Fourth Broadcast
"Welcome to the fourth program of Discord Underground Talk Radio, hosted by the one and only Lord of Chaos, me! Discord, of course! With the rapid popularity growth of the radio from new radio stations being created, there are more of you listening in than ever before, so I had better make sure that you are all satisfied!
"The top story this week! It is rare for the House of Nobles to disagree with the crown enough to take action, but the House of Nobles has chose to exercise its power to override the princesses' decisions this week when they overturned Princess Celestia's travel chariot, putting an end to its long withstanding upright position.
"The cause for the disagreement was Princess Celestia's choice to park the chariot on the grass of Canterlot Castle grounds. Members of the House of Nobility make a clear statement that, despite the Princess's position, she is expected to follow the same laws expected from everypony. As we are reminded of by the incident, this includes staying off the grass.
"Princess Celestia effortlessly flipped the chariot over a couple of hours after the incident and has refused to comment at this time.
"And now it is time to consider the letters that you all have sent me over the week. I have to say, I am impressed with how creative and inspired some of these questions have turned out to be! So, without further ado, let's dive in!"
"The first letter actually included three questions. The first one is, 'Dear Discord, what is your spirit animal?'
"I have never made an effort to find out, but I suspect that draconequui are the only creatures that can properly reflect my true self, and I'm not allowed to pick a draconequus, I assume. So I asked for some help with this question. It turns out that the best spirit animal that anypony can come up with for me is a dolphin, in light of their fun-loving nature and carefree attitudes.
"The second question is, 'Will you marry me?'
"I've never had anypony ask me this before, but it can't be that hard, right? So, of course I will. Just tell me who you want me to marry you to.
"The last question is, 'What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Zebrican swallow?'
"Easy. Twenty-five miles per hour.
"This pony asks, 'How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?'
"After conducting some exhaustive research, I have found the answer. A woodchuck can chuck 361.9237 cubic centimeters of wood per day.
"The next pony writes two questions. The first is, 'Discord, have you heard that there are theories going around that a earth pony named "Screwball" is your daughter? And I ask, are these theories true? I have my doubts but she seems to be able to fly with her propeller cap, and has what most ponies would call a knack for chaos making.'
"I have heard these theories, but I am afraid that Screwball cannot possibly be my daughter, as any offspring of mine would have at least a few physical draconequus features. I have seen Screwball with my own eyes and created my own theories about her behavior.
"There is no denying that Screwball does indeed have a natural talent for chaos that I have never seen in another pony. However, I believe that a love for and a talent for chaos is the full extent of her dealings with chaos. I do not believe that she actually understands her own actions or the value in them.
"Not that that is a bad thing. One does not necessarily need to understand what they are doing to make the world a better place. But unless she matures in her understanding of chaos, and also discovers that chaos is something to be savored and better used with a plan, Screwball will never be able to orchestrate chaos on a grand scale as I do.
"The second question in this letter reads, 'Also a more silly question, If you could turn Princess Twilight into a book, what book would it be?'
"Of course, I can turn Princess Twilight into a book. The reason that I won't is that the entertainment value would not make up for the trouble that it would stir up.
"But I think a good choice would be to turn her into the 'Invisible Book of Invisibilityness'. The book itself is invisible. Everypony would be able to hear Twilight screaming for help, but they wouldn't be able to figure out where she is!
"It's too bad that I generally can't do things like that anymore, but it does feel great to think about them anyway. Give me more fun scenarios! I haven't bothered to think of ideas like that ever since I was reformed. Oh, no more for now? Oh well, there will be more later, I'm sure.
"Anyway, on to the next question! This one reads, 'Dear Discord. Two days ago some strange beings came around and started asking questions about you. All I remember is that your name and 'grandchildren' were used in the same sentence. Incidentally, my bathtub is made out of solid diamond now. What does this mean?'
"Frankly, my little pony, I don't believe you. I think somepony thinks that they can pull a fast one on old Discord.
"However, if you do happen to be telling the truth, please send me the bathtub so I can investigate the matter.
"Next question. 'Is it true that the more orderly pony society gets, the more powerful you become to keep it in check?'
"The answer is half yes, half no. I do have a finite amount of power, but generally it is sufficient to spread chaos to every corner of Equestria and still leave me enough for my twelve o' clock coffee. I do make judgment for myself as to how much chaos is appropriate from day to day, but I usually do have to hold back.
"The next question reads, 'Dear Discord. As opposed to simply corrupting all but one of the Elements of Harmony, why didn't you instead make them immortal and trap them in boxes hundreds of miles below the surface, or something equally effective? This seems to be a severe strategic oversight on your part.
"I did touch on this question a little bit in the previous broadcast. First of all, although I do have the power to manipulate the physical and mental state of ponies and inanimate objects alike, it is not in my power to grant immortality.
Second of all, only the most irreversibly evil creature would seize power by annihilating all possible opposition, as that would ultimately mean that everypony would be locked away, and leaving nopony for you to rule over. I can't think of a more dreadful fate for Equestria, and even my unreformed self would agree with me on this point.
"If a villain ever efficiently and ruthlessly destroys all possible resistance, there is only one possible goal in their mind: The complete destruction of Equestria itself. I don't understand how anypony could ever possibly think that that would be a good idea, but I advise you all to not attempt to comprehend the mind of one mad with power.
"Alright, time for another questions. Or two questions, apparently. They are as follows: 'What is the meaning of life? What is the meaning of double-life?'
"I don't think that you quite asked the question that you actually wanted answered, but I believe the answer to the first question is forty-two. I'm sure that I heard that somewhere once. As for the meaning of a double-life, I think that is when you act one way some of the time, but act in another way at other times that is contrary to who you are in the day.
"I believe many of you are aquatinted with at least one particular pony who has a double life, but I won't tell you who it is.
"These next questions are questions that I know that I've answered before, but I suppose I have to spell it out to some ponies.
" 'What is your name?'
"My name is Discord, of course!
" 'What is your quest?'
"To spread chaos across Equestria!
" 'What is the smell of the color nine?'
"What do you mean? 'Smell' as in 'aroma' or as in 'the essence of'?
"The next letter has not just one, but several questions for your favorite lord of chaos! Let's hear the first one. 'Dear Discord, now that you're in (mostly) good graces with the Mane 6, got any juicy dirt on them?'
"Hmm... Dirt soaked with juice? Sufficiently unexpected, but I can't say that its a very well thought out plan. Throwing dirt soaked with apple juice at Applejack might confuse her quite a bit, making her think that there is a deeper message when there really isn't one, but I don't think it would be worth it unless it was a part of a larger, more elaborate plan.
"The next question says, 'Can't you just give Celestia a huge cake to stuff her face with, thus being to preoccupied to stop you from having fun?'
"Anypony who considers that question seriously knows that I would just be putting off the inevitable, since Princess Celestia does have a way of inhaling baked desserts. Even if I created a self-regenerating cake for her, she is certainly not the only obstacle that would present itself.
"Although in the event that I do decide to eventually rebel, that might be a good step one.
"The next question reads, 'Any chance you know where a thestral colony is so I can get some hot night-flyer action? Luna wouldn't tell me...'
"If Princess Luna chooses to withhold that information from you, it would be foolish of me to go against her wishes. However, I do feel the need to point out that you don't have to look for them at their home. There are a number of thestrals that like to visit clubs around Canterlot in the early morning when they get off their jobs.
"Next in the letter is, 'You should have asked Low Note about the brown note, since he plays the tuba. He'd have more fun at his job if he knew it.
"This is obviously not a question, but I will keep it in mind. Of course, I can't guarantee that Low Note will be receptive.
"For the final question from this letter, this pony asks, 'Would Celestia really get angry if you made it sprout mango, guava, and dragon fruit trees all over the place? It's free food that isn't apples! (seriously, we need variety here in Ponyville)'
"I'm afraid that, even though I am responsible for a significant portion of floral species, mostly originating from Everfree Forest, sudden changes like this that would take effect over the long term like this would in fact upset more than a few ponies.
"The reason that apples and carrots particularly have such prominence in Equestria is that most ponies inexplicably seem to just really enjoy crisp, crunchy fruits and vegetables. As a result, there is something of a monopoly for them just about everywhere in Equestria.
"That's not to say that a pony who tries to introduce new produce is doomed to failure. But they will be starting at a severe disadvantage as they try to grow their business under the canopy of the existing market for apples and carrots.
"That reminds me of a story, although perhaps not a particularly good or long one. Right after my reformation, Princess Twilight insisted that I 'take an active roll in society and make contributions'. After a few failures, I wound up with the job of trying to make create a sales pitch for asparagus that would draw customers in.
"Unfortunately, nopony agreed that 'I cuss, you cuss, we all cuss for asparagus!' was an acceptable sales pitch.
"After a few more failures, Princess Twilight decided that I could best contribute by society by staying out of everypony's way.
"The next letter reads, 'How do you define chaos, Discord? And how do you define discord (note the lower-case)? The day that you escaped, your actions seemed like 'chaos' to me, rather than discordant, and whenever you talk about harmony and chaos and stuff, I find myself confused. So it's probably best, if you're going to talk about chaos, that there are as few semantic problems as possible.
"As I have said in previous programs, chaos is difficult to describe in its entirety. However, a quick and simple description that everypony should understand is that chaos is something of a mix of disorder, confusion, and generally being 'out of control'.
"The word 'discord', means something a little different. One could say that it is synonymous with disharmony and conflict, but it can only be achieved through chaotic means.
"The next question reads, 'Dear Discord, that was a good speech on the need for an element of understanding. So I ask, if you could be that element, would you take that chance? Or would you choose a different element?'
"This letter refers to an answer to a question that I gave last week. Although I do in fact ultimately strive to reach a mutual understanding with those around me, I must confess that I am not actually very good at it. In fact, I am quite willing to postpone understanding if there is some good chaos to be had at the moment.
"I think that being an element of understanding, assuming such a thing existed in the first place, would be too much of an obligation and would prevent me from doing what I am actually good at at any time I want, any place I want, without having to worry about being a 'proper' representative of friendship and maintaining a good image.
"The next pony asks, 'Dear Discord, I have to ask, why is it that when you want to create chaos that you use cotton candy clouds with chocolate rain? Would it not be more chaotic if it were to say rain cats and dogs, or maybe bits?'
"A key factor for creating chaos is for ponies to not have any idea what to do with the results. If I cause bits to fall from the sky, everypony would know exactly what to do. Go outside and collect. If I caused it to rain cats and dogs, ponies would gather them all together and treat their boo-boos from being dropped out of thin air.
"With cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain, most ponies are at a loss for what to do. A few of the smart ones will simply take it for what it is and let delicious chocolate rain into their mouths. But everypony else? Pegasi trying to keep the clouds under control will be unpleasantly surprised to find that cotton candy does not cooperate like a regular cloud does, and everypony else is left helplessly watching as they ponder what ecological consequences there will be as a result.
"The next letter is a long one. 'Dear Discord, my brothers and I have been arguing for decades about the superior breakfast pastry. My older brother believes pancakes are the best, because they are very filling and simple to make. I am of the opinion that waffles are without equal as the small pockets make them ideal for catching syrup and honey. My younger brother claims toast is the best. I don't know why as I find toast rather boring and never listened to his reasoning for his preference. Our parents never picked a side because they feared showing favoritism, and the matter was deemed to inconsequential when royal aid was sought. Please settle this decades long feud for all of Ponyville.'
"I have to agree with you that toast is boring, but only in it's basic form. Might I suggest that you try covering a slice of toast with butter, and then a pile of sugar, and then a dash of cinnamon? Heavenly.
"However, I do declare that even cinnamon toast is inferior to... waffles. Not because of their tastes, since I honestly can't even tell the difference between a waffle and a pancake when it comes to the way it tastes, but because you can make a waffle into whatever you want it to be. While I am aware that certain practices exist in pancake preparation that add silly faces and such to the pancake, when it comes down to it, a pancake is still a boring flat circley thing.
"Waffles, on the other claw, allow for limitless possibilities in the design of the surface. The fact that special equipment is required to make a waffle, as opposed to a simple frying pan required for a pancake, is a good indication of its sophisticated potential. Of course, most ponies simply go with the checker board pattern, which is uninventive and boring.
"However, there are some ponies who go to the extra effort of making interesting little designs in their waffles, and in so doing, declare to the world that they refuse to conform to the norm. I myself make patterns in my own waffles that are so chaotic that it makes one dizzy just looking at it.
"Have you ever spun around and around in circles just because the sensation of feeling dizzy feels so weird? It's fun. You should try it some time.
"But I am getting off topic. I declare that waffles are the most superior breakfast pastry of these three. But I do advise you that, when creating the design for your waffles, not to use your own face as a template, tempting as it may be. Not. Good.
"The next pony writes, 'Dear Discord, maker of chocolate cheery waffles, I heard rumors that Queen Chrysalis of the changelings has a hot tub that she fills with nice smelling bath salts and sleeps with a stuffed animal named Mr. Fluffykins. Your thoughts?'
"I cannot confirm or deny this, as I honestly have no idea. If it is true, I do have to wonder if Mr. Fluffykins has any relation to Fuzzy Wuzzy, the hairless bear.
"Next question. 'Discord, you seem to truly care about Fluttershy's well being (which I find cute) so my question is what would you do to somepony if they intentionally made her cry? Were it I, I would lower that pony into a pit of eels by their tail.'
"In my experience, Fluttershy is actually rather hard to upset, as she always sees the best in everypony no matter what, and simply believes that they are having a bad day. Given that information, anypony who successfully makes her cry would have to be a very mean pony indeed. I don't even know what I would do, but it probably would not be pretty. I can only hope that Fluttershy's friends would be present to stop me from doing anything rash.
"The next pony asks, "Dear Discord, if you had to create a few aliases, what would they be? Maybe Dr. Ocsid?
"Dr. Ocsid isn't bad, but my favorite alter ego is named ¡pɹoɔsᴉⱭ
¡ɥɔnɯ ʇno əɯoɔ ʇ,usəop əɥ os ‘ɯɐ I uɐɥʇ puɐʇsɹəpun oʇ ɹəpɹɐɥ uəʌə sᴉ əɥ ʇnq ‘sᴉɥʇ əʞᴉl sʞlɐʇ əH,,
"The next question in the my list is, 'Dear Discord, have you ever switched your gender to see what kind of chaos you'd be able to pull off?'
"I must admit, one thousand years is a long time. And if I can do something, there is a very high chance that I have done it over the course of my life, even though on most days I would never consider such a thing. I think I will withhold any specific details on this, since I might want to use it again some day.
"And now another question. 'Dear Annoying Snake, why did the princesses reform you anyway? You've caused so much trouble. What could they gain from you?'
"Well, my funny little pony, what could they gain besides a new friend? You could also say that they lost one more enemy.
"The next pony asks me, 'Dear Discord, why are the alphabet letters in the order they are? Is it because its a song?'
"Although the alphabet song is rather catchy, many ponies don't realize that it would work just as well with just about any order to the letters. Of course, some letters only work in a certain spot, like the letter 'W', since it consists of more syllables than the rest.
"The real reason that the letters are in the order that they are is that one day ponies became tired of having the letters of their language in a disorderly mess, but they could not think of any logical reason to order them one way or another. Finally, one clever pony suggested that they carve symbols of each letter and then throw them all into the air at once. The order that the letters landed, first vertically and then horizontally, would be the order in which everypony would know them from that day on forever.
"The next letter is actually a neglected portion of a letter that I read last week, for which I apologize. This question is, 'You eva think about merchandisin'?'
"I have already made it clear that I have no need for money. I also understand that figures of myself have been incorporated into the design of a few household objects, most notably, lamps. I could demand compensation for these items, but I find them amusing. Maybe I can make them all come to life one day.
"Let's see what is in store with this next question. 'Dear Discord: Due to your comment about cheese for everypony, do you perhaps have any connections to any of these three beings-'
"Er, hmm. I thought I discarded this one. Alright, to the pony who sent this letter, listen up. I don't know where you got these names, but I strongly advise you to keep them to yourself, especially before a certain Doctor tracks you down and makes things unpleasant for you. Please have a chaotic day.
"The next question is, 'Dear discord, of all the things you have done, what was the most harmonic thing you had to do?'
"Let me make something clear. I have never been forced to do anything. Remember, one definition of chaos is 'out of control'. When I was undergoing my reformation, I had the choice to resist harmony if I wished, and I did, despite the threat of being transformed into stone. Originally I intended to bide my time and lure the elements of harmony into a false sense of security.
"But, in the end, I voluntarily made the choice to genuinely befriend them. And so, although the Princesses do like to make countless rules for me about what I can and cannot do, let it be known that they do not actually have any control over me. I chose to abide by most of their rules voluntarily out of a desire to maintain my friendships.
"And now it is time for the next question. Actually, I will read two letters because I believe that they go claw in claw. 'If something chaotic happens when there are no living beings present to witness it, is it truly chaos?'
"Technically, if one defines chaos as entropy, chaos does occur at all times and in all places whether there is anypony present to experience it or not. However, entropy does not fully describe chaos, and furthermore, the non-physical results of chaos cannot manifest without a witness. There is no particular reason that that witness cannot be the one who caused the chaos in the first place, but it is akin to laughing at ones own joke. It is fun, and if you have no other choice, it is sufficient, but chaos becomes all the better with others around to admire your handiwork.
"As for the second letter that relates to this matter, it reads, 'Dear Discord, have you ever realized most of the chaos you do is based on what you say while doing it?'
"You are right. Because of the fact that chaos increases when somebody is nearby to experience it, anything said to the audience can greatly alter how they experience it. In fact, there is no stopping it. Whether you realize it or not, every word you speak to another alters their views. Sometimes the effect is more noticeable than at other times.
"The next letter says, 'Dear Discord, is it true Chrysalis is in fact Luna dressed up in a cheese costume spray-painted black trying to ruin the wedding simply because she's overprotective of Cadence?'
"I was encased in stone at the time of the wedding, so I cannot definitively say. However, if this is indeed the case, it would have to be one of the most elaborate and complete deceptions ever carried out successfully. Princess Luna would have had to have made an arrangement with the changeling hive to make the sinister looking plan believable. If that is truly the case, then Princess Luna is a better master of deception than I am at times!
"The next question reads, 'Dear Discord, could you be up for pulling pranks for me? My Dad got majorly punked by his brothers. And it's family tradition we prank back. I'm thinking change their coat colors opposite? Or turn them into girls for a week? You know harmless things that won't get you in trouble. Also, I'm looking for a pet. Think you could help me get a yellow striped bat?'
"Aside from the fact that I am forbidden to create things for the material gain of others, I also wish to point out that I am not a genie and your wish is not my command. I might be inclined to help you if you were to do something for me, but I do not feel inclined to bow to the whims of every random pony I meet. If you can prove that your prank is good enough to be worth my while even without the aid of my powers, then I might be convinced to give it a special touch.
"Or I would. But, as I said, I can't create things for the material gain of others.
"The next letter asks, 'Dear Discord, is there intelligent life out there?'
"That is a very interesting question! Ponies have asked themselves this question for millennia as they looked into the night sky and into the far reaches of space. I myself was once enamored by the possibility that the answer to the question was 'yes'! And so, one day, thousands of years ago, when I was the king of Equesetria, I decided to find out for myself!
"I decided to start by visiting the planets nearest to our own first, as those were the most popular places for alien life to exist in myth. In order to facilitate the long journey, I created a special vessel to carry me through the depths of space. It looked rather like a boat, but it had a special device on the back of my own design that would spin a propeller that pushed the vessel through the air when provided with fuel, allowing the vessel to fly. And so, when I had got everything ready, I set out.
"For a while, it was smooth sailing. But, wouldn't you know it, half way there, I ran out of fuel. So I had to go back.
"The next time I brought twice as much fuel. I was certain I was going to make it. And I got so close, maybe only ten feet away from the planets surface, when I ran out of fuel again.
"So I had had to go all the way back.
"The third time I brought five times as much fuel. Well, I got about halfway there, and what do you know. I forgot the space vessel.
"Now, by this point, I'm sure that you can imagine that I was very frustrated. Also, everypony was getting too comfortable with having the king of chaos gone. And so I thought to myself, "Why should I spend so long searching for other cultures to spread chaos to when I already have Equestria right here where I am free to spread chaos to my heart's content?"
"So I never did go looking ever again. However, don't be disappointed just yet. Although I was unsuccessful in my search, Equestria has been visited by a sapient creature from space, just once.
"Unfortunately, I am sworn to not give any details on the matter.
"The next pony asks, 'Dear Discord, do you know the Muffin Mare?'
"The Muffin Mare... The Muffin Mare...
"Oh! Yes, I know the Muffin Mare! She's the nice young mare who gives me all of my listener's letters every week! I don't know how she does it, but she always manages to find me before the next radio show. You all should thank her if you get the chance!
"We're almost to the last question here, everypony. This one reads, "Dear Discord, Chaos Lord and Waffle Aficionado, firstly thank yah kindly for the waffles, they were delicious, 'specially the exploding green ones! Things 'ere in Baltimare are going great seems everyponies listening ta yah show, can't turn a corna without 'earing your rendition of the Suger Plum Fairies! Well, on to the question, do yah got any plans on giving other ponies time on your show? Maybe more on Mizz Rarity's investigative reportin'?'
"Discord Underground Talk Radio exists for the sake of promoting chaos, so I must insist on being restrictive about which ponies I allow onto the show. However, anypony who can produce an outline for a topic that I like can potentially earn my approval as a guest in the show. Maybe I'll see some of you beautiful ponies who are listening in in the near future!
"This next question reads, 'Discord, regarding your statement that you're a terrible teacher, I've oft-heard it said, 'adversity is life's greatest teacher'. True adversity is in having your plans foiled, in having things not go as you expected. You certainly defied the expectations of the Elements of Harmony, and they seemed to learn from it - much as you seem to have learned from things not going your way, as well. Perhaps you're not such a bad teacher after all, if you can force ponies to explore things they never would have on their own. What do you think?'
"I think that you need to tread careful about where your thoughts lead you, for, with this logic, you are not far away from the decision that one should create their own problems if there are none to be had, all in the name of promoting learning. This is a terrible fallacy. The problem is that a pony who thinks this way believes that they are serving order through the use of chaos, or serving chaos through the use of order. In reality, they, strangely, are ineffective at both and accomplish nothing, or, worse, cause terrible damage.
"Although I will not dispute the fact that my chaos has opened the way for more than one lesson to be learned, actively attempting to teach lessons through chaos indicates an unsound base understanding of chaos itself. Ultimately, the best way to use chaos is to cause chaos for chaos sake and allow what will be to be. Chaos is something to be enjoyed for what it is. Sometimes understanding will be found in the chaos and sometimes it will not be found. What one does learn from is, in a way, just as important as what one does not learn from.
"And now, it is time for the final topic of the day. In order to keep things interesting, I have ensured that the topic is about one of the least well understood things in Equestria! I will begin by answering this question: Dear Discord, why do ponies spontaneously burst into song, anyway? How do they all get the lines and choreography right?
"The answer to this question is long, complicated, and poorly understood. To begin with, I need to remind everypony of a simple fact. As everypony should know, every living thing in Equestria has at least some kind of magic, no matter how small. However, aside from the magic that is unique to every species, there is also another kind of magic that is shared by every creature, aside from the magic of friendship.
"This magic is a fickle thing. It has a tendency to be uncooperative when any attempt is made to study it. In fact, when studied, it often disappears entirely. As a result, there is little known about it outside of speculation.
"This is a list of the few things that I do know about this magic. It is responsible for the uncomfortable feelings you get when somepony is talking about you. It is responsible for the ability to somehow be able to sense danger even when one's five basic senses do not suggest that there is anything to be afraid of. This magic is also somehow connected to the concept of deja vu, as it is what allows ponies to be able to predict the future without any apparent evidence of that future. It is also what allows ponies to sing together in harmony when none of them even knew the lyrics a few minutes before.
"This magic also effects everything in our lives in small ways. It is responsible for every little thing almost never working as it should, or being more complicated than expected, and far more frequently than calculated probability ever suggests. However, in order to counter-balance this, when it comes to the big things, it dictates that, somehow, everything will usually work out just fine. Neither case is a definite one hundred percent of the time, as it is against the nature of this magic to be predictable.
"Furthermore, any time anypony ever believes that they have taken the effects of this magic into account for their calculations and that they can 'beat it', it almost always surprises them in a new way that they never expected, causing even their adjusted calculations to have to be thrown out. On the other claw, taking an attitude of apathy and assuming that the magic will ultimately work in your favor results in a drastically reduced chance of a favorable outcome, even with the things that are really important to the pony.
"As a result, the best way to approach this magic is to act like you are completely unaware of its existence, much to the frustration of all who have attempted to study it. Even giving it a name is a good way to cause it to become even more elusive. But it's existence is undeniable.
"This leads me to answer a question that has been asked to me many times. 'How does Pinkie Pie do what she does? Does she use chaos?'
"I believe that Pinkie Pie has a natural affinity with this strange magic, much stronger than its connection with any other pony that I have ever seen. It is so strong that Pinkie Pie herself is somehow made aware of things that she should not be able to sense, often long before it happens. While any pony can potentially display this quirk once, Pinkie Pie is the only pony who has ever been able to repeat it again and again and again.
"Pinkie Pie herself says that she does not have any idea how she does it. And that does not surprise me. How could she understand it? For, when one begins to try to understand the magic, it leaves them.
"Is this related to chaos magic? Not at all. In fact, the magic allows Pinkie Pie to always be pre-prepared with whatever it is that she needs in any situation at any time, and always know just the right thing to say to a friend to cheer them up. Because of Pinkie Pie's hyper demeanor, her actions frequently do come across as chaotic, as she is in fact out of control in with unpredictability. However, this leads me to a new point.
"Chaos does not directly mean unpredictable. Being unpredictable is an important part of successfully being chaotic, but chaos does require a certain aspect of familiarity. This is why I myself am so fond of things like cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain. The application of familiar things in an unfamiliar way causes large amounts of confusion, which is an essential component of chaos. Complete randomness would result in completely unfamiliar things and the minds of ponies would not even attempt to determine what is normal in that circumstance because they have never experienced that circumstance before.
"And now, with those final words of wisdom, I must bring another broadcast to its close. Unfortunately, I do not have any further music prepared for you, since I couldn't find anything that I felt like sharing. However, I will keep my ears out. In the meantime, I do encourage you to listen in to the new radio program dedicated to presenting you all with good ol' music. Thank you to everypony who has sent me these wonderful letters. I do hope that they continue to flow in! Stay tuned for next week, as I am sure to have something extra special for you all!
"You have been listening to Discord Underground Talk Radio. For those of you who missed part of the program, tune in again in two hours for a repeat of this week's program."
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Because of the explosion of questions brought on by the featuring of this story, I cannot answer every question that has been asked since the publishing of chapter 3 without feeling like the chapter is just droning on and on and becoming an unfunny wall of text. I have used about half of the questions available to me, mostly in chronological order, but I took a few from out of place as well because I felt it went well with the chapter. I will try to answer the remaining questions next time. Also, if I skipped your question, it is probably because I can't bring myself to think of a decent answer at this time, but I will still try to provide an answer soon.
"Dear Discord, I once heard somepony say a world without string is chaos. Your thoughts?"
5784130
I am so happy that I happen know this reference.
5784133 Well the movie it was from (mouse hunt for anypony who doesn't know) was pretty damn funny!
I am glad I am not the only one who remembers it 
5784033
Fair enough. I was a bit disappointed to not see mine, but it's understandable.
5784177 You know, probably my greatest fear when writing this is that a question will in fact be a reference and I won't even realize it and give the wrong response. Like, imagine that I had never seen Monty Python's Holy Grail (unthinkable!). Instead of getting the funny response everyone is expecting, they might just get something stupid. I really hope that doesn't happen.
5784225 Don't feel bad, and I will be honest the literal only thing I know about Monty Python is his name. That's literally it.
dear discord can we have another guest in your show
5784245 Coming up with skits for guests on the radio show is a lot harder than simply coming up with answers to a question. I tried to think of a good interview for this time, but I drew a blank. On the other hand, I did think up something unique for the next chapter, but you will have to wait for that.
"Dear Discord, I have heard rumors that Luna is something called a 'gamer'. Could you please tell us what that is, and if Luna is that?"
Dear Discord:
I have discovered that the time travel spell created by Starswirl the Bearded that is located in the restricted section of the wing which bears his name in the Canterlot Royal Library, is in fact an incomplete version of the spell. I have come across historical documents which indicate that Starswirl in fact finished a working version of his time travel spell which apparently allowed movement freely forward and backward in time solving the previous spells exponential increase of required magic with time travelled, as well as the limited duration of the trip. This would indicate that the prophecies attributed to Starswirl the Bearded, such as the one which predicted the return of HRH Princess Luna (Long may she reign), are not prophecies at all but recorded events that he must of in fact witnessed in his travels through time. As of now my attempts to consult Princesses Celestia and Luna have resulted in their polite, yet repeated refusal to comment. As such I find myself turning to you for answers. Did Starswirl in fact complete such a spell? Is he even now cavorting through time, observing modern Equestria many centuries after his recorded death?
From: A frustrated Historian at Canterlot University.
Hey then Discord, been wondering something, I came across a wonderful flower known as Poison Joke, would you happen to be responsible for it?
Dear Discord, what advice would you have for a manticore like me trying to avoid three young ponies who keep coming into the Everfree? They are driving me crazy, and I have no way of getting rid of them, as acting threatening only encourages them to chase me with nets.
Aw, my question wasn't put in!
toehoof on a porcupine and probably not feel a thing. Actually, that kind of has another question in my mind...5784417 There were too many questions to put into one chapter, as I said in my first comment in this chapter. I'll be using your previous question as soon as possible.
5784424 Like I said, it's fine. After all, I understand what you mean. Not directly seeing as how getting comments for stories is actually pretty hard, although not for stories like this one, but I still get what you mean. Good luck with the story!
Dear snaky-dragoney-thing,
As a human in the EQ Girls world, what do you look like?
Are you ever lonely?
Are there any more Discord-y creatures other than you?
As a student of corrupt magic and a master of dark magic,
*You should know my name*
Dear Discord,
Is there an avatar of Order?
Dear Discord
Doesn't making cotton candy clouds with chocolate rain a lot of the time make it all the less chaotic, as it is a repetitive thing, wouldn't varying yourself and surprising ponies when you can be much more chaotic?
Can you get an interview with 'King' Sombra?
I'm sure you can ressurect him from his horn...
"Dear Discord
Should we pay the ferrymare? Or is there some way of sneaking aboard without its knowledge?
Sincerely,
Definitely not Charon"
Dear, Discord what's that black stuff you eat at Hearth's Warming Eve? My mum used to make it all the time. If you know what it is can you give your opinion?
Dear Discord:
How much cake Celestia eat at one time?
Dear discord, my house is currently under attack by a raging herd of platypuses. What do you recommend?
Dear Discord, Have you ever scratched a pony at the base of their ears, and if so, how did they react?
Architect
Dear Discord,
I must have stared at my radio for a long while before I realize something. Who made this device and why? In fact, a lot of things we have are just... odd or out of place.
Like the trains, or the dam with the power plant attached to it, or even the floating ships.
Seriously, did you just happen to lay this stuff around or something and a pony snatched it up?
I mean... flying ships seems to be your kind of deal.
With Respect,
Red
Dear Discord,
What are your feelings on make up (aka beauty products) and gender, either related to each other or as separate topics?
Thank you!
Discord, how would you define a face for radio?
Dear Discord, why did you team up with Tirek, if he win then the would be no more chaos. did you make the comic book company
that made Power Ponies?
Dear Discord,
Are you capable of interdimensional travel? Also, what may be the best possible way to deal with a horde of buffalo? I agree with the waffles.
Dear Discord-senpai,
Please notice me!
Lots of love,
Fangirl DX
5785361 Because of the fact that I intend for this story to tie in with a story that I will write in the future which happens before Tirek's escape, it wouldn't make sense for the first question to be asked.
Dear Discord, since you avoided my last question on your connections. I then must ask you another three questions: Is there anyone more Chaotic than you? What's so bad about having said Doctor track me down? And can the sentient being who visited Equestria travel through time?
5785994 Unfortunately, Discord refuses to further discuss the matter.
Dear Annoying Snake, you seem to much more knowledgeable than you first let on. Is there something you're not telling us?
Dear Annoying Snake, do you have any nicknames even half as amusing as Annoying Snake?
Dear Discord. Why do ponies often assume the worst before actually giving it any real thought.
Dear Discord. Why do ponies often run screaming away when they see something 'different', it is rather annoying and frankly, quite racist.
Dear Doctor Discord, Duke of deception,
I have to ask, if and would you be able to take a town, say, Ponyville, and make the dirt, paths, and floors all into spaces of a town-sized, very scrambled board game, and move the buildings? Because, unless you hurt or damage stuff or ponies, your in the clear for a base of chaos to build upon, next to, upover, or slide and stack.
5786574 Wut? Lol, I don't understand the question at all.
5786597 Basically, I sat there thinking, then I had a random idea, that a town like ponyville could have all its buildings moving, floating, shifting, having some fun chaos. It's not as if I was completely confusing and vague or anythings... ok yeah, maybe a little. Off to git more coffee!
LOL, why i imagine your voice as Tommy Smith insted of yours? XD
Dear Discord,
Why do ponies stop and stare when there is a life threatening situation and then after like five minutes of staring (might be exaggerating there a bit) at said danger they up and start running in circles screaming their heads off, even though they might die if they don't find shelter immediately? (I have seen this happen before. It is quite confusing.)
Sincerely,
The Luckiest of Turtles
You know, the interactive quality of this is fun, and Discord's answers seem true to character.
That being said, though, I feel like if you don't tread lightly, you might fall into a pattern we all are way too familiar with:
The "Ask-x-pony" blogs
No matter. Keep up the good work!
Dear Discord, I have heard theories that when Nightmare Moon was struck by the Elements the second time, she was not actually reformed but she instead changed her appearance to that of Luna's. We know she can do this because we saw her shapeshift between NMM and Luna on Nightmare Night. Furthermore, it is also said that she used this power to act under the guise of "Queen Chrysalis" during the Canterlot invasion, which would explain her conspicuous absence throughout the invasion.
What are your thoughts on this?
5788080 I do admit, for some people, this may in fact be little more than an 'ask Discord anything' blog. But to me, it is more than that. This story aims to just present Discord's reactions to questions in an amusing way, as well as to parody news reports and interviews, and most everything that he says should be highly suspect. I asked for help to come up with questions because I knew that I couldn't come up with enough all by myself, and people have delivered. I have found that, in addition to the humor of troll Discord, people are also fascinated by his concepts of 'the way things are', which I have to carefully ensure conflicts with the show and popular head canon as little as possible. I also won't continue making this forever. When I feel that Discord has sufficiently trolled everyone for long enough and simultaneously presented his views on the more important things, I will bring it to a close, somehow. How do you bring a radio show to an end? I guess I'll have to figure that out when the time comes.
Querido señor Discordio:
Here in Mexicolt we like your Radio, well, some of us because not everyone know english. So that leads me to my question: Do you know spanish or another language? Also, why there are so many horse puns in almost all the city names in Equestria?
Greetings from Acapucolt.
Atte
Speedy Gonzales.
________
On a related note to the story, I like the way you are using Discord, it's so perfect. Good work!
Also I get the part about not every question going to the story, but that's not a problem for me, if you can't think about anything about this question or any of the section, don't over think about it, maybe you think about something later. Or not. Who knows?
Dear Discord,
Thanks for responding to my letter! One could hope. I am honorable if anything at all as a half breed lunar guard. A favor for a favor, especially to the great lord of Chaos. I'll get back to you on an idea for a good prank, but I'm a Lunar guard, so my creativity is a little worked out of me.
Blazefire
----------------------
Very good story. xD Very fun finally seeing my letter there. Also very in character and consistent!
Nice Marx Brothers reference
5788522
You're writing Discord's radio show. When you decide to end it, you can just have him declare that he's gotten bored, doesn't feel like continuing, etc.
5790252 Someone got it! I wasn't even sure if anyone would get it.
5794819 I kinda already answered that question in the third chapter already, to the extent that Discord was willing to address the issue anyway.
Didn't think my question would start really anything, oh well. Have an obsidian bathtub instead.