When Clover is told by her family that to serve as advisor to the soon-to-be queen, Princess Platinum, she must become knowledgeable in the art of magic, and is sent to study under the universally acclaimed, reclusive spellwriter Starswirl.
But being an advisor to the Queen was not the destiny she wanted. It's up to the middle-aged scholar to find a way to compromise and learn to coexist.
AU because of the journal of the two sisters, and possibly some comics which I have in no way read. Rated Everyone for Excessive headcanon.
Hopefully my second entry for the Pre-con EFNW contest, since I'm allowed two.
Chapters (1)
Insert Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer joke here.
Anyways. This looks really good. I wish you luck in your contest!
5768171 I know nothing of this 'Rudolph' reference you speak of.
These days you can't write anything without hitting something people think you've referenced. What the heck?!
Anyway, glad you liked it, and thanks!
5768256 The world is my MST3K episode.
Think you meant better here on the intro page, bud.
5772682 Nope. Bitter, ie moody/unhappy. Pretty sure that's what I meant.
Like, 'yo, pony, are you still bitter about that argument?'
5772682
Ah. Read it out of context then. My bad.
5773228 No problem. It is a distinctly british thing to say, I think.
I've not read this yet, 'cause I just came across it with only about fifteen minutes before going to work, so I'll read it tomorrow. That time period fascinates me so I'm already interested in this
I've not read Journal of the Two Sisters(though i've heard it's got quite a few inconsistencies... maybe chalk it up to Unreliable Narrator?) I'd say though there's nothing wrong with doing your own thing
5774502 I'm of the same opinion. What's that AU tag for if not this sort of thing? About time I got some use out of it.
Could I have a sequel?
5774512
Very cute, in a good way. I liked their characterizations, Starswirl as the stern but eccentric mentor, Clover is well-played too, all in all a good one-shot short and I'm glad I read it
5775096 ...maaaybe. This is a contest entry, so I did cut stuff out for it to fit the word limit. I might try for a sequel eventually.
I'm pretty terrible at planning stuff, though, but I'll keep it in mind.
5776209 Awesomesauce. And a neato burrito for good measure.
I like to get characters right, when possible. Except Twilight, for some reason. Can't get that one down properly.
It's a bit too easy with these two, though. Their personalities aren't shown much in the show (or even at all, in Starswirls case) but this is my interpretation.
Unfortunately, this is too long for the EFNW Pre-Con Contest; the maximum Fimfic word count is 3150.
5804233 O...kay. Well, good to know that Hemingway app can't be relied upon for word counts (2923)
Or OpenOffice (2923 again).
Admittedly GDocs gives me 3000 exactly but still.
Anyway, I'm fine trying to cut the word count down (if you'll let me after the deadline) but could I please use a program that has a word count other than FimFiction, if you have one whose word counter you trust? I don't really know how delicate I can be when it won't tell me accurately how many words get removed at a time, and then suddenly jump to a hundred or so less.
If none of the above work for you, I'd really just like a reliable, but efficient alternative. Fimfictions word counter is often off by up to hundreds of words, and I don't think the story will really survive if I cut away up to a sixth of it's length. (five hundred words being the most I've ever seen it off by)
5805030
I'd have to ask the other judges, but as far as I know, the fimfic word count is being treated as the only official count. They knew fimfic doesn't count quite right, which is why they upped it to 3150... but maybe that wasn't high enough.
5806084 Okay. Well, I'll do my best to get the word count down by fimfic standards, but like I said, it's a bit... temperamental. Do tell me if something changes, though.
5806084 There. I've managed to cut a few (hopefully optional) sentences out and bring the word count (the one on the top only: the one on the bottom has remained stoically unchanged) down below 3150.
Hopefully this story won't cause you any additional trouble, if you'll still have it, of course.
5809325
That'll do.
5810235 Cheers. Sorry for being a bother.
Causing trouble for others offends my britishness. I think the tea and biscuits in my bloodstream is thinning.
5824650 Cheers for the help. I'll get around to checking up on those thingmajigs when I have a minute free!
(don't worry about nitpicking. I'm 'ard as nails. I can take criticism, especially for grammar)
I've actually not been in a proper english class since, what, ten years now? I've always read stories and books, though, but over twenty fanfictions I've had to learn a helluva lot of grammar regardless.
Official EFNW Pre-Con Contest 2nd Round Review
Now this one had some very good parts. I particularly enjoyed the somewhat unexpected reversal of Starswirl's treatment of Clover. And while it did go into serious headcanon territory, it didn't shove it down the reader's throat; it was gotten across very naturally, and much of it was interesting and novel. On a technical level, it did tend to overuse adjectives and adverbs a bit, especially in the beginning. It also never seemed to really bring out much emotional impact. But it's definitely an enjoyable read, and it will be one of my picks.
5826498 Awesomesauce! Glad you enjoyed it.
I personally wouldn't have minded having another bit in there with Clover trying to learn magic the 'traditional' way, and failing, but that'd be at least 500 words over the mark, not a mere 50 or so. Perhaps once the contest is over.
Glad you enjoyed it! Have a good one.
Okay, okay, her I go.
Well, this does follow pre-Equestria theme to the T in the canon theme how the three tribes interact with each other and how Starswirl interacted with others. We have Clover, who was well known and well versed in legend but the way she is portrayed here is very different from what we saw in the Heart's Warming Eve show. To be the adviser of the queen does sound like an immense responsibility, especially with how the tasks seems to be mitigated towards Clover rather than Platinum doing them herself. A child, filly, w/e, having her parents 'encourage' her life's goal towards glory and such never gets old, as well as incredibly sad to see and read about. Surprise she wasn't more resentful to them after what happened to her brother, another pre-Equestria mindset that had been established also.
Starswirl is the biggest enigma in the show to me. He's made history, been referred to several times and not once have we even seen a flashback or even some kind of concrete picture of him fleshed out. Having him as an earth pony is new but honestly we've seen the horn in all of the references to this stallion. That's my only pet peeve with that guy, I honestly doubt that he would've been recognized at all if he was an earth pony. He wishes to strive for this 'harmony' and yet lacks the ability to. His is so focused, refined but sadly lacks empathy to a point.
The theme, to me, is incredibly strong. You shouldn't let others dictate what you're goal in life should be or how you have to live. You make your own choices and push out the voices of ignorance yourself. Starswirl wasn't for politics, no doubt he knew it would be fruitless considering he was a 'lowly' earth pony in the eyes of the boneheads. Clover just wanted to be a gardener who had been booted out the door by her own family no less and told not to come back until she lived up to their expectations. What a world. Different takes on scenarios, especially how everypony was gunning for each other before the unification of the three has always interested me. I give this a face and a thumb then, it gives me a lot to think about.
6045019 Exact same opinion of Starswirl. What a mysterious guy.
Whilst I don't begrudge our opinion on him being an earth pony (since it is a rather startling divergence from the norm), I like to think think that history isn't as reliable as we'd like it to be. I rather liked the idea of him being remembered for his spells, and people inferring he was a unicorn, despite the reality of his situation.
That said, we get a look at him in one of the comics (although it was a Discord spell, so I'd take it with a pinch of salt) and he's definitely a unicorn based on that representation. I still liked the idea though, and it was my opinion that him being an earth pony was a fun idea to play with.
Thanks for the review, mate. You had some pretty good points, in my opinion.
There's tags for lore characters now.