• Member Since 13th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

megabyte97


Pulverizing Pancake!

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My second try are writing so any advice is appreciated. Timeline is before hearths warming eve when the three tribes were divided. Up until the season one opening (probably, nothing is set in stone yet). The inspiration behind this story is a question I asked myself one sleepless night: Why is it so many of us can relate to Princess Luna? This story was my answer.


My name is Luna, and I am writing this so I never forget.

For anypony reading this, if this is not just a string of random letters to you, and you actually understand this then congratulations you are reading English. The language a group of sentient beings called humans use. You might be wondering how I know this. The answer is simple.

This is not my first life. In my previous life I was a proud member of the human race.

I do not mourn the life I lost, but I shall not forget it. For, there is no reason why two species should make the same mistakes (or maybe there is a point, after all I can not see the future).

I am ranting aren't I? Well to sum it up nice and neat I am writing this diary to organize my thoughts, and to help me make difficult decisions.

By all means read along if you'd like, I don't mind. After all, I know you can't stop me.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 15 )

Well done. Underrated. Continue, for I shall be waiting.

I hate to be such a grammar nazi, but caught some spelling and grammar errors in there. (It's my pet peeve. Sorry!) and 'advise' is, at least in the context you're using, spelled 'advice'. But this story has great potential and I can't wait to read more!!! :derpytongue2:

5764666 Thank you. If you see anymore can you tell me? Grammar and punctuation aren't my strongest suits.

5764859 No problem, keep up the good work.

WHY WOuLD YOU LEAVE ME ON A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT YOU CRUEL BEAST:applecry::raritycry::facehoof:

Comment posted by megabyte97 deleted Apr 25th, 2015

5902437
The next chapter is in production. I am having trouble making it meet my standards is all.

Hey, there! Since you commented on my story, I'll do the same and see if I can't give some advice like your blog is asking for. Firstly- the second chapter is a lot better. 'Show', not 'tell', and all that. The first chapter was mostly just the narrator -Luna- presenting facts and opinions. That might be an okay way to set the scene, but in no way tells a story.

So yeah, you improved on that right off the bat.

Secondly, Celestia is a unicorn whose dad hates her. Was this a quirk of genetics, or maybe a unicorn spy disguised herself as a pegasus to sleep with the commander to steal secrets, or what? It has to have a pretty heinous backstory to make him despise his own daughter like that.

Thirdly, grammar is still a problem. Find a beta. There's no shame in rewriting chapters, which you've obviously been doing -and which I do myself, pretty constantly- but getting feedback before that happens is important.

Fourthly... nextly? Whatever. This might be a thought left over from the first chapter, which I described in my first point, but the events seem too hurried. A little build-up makes the reward all the sweeter, as they say.

That's about it, for now. I hope it helped!

That's odd, I can't find the "next" button after reading the second chapter...

5906154

Damn it son, lower your standards so we can have new chapters


~A self-depricating dick

7430862

...How did you find this story?

7431624

Your user page after reading Equestria RPG

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