The sexiest man you've ever met.
Rarity and Rainbow Dash take a princessy bath together in a vat of steaming tomato soup in the Canterlot Castle royal suite. Along with the brothy broiling bubbles, long hidden feelings rise to the surface. Rarity finds that she must make a choice that may change her life forever, a choice between love and fabulousness.
Trigger warning: tomato soup
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I'm more of a pumpkin soup guy myself.
OHHHH YEAHHH FAVORITE! YAYAYAYAYAYAY WOOOOOOOO BEST FIC EVER!!!!
God, who the hell downvotes this?
Who the hell didn't read this when it came out?
I enjoyed this a great deal, even Rarity's bit about finding out she had a food fetish (and being a bit upset by that fact), but I wasn't very fond of the mane stuff.
I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
i.imgur.com/RaZHt14.jpg
Oh my.
So, Rarity's subconscious thinks that Rainbow Dash is just... soup-er.
(I'll show myself out.)
This started out so well, but went off in such a completely fucked up direction that I didn’t care to stick around and see if it got back on track.
6078384
Fucked up? How so?
6079173
Use your head, you'll figure it out.
6079173
Snark aside, I'm not commenting to demand that you change your story, I'm merely expressing my extreme disappointment and distaste at Rarity being completely out of character in my opinion and letting you know why you have an additional downvote.
6079281
That's fine. I'm only asking for clarification. How do you feel that Rarity was out of character?
And, just to be clear, you're referring to the part where fake Rainbow Dash takes fake Twilight's head, then gives it back to her, then promises to apologize afterwards, and no one gets hurt at all? That's the part you found 'fucked up'?
6080293
Yes. Yes it is. Even inside a dream, that was pretty fucked. And it reflects negatively on Rarity's character that she would be that selfish. I was finding her extreme selfishness towards Twilight up to that point dissonant, but barely tolerable, but that scene tipped it over the edge and caused me to ragequit.
6080314
Thanks for reading (well, at least half of it) and commenting!
I'd like to point out that this is a dream sequence, and in dreams emotions and desires can be exaggerated or magnified a hundred fold. This isn't a lucid dream. Rarity is not in control of events or her emotions. A slight attraction to Rainbow Dash in real life can become an over dramatic theatrical fantasy, and a slight resentment at being passed over for princess consideration can become a ridiculous overblown jealousy in a dream. I'd also like to point out that violence in dreams is entirely harmless, especially when, even in the dream, the character who has been harmed gets completely healed and all missing body parts returned in a timely manner.
And selfishness? Maybe if she'd kept the head, but how is returning it selfish? And how is selfishness even possible in a dreamworld in which only one character actually exists? Is Rarity not allowed any measure of wish fulfillment, even in her dreams? Or are her dreams only allowed to involve loving her friends absolutely and acting totally selfless towards everyone all the time?
6080391
The fact that it was a dream was the only reason I was giving Rarity a pass on that selfishness. But at the same time, that magnifying effect you talk about was far, far too strong to be believable to me in terms of how I view Rarity's default state. Combine that with the gruesome imagery that came literally out of nowhere and I was done.
Also of note is the fact that it put me off so much that I never got to the point where Rarity allegedly returned the head and restored Twilight to life. I'll take your word on it, though, since I have no desire to view this story again.
6080413
It wasn't supposed to be believable, and I didn't expect anyone to take something so stupid and ridiculous seriously. If I'd been trying to write a believable story and an in-character Rarity, I'd be disappointed.
The restoration occurs about five lines after Dash pulls the head out, Rarity acknowledging her unhealthy feelings towards Twilight happens later. Please try to give stories a chance before abandoning them. It seems very unfair for you to mark a big 'Don't read this story!' on the page and comments when you yourself never bothered to read the whole thing and are therefore unable to judge it accurately. You probably would have downvoted anyway, but how can you really judge it when you've only seen half of it?
6080502
I've passed the story onto a colleague of mine who has helpfully pointed out that this is not in fact Rarity, but Trixie in a Rarity suit. Even given this change, the imagery that caused me to abandon reading is not something I wish to subject myself to.
I feel entirely justified in my assessment of the story as a piece of "entertainment". Because to me it was not. I'm sorry you don't feel the same way, which is justified in that you were the one who created it and thus are biased in favor just as I am biased against.
We will have to agree to disagree.
I haven't read the comments made to this story yet, but I am aware of some of the content in the comments. For example, I came here through Titanium Dragon's review of the story.
In the second paragraph (really the first, since the actual first is just a single line separated out for impact) I was already finding myself completely unable to accept that the character being described was Rarity. I tried to press on, but it quickly became apparent that his mangling of character was consistent. So in order to save my own sanity, I copied the text of the story into a Gdoc, hit ctrl+h to replace "Rarity" with "Trixie" and found myself able to continue on and eventually finish the story. I then went through two more "editing passes" where I fixed up the dialogue some, mostly some replacements of "I" and other pronouns to fit Trixie's third-person speech mannerism. The last of those passes was to identify some things that involve specific Rarity information, such as her boutique and so on. Since these couldn't be simply adjusted with the replacement of a word or two here or there, I made comments on those sections. You can find my gdoc here.
You can easily see by how little yellow comment highlighting is in the fic how little needs "complicated" changing to fit Trixie. Now, if you want to, you could adopt my changes, fix the "complicated" bits, and adjust the tags, long description, and so on for the story. Totally up to you. But what I really did this for is to show you in an impactful manner, just how completely horrible this story was in its published form.
I get that a large part of this is a dream. However, a lot of the narration is not depicting things of Rarity's dream, but of Rarity's thoughts and thinking. These are the real Rarity, and her attempts to reconcile what she's experiencing in her dream with her own personality and behavior. This wan't "over the top" Rarity being Rarity. This was an incredibly shallow and distasteful mangling of her character, in a setting where we should be getting the most honest and real version of her possible, with all of the nuance and depth she has. That was all missing. Instead we have some incredibly vain character with an obvious chip on her shoulder over Twilight Sparkle. That just screamed Trixie to me. It would still be a fairly shallow characterization for Trixie, and still not a very good story I feel, but it at least wouldn't feel like you had an agenda to show off some irrational hated for Rarity.
As for the actual story itself, I think my switching around of the name shattered whatever thin illusion you had built up of this being a character piece for Rarity. It doesn't really have a plot or conflict really, though you do try to pull one out of thin air towards the end when Dream Rainbow Dash bluntly starts talking about how she is not real, and just a part of
RarityTrixie's psyche. The conversation between the two of them fails to feel like a conversation with herself, and I kept expecting to see Luna in the background or something, having transported Rainbow Dash into Rarity's dream.The Twicapitation and the grotesque descriptions for the soup coming out of the can were both disgusting, and came out of nowhere. I'd call foul, and expect a gore tag for the severed head, and I'd expect a Dark tag for where the story decided to go to even have that gore. Better still, I'd suggest removing those. I have some comments in the gdoc to that effect for more details.
The thing with the mane can't help but feel like some kind of meta bit, perhaps a reference to something that went on in the community. It makes no sense. Not in the "dreams are weird" sort of not making sense, but in that it doesn't do anything for the story, it doesn't do anything for the character piece, and it simply isn't explained.
Overall though, pretty abysmal story. Now to read the actual comments in the story others have made, and see what they all think... this ought to be good.
6080778
FYI, the mane thing is a reference to this story, which was written a while ago.
Incidentally, was there anything in my review of this story which you felt was inadequate? I quoted a passage from the story and described it as "ridiculous", and noted that it was over the top in its strangeness. I do try to point people towards things they would enjoy, and I'm curious if you think there was anything I could have done better in my review to let you know what it was you were in for.
6080778
First, thank you very much for taking the time to read and then write very detailed feedback explaining exactly what you thought of the story. Most people don't, and it's rare that anyone gives a story I've written this much personal attention. I do greatly appreciate your time and thoughts.
I was initially very confused by both your and Jondor's comments. It wasn't any kind of reaction I had expected. I think the problem here is that somehow a dramatic disconnect has developed between author intentions and reader expectations. This is my fault, and means that I failed to properly represent the story.
Through the presentation of this fic, through its title, its tags, its synopsis, and through every line of text, I tried to convey that this is an utterly stupid and ridiculous story that was not written seriously and is not under any circumstances meant to be taken seriously. But you and others seem to have gotten the impression that this was, at least in part, an attempt at writing a genuine romance and a serious portrayal of the characters. I even saw the term 'character piece' a few times in your comment, which really threw me for a loop. And, well, it isn't an attempt at a genuine romance or serious portrayal of the characters. Not even a little bit.
I'd like to ask, what about the story's presentation caused you to believe otherwise, or is there anything I could change in the presentation of the story to more accurately reflect the contents of the story?
On the subject of Rarity, I will openly admit up front that this is not an in-character Rarity. This is, and was intended to be, an utterly exaggerated and ridiculous portrayal of her character, highlighting many of her silly fashionista vices, because I thought it was funny. I still do think it's funny, and so do a few others. A fair number, including yourself, don't.
Something you said:
This is one of the spots where I find a dramatic disconnect between your reaction and my intentions. The purpose of this story was to write a ridiculous and exaggerated Rarity, and the setting was chosen with that in mind. But you seem to feel, at least in part, that this setting was chosen to write a true portrayal of Rarity's psyche. It wasn't.
With that said, I do think this character is still Rarity. It's Rarity in a dream, and no, dreams are not settings in which the most honest version of a character always appears. Dreams are a setting in which absolutely ridiculous scenarios play out and relatively insignificant feelings can be magnified a hundred fold for no apparent reason. Dreams often don't make sense.
In the show, multiple times, it has been shown that Rarity is capable of incredible bouts of selfishness. Think Sonic Rainboom, Sweet and Elite, and Rarity takes Manehatten. Rarity does at times choose herself over her friends. At the end of the day she always makes the right choice and redeems herself, but that does not wipe away the part of her that is selfish. Selfishness is as much an aspect of Rarity's character as generosity. That contradiction is part of what makes her such a great character. Rarity, more than any of the other cast, has vices. I thought it would be funny to write out a dream sequence in which Rarity gives into every one of them.
Because why shouldn't she? It's a dream. Giving into vices here is harmless and affects no one. Here she can pretend to be a princess and pretend that Rainbow Dash loves her and pretend that she has a can of unending tomato soup, and no one gets hurt. It's a fictional world within a fictional world.
I hope I've been able to explain to you what my intentions were for this story. I wanted to write a funny story about Rarity giving into vices in a dream. That's all. I'm sorry you didn't find it funny. I'm sorry it upset you.
A few responses to specific criticisms:
I've mentioned this before, but I'd like to be doubly clear on this point. This is not a character piece for Rarity. This was not intended as a character piece for Rarity. This is not a serious portrayal of Rarity.
Why wouldn't fake-Rainbow Dash talk with Rainbow Dash's voice? The 'conversation with herself' part isn't in Dash's style of speaking, but in that she's telling Rarity everything she wants to hear.
This is a seriously awesome pun.
Here's another point where I find an enormous disconnect between your expectation and my intentions. This story has a [Random] tag. It's a ridiculous absurdest comedy. Things coming out of nowhere is half the point.
You state that the descriptions of the soup coming out of the can are disgusting like that's some kind of problem. They were meant to be disgusting. Why wouldn't they be? She's swimming around in uncooked condensed soup. It is disgusting.
The gore tag is for explicit depictions of gore and violence which feature prominently in a story. I don't feel that three short lines of mild gross out humor justifies a gore tag.
A few notes on the severed head:
Rarity herself notes that it would be disgusting under other circumstances, but this is a dream and none of it is real and no one was harmed. Even then, in the dream fake Twilight is still healed and fake Rainbow Dash promises to make fake apologies. Which also won't happen, because it's a dream and none of this happened.
You are right. The mane joke was a poor choice on my part and shouldn't have been included.
Fair enough. Part of developing as a writer is writing bad stories and stories that no else likes. Writing a bad story isn't a failure. It should be a learning experience, and I'd call this a success if only because I do feel I've learned a lot about how readers will react to certain elements within a story.
Again, thank you for your time and your feedback!
A little over the top with the Twilight bashing and violent killing, Otherwise pretty funny.
I haven't read the sequel as yet. But I hope Rarity goes on a date with Rainbow Dash. It would make her character grow a little bit. And she might not become a Princess, but I hope the friendship between Twilight and Rarity improves even more.
I dunno. I got quite a few yuckles and chuckles from it... I guess because I saw it exactly for what it was: an over-the-top, comedy-based fic that obviously wasn't serious and dang good at not being serious. I don't really even know how someone could take it seriously. It was funny - just leave it at that.
I just don't get people, sometimes.
img11.deviantart.net/ee85/i/2011/168/b/9/rainbow_dash_shrug_by_dropletx1-d3j6g5i.png
Leather is illegal? Is Rob Halford gonna have to whip a bitch?powerlinemag.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/halford-600x600.jpg
I don't quite know how I feel about this, but I definitely feel something.
This is glorious.
Why does tomato soup require a trigger warning?
9207361
For those suffering from tomato intolerance.