On Harmony's Tides, At Dashie's End?
“So, as you can plainly see, gentlecolts, we have absolutely nothing of value on board our ship,” Sinrar said, smirking. “Unless, of course, you count our kidneys. However, we are far too sadly distant from any civilized mainland for you to transport said organs in a respectable amount of time before they rot. All in all, any attempt to harass or rob us would be a complete waste of time, time that can be far more valuably spent plundering a coastal village or chasing sirens into the wild blue.” He adjusted his beret and smiled. “So, then, will you kindly leave us be?”
The privateer ship's broadside faced the Swan Song, its crew complement consisting of various sunburnt equines with raggedy manes and stubby tails. At the culmination of Sinrar's speech, they exchanged surly glances, then grumbled over the lapping waters between both ships: “Right, then. Get your flanks out of the ship so we can strip it.”
“Okay.” Nick nervously trotted towards the edge of the Swan Swong.
Sinrar blocked his movements with a cane. “Now see here, vous bâtards salés! I've told you fairly and reasonably why there is no profit to be had in gutting this petit gode of a ship!” He gnashed his yellow'd teeth. “Now what could possibly make you think that there's still a reason to yank us out of this dinghy?”
“Simple.” One gruff pony rasped. Schiiiing! He unsheathed a long, glinting blade strapped to his fetlock. “We all have rapiers and you don't.” He motioned with his head. “Now throw yourselves into the drink before we toss you to the seagulls in pieces.” Several of his companions grunted in agreement.
“Okay.” Wide-eyed, Nick made to jump off the ship's side.
Rainbow caught him with a hoof. “Not so fast, there, buddy.” She gulped, then turned towards the caravel. “Look. We're on a tight schedule. It's wasting your time and ours to do this! I mean, aren't there bigger fish in the sea to haul in? And by bigger fish I mean boats.”
“That's easy talk, coming from a pony with more gold around her neck than we all have in teeth,” said one pony. He squinted at her. “While the other two drop their worthless hides in the ocean, you can come on board.”
“Pffft. Why me?”
“Those are some strong wings you have,” another stallion said. “We could definitely put you to work in the galley... before we put you to work in the brothels at Port Mire.”
The other privateers had a good, raspy chuckle.
Twilight Sparkle grimaced.
“Really?” Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow. “That's how you're trying to intimidate me?”
“They'll do it, too,” Sinrar said, whispering aside. “It's how most ponies are born into the pirate trade—from trafficked mothers. Most of the ponies we're speaking to are probably fourth/fifth generational foals of concubines...”
“And for a second there I thought your part of the world was squeaky clean!” Rainbow whispered back.
“Hey, you chose to leave college, harpy.”
“Enough chatter!” One thug slammed the hilt of his sword against the ship's edge. Thap! “You! Climb aboard! The rest of you... into the drink! We haven't the patience with empty-headed sissy adventurers!”
“And if you even think about flying away to escape...” A grimy mare sported an even grimier smile, raising a crossbow for emphasis. “...we'll skewer you before you're even a dot in the sky, ya freeloading dolphin humper!”
“Hah hah hah hah!” the whole crew laughed.
Rainbow Dash grimaced. “...these are the lamest pirates ever!”
“Rainbow Dash, this is serious!” Twilight hissed.
“I know! Seriously sucky!” Rainbow Dash scowled. “I've headbutted cultists with more grit than this jar of pontoon algae!”
“Ahem...” Sinrar trotted towards the edge of the Swan Song. “Perhaps a bit of bargaining is in order?” He lowered his beret, then—with nimble wingfeathers—he pulled a piece of gold coin out. “I have with me a sample of—”
“Ancient Tribal Coins?” One pirate snorted. “Please, old sponge! We have an entire chest full of that crap!”
“Yeah!” Another stallion barked. “Sometimes we use them to clean out our blowholes when we get bored!”
“Hah hah hah hah!”
“Now get with the drowning!” The mare aimed her crossbow. “We won't worn you another time!”
“Okay.” Nick took a bold step off the trimaran's hull.
“Grkkk!” Rainbow yanked him back by the tail, then hovered before the group. “Okay... okay! Fine... We can work this out. But they don't have to drown themselves!”
“You're not exactly in the position to dictate anything, Missy!” A privateer spoke, shaking his scimitar. “Now move your flank!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight hovered in front of the pegasus. “You're the one remaining avatar of Harmony!”
“So...?” Rainbow murmured.
“So... speak to them!” Twilight gestured to her chest, sporting a sweet smile. “From your heart! Appeal to their equine souls! Surely, as a true champion of Harmony, and Urohringr's chosen Austraeoh, you're destined to peacefully find a solution to this situation!”
Rainbow sighed long and hard. She closed her eyes, raised her hooves, then spoke in a low, gentle tone: “Look... I know that this is the only way you have to get by in life. For all we know, the whole bunch of you came from really nasty homes with really sucky foalhoods. I get that. And I'm sorry for that. I really am. But, you have to understand, what my friends and I are doing here is really important and we need to continue on with our journey! Think of... uhhh... think of the good that will come from letting us go! The universe is a crazy, complex place and who are we to... uhm... ignore the benefits of good karma? I mean, harmoniously speaking, what you do to help here us could turn out to improve the lives of yourselves and other ponies that you meet! And wouldn't that—like—be totally awesome—”
Cl-Clank!
Rainbow opened her eyes and jerked towards the sound of metal ricocheting off the Swan Song's hull.
A few of the pirates were firing their crossbows at Nick's hooves, making the yelping stallion dance and shimmy to avoid being skewered.
“Hah hah hah! Look at him dance!”
“Screw Miss Necklace! We should invite him on board! For the entertainment!”
“And the food! Hahah!” More arrows flew.
Nick fell back, curling up into a ball and whimpering as a few barbs embedded into the hull around him.
“Belle danse, larva,” Sinrar snorted.
Twilight gasped heavily, holding her hooves over her muzzle.
By now, Rainbow Dash was rolling her eyes. “Alright. Buck this.” FWOOOOSH!
“Rainbow, I think that—” Twilight did a double-take as soon as she realized Rainbow had vanished. “Rainbow... Aaaugh!” She yelped, being yanked towards the caravel by a shield of rippling lavender.
The pirates' cruel laughter stopped, replaced by pained exhalations and dislodged teeth. A ruby-and-blue blur was darting between them, landing with a hoof to a chin, a fetlock to a leg, and a skull to a muzzle. Rainbow Dash speedily and mercilessly pounding her way through body after body, with Twilight helplessly dangling like a weighted ghost behind her.
About five seconds into the “fight,” and six pirates had already fallen hard to the splintery deck. Two privateers somehow summoned the fortitude to clear their minds, pivot about, and aim their crossbows at their attacker. Rainbow backflipped just as the projectiles flew. One lodged in a shrieking pirate's leg. The other bolt ricocheted off the mast, then flew up into air. Rainbow cartwheeled, leapt off a wooden crate, bit the broadside of the flying arrow in her mouth, then came down, swinging the barb in her muzzle so that it grazed the two crossbowponies like a dagger. Blood stained the ship's deck, and one pirate even slipped on it. Rainbow kicked off the hapless pony's chest, emptying his lungs, and then she threw herself at a pegasus, spitting the arrow out so that it pinned his twitching wing to the ship's wooden railing. Thunk!
“Aaaaaaaa—” The pirate yelled, only to be punched savagely in the face by Rainbow's hoof. Angry yells echoed across the deck, and Rainbow turned to look over her shoulder. Three thugs were charging her way, dragging sharp blades across the wooden surface with a spray of sparks.
Rainbow looked up at a billowing sail. She reached behind her, unsheathed the rapier from the pinned pegasus' body—SCHIIIIING!—and flung it up at the white canvas. RIIIP! A length of the material fell down, blanketing the three pirates. Rainbow flew at them, punched one in the gut, kicked the other's legs out from under him, then tackled the third. She proceeded to beat his brains in with both hooves, then somersaulted backwards in time to avoid a pair of swordponies who gasped as their target kicked off the mast, flipped about, and came down at them with a murderous drop kick.
Meanwhile, from the Swan Song, Nick and Sinrar stood side by side, their bodies stiff and their eyes wide. They craned their necks to see the source of the rampant, violent tumult. At last, something emerged from the melee—a shrieking pirate, flying into the sea... followed by another... then another and another and another.
At last, Rainbow Dash flew into sight, shoving three more bruised privateers into the drink. “RAAAAUGH! She twirled, dodged a final crossbolt, then backflipped so that she landed brutally on the thug's skull. WHAP! Rainbow struck an agile, one-legged pose atop the twitching pirate. With thin eyes, she glared across the top deck. Any body that was a body was twitching, clutching himself, and groaning. Even the ponies that had been thrown overboard were wheezing through pained lungs.
Nostrils flaring, Rainbow stepped off her last victim and searched the top deck. At last, after several seconds of scowling, she found a pirate sitting up with a dazed expression. “You!” She pointed. “Tell me! Which of you is the captain of this ship!”
“The captain?!” The thug stammered. “You... you kn-knocked him out!”
Rainbow's lips pursed. “Well... then... where's the first officer?!”
The pirate's voice cracked as he pointed off deck. “You threw him into the sea!”
“Okaaaaaay...” Rainbow looked around at the groaning, writhing bodies. “...then who's the next pony in charge who answers to the first officer who answers to the Captain?”
“I... I-I think they're all knocked out!” The pirate spat blood and winced. “I mean... I-I once led this bitchin' orphanage raid when everypony else above me was too bored to—”
Rainbow gripped his neck.
“No no no no no—WAIT!” The pirate whimpered as he was dragged to the ship's edge. “I'm a nopony! They always p-put me on poop deck duty! Literally—”
“How many years have you been a pirate?” Rainbow droned.
“What? But... I—”
“How many years?!?”
The privateer winced. “I've... b-been plundering harbors and shipping routes for about seven summers now—”
Rainbow swung him around, gripped the back of his head, and slammed his skull repeatedly against the mast. WHAM! THWACK! SMACK! THUD! WHUD! WHACK! WHAM! After the seventh consecutive impact, she tilted his head back and spoke into his bloodied muzzle. “You taste that? The taste of iron in your mouth?!”
“Mrmmfmghhffkkk...” The pirate's tears stained red. “...y-yessss... snfff...”
“Listen to me and listen to me good.” Rainbow's ruby eyes flickered. “I am the Eyes in the Sky. I've been tempered by things you don't even possess the brain muscle to have nightmares about. If I find out that you've been doing this stupid 'pirate thing' for an eighth year, I'll come back... I'll find you... and the next time I slam your head against the mast it'll go through your teeth and come out your future grandfoals' plots. You got that?!”
“Mmfflghuuu-yess ma'aaaam...”
Rainbow dropped him like a wet sack and snarled at the entire groaning crew. “That goes for all of you! This world has enough nasty crud in it without a bunch of stupid idiots filling a boat with bad teeth and bastards!” She looked over the edge and spat at the thugs who were struggling to climb on board. “You're going to go into harbor... sell everything you own... and give up the pirate's life for good! Or do I have to make an example of you to the whole ocean here and now?!”
“No! No, please!” several thugs yelped, clinging to ropes and lengths of the ship's hull.
“We'll give up!”
“We swear on our lives!”
“On our harlots' lives!”
“... … ...” Rainbow shrugged. “Eh, good enough.” She grabbed a thick web of roped netting and threw it overboard so that the last few treading figures could climb up onto the ship's deck. “Now make like the land and lub already!”
The mare hovered high above the ship, watching with a perpetual glare. Desperate to get away from her burning gaze, the pirates climbed aboard, scrambled to their grimy stations, and set sail. With remarkable swiftness, the caravel cruised off, leaving a thick wake behind.
Rainbow exhaled, smirking to herself. “And that's that.” She dusted off her hooves, then planted her hooves on her hips. A few blinking seconds later, she turned to look to her right.
Twilight hovered a few spaces away from her, muzzle dropped and eyes wide.
Rainbow's eyes twitched. “You okay?”
“Am I okay?!?!” Twilight Sparkle yelped. “Rainbow Dash, you totally massacred those ponies!”
“Uhhhhhh...” Rainbow scratched her head, staring off at the fleeing caravel. “...maybe.”
“What do you mean 'maybe?!?!'” Twilight frowned. “Rainbow, I saw you punch, kick, and stab ponies!”
“Don't forget headbutt. I always like to get a few of those in with each fight.” The mare couldn't help but wince. “F-for some reason.”
“You... y-you took a stallion's skull in your hooves... and you smashed it against a wooden post until he was bleeding!”
“... … ...” Rainbow hugged herself, blushing slightly. “...not my fault the post didn't move.”
“RAINBOW?!” Twilight hollered. “How could you even live with yourself after doing that?! It's... it's not the Harmonic way!”
“Ughhh... Twilight, don't give me this—”
“How can I not?!”
“They didn't give me any other options!” Rainbow hollered, frowning. “Girl, you heard them! They were going to drown our friends, rob the ship, then use me as a... muscle-thing!”
“And the best solution was to break bones and spill blood?!”
“Twilight, we're a long friggin' way from Equestria! There are lots of ponies out here who won't listen to reason—no matter how harmonious!”
“I don't believe that for a second—”
“That's because you were never awake for any of it!” Rainbow snarled, orbiting Twilight above the lapping waves. “Think, Twilight! How could I really have gotten past Duke Zaap Nator?! Or the Ledomaritans?! Or... friggin'... uh... Shin Nevlamas?!” Rainbow folded her forelimbs, frowning. “You've never been available to use freaky magic. Fluttershy's never been alive to do the stare. And Celestia's not even remotely nearby to perform a 'game over' spell! I've had to get by just to get by!”
“By beating ponies' brains in?! Rainbow, those poor ponies might be bleeding internally! Several of them might have concussions!”
“Twilight, they robbed ships, murdered sailors, and kicked orphans for fun. And look at them now!” Rainbow pointed at the shrinking wooden dot. “Even if I didn't scare the pee out of them for good, you can bet I've just saved a gazillion lives from pirate raids for the next few months minimum!”
“Yes, but at what cost—snrkkk...” Twilight shook her head in a lavender blur, then stared at Rainbow cockeyed. “How is it that you even know how to fight like that?! I mean, I've seen you kick a dragon in the jaw, but... holy cow!”
“I dunno.” Rainbow shrugged. “I just fly really fast at stuff and occasionally suplexes happen.”
“Rainbow... I'm trying to be serious.”
“And I'm trying to be alive! Do you wanna find the next beacon of ruby flames and resurrect our friends or don't you?! Huh?! You're suddenly so big on Urohringr having chosen me as Austraeoh and yet it hasn't occurred to you that if destiny's got a use for harmony, then it's got a use for chaos as well! And it so happens that I'm... … ...” Rainbow's speech cut off. She blinked at Twilight.
Twilight blinked at her.
Both mares slowly turned to look down at the Swan Song.
Sinrar and Nick resumed gaping at her, perfectly within earshot.
Twilight instantly blushed. Rainbow fidgeted in midair, her eyes darting towards Twilight, then at the boat. “So... uh...” She gulped, then smiled awkwardly. “I bet you guys are wondering just who exactly I'm having a friendly tiff with, huh?”
“In truth, harpy, I've always wondered,” Sinrar slurred. “But now I positively ache with questions.”
“And I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing you kick flank more.” Nick grinned wide. “What say we set sail for the nearest pirate cove?! I want more blood!” Thwack! “OW!!” He rubbed his head. “Dammit... not what I meant!”
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...deja vu?
Whut.
I get catching arrows, but this is ridiculous.
My little RD, Suplexes are magic.
Wait, why is this reset?
Aye, what just happened?
Eh, whatevs.
Captain Swang Song had more important business to attend to, but hopefully you'll enjoy this little cameo of her cousin Swamp Soil.
Sorry...
Also, totally got the reference(s) in the title.
5923771
what
5925129
My thoughts exactly.
Make like a harlot and die already!
~Josho
To be honest, that chapter had only one Swan Song, and I was hoping for two.
Uh. Okay then.
warn
For once, Rainbow Dash beating the everloving shit out of small-scale mooks will have consequences. I really do want to see how this conversation pans out. Good thing I only need to wait a day.
Sometimes we do good things for bad reasons. Sometimes we do bad things for good reasons. We do what we can.
Well, to be fair, I was pretty badass.
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
Was I the only one hearing Benny Hill when the pirates were getting their asses whooped?
...Why did this get reposted? Eh...
*cue Wilhelm scream*
Well, that was fast.
Yay! I got badass Rainbow!
I have no idea what I just did.
5924331 You saw nothing!
ok, Twilight REALLY needs a good talking to..
TALKING DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK!
YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING PEACEFULLY!
PULLING YOUR PUNCHES C AN LEAVE YOU DEAD!
Ahhh more butt kicking! So nice to see sometimes.
Double-post that deleted my comment?
Okay. Fifty squats now. ):(. Knock 'em out!
Aww, no Swanny? Ah well, maybe some day.
Hopefully, this means Rainbow will finally tell Nick and Sinrar about Twi.
5925322
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/666/360/9ba.jpg
Try not to cut yourself on all that edge.
My Little Punchup, Violence Is Magic!
5925150
He's talking about Myths and Birthrights. Updates slowly, but great worldbuilding. Rarity's mom being a privateer is a minor plot point.
I was expecting one the pirates to pull off Rainbow Dash's pendant.
I know this is essentially S1 Twilight, but this seems too naive even for her.
I had expected there to be tension between Rainbow's 'pragmatism' and Twiight's idealism, but I didn't foresee Rainbow unleashing such an epic beat-down so soon. I guess it's good to rip the bandaid off, but damn. Poor Twilight. I mean, she's not entirely wrong, but... Maybe that's something that will come out of Twi and the others coming back: Some kind of middle ground being reached between Harmony and Asswhoopery.
Also, I'm assuming Nick and Sinrar will finally learn about Twilight. Ought to be interesting. Fortunately, it's easy enough to prove.
ah, sweet release, how close you are
and yet, so very far away
the tension is even worse this close to the reveal
Dashie has to tell Twi the truth sooner or later
though seeing how Twi took the violence thing, i doubt She'll take the chaos well....
Damn, I knew from the moment Dash stepped up to talk to them that their asses where as good as whooped.
Haha, there it is. You really thought you could keep it a secret for any longer than a day or two?
-Spirit (Yeast and Treacle)
And now I finally understand why Dash was the best choice to fight and harmonize her way across multiple continents- EVERYONE ELSE WOULD BE TOO DARN WUSSY TO DO ANYTHING! Sometimes, the only way to reason with somepony is physically. I wish Twilight would notice this, but I'm also scared that she'll have an nervous breakdown when she realizes that peace and diplomacy and her version of Harmony don't make everything hunky-dory.
Edit: By her version of Harmony, I mean when she says: You're the avatar of Harmony . . . no blood spilled ever peace diplomacy
blah blah blah blah blah blah blahR.I.P. Twilight's innocence
2015-2015
5925975 I think Fluttershy, given the right impetus, could have kicked some serious flank.
But she'd need a lot of physical training, too.
I see you are having a problem with scum of the seas.
Do you want to,
1: Invite them to a nice cup of tea and crumpet.
2: Remonstrate loudly as they relieve you of your worldly possesions, followed by your life.
3: Release your frustrations by using your hyperspeed, agility and senses to have a short minor sparring bout.
4: Zoom 3 miles into the sky then come down like an avenging angle carring a building destroying nuclear rainboom of doom.
Who here thinks that the pirates got off really easy, just so they would be getting all the other pirates they run into wanting to have a go at Dash, just to show They Are Pirates, and afraid of Nothing?
I want to hear more of this argument, I really do, because it's ADORABLE and all I can think about right now.
Though, one comment to make that I am sure won't win me friends - having been on sailing vessels of yore before, and having handled sailcloth, no way in hell a thrown blade, no matter how sharp, much less a rapier, is going to slice it in a bold and fast enough fashion without significant weight behind it to bring a section down on top of our budding baby bad guys.
There we go... Dash got some stress relief in, maybe now she'll be more open to spilling some beans.
-Memories given light, ease a lonely flight. Ynanhluutr.
I knew they'd listen to
ReasonRainbow!I think the best part (and possibly the most shocking for her friends old & new) is how My Little Beatdown was driven not by anger but by a combination of boredom and annoyance.
5926114
Applejack, too: she seems to be able to handle herself in a fight, although of course she can't fly. With some training on how to take a punch, Rarity might also be able to become an Element of Asskicking. She already has the killer instinct when rage overtakes her, but as soon as she's hit, her bloodlust vanishes and she's back to being the helpless damsel she often pretends to be.
5926478
I think with proper training, change of fundamental beliefs, and a body(important!) Twilight could have been even more of a force of nature than Dash was, especially becaue it's in her nature to ascend to godhood.
You know what, Dashie is right.
Harmony isn't something you can just talk and reason into being. You need to search out the wicked and beat it into their skulls!
Hmm... I think it's high time to re-evaluate my approach to conflict resolution as a diplomat.
... I wonder if my chain-of-office is sturdy enough to serve as a makeshift weapon.
That is a good way to go through an array of pirates. If you're Dash, that is.
5925158
Geez. . . GAH!
Oh! And what exactly is that "Fluttershy is best pony" banner on top today?
5926114 Yes- she has her Stare, but . . .
Well, I think you know what I mean.
Well Rainbow needed some exercise anyway.
I'm starting to think It's a good thing Twilight never met Roarke, Rainbow went easy on these guys compared to what she would do.
Finally some action =^^=
Allow me to sum up my feelings:
media0.giphy.com/media/eEtxYul1kBS80/giphy.gif
5925180 suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/26038126/images/1373943139929.gif
Twilight heard about all the violence. And she's spooked by a tiny bit of beating. Also, they totally should've stolen the bigger boat.
5927655 The link to it was in the author's notes:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T5fBhbF2EcCnm57jV8Ncr8cKhwDo7uFQznpb-j4ru5k/edit
5927513 I'm not here yet, but I have an idea as to what the twist is (and when im wrong, i'll not be surprised)
5929679
A middle finger, with the tip of the finger being Shell's face smirking.