Second Broadcast
"Welcome to the second program of Discord Underground Talk Radio, hosted by yours truly, Discord Lord of Chaos. I understand that there are a lot of new listeners tuning in today, and what a good looking group of ponies you are!
"To begin today's program, I shall address a particular bit of feedback that listeners have expressed in overwhelming quantity. Many of you have made the accusation that the contents of this radio program are outright fabrications, or, worse, that I cannot possibly be who I claim to be.
"I assure you all that both of these accusations are lies. It is scientifically proven that only approximately eleventy-six percent of facts presented by D.U.T.R. have the even the slightest hint of falsehood.
"And now, a word from my sponsor, Princess Twilight!"
"Discord, I can't believe you broadcast a public radio show without asking anypony! And before Princess Celestia has even given her speech! Do you even know what you have done? From now on, when anypony asks 'what was the first public radio broadcast', the answer won't be whatever the princess says next week, it will be you saying 'Hello? Is this thing working?' "
"I have carefully thought about Princess Twilight's words and realized that she is right. I should feel honored to have taken part in such a pivotal point in Equestria's history. I can only humbly offer Princess Twilight my deepest thanks for providing me with such a unique opportunity.
"This leads me to the topic of Princess Celestia's speech, which was delivered mere hours before the recording of this program. I confess that while I did tire of hearing fifty different ways of saying how proud the princess is of Equestria as a whole and how far we have come over the years, she did make valid points. Without the ponies of Equestria, Equestria would be a much more boring place. The ponies of Equestria mean much to me. You are the reason that I am bringing you this radio show right now, because I care.
"Of course, I must offer Princess Celestia a personal thanks. In the Princess's speech, she thanked everypony for listening to Equestria's first public radio broadcast. I can scarcely believe that she took the time to acknowledge my little endeavor and thanked my listeners for being there for me.
"And now for the top story for this week! Are Equestria's princesses hiding something? After discovering Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia whispering conspiratorially with one another, Discord decided to find the answers!
"Unfortunately the princesses refused to speak with me, and furthermore, forbade me from disclosing any information I might have accidently heard concerning the matter.
"On an unrelated note, in the event of national emergency in the near future, please scream and run around in circles.
"And now an update on last week's report of apple induced paranoia. Shortly after the announcement, scattered outbreaks of panic were reported in towns and cities across Equestria. The situation is now under control. However, my anonymous informant has reported that further research has indicated that apples in fact do not induce paranoia and apologizes for the misinformation. Further study now indicates that misinformation is the primary root of paranoia.
"Here in Ponyville, the Apple family is offering a new promotion as reparations to those inconvenienced by the misunderstanding. For the next week only, all visitors to Sweet Apple Acres will be given a complementary keg of apple cider! Feel free to swig it all in one go; it has no side effects.
"Next up today, the element of generosity, Rarity, gives her view on the public school system!"
"This. Is. The worst. Possible. Thing!"
"Thank you for your insight, Rarity. Your concerns are taken very seriously and an investigation regarding your accusation is being arranged. The findings will be presented in next week's program.
"And now I will respond to the mail that everypony has sent me. Unfortunately, because this week's mail consisted almost entirely of complaints and accusations of lies, there are only two legitimate questions.
"This pony asks, 'Discord. What is it like to spend thousands of years as a statue?' "
"Unfortunately, the answer to this question is not as grandiose as listeners might hope. It is boring beyond belief. When the sun set in the evenings, it was just a reminder that nothing has changed since it rose in the morning. As those days drag on and on, I was suspended in misery at my inability to change the slightest thing. In other words, not being able to move or even sleep is miserable.
"That does, however, remind me of one occasion when I got a little bit of excitement. It was about two hundred years after initially being turned to stone, back when the capitol was in the middle of the great Everfree Forest.
"It was bound to happen sooner or later. One fateful morning, a cockatrice somehow managed to wander into the castle garden and discover my petrified form. It saw how my magnificence had been imprisoned, unable to spread chaos across the world, and took pity on me. For those of you who don't know, cockatrices are creatures that are not only capable of turning any living thing into stone, but also back into their former selves.
"It was glorious to be free from imprisonment, and I naturally expressed my joy in the most chaotic way possible. Looking back on it now, I see that I should have done so in a way that didn't upset everypony so much. But it ended almost as quickly as it had begun when the princesses used the elements of harmony to imprison me a second time. I can't believe I fell for their trick again. Afterward, they posted a guard to keep wild critters out of the garden.
"And now for the second question. The letter reads as follows. 'There is much debate as to how many stars there are in the universe, and Princess Luna refuses to give a straight answer. So I ask you, Discord. How many stars are there in the universe?'
"That's a very good question!
"Let's see... one... two... three... four... five... six... seven...
"Okay, you know what, I'm not doing this right now. I'll have to get back to you on that. I'm ending the program here for today.
"You have been listening to Discord Underground Talk Radio. For those of you who missed part of the program, tune in again in two hours for a repeat of this week's program."
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I'm going to try something completely different.
I really do need ideas about questions and topics though. I need other people's perspectives to make this work.
This is actually going to tie in with the next story I am going to create, which is going to show what is actually going on with the stuff Discord is talking about here, from everypony else's perspective.
Edit: I won't use questions that the actual ponies would never ask, and also won't use questions that are of an M rating in nature.
An interesting idea. You missed a few typos though!
"that you had were"
that you were
"the formally lost books"
the formerly
Hmm..
"Dear Discord
Are our parents lying to us about whether there're monsters under the bed, in the closet or hiding in the toilet?
XoXo Foal Free Press"
5752163 Fixed. And oh boy, I can't even imagine what I'll do with that one.
Dear Discord,
Are you and Princess Celestia and/or Fluttershy seeing each other in a romantic way?
Shipping Goggles
Too casual for my taste. Also, podcasts in written format defeats the reason I listen to them, which is to be more relaxed while working (surprisingly, you can concentrate on both).
Do you know of Night Vale? It's an fictional radio show, going over events in a strange town completely cut off from civilization. It's the most heard podcast in America last time I checked. I don't follow it, but I've seen the first episode, and it's pretty well put together. Try it out for inspiration on radio stuff.
I'm really enjoying this story so far. I mean I would completely imagine Discord doing this if he found out about the radio.
I'll be definitely tuning in again next week! I just hope he gets some more questions too!
But I still won't I don't trust those apples
5752112
Oh and if you want a question then:
"If you were the ruler of Equestria, what would you do?"
A question
Discord have you ever grown bored of being the Lord of Chaos? What would you do if being chaotic was no longer interesting to you?
I'm not used to seeing this many comments in such a short span of time. I guess I asked for them, and I certainly did receive. The next chapter will definitely be longer than these first two, and that is exactly what I was hoping for.
5752420 Discord is intentionally supposed to be semi-unprofessional in this. He's operating a radio show for his own amusement and to troll everypony, not to present a serious or relaxing show. It's sort of an embarrassing fact that any pony who tunes their radio just right gets his garbage spewed out at them. But the ponies do it anyway, out of a sort of twisted curiosity, because even though he speaks madness, it is still the voice of an immortal being.
5752419 This reminds me of something. While this question is actually reasonable, as in there would be some ponies who genuinely would ask this, this is about as silly as the questions should get. I won't use questions that the actual ponies would never ask, and also won't use questions that are of an M rating in nature. This particular question is fine and I will actually use it (although you might not get the answer you hope for), it just reminded me that I need to make that clear to everyone.
If you had to be anyone else for a day, who would you choose?
This is amazing. It sounds so much like Discord would.
5752707 Understood. And another question!
Dear Discord,
Where do you come from? Do you have a mommy and daddy Draconequus somewhere?
Delivery Stork
Hey Discord,
I know you don't turn ponies into stone, so what do you turn them into? (Besides opposites of themselves)
Looking for ideas,
Chaotic Ink
Dear Discord:
What is the most chaotic thing you've ever done/want to do?
Signed,
Unicorn Cracker
Something just occurred to me. There are an awful lot of people expecting me to create believable and amusing answers to all of these questions, pretty much all of which require me to create new head canon. Am I really up to the task?
Although if you can look past it, you might be able to dig out a serious meaning anyway. Probably one that I didn't even realize was there.
But then I remembered that pretty much all of his answers are going to be at least partially composed of BS.
5753071 Oh dear, you have written some very highly rated stuff. That honestly makes me all the more afraid that any answer I can come up with won't live up to your expectations. I will think carefully.
Hey, Discord, do you have any idea of how to shut up the ponies who start those random musical numbers? Thanks.
If I may, i would suggest trying to make everytime someone new talks little different how Discord talks (Like maybe bolding or underlining or coloring them).
Its a little hard to read with them all joined up together like this.
Otherwise, good read
5753658 I did wonder about that, but I felt that formatting their speech differently would be a bit obnoxious. Colored text is usually off-putting, italics are reserved emphasis, and bold text would give people the impression that everyone else speaks louder than Discord or something. Underlining a character's entire dialogue would just be awful. What I have done is have Discord announce exactly who he is talking with every time he begins conversing with them as well as only using closing quotes when the speaker changes. If anybody has other ideas for clearly conveying who the speaker is without breaking the immersion, I would like to hear it.
I Have a question for discord! Has he even considered taking on an apprentice? Surely there is somepony who loves Chaos as much as he does, and understands that for true Harmony to exists, a balance of harmony and chaos must always be present.
On another note i love this story and look forward to more!
5753819
There is no way that you could have known, but...
That question you posed sets certain things in motion in that future story marvelously. No, Discord will not actually take on an apprentice or teach anyone the ways of chaos, but the question will cause him to take a new perspective on things for that story.
I didn't write the question that brings Discord to where I want him to be, you did.
You win the lottery.
That has to feel weird.
5753859 I look forward to that story then
As well as updates to this one keep up the splendid work!
Dear Discord,
What is the difference between a duck?
Sincerely,
Marbles "Mar" Lost
Dear Discord
would you rather, turn any pony you want into stone, and banish it to the moon using a powerful beam of love ?
Or turn Princess Celestia into a crazy peach-eating duck for a day ?
sincerely,
Diamond dust
5753325
dude, you've written Discord great so far. Don't change anything just because a guy (see: lucky shmuck) with other popular stories likes yours.
So far pretty amusing. Look forward to more.
Yes, I have a trade to negotiate with the Princesses.
How about, Celestia invents the radio so Discord sabotages it...
And then Luna invents the gun so we can get rid of that son of a bitch once and for all?
Dear discord.
Is it true that you are good friends with princess Luna?
If so, what do you like to do? Prank celly?
-midnight
5755606 Its Discord, he either used his power to see outside, or isn't looking outside at all and Is just making it up.
5756583 I am starting the next chapter now, even though I was originally going to wait for a real week to make it. I don't know how long it is going to take since there are a whole bunch of questions to answer, but its worth spending a little extra effort as thanks to everyone for making this explode with popularity (compared to everything else I've written). Thank you all for your input!
love it.
Interesting, probably something I'd listen to in the background if it were real, like the Enclave station.
To Discord, Lord of Chaos and probably waffles
So I was walkin' round Baltimare last week and heard the tail-end of the program bout how we had to wait two hours in silence waiting to catch up to whatcha said, then I got an idea, I know it's crazy but if anyone would appreciate a crazy idea I think it'd be you. Music IN BETWEEN the Programs, eh, eh?
Well get back to me on that mate.
- The One and Only Jolly Dodger
P.S. You eva think about merchandisin'?
5757278 Who listens to the Enclave station for much longer than it takes to hear everything it has to offer just once? I do like to listen to it briefly every time I pick up Fallout 3 again, but songs of patriotism just are not something that you want in your ear 24/7 unless you are simply a blind follower patriot. Patriotism is all fine and well, but the music doesn't entertain and it doesn't cause you to think.
I admit that Galaxy News Radio is not much better, especially since many people would argue that the music would only be found entertaining by people from the 50s, but it does give a sense of immersion. The best part about it in my opinion is definitely the fact that it has a talk portion that doesn't just consist of propaganda. I personally think that Three-Dog is a little bit annoying, but at least the things that he says give you an idea that stuff actually happens in the wasteland even when you aren't around, which, in the reality of the game's mechanics, is not true. I definitely think that the talk portion of the radio should have been much more extensive than it was though. Three-Dog comments about the actions of your player, both directly (praising/fearing you for your actions) and indirectly (talking about how life in certain towns or in the wasteland as a whole changes based on your player's actions). But he only makes these comments about stuff associated with the main story, or about only the most expansive of side quests. I wish that he had a lot more stuff to say about the little things, and just generally about ten times more stuff to say in general so that you don't get tired of hearing the same stuff over and over within about two hours.
There are a lot of music radio mods for both Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas, but nobody has yet made any talk radio that is extensive and dynamically changing (changes based on the players actions), as far as I know. If anybody did that, I would declare it the best mod ever.
5757416 Yeah, Enclave isn't the best unless you wanna shut the world off while you work on something, hence me saying I would listen to it in the background, it's at that place where you can listen to it and it'll fade into the background staying there until you actively focus on it.
5752707
Might wanna put it in the author's notes, then. Now for questions:
Dear Discord,
1. What is your spirit animal?
2. Will you marry me?
3. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Zebrican swallow?
Sincerely, Fangirl DX
Gooooooooooooooooooood mmmmorning Equestria! This is not a test this is Discord time to rock it from Dodge Junction all the way to Detrot!
My question to Discord is, what would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Some questions, eh?
What is your name?
What is your quest?
What does the colour 9 smell like?
did discord just count all the stars in the glaxy
Waaaaiiiit a minute.....how can he count the stars if he's underground?
5761638
All the stars in the universe, not galaxy...
Also, how do these ponies know what the universe is?
DIscord is there any worlds parallel to our own?
T
5761666
Screw the rules, he's Discord!
I have to do this....
Discord, why Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie?
Ahh, so it's comment-driven, eh? I like it.
Discord, do you taste like chicken?
discord, is it possible to pinkie pie?
-ld1
Dear Discord
I have a new radio channel that I’m listening to across the dimensions and it’s giving you a run for your money. Here it is
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uM22ZaoKnm4
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hV4iVa2gpG4