• Published 23rd Mar 2015
  • 14,722 Views, 369 Comments

Dark Warrior of...... Neutrality?! - Cipherthefightingwriter

sent to Equestria by some nutjob dressed as the happy mask salesman, a Brony cosplaying as gaming's ultimate evil is petrified by the sisters merely for feeling evil. Once he free, he decides to not be a hero or villain but tries to live in peace

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Jumping at shadows

With a large jaw popping yawn, I finally decided to wake up, only to look into a pair blueish teal eyes eyes framed by by yellow fur and a pink mane. Startled, I sat up fully awake, nearly letting out a yelp, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I was curious as to whether you were nocturnal or diurnal as well as your sleeping habits, and Twilight mentioned when I came over a little bit ago that you hadn't gotten up after she got back nor in the middle of the night."

I calmed down some but remained cautious, "Ok, but are you aware that it is quite rude to stare at someone while they sleep?"

She clasped her hands behind her back looking guilty, "I'm sorry, I wanted to ask questions about you but I didn't want to disturb you while you did so, and you looked so cute while sleeping."

That comment right there stung some, for two reasons, first off, as a guy being called cute just sounds wrong. I don't put much stock in 'manliness' especially when it tends to lead men to do something extremely stupid yet being called cute instead of handsome or cool was annoying, and second, I am in Ganondorf's body, and not a single one of his incarnations could qualify even slightly as cute. Deciding I was too hungry to deal with this, I got up, "Whatever your reasons, can you please put it off till after I get something to eat?"

She suddenly seemed excited, "Oh! That's fine! I can even get to see your dietary needs as well!"

I couldn't help but to facepalm as she said this and decided to ignore her as I went upstairs with her following, only to hit my head on the door frame (fun fact, Ganondorf stands at a tall seven feet, three inches, which I curse even now), adding to my frustration. I groaned mentally when I heard Twilight speak, "Oh, you're awake! I was wondering how long you would be sleeping." I merely grunted as she continued, "Anyways, if you are hungry Spike is making some eggs."

Going wide eyed and probably greener than my current skin naturally was, I pointed at her, "NO! NO WAY IN HELL AM I EATING EGGS!" Seeing her incredulous look, I sighed and calmed down, "Look, do you have some cereal, or at least an apple or two I could eat instead?"

She blinked then nodded, "I have apples yes, but why not eggs? I thought you were an omnivore?"

"Look, just let me have the apples and I will explain, ok?"

She was still confused but nodded and went in the kitchen to get the apples, as she did so, Fluttershy spoke up, "So apples are part of your diet? Interesting, and with the way you reacted to eggs being eaten, does that mean humans lay eggs?"

I looked at her with incredulity and went to comment only for Twilight to come back with a pair of apples, "Here you go, so why did you over react to me suggesting eggs to eat?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, "Its actually simple really, aside from eggs having almost no taste to me, there was a point when I was younger that, I got stuck for a while where, all my family had to eat was eggs for a while. While there are a variety of ways that one can cook them, it doesn't change the fact that they taste bland even when you add other things. As a result, unless they are needed as an ingredient to something, I am not eating eggs of any kind. Even if it were to save my life I wouldn't do it."

As I ate the apple, Twilight just stared at me like I was crazy, letting things lapse into silence, "So humans don't lay eggs?"

Hearing this, I couldn't help it, I double facepalmed, "No Fluttershy, humans do not lay eggs, as mammals, we do not do that in anyway shape or form."

Hearing the sound of something being written on paper, I looked at Twilight thinking she was the one doing it, only for her to point behind me where I found that it was Fluttershy doing it, fortunately for me, Twilight asked what I was going to ask, "Fluttershy? I thought I was suppose to be the one to take notes?"

She looked up at Twilight, "I'm sorry Twilight, I am just so excited to learn about a new creature that I couldn't help myself. I could make copies of my notes and give them to you if you'd like?"

"Thats fine Fluttershy, that helps me out a lot actually! You could make notes on his biology while I make notes on his culture! Oh this is so exciting!"

Deciding not to sit around and endure a potential interrogation, I quickly sneaked out while they bounced ideas off each other on what to ask me. Once in town, I breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring the stares of the towns ponies before setting out to explore the town myself in order to get a grasp of the place and know where everything is. As I walked, I noticed that the locals were still staring at me. At first as I walked, I was grateful, they weren't acting crazy and treating me like some sort of monster, which considering everything they must of dealt with at this point, they should be calmer, but ultimately, it was starting to get annoying. I was starting to think of doing a roar again to make them stop when something blurred in front of me, "HI!" Hearing that voice, I was certain that if I could, I would be as white as a sheet, for standing in front of me was the earth pony avatar of obnoxious, Pinkie Pie, "Hello there, you look so weird, are you a gorilla or a bear? You look like a bear to me, but with that long red mane you could also be a lion! But I don't think I have ever seen a lion with just a mane or green skin-."

Now don't get me wrong, I like that Pinkie Pie does what she can to brighten the day of others and her upbeat attitude, its respectable and such, but I completely and utterly loath her in your face excitement and constant lack of respect for personal space. Plain and simple she annoys me to no end, so I decided to cover her mouth with my hand when she bounced close enough in order to shut her up then correct her on my species, "First off, please stop with your bouncing around, and second, I am not a bear, gorilla, lion or any other sort of wild animal. I am a human being and would like for you calm down and talk calmly."

She went wide eyed, "OOOOOooooo, you can talk! I never heard of a human being before, and I had never seen you before, I-."

As soon as she commented that she never seen me before, she gasped, her eyes went impossibly wide, and then she ran off. I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she took off. From there I went onwards to continue my exploration only to hear an explosion, the sound of someone yelling, and was suddenly startled when someone landed in front of me. Now normally as a civilian, I have the choice of reporting it in, helping him, or doing like most people do and ignore it and decide to let someone else deal with it. I was tempted at first to do the last one, but seeing towns ponies either just watching the scene like it was some sort of show. Grumbling to myself, I knew if I walked I would more than likely not hear the end of it, so I bent down and nudged the guy, "Hey buddy, are you alright?"

I got a response quick enough when he suddenly jumped up, saying with a noticeable, familiar English accent, "What a ride! Used a little too much nitroglycerin on that one but still, got to be a pegasus for a bit." He turned to me, a familiar smile and cheerful outlook that sent good alarm bells "Hello there, and who are you?"

With an amused smile and deciding to see if I could get a response to confirm my suspicions, I reached to shake his hand as I replied, "My name is Blaze, and I happen to be new to this town, or rather world... Doctor."

His body hid his reaction but there is a reason the saying, 'the eyes are the window to the soul', exists as he said while there was a look of shock in his eyes, "I am afraid I don't understand, I am not a doctor."

I smirked in amusement, "Tell me, how is the TARDIS?"

That got a bigger response as he pulled out a familiar tool and started scanning me with his sonic screw driver before holding it up to his face to see the results, "Void stuff, you're covered in it, how?"

Before I could respond, a unicorn wearing a familiar bucket hat and a short blond mane sticking out under it came running over, "Looks like you got quite the wild flight Turner, even seemed to make a friend."

The now exposed Doctor interrupted the unicorn's thought, "He is covered in void stuff, meaning he is from another reality."

The unicorn's eyes went wide for a second before he got a serious look, "I see." He then smiled at me but I could tell it was forced, "Maybe the three of us could discuss this over tea?"

Cautious now that both of them were on edge, I nodded, "Sounds good, shall we?"

I followed the two of them to a cafe where we sat at a table and looked at the tea selections. When the waitress came over and asked for our orders, the doctor went with regular tea, the unicorn with green tea, and me with sweet tea. As soon as the waitress left, the doctor leaned towards me and asked, "So, mind telling us where you are from?"

I shrugged, "Sure, but first..." I turned to the unicorn and leaned in to him, "Does the name benihime mean anything to you... Urahara?"

I nearly laughed as the now identified Kisuke went wided eyed then gave me a hardened look, "So, since you seem to know both of us, mind telling me how that is?"

I leaned back in my seat as the waitress returned with our drinks, then told them my story. Once I was finished, they both had thoughtful looks before the Doctor spoke up, "So this, 'Happy mask salesman', sold you that head piece then you suddenly found yourself here in Equestria? Sounds like a load of rubbish to me."

I scowled as Kisuke nodded before head slapping the Doctor Gibbs style, "This coming from a time traveler who changes his looks whenever he regenerates and his only tool against even daleks is a screw driver." I turned to Kisuke, "And don't get me started on you hat and clogs, I mean, seriously? Kurostuchi as your replacement?! God knows how many soul reapers have died at his hands, regardless of any good things he has done."

They both blinked and the doctor rubbed the back of his head, "Well, you've got us there mate. But still, why would this salesman send you here?"

I shrugged, "Probably some jerk who thought, 'hey this guy is dressed as an evil badass, maybe if I send him to another world with the power of said badass he will cause trouble'."

Kisuke then asked, "So what makes you say that?"

"There is a saying from a movie back home, 'some people just want to see the world burn', and the guy seemed like, for the bit of time I talked with him, that kind of person. Well, if that is the case, he picked the wrong person, cause I am not playing the bad or good guy, I just want to live my life in peace."

The doctor seemed amused at that, "If you are as powerful as you believe, not many people would be content being a bystander."

I scowled, "I know, I know, but they aren't me. I am not spending the rest of my life either fighting every big or small villain that shows up, or being chased by would be heroes by doing some full hardy attempt at destruction or conquest. I am not some stupid Gary stu in a kid's storybook. If the world wants to believe otherwise they can get over themselves."

They both blinked in surprise and nearly got an amused smirk out of me when they actually sipped their tea in sync while watching me. Feeling irritated now, I gulped down the rest of my tea then left before either of them could say anything else. I resumed walking around the town, but now I was doing so with obvious irritation. After a while though, I noticed an odd feeling. I never felt it before so it was odd. I started looking around to see what could be causing it, only to hear the rustle of a bush behind me. Checking to see what it was, I nearly turned back thinking it was nothing, only to see the tip of something pink sticking out. Knowing the obvious and remembering my sneaking away from the library before Twilight and Fluttershy, I realized two things, that they found me, and I was now being watched and examined like Pinkie Pie was. Deciding to have my fun, I acted like I didn't see anything then started walking again while angling my head so that I would see them in the corner of my eye. Sure enough the bush lifted up and the two started pursuing me as quietly as they could. After a bit I picked up the pace to a brisk walk and sure enough so did they. Wishing I could play some Benny Hill, I broke into a sprint and ran.

As I ran I could hear them pursuing me, Twilight on foot and Fluttershy in the air. Seeing a potential turn up a head, I grabbed a light pole at the corner and used it and my momentum to make a sharp turn. Coming around the corner, I spotted a cart being pulled by an old stallion filled with cabbages and a couple crates next to it. Channeling Ezio, I ran up the crates and jumped over the cart and narrowly keeping my balance before going back into my run. I grinned as I ran when I heard a crash and shout of 'My cabbages'. When another fork in the road came up. I quickly turned the corner and as I did I saw an empty bench with a newspaper on it. Knowing how Fluttershy is and where I was, I quickly sat down and opened the newspaper in front of me in a way that obscured my body. True to equestria form, I heard Fluttershy fly in front of me, then past me. Peeking out, I watched Fluttershy fly down the road, stop at the fork ahead, look both ways, then took a left. Before I could put the paper down, Twilight ran past next, pausing only for a moment at the fork before going left. Once they were gone, I put the paper down, got up, then walked back the way I came and took the other path.

Continuing my exploration, I came across a shop that caught my eye. It was a music store and on display were some violins. Back home I had my own violin. Took me years to learn to play but once I did I was always looking for a good song to play. Remembering my predicament, I sighed then continued on with my exploration of the town. Eventually I found my way to the park and decided to take a break. Sitting at a bench, I ran my hand through my hair and sighed before starting to think, 'Ok Blaze, what will you do now? Twilight is going to let you work at the library, so that helps in terms of work, but ultimately you still need your own place and to figure out a way to talk to the princesses and hopefully finally clear things up. Then there is your ability to read here, stupid magic, letting me understand things said vocally but not verbally, why couldn't I have been sent here as Zelda? Sure I would have been stuck coming here as a woman instead of a guy, but with the triforce of wisdom I could have been able to learn quickly. Well, no one said life was easy, I am just going to have to baby steps this entire thing.'

I nod to myself at the thought and prepare to get up only to see a pair of familiar annoyed ponies heading my way. Deciding to not delay the inevitable, I relax on the bench letting Twilight come up to me and start up, "What the hay is wrong with you?! You said you wanted to live peacefully and talk but you sneak out on us and then run from us?!"

I raised a hand to stop her, "Only because both of you were going into scientist mode and I happen to know that with you, things would have lead into you asking numerous mind numbing questions, of which were all likely to be irrelevant."

She stomped in anger, "It could be of complete importance! If we came into contact with your world we-."

"And possibly flounder in how things go because of the difference. Its been centuries since I wound up here Twilight, any knowledge of mine might be as useful as Princess Luna's when she came back and you guys cured her of her Nightmare Moon situation."

Twilight wanted to argue with me on that but she ultimately deflated as she concluded it was right, only to get a gleam in her eye, "Well, even if it is useless now, it does count as history from your world so you could still tell me about your time."

I groaned as she gave that reason and knew there was no way I was going to get out of the interrogation at this point.

Two hours later

I couldn't help but to thank god as we left the park, thankful that Twilight and Fluttershy had finally stopped asking their questions. I had been pleasantly surprised when instead of asking for every single detail, she asked about things like countries, my homeland, as well as life in the US. Grateful that she didn't act like some stories make her out to be, I answered as truthfully and in detail as I could. Ultimately though it wasn't Twilight who asked the mind numbing details but Fluttershy. She asked about everything, average human diet, the diets of animals on earth, animal behavior, the works. When she asked how humans prepare meat from cattle and pigs and such when I told her that humans were the only sentient race and that no other animal came even close, I tried to get her to stop by telling her the way I learned animals were butchered, which, while Twilight went green and had covered her mouth to keep from throwing up, Fluttershy just seemed as curious as ever. 'My god, how can someone so shy and innocent be so curious and undisturbed by even a slaughter house'.

As I sighed, Twilight turned to me and said, "Ok, well, I ran into Pinkie Pie earlier, who you should already know for obvious reasons, she wanted us to come over to her place for some reason, didn't say why." I rolled my eyes unseen, 'right, the pink party pony of this world wants us at her place without giving any reasons why.' Arriving at the place, Twilight had me stop, "Me and Fluttershy are going to go inside first, see what she needs, I will come out in a few minutes to bring you in, ok?"

I merely nodded then leaned against the wall. After a while I started getting irritated, I had been standing outside for a while, waiting, then ultimately decided, 'That's it, next time, if Twilight tells me to wait, I go with her,' then walked inside. The moment I did, the door slammed shut behind me sending me into darkness that lasted only a second before the lights suddenly flashed on and anthro ponies popped out shouting, 'SURPRISE', actually managing to nearly make me jump out of my skin. I didn't get even get a second to calm my heart down when Pinkie Pie popped up in front of me asking in her loud obnoxious voice, "Were you surprised?! Were you?! Were you?!"

I grimaced as I patted my chest to keep my heart from beating out of it, "Yeah, you managed to surprise me alright."

She just smiled wide then handed me a slice of cake stuck a party hat on my head then pushed me over to her friends. Coming to the group, I could see that all of them were there, Rarity, Applejack, and a nervous looking Rainbow Dash. Amused, Twilight commented, "I didn't think you'd wait fifteen minutes before coming in."

I shrugged then made a jab at her, "Well, when the usually dead serious no nonsense pony tells you to wait, you wait, and I would rather not deal with another lecture in one day."

It was Applejack who laughed at that, "Looks like he has you pegged sugarcube." She turned to me, "So, is it true what Twilight was saying? That ya'll are from another world and know of us?"

Before I could say anything, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see that it was the doctor, "Excuse me ladies, would you mind if I had a word with the guest of honor?" Before an answer was given, he dragged me off to the kitchen where Urahara was waiting as well before turning to me and saying, "Listen, earlier, I am sorry if we upset before with the way you stormed off, it wasn't our intention."

I sighed, "I wasn't angry at you, I was irritated over my situation, I guess it just came out wrong."

Kisuke wound up doing his classic and pulled out a fan, opened it, then held it in front of his face, "So, gonna try to figure out a way back home now?"

I snorted, "No, what would be the point? At best I could get home to my time but still be stuck in this form and with this power and have a lot of people start asking questions ruining my chance at a normal life, at worse I return to find myself centuries in the future."

Curious the doctor then asked, "How come you're not angry or anything over your situation? Most humans would have some sort of breakdown."

I shrugged, "I had mine while I was still petrified, even went through all seven stages of grief too."

Kisuke raised a hand, "I think you mean five stages."

"Right, five, so anyways, the worse is behind me and I accepted my situation." I turned and went to leave the kitchen, "So ultimately, at this point, what can go wrong?"

Opening the door, I realized two things, one, the room was now quiet, and two, there were five extras there. Across the room, looking at me in shock, were not only both Princesses, but even Link, Zelda, and Lana, and all of them were looking at me with shock. Murphy, I take what I said yesterday back, you can take and shove the grenade I mentioned up your butt then suck a nuke.

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