• Published 27th Mar 2015
  • 7,264 Views, 12,705 Comments

Ynanhluutr - Imploding Colon



A newly transformed Rainbow Dash continues her flight east.

  • ...
44
 12,705
 7,264

PreviousChapters Next
When the East Meets the West

“Hey... hey! Are you okay, dude?”

“Mrmfff... the poor bastard's concuss'd. Just leave him alone, larva.”

“Nuts to you, Professor! He might be hurt or something!”

“Didn't you even hear what I said?”

“He just fell flat on his flank! I think he swallowed some of the salt water in the wave that hit!”

“Drowning sounds like an improvement if he's been living on this sand bar all this time.”

“Oh knock it off! Hey! Hey! Mister! Can you hear me? Try opening your eyes!”

“Grnnnghhh...” Theanim's eyelashes fluttered. He winced from the bright sunlight through the waving palm trees.

Above him, a young stallion's head and horn came into focus. Nick stood over the photographer, leaning left and right. “I... I think he's coming to, Professor! Look!”

“Great. Send me post cards from the honeymoon.”

“Hey, buddy!” Nick bore a foggy smile. “How many hooves am I holding up?”

“Unngh...” Theanim rubbed his eyes, wincing. “Verlaxion, please. If you're a pony, it's either one, two, or none. Otherwise, you'd be lying flat on your flank, and I seriously doubt you arrived here because you were sailing drunk.”

“Heh...” Sinrar's voice rasped from where the old stallion leaned against the beached trimaran's hull. “I rather like this fellow. Even if he does suck on the false queen's teat.”

Upon hearing that, Theanim sat up straight, his brown ears burning. He glanced at Nick, then at the Professor. “... … … let me guess. Colonialists.”

Nick bit his lip. “What gave it away?”

“Oh, the same old dry, sardonic blasphemy.” Theanim batted his head, shaking moisture out his ear canals. “Let me guess, the Upper Strand? Kihutaja? You've got the smell of dusty books about you.”

“Very keen observer,” Sinrar said. He pointed at the stallion's fallen camera. “What do you do for a living, monsieur? That is, when you're not photographing the product of Verlaxion's slave labor.”

“Right...” Theanim sighed, picking up his camera and then his golden goggles. “I do believe I'm going to cut this conversation off at the head.” He slid the article over his head and hung the camera from his neck. “As a scientist, I know a useless pursuit when I see one.”

“Please, don't mind him,” Nick said, pointing across the soiled thicket. “On top of being old and crotchety, he just lost his favorite cane.”

“Stop downplaying it, you piss balloon!” Sinrar barked. “How'd you like it if you lost your fifth leg?!”

“Dude... don't even go there.” With a shudder, Nick turned towards Theanim once more. “I'm doing all I can to not break down crying over the Swan Song here.”

“You mean...” Theanim pointed at the battered hull just a few feet away. “This is your boat?!” He blinked. “How in the crackling frost did it end up over here?!”

“That's what I was hoping you would tell us,” Nick said with a nervous titter. “Something... large attacked us as we came within view of the shoreline.”

“Mrmmff...” Theanim rubbed his aching head. “You mean Ultimo.”

“Say what?” Sinrar glanced over. “What the Hell is an Ultimo?”

“I'll leave that to your twisted imagination!” Theanim spat his way. “You apostate bag of barnacles!”

“Oh, quite magnifique! Tell me, gentlecolt, did you think of that before or after you went shopping for a pick axe to spelunk your way out of Verlaxion's birth canal?!”

“Now see here—” Theanim stomped towards him.

“Okay—Everypony calm down!” Nick stood between the two stallions. “This is neither Kihutaja or Rohbredden! We're at... at...” He squinted over his shoulder. “What's this place again?”

Nealend Atoll,” Sinrar and Theanim grunted in unison.

“Right. So... when in Nealend, let's do as the Nealenders do and... uhhhh... get along?” Nick smiled bashfully.

“Heh...” Theanim smirked for the first time since waking. “You don't want to go there. Trust me.”

“Maybe I have no choice?” Nick shrugged. “My boat's kinda wrecked, and with that... Ultimo out there, it doesn't seem like we're going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Trust me,” Theanim grumbled. “You're not.”

“So, let's start over on the right hoof, shall we?” Nick smiled, extending his forelimb. “Hi! I'm Nick! And I love brunettes!”

“Erm... greetings, Nick.” Theanim shook his fetlock. “I'm Mister Theanim Mane of the Ninety-Seventh Rohbredden Scientific Order.”

“Hmmf!” Sinrar grunted from afar. “Ninety-Seventh Disorder is more like it!”

Theanim smiled wearily in his direction. “Let me guess... Academy material?”

“I've certainly taught the truth to more teaming masses than you ever have!”

“And you led them all marching down the hellhole of arrogance and heresy. Well done.” Theanim snorted. “Colonial bastards, always full of hot air and most of it methane.

“I heard that—!”

AHEM!” Nick stomped his hooves. “If we can please not bite each other's heads off for a minute or two...” He looked Theanim's way. “I don't suppose you can tell me what took away the Whirlpool that was here before? Was it this beast? This Ultimo?”

“Look, Neigh...”

“Nick.”

“Right. You should be asking the Nealenders all about this,” Theanim muttered. “Or the other sailors stranded here.”

Nick blinked. “You mean there are others?”

“The natives can tell you a lot more than I can.”

“I'd rather hear it from you, if you don't mind.”

Theanim squinted. “Why's that?”

“Well... for one... you have a mane and tail, still.” Nick smiled nervously. “So I immediately trust you.”

“Right.” Theanim nodded. “Brunettes. Got it.”

“And... uh... is it just me?” Nick glanced nervously over his shoulder. “...or are the locals here a little... crazy?

“My boy, you have no idea.” Theanim cocked his head to the side. “And allow me to ask you a question.”

“By all means.”

“Who was that colorful mare you showed up with?”

“Who? You mean Rainbow Dash?”

“Rainbow Dash...” Theanim nodded thoughtfully. “That's not exactly a Colonial name.”

“Nor is it Continental.”

“True.” Theanim cocked his head to the side. “And with hair that exotic... a pegasus like that isn't exactly from around here, is she?”

“No, as a matter of fact, she's not. Truth be told...” Nick smiled. “She's kind of the reason we're here to begin with.”

“Really?” Theanim gazed at the shore beyond the treeline. “You actually sought this Atoll out?”

“Well... yes and no. That is, mostly she did, though Sinrar helped. And... erm...”

“Why such a fervent interest in the whirlpool?” Theanim asked. “That disappeared with the arrival of Ultimo a few months ago. Barely anypony knows about it, so why would she be curious all of the sudden?”

Nick gulped and rested a hoof on Theanim's shoulder. “You know what? Why don't we go and ask her ourselves?”

“Erm... very well then. Can't you just tell me in person?”

“Believe me...” Nick winked, leading the stallion to the beach where several ponies had gathered. “Rainbow Dash is... something that has to be experienced.”

“I... uh... I don't suppose that—”

“Take all the photos you want.”

“Splendid.”

“Hrmmfff...” Sinrar yawned and rested his flank against the stranded Swan Song. “This should be rich.”

PreviousChapters Next