The Cake twins have been foalnapped! Fortunately, Twilight and Pinkie Pie are on the case! But as they dig deeper into the twins disappearance, they end up stumbling across the darkest secret in the history of Equestria.
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- Member Since 10th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
BubblePuff
I am a brony and a long time writer. This site will be for my MLP fanfiction, and you can read my other works on Deviantart.com under the name potsticker13.
BubblePuff
Joined 10th Sep, 2014 ·
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Good premise, but slow down. It's way to fast, maybe let on the mystery longer than that, throw in a chase sequence, really, make the premise florish. It's too fast right now, but I have confidence you'll fix that.
Hmm, a fic named after Jonathan Swift's essay? Need to check it out.
Well, the pacing is definitely a bit too fast. Also, unless you're planning some big plot twist later, I can easily figure the further events out Celestia foalnapped the twins for some reason, right? Judging by the title, to eat them. Not a good sign, if you were going for a mystery fic.