Sunset Shimmer returns to reclaim her place as Celestia's student, how you ask? by Stealing Twilight's body! only... things don't exactly go as planned.
Twilight discovers Sunset sneaking around her library trying to catch her off guard, attempting the mind swap spell Sunset is met by Twilight with a counterspell, however the incredible magical ability of the two unicorns mutates the spells, crossing them and warping it causing a very unusual effect.
now the two must work closer then either of them is comfortable with to reverse it, all the while the two of them fighting for control.
Chapters (1)
Is Equestria Girls canon to this story?
7498442 yes however due to MAJOR oversight on my part i posted this WAY later than i meant to
this story is set after the first equestria girls movie but BEFORE starlight obviously
also i say library i mean the library in her castle since obviously she HAS one i've seen it
I was drawn to this story because the description made me think you're writing a story I'm quite familiar with but rarely if ever see on this site.
Sad to say, I'm not impressed with what I see so far. I'm going to hold off on a lot of my concerns out of respect for the fact that there's only one chapter so far but I will say this:
1. Sunset Shimmer's motives make absolutely no sense, given the evident time frame. This story has to be post-Equestria Girls 1 at the earliest, which means Twilight and Sunset hold no grudges toward each other, or at least not the extent that justifies what's happening. I hope you clarify why Sunset's become so jealous again in future chapters. A better approach, in my opinion, would be if this happened instead of Sunset stealing the Element of Magic tiara in EqG.
2. I find it hard to believe you aren't aware that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie's names are each two words, not one. That you bothered capitalizing the D in "RainbowDash" makes the error particularly headache-inducing.
3. This is probably a minor complaint that will be brushed aside by what happens next, but The Elements of Harmony actually working when Sunset Shimmer is in Twilight's body? Difficult to believe.
Despite my issues with how you began this story, I intend to follow it a bit longer and see what happens. You have something with potential here, but can you handle it?
thattardisblue.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/my-whole-brain-just-went-what-the-hell.gif?w=529
7498670 apologies i do plan on editing the chapter i have a little bit as i posted this WAY after i origonally intended but to sway your other concerns
i am going to give a valid explination as to SUnset's return AND as to why the element works
if you like i can tell you now or let it be a surprise like everyone else
rest assured i plan on doing the best i can with this story
7498670 However that in mind please take note of the author's note at the top of the first chapter
eh.... Im not sure how I feel about this story... Adding 4 new elements wasnt really a great idea, the RainbowDash and Pinkiepie thing made me question some things, and overall Im not sure if I want to continue. It feels like you were trying to take an alternate take on another story where Twilight and Sunset swapped bodies, but took all the wrong turns. I like merging ponies together, but here... it feels it could be done better
7500091 i'm still in the process of writing this fic
and i don't claim to know alot about what i'm doing
as for the four new elements thing that was just a background segment, none of them will make any appearance in this story it's meant to be ignored right after it's mention, nothing more than a subject for the letter
you're right it couldbe done better and it probably will be, i can only do the ebst i can but i'm an amature trying his hand at something other than pictures that i work for days on and then get no comments, nothing more than someone favouriting it and no one commenting
i'll admit i don't like the fact most comments are just people telling me it needs improvement but at the same time i agree completely and plan on doing so
7500184 alright. Ill keep reading this just to see how it goes. If you need a hand, Im willing to help.
Ah, ok. That just kinda stuck out to me on the new elements as I had to do a double take and was like, "...... wait, what?"
trust me. I know that feeling with my youtube videos, and art.
Well, like I said, if you want some help, just give me a shout and Ill be happy to help
7500242 i'd like that (in reference to the help)
7501087 No prob
Sooo.... Did Twilight and Sunset successfully swap?
Why would they just flat out kill her? They would have taken her in for questioning.
This doesn't match the story description at all, it said they merged into one and had work together in order to solve this problem while fighting over who controls the body instead we see Twilight waking up in sunsets body (seeing herself? Shimmer?) And then the mane 6 killing her.
What's happening??
9093840
oh it's been a while sorry if i'm remembering right this is a nightmare Twilight is having where she's in Sunset's body
9095964
Oooooohh. So its a dream. And the fact that you told me this means that you don't plan to continue your story? Otherwise you may have just spoiled the rest of the story.