing that the question needs to be asked. With counter-intuitive facts, that's not a reasonable assumption. As stated, the existence of specific jobs that deal with trees is not a reason to prioritize a specific fact for general consumption.
So, no, you haven't established any kind of justification for your outrage. Take a moment to consider your own ignorance.
6276849 Yeah, I got that impression. But it's not exactly a demand on my time to poke him towards logic, and who better to teach than the ignorant? Maybe he learns, maybe he doesn't, maybe someone reading this picks up something from it. Help one mind, it's worth my time.
6276999 There is much more to a tree surviving than that thin strip of living cells just below the bark. The actual wood inside is important because that's the part responsible for transporting water up the trunk. If you hollow out too much of the interior, the tree will basically thirst to death. Also, there is a very real danger of killing the tree when you carve the hole for the door, windows, etc. It's vital that enough of those parts are left to keep the supply of nutrients to the rest of the tree unbroken.
6276849 There is no call for turning a discussion about hollow trees into a religious crusade. If you can't make your point without making personal attacks on your opponent, then your own understanding of the subject must be lacking.
Are all three of the panic trio getting repeaters? There's no way that could go wrong.
Sounds like several parts of the U.S.
6276903 .... The googles, they gives me vague explanations. INTP?
6278077 Not all that unusual, really. Third world countries that are rising up to first world are "skipping" several steps we took for granted.... to their advantage. Cell phones, for instance, mean they do not have hundreds of thousands of miles of copper cable crossing their country. (at least not for just telephones.) And being able to skip over the dirtier intermediate coal-burning technologies, well, that's all to the good.
6277938
No, the green, living layer IS the part that transports water and sap up and down the trunk. In a plant like a carrot, those tubes are scattered throughout. Those stringy things in celery? Bingo.
But in trees, they form a layer below the bark. the interior of the tree is nonliving wood.
6enders.weebly.com/uploads/9/5/4/8/9548853/7024181_orig.gif
blackdiamondnow.typepad.com/.a/6a00e5513924e68833017ee430cf5b970d-800wi
Bark is several layers--- outer dead bark, phloem, cambrium, and inner xylem.
Each year the xylem dies off and becomes heartwood, the cambrium produces a new layer of xylem, and the whole tree grows just a little more.
That's where trees get their rings. <<TheMoreYouKnowRainbow>>
And cutting through the bark will injure the tree-- it will kill off the branches connected to that portion of the xylem and phloem. So long as you don't cut through the bark all the way around, though, the tree will survive. It would heal over time, but there's a lot of windows to cut all the way around--- Which is why the arbotecturists who grew the library would use grafts to route around any openings they cut, or force the tree to grow around the premade doorframe, or would only cut windows and doors into preexisting knots. No magic needed. (though I suspect earth pony magic would make the tree grow faster. Real Life arbotecturists take YEARS to produce some of their work.
I learned this stuff in grade school science class, people. What the hell.
6278227 A personality type according to the MBTI, that is, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, derived from Carl Jung's psychoanalysis. Introverted-iNtuitive-Thinking-Perceiving. Here's a rather kitschy but accurate description.
6277679 disagreeing with the current consensus is not ignorance. In fact, it's generally the opposite. But bray, donkey, bray.
Too bad you lack the temerity to question your worldviews.
6278283
Remind me where I called it ignorance, again? Because it's not, you know, ignorance has nothing to do with it. No, your "world views" are just plain stupidity, nothing more. But please, do go on and question the "current consensus" as proof of your obvious enlightened and superior intellect. Start arguing against two plus two adding up to four while you're at it. It's amusing. And do not presume you know my own world views, as they are beyond what one with your beliefs could possibly ever hope to grasp.
Also, if for some unfathomable reason you desire to make an even bigger fool of yourself by responding to me again, I'd appreciate it if you did it via a pm because I really don't think Hoopy McGee's comment section needs to be filled up with any more of your drivel than strictly necesary.
6278238
...where as I learned it from PBS. I was in my 30's before I learned that Plasma was the fourth state of matter. (Blood Plasma being something else entirely.) Clearly the US education system is in need of an overhaul.
6278311
You suggest he lacks intelligence, when he defends himself by saying that disagreement does not necessarily imply ignorance. Then you state that he is too unintelligent to be able to comprehend your worldview. Then you suggest that further replies should be in a PM in order to keep the comments clean. Or rather to reduce the amount of his "drivel" present in them.
While he is certainly abrasive, he never did get so ugly as you did.
Considering that initially that "drivel" was a statement of a fact that many in the audience were indeed unaware of, and a snarky query as to the quality of education received by said audience, that is entirely unwarranted.
It is as bad as, for example, calling someone an idiot because they snarked about how crappy the dealership you went to was, on the strength of the fact that it was in Texas, and they only had cars without air conditioning for sale. In that scenario, the sane, ordinary response would be something like, "Yeah, that is bizarre." In this case, where the factoid in question is of more limited utility than air conditioning in Texas, the sane, reasonable reponse is something like, "Huh. I wonder why I wasn't taught that." This is entirely unlike your response.
For shame.
6278283 lololololo lacks the temerity to question his worldview he says then links to answers in bleeding genesis.
Hey Ralph, if you ever feel like having the temerity to question your own worldviews, hit me up.
6278311 Dont you know all of modern science is a MASSIVE CONSPIRACY!
6278728 Considering who he was talking to, "Answers in Genesis" would be an example of a competing worldview. Paying attention to what that group has to say would involve at least some worldview questioning. Where is the joke?
(I am not saying i agree with their worldvkew, merely that it is a competing one. my own thoughts on the matter are irrelevant)
6278047
religious crusade? Personal attacks? what are you talking about.
What religious crusade precisely are you referring to? Are you aware that the overwhelming majority of religious people on this earth ARE NOT young earth creationists? I made no mention whatsoever of religion. I did not criticize any religion. The only thing that is necessary to understand that the earth is not six thousand years old is an elementary grasp of science. You don't have to renounce any faith. You do not have to believe or disbelieve in any particular god. Most religious people would laugh in your face if you told them the universe was six thousand years old.
As for personal attacks again I do not understand what you are talking about. Is stating an elemental fact about a person a personal attack now? calling someone who is by his own description a proud young earth creationist , a young earth creationist, is not a attack on that person.
Also perhaps you did not read the post by realitycheck I responded to.
This is how it ended:
for starters, THAT is what a personal attack looks like. he is attacking teachers in the public school system, one of realitycheck's perennial whipping boys. he is also by association insinuating that those of us who were educated in public schools received an inferior science education than the one he possesses.
Do you see what he is doing there? he is making his own knowledge of science part of the issue, by insinuating he knows more about it than those poor schlubs who had the misfortune of attending a public school
In these circumstances it is absolutely germane to examine RealityCheck's own knowledge of science. Bringing up the fact that he adheres to the scientifically illiterate position known as " young earth creationism" is hardly something pulled out of left field. Given that realitycheck has made his understanding of science integral to his point, any evidence as to what precisely is the level of realitycheck's understanding of science is useful.
6278801 The joke is that "reality"check never questions his own worldview. have you ever tried to debate the guy? If he has any power he will ban you and delete your posts. all he wants from his readers is an echo chamber. He is an intellectual coward, and it is mighty rich that a man that lives literally surrounded by an echo chamber ( in the form of the cult his father runs) has the gall to bait others to question their beliefs and worldviews. ( dont get me wrong I am hundred percent in favor of people questioning their worldview! I think it is a healthy indeed necessary process!)
But hey maybe he will surprise us all. Again if he ever wishes to challenge his own worldviews I am a more than willing sparring partner.
After all the truth will set us free right?
6278808
(emphasis mine.)
I am shocked, SHOCKED, to see personal attacks in that comment.
Please don't insult us with your talk of implied personal attacks while ignoring your own explicit personal attacks.
Please don't try to justify your poor behavior as an explicit response to implications either. No two people see the same implications, so to respond to them is only going to make things messy.
As to the whole "religious crusade" bit, you are engaging in personal attacks that rely, in large part, on his religious viewpoint ("is also") as a means of showing his thoughts to be somehow less valid.
As opposed to what, one might ask? Well, obviously, since you do not represent society as a whole, this site's userbase, or even this story's readership, as opposed to your own beliefs. The essential form of your comment, then, is that his beliefs, when compared to your own, are less valid, therefore his thoughts are less valid. This is, in the end, a religious attack, or more provacatively, a crusade.
oh, and, by the way, evolution is not a "basic concept of science," but a theory. The basic concepts of science are the method by which science is performed. Science is, in its entirety, a method for seeking truth. The conclusions arrived at by its practitioners are just that, conclusions. No matter how well recieved or liked, no matter how old they are, they are no more basic to science than a particular product is basic to a manufacturing company. Science will still be science if evolution is disproved, Ford Motor Company will still be Ford Motor Company if they discontinue the F-150.
(As a product of the public school system myself, and the son of a public school teacher, I see none of the insults you describe. Nor do I see him claiming a better science education. I see only one insult, and that against the system as a whole, composed of many people, enough of whom are incompetent as to render that whole ineffective. As to his science education, I see only that he is astonished that his got in this fact, and ours somehow didn't, despite his being less focused!
I see it this way partly because he later comments that he learned this in grade school, and grade school science lessons tend, in my experience, to only give a broad outline.)
PS
6276668, I'd like to apologize for taking up so much time with this.
In the end, it's kinda moot. Who is to say that Rob's science education covered this factoid? He certainly wouldn't be the only one who didn't learn it.
Perhaps later in life he will look back on this moment and laugh at his slight ignorance.
6279035 For someone who seems to be so concerned with politeness, it sure is odd that you defend realitycheck so much. He IS an asshole, that is not a personal attack, it is a statement of fact. I seriously dare you to find an occasion when realitycheck behaved in a polite civilized manner. they are vastly outnumbered by the times he was an unmitigated jerk. His record of bheavior speaks for itself.
As to my attacking him for his religious views, I once again vigorously deny that accusation. I am not attacking him for being a Christian, I am attacking him for his embrace of ignorance. He does not get to hide his ignorance by saying " waah I believe that obviously incorrect thing because of my religion".
It may be a fundamental tenet of my particular personal religion that the oceans are made not of water but of solid gold. If i then go on to pontificate about how much I know about science it is perfectly valid for someone to point out " hey aren't you that guy that keeps mentioning that the oceans are made not of water but of pure solid gold?" in order to indicate that there is a likelihood that I may not be as knowledgeable about science as i make myself out to be.
Again I have every right to believe, as a part of my religion, some thing that has been blatantly been proven wrong, like say, that the universe is six thousand years old, or that the oceans are filled not with water but solid gold. But you ( and anyone else ) ALSO have the right to point out that i believe these things, and that these things have been conclusively proven to be wrong, and that DOES NOT mean that you are infringing on my religious rights!
6279153
That is the most contradictory argument defense I have ever seen in my life.
6279153 to judge by your reply, you have not been understanding me at all. none of your justifications make your previous comments any less of an attack. Please check your PMs for a detailed response.
6278930 not much of a joke. also, you are factually incorrect on some of that.
6278808
Both of you are endorsing a popular misconception about science. In order for any opinion to be scientific, it must be proven by a repeatable experiment. Nobody asked God to create the world several times so they could watch, nobody has removed the giant turtle to prove it was holding up the earth, and nobody has used a Big Bang to create an entire universe in the laboratory. Until one of these things happens, ALL explanations for the origin of the universe are religions, not science.
But that is beside the point. The original point was that there is such thing as living hollow trees. Although he used childishly insulting language, he also provided pictures to prove it. That should have been the end of it.
6279462
You misunderstand both religion and science. It is not in fact true that science consists SOLELY of verifiable experiments. If that where the case , according to your reasoning ALL hypotheses are religions until they are proven by experiments.
Reference https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/difference-between-science-and-religion.2248/
In other words what matters for science is can it be falsified? and can it be used to make predictions about the future? It would be absurd for anyone to recreate the start of the universe in a laboratory. It will never happen. This does not relegate all ideas about the beginning of the cosmos to " religion". Indeed we can look at the evidence and see what is the best fit for the available evidence, and which Ideas best allow us to predict the future.
for example look at the theory of tectonic plates and continental drift. it is IMPOSSIBLE to replicate this in a laboratory. Continents do not fit in laboratories! does this mean this is a religion? of course not! This theory is the best fit for the observable evidence ( I.e similar geologic structures on different continents,. similar fossil beds etc) AND the theory that best allows us to predict future events ( i.E earthquakes volcanic eruptions, tsunamis) etc. therefore this theory is THE MOST SCIENTIFIC explanation we have so far on that particulat issue. This despite the fact that it is impossible to repeatedly test it in a laboratory.
6279504
Very well, if the Big Bang was false, how would you prove it?