• Member Since 6th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 25th, 2014

YourPrivateNightmare


T

This is the story of a common brony, who gets somehow teleported to Equestria, after taking a dump. Sounds strange? Why not give it a read?

YES it is a heavily overused concept and a self-insert, but does that make it a bad story? I don't think so...surprising turns of events included...

Announcement: It has begun. The sequel is on:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/28531/Tales-of-a-Brony%3A-Friendship

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 164 )

LOOK! somepony who knows how to indent paragrahs. I would kiss you!

577232
thasts not necessary, I'm happy enough that you bothered to read it.

Good job no misstakes:twilightsmile:

577358
Thank you, I was worrying that people would dislike it, if there were too many mistakes.

577387
You said you had bad grammer and I'm the one who spelled mistake misstake:twilightsmile:

Oh, a few things stick out like sore thumbs. 1. Ponification is not an interesting thing to read about; too many stories have done it. 2. Romance tag on an HiE that looks somewhat like a self-insert. No. 3. Peculiarly colored OCs. A personal opinion of mine, but why do HiE pony OCs have to be some zany coloration like jet-black, weird stripes or something like that, or in this case, a bright green.
However, your structure and grammar are above par in this catagory of writing, and, as Sorren said, paragraphs!

There's nothing more mind-fucking than a story with 4 thumbs down and 1 up with positive comments :derpyderp2:

577427

Im sure it is a god fic, but sadly its been done....a ton. Look at how many HiEs there are, the group oor them is the #1 group with almost 700 people. Like IncoherentOrange said.

577434
I know that this concept is more than overused. It's just...had this idea of an epic story. This was just the way I imagined it. I mean, I already have potential material for two sequels! I just want to share my imagination with other Bronies who will, hopefully, appreciate it. If they don't, I actually don't care. Maybe it will become more popular the more I add. I'm doing this because I like writing

577422 Omg im not the only one that hates the OCs colors then!
they suck so much what the buck is wrong with their color tastes :raritydespair:

Also, author, i have to agree with him not only about the color thing... but the ponyfication, seriously it takes away half of the fun in my opinion

577434 Well i have'nt even read the story but i have a feeling that it's not really good, no offense to the author but the description and the picture does'nt attract me... (especially the picture :pinkiecrazy:)



PS: Why when i reply to someone it shows those silly numbers instead of the name? :pinkiehappy:

577422
You're right it is kind of a self-insert. that's mostly because of my lack of fantasy. About the colours...I have done the cover with the Pony Creator some time ago. I wanted it to look a bit like me but just like an average pony. Maybe I failed. I just use it because it makes it easier for me to imagine the story. This is not supposed to be a justification. I just want to respond so people know that I appreciate their help

By the way thank you for the positive feedback.

577463 Epic stories don't get redone and redone, epic stories are new and innovative that are clever and smart, if i wanted a HiE fic i could shift through 300 of them in the HiE group

577470

Its the number of the wizard who made the internet in case you have trouble

What an embarassing situation to be caught in, didn't know portals could pop up in bathrooms. :trixieshiftright:

Let's hope your pants make it through as well or I feel sorry for the poor pony or other creature who sees you when you exit the portal. :pinkiesick:

I noticed a few typos if you wish to correct them (As per your request at the end of chapter 1)
Chapter 1 -
1st Paragraph: "long hair that are always" > "long hair that is always"
"quite some time on watching " > "quite some time watching"
"I got interested into fanfics" > "I got interested in fanfics"
6th Paragraph: "I decided to tkae a dump." > "I decided to take a dump."
15th Paragraph: "were:Oh great" > "were: Oh great"
Chapter 2 -
2nd Paragraph: “I hope I today" > "“I hope today"
4th Paragraph: "seeking for revenge" > "seeking her revenge" or "looking for revenge"
5th Paragraph: "pegasi decide" > "pegasi would decide"
7th Paragraph: "But not long" > "But not for long"
9th Paragraph: "suddenly something on a hill close to the tree attracted her attention" > "suddenly saw something on a hill close to the tree that attracted her attention"
10th Paragraph: "he is alive" > "he's alive"
"struck by a lightning" > "struck by lightning"
17th Paragraph: "only one to walk in the park" > "only one in the park"
21st Paragraph: “At least you ruined my day off.” > “You just ruined my day off.”
23rd Paragraph: "Get hold" > "Get a hold"
"like he would wake" > "like he's going to wake"
27th Paragraph: "she was arrived at" > "she arrived at"

A few typos, but not as many as there could have been as English is your second language. To be honest, I quite enjoyed the story so far, and I am looking forward to the continuation. After all, what Brony hasn't dreamed of being transported to Equestria? :twilightsmile:

577489Self-inserts are fine, as long as the character isn't either: extremely attractive for no reason, smarter than every other living thing, stronger than everything, has a ficitious dark or sad past, et cetera. See here.

You are so lucky you're a pony now, I shudder to think of what would've happened if you weren't. :pinkiesick:

"This is the story of a common brony, who gets somehow teleported to Equestria, after taking a dump."

YOU STOLE MY STORY. I WROTE THAT ALREADY.

Don't worry to much about any negative feedback, as you said this is your first attempt and its fairly good for being so. And as for the theme being done already, that's not such a big deal. After all, there are only so many ways to variate something before it becomes ridiculous. Lastly, as has been said before...thanks for the paragraphs, it helps keep everything from looking jumbled together.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck with your little project.

Why would anypony dislike this? :derpyderp2:

577521
Thank you very much. Will be corrected immeadiately. Also thank you for your support.:rainbowkiss:

577526
As you probably noticed at the beginning, I don't describe myself as especially attractive. I also don't intend to portray myself smarter than I am. I will also try to give the character some of my weird characteritics. However I might include some unrealistic Romance and Heroism. After all it's still a fictional story, right?

577494
What I meant when I said "epic" wasn't the HiE-concept but the ideas I had for the future. I just need some time to get there, or otherwise it would be too unrealistic.

577595
I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to steal elements from other stories. When I imagined the story concept, I didn't expect someone already having written it that way. Can you post a link to your story, so I can read it to avoid further miunderstandings.
Thank you

577605
Thank you. When I first saw the dislikes, I thought I had broken some kind of an unwritten law when I made a self-insert. but it seems that some people like it, and that's all that I need to continue. Thank you for your support.

577941
Because (sadly) the whole Humans in Equestria is extremely overused. I will continue the story anyway. I REGRET NOTHING. According to your comment you liked the story, so Thank you.

Well now, here's something that you don't see every day: an HiE story that's actually halfway decent. There's a lot you can improve on, but I definitely get the impression that you're serious about this, which is more than can be said about a LOT of other fics out there. Sure it's a bit derivative, but really, what isn't these days?

I'm personally not a fan of Brony in Equestria stories, but to each his own. I can see potential in this, just keep at it.

Also (insert shameless self-promotion here) I'm writing my own take on a high-quality, serious HiE self-insert. To anyone reading this, I invite you to check it out.

The Doc! Anyway, I see more potential in this now, and I shall follow.
581158 Same here, bro. I'll check yours out.

It's Doctor Whooves of course, everybrony knows that. :ajsmug:

581158
Thank you for your feedback. I guess I will take a look at your story. You got me interested somehow.
581279
Yes it's the Doc (that was pretty obvious I guess). I'm also happy that you begin to like the story now. I will try the best not to disappoint you. However I never really watched the actual Doctor Who series so I guess I have to do some research to portray him authentically. I just need him for the story because he's the only other former-human-Pony I know.

581391 I never said I didn't like it, and I'm hard to disappoint. I haven't got any knowledge of Doctor Who myself, either. He is in one of my stories as an OC named Time Piece, however. Anyhow, more story will be patiently waited for.

581408
I'm trying to finish one chapter per day. I haven't really got much to do for school right now. Chapter 4 should be out by tomorrow afternoon or probably sooner.

581699 Our release schemes and situation are remarkably similar.

580295

Nah, it's okay. The thing that got my attention was "while taking a dump". Because that totally happens in my story.
Other than that, our stories are completely different.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/16858/The-Adventures-of-Gary-Stu

581908
i guess we both have a preference for faecal humor then. Btw I read you story and it was kinda fun to read (especially the end) :D

584799

The end was taken from a song by MicTheMicrophone.
And thanks for reading it! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

586296
Was it? Wow I'm quite good at stealing from stories and songs I didn't even know. Again this wasn't on purpose.
>>all
Yes it's party-time, be also prepared for some unnecessary cheesy romance. Why? BECAUSE I CAN! MUHAHAHAHA
(I want a chrysalis-evil-laugh-emoticon!...)

Quick, someone get that cocaine away from Pinkie!

I'm fine with the shipping, but the kiss was really rushed.

586940
I know, I know, but I needed to get this over with.

Oh man Spike can be so "evil" sometimes. :moustache:

I love this story! I cannot wait for the next chapter's. :twilightsmile:


593746
I'm happy you liked it :D. I try to finish one chapter per day.
591715
Puberty I guess...
>>all
Thank you all for the support. I'm happy that the like/ dislike bar is finally balanced.

I watched this with the song and it worked like a charm, you picked the right one for this fic. :yay:

Why is there a dislike bar?

596811
I always listen to music while writing, and this is one of my favourites so I decided to include it in the story. Wasn't a bad decision I guess.
597011
The dislike bar is there because...I don't know...free speech I guess...whatever. Thnak you by the way :pinkiehappy:

Aw crap, you went there. Enh, I've come to expect this kind of thing from the fandom by now, no massive problem here.

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